FINAL FANTASY OSCARS
Discalimer: I own nothing.....except myself.
Announcer: Welcome to the.....um....the 1st annual Final Fantasy Oscars. Coming up tonight, best leading character, best stoyrline, and best dressed. With musical performances by....some other people. And now, the hosts of the 1st annual FF Oscars....Jade Northstar, and Vincent Valentine.
*Cue music as Jade and Vincent appear on stage.*
Jade: *GLancing at Vincent* Waitaminute....I thought Seifer was co hosting. What are you doing here?
Vincent: *Shrugs*
Jade: Well thats just peachy. Lets get this over with, shall we? Whats the first catagory?
Vincent: *Leans over and whispers something in her ear.*
Jade: Ah, the first catagory is......best leading character. And the nominies are.....
Announcer: The nominies for best leading character are.....Terra Branford (FF6), Cloud Strife (FF7), Squall Leonhart (FF8), and Zidane Tribal (FF9).
Jade: *Looks like she's sleeping*
Vincent: *Nudges Jades arm*
Jade: Huh, what? Oh....um and the winner is...wheres the envelope?
*Zell runs on stage and hands her the envelope, then runs off again*
Jade: *Opening the envelope* The winner is.....Cloud Strife (FF7) WHAT?!?!?!
*Audiance cheers as Cloud walks on stage.*
Jade: Well this is the biggest load of bullsh.....*notices the camera is still on her* Um....*hands the Oscar to Cloud* Make your speach short, we still have lots of awards tonight.
Cloud: I'd like to thank all the little people who made this deam a reality. I'd also like to thank Square Soft, without them, I wouldn't be here. You guys are so great. *Wipes away a tear* Thank you all.
Jade: Yeah....riiiiight.
*Cloud walks off stage...or rather, gets pushed off stage by Jade*
Jade: Next catagory please.
Announcer: The nominies for best supporting character are.....Locke Cole (FF6), Tifa Lockheart (FF7), Quistis Trepe (FF8), and Garnet Til Alexadros 17th (FF9).
Jade: *Sarcastically* Yippie!! And the lame-ass winner is.....Locke Cole. I guess thats understandable.
*Locke apears on stage, smiling and waving at the audiance.*
Locke: First of all, I'd like to thank......um...some people. And then I'd like to thank some more people. Wow, this is...this is great. I never thought I'd win. But, here I am. You love me, you really love me.
Jade: Not really, Locke. Now get off the stage so we can move on.
Locke: Oh...alright. How 'bout a hug, Jade. *holds his arms open*
Jade: Not a chance. Last time I gave you a hug, you walked off with my wallet.
Locke: Fine! *walks off stage, clutching his Oscar*
Jade: *Sighs and rubs her head* I think we're gonna pause for a commercial break. If you actually want to stay turned, feel free to do so. But I'm warning you, it only gets worse. Excuse me, I have to go lie down for a minute. *Walks off stage*
Announcer: We will return to the 1st annual FF Oscars in just a moment.
*3 minute break*
Announcer: Welcome back to the 1st annual FF Oscars. And now your hosts, Jade and Vincent.
*Camera pans to the stage, where Vincent is standing.....all by himself.*
Vincent: *Coughs*
Jade: *From off stage* No!!! I will not go on a date with you, Edgar!! I said...What? The shows back on? SHIT!!!
*Jade runs out on stage, nearly tripping over her long red dress.*
Jade: Uh..hi, welcome back. Lets get on with the....fun. Whats the next catagory?
Announcer: The catagory is best villian. And the nominies are...Kefka Palazzo (FF6), Sephiroth....um...he don't have a last name (FF7), Ultimacia, (FF8), and Kuja (FF9).
Jade: *Rolls her eyes* Oh brother. And the winner is.....Kefka Palazzo. Oh, like I didn't se that one coming.
*Audiance cheers as Kefka walks up on stage*
Kefka: *Snatching the Oscar away from Jade* Gimme that!!! I don't want to thank anyone!! You're all a bunch of pinheads!! I hate the lot of you!! *Walks off stage*
Jade: Thank you, Keffy, for that wonderful display. Moving right along, whats next, Mr. Announcer?
Announcer: Well, Jade. The next catagory is....best dressed character. And the nominies are......Celes Cher (FF6), Vincent Valantine (FF7), Seifer Alamsy (FF8), and Kuja (FF9).
Jade: And the winner is.......Me! Oh, will ya look at that.
Vincent: *Speaking for the first time all night* You're not even a nomine. *grabs the envelope* The real winner is.....hey, it's me. Well, thats very flattering, but I don't deserve this. I don't deserve much of anything.
Jade: Well if you don't want it, I'll take it. *Grabs the Oscar*
Vincent: I didn't say I didn't want it. I simply said I didn't deserve it. Now get your hands off my Oscar!
Jade: *Grumbles* FINE!! Hey, I think it's time for our musical performance. *Sarcastically* This should be good.
*Camera pans across the stage to Cloud, Edgar, and Zell.*
Jade: Wait, you guys aren't the musical gustes!! What happend to Nsync?
Cloud: We killed them.
Jade: Hey, kewl!! I hope you guys are better than them.
*The music starts and the guys sing.....an Nsync song, much to everyones dismay.*
Jade: *Once the song it over* That really sucked, guys. *Glances at the clock* Well, it seems we only have time for one more catagory. So, lets hear it. I wanna go home.
Announcer: The final catagory tonight is, best over all storyline. And the nominies are....FF6, FF7, FF8, and FF9.
Jade: Okay, the winner is.....FF8. What a coinky dink.
*The FF8 cast walks on stage*
Cloud: *From off stage* WHAT?!?! Who's judging this stupid thing anyway?!?!!?
Vincent: *Points to Jade*
Jade: *Blushes* What? I'm the author, I can pick who I want. But I had no hand in the best character catagory. That was a surprise to me.
Squall:..............
Rinoa: I think what Squall is trying to say is, thank you, all you wonderful fans. You're the ones that made this possible.
Selphie: Booyaka!!!!!
Jade: Whatever.......
*The FF8 cast walks off stage.*
Jade: Well, thats the show, folks. Thanks for tuning in to this piece of crap.
Announcer: Wait a minute, Jade. There's still one more catagory....best author.
Jade: Oh? Well it's not like we don't know who that is. *Grabs an Oscar* I'd like to thank the acadamy, and all the tiny unimportant people out there. You guys are great. Party at my place!!!
*Closing cedits roll as Jade and Vincent walk off stage.*
Announcer: This has been the 1st annual FF Oscars.
Jade: *From off stage* Hey, that annoucer sounds really familiar. Wait!! Thats Seifer!!! Seifer you idiot!! You were supposed to co host. You left me up there with Vampire boy!!
Vincent: HEY?!?! I am not a vampire!!!
Jade: Whatever........ I'm going home to call my therapist now.
THE END.....or is it??????
Discalimer: I own nothing.....except myself.
Announcer: Welcome to the.....um....the 1st annual Final Fantasy Oscars. Coming up tonight, best leading character, best stoyrline, and best dressed. With musical performances by....some other people. And now, the hosts of the 1st annual FF Oscars....Jade Northstar, and Vincent Valentine.
*Cue music as Jade and Vincent appear on stage.*
Jade: *GLancing at Vincent* Waitaminute....I thought Seifer was co hosting. What are you doing here?
Vincent: *Shrugs*
Jade: Well thats just peachy. Lets get this over with, shall we? Whats the first catagory?
Vincent: *Leans over and whispers something in her ear.*
Jade: Ah, the first catagory is......best leading character. And the nominies are.....
Announcer: The nominies for best leading character are.....Terra Branford (FF6), Cloud Strife (FF7), Squall Leonhart (FF8), and Zidane Tribal (FF9).
Jade: *Looks like she's sleeping*
Vincent: *Nudges Jades arm*
Jade: Huh, what? Oh....um and the winner is...wheres the envelope?
*Zell runs on stage and hands her the envelope, then runs off again*
Jade: *Opening the envelope* The winner is.....Cloud Strife (FF7) WHAT?!?!?!
*Audiance cheers as Cloud walks on stage.*
Jade: Well this is the biggest load of bullsh.....*notices the camera is still on her* Um....*hands the Oscar to Cloud* Make your speach short, we still have lots of awards tonight.
Cloud: I'd like to thank all the little people who made this deam a reality. I'd also like to thank Square Soft, without them, I wouldn't be here. You guys are so great. *Wipes away a tear* Thank you all.
Jade: Yeah....riiiiight.
*Cloud walks off stage...or rather, gets pushed off stage by Jade*
Jade: Next catagory please.
Announcer: The nominies for best supporting character are.....Locke Cole (FF6), Tifa Lockheart (FF7), Quistis Trepe (FF8), and Garnet Til Alexadros 17th (FF9).
Jade: *Sarcastically* Yippie!! And the lame-ass winner is.....Locke Cole. I guess thats understandable.
*Locke apears on stage, smiling and waving at the audiance.*
Locke: First of all, I'd like to thank......um...some people. And then I'd like to thank some more people. Wow, this is...this is great. I never thought I'd win. But, here I am. You love me, you really love me.
Jade: Not really, Locke. Now get off the stage so we can move on.
Locke: Oh...alright. How 'bout a hug, Jade. *holds his arms open*
Jade: Not a chance. Last time I gave you a hug, you walked off with my wallet.
Locke: Fine! *walks off stage, clutching his Oscar*
Jade: *Sighs and rubs her head* I think we're gonna pause for a commercial break. If you actually want to stay turned, feel free to do so. But I'm warning you, it only gets worse. Excuse me, I have to go lie down for a minute. *Walks off stage*
Announcer: We will return to the 1st annual FF Oscars in just a moment.
*3 minute break*
Announcer: Welcome back to the 1st annual FF Oscars. And now your hosts, Jade and Vincent.
*Camera pans to the stage, where Vincent is standing.....all by himself.*
Vincent: *Coughs*
Jade: *From off stage* No!!! I will not go on a date with you, Edgar!! I said...What? The shows back on? SHIT!!!
*Jade runs out on stage, nearly tripping over her long red dress.*
Jade: Uh..hi, welcome back. Lets get on with the....fun. Whats the next catagory?
Announcer: The catagory is best villian. And the nominies are...Kefka Palazzo (FF6), Sephiroth....um...he don't have a last name (FF7), Ultimacia, (FF8), and Kuja (FF9).
Jade: *Rolls her eyes* Oh brother. And the winner is.....Kefka Palazzo. Oh, like I didn't se that one coming.
*Audiance cheers as Kefka walks up on stage*
Kefka: *Snatching the Oscar away from Jade* Gimme that!!! I don't want to thank anyone!! You're all a bunch of pinheads!! I hate the lot of you!! *Walks off stage*
Jade: Thank you, Keffy, for that wonderful display. Moving right along, whats next, Mr. Announcer?
Announcer: Well, Jade. The next catagory is....best dressed character. And the nominies are......Celes Cher (FF6), Vincent Valantine (FF7), Seifer Alamsy (FF8), and Kuja (FF9).
Jade: And the winner is.......Me! Oh, will ya look at that.
Vincent: *Speaking for the first time all night* You're not even a nomine. *grabs the envelope* The real winner is.....hey, it's me. Well, thats very flattering, but I don't deserve this. I don't deserve much of anything.
Jade: Well if you don't want it, I'll take it. *Grabs the Oscar*
Vincent: I didn't say I didn't want it. I simply said I didn't deserve it. Now get your hands off my Oscar!
Jade: *Grumbles* FINE!! Hey, I think it's time for our musical performance. *Sarcastically* This should be good.
*Camera pans across the stage to Cloud, Edgar, and Zell.*
Jade: Wait, you guys aren't the musical gustes!! What happend to Nsync?
Cloud: We killed them.
Jade: Hey, kewl!! I hope you guys are better than them.
*The music starts and the guys sing.....an Nsync song, much to everyones dismay.*
Jade: *Once the song it over* That really sucked, guys. *Glances at the clock* Well, it seems we only have time for one more catagory. So, lets hear it. I wanna go home.
Announcer: The final catagory tonight is, best over all storyline. And the nominies are....FF6, FF7, FF8, and FF9.
Jade: Okay, the winner is.....FF8. What a coinky dink.
*The FF8 cast walks on stage*
Cloud: *From off stage* WHAT?!?! Who's judging this stupid thing anyway?!?!!?
Vincent: *Points to Jade*
Jade: *Blushes* What? I'm the author, I can pick who I want. But I had no hand in the best character catagory. That was a surprise to me.
Squall:..............
Rinoa: I think what Squall is trying to say is, thank you, all you wonderful fans. You're the ones that made this possible.
Selphie: Booyaka!!!!!
Jade: Whatever.......
*The FF8 cast walks off stage.*
Jade: Well, thats the show, folks. Thanks for tuning in to this piece of crap.
Announcer: Wait a minute, Jade. There's still one more catagory....best author.
Jade: Oh? Well it's not like we don't know who that is. *Grabs an Oscar* I'd like to thank the acadamy, and all the tiny unimportant people out there. You guys are great. Party at my place!!!
*Closing cedits roll as Jade and Vincent walk off stage.*
Announcer: This has been the 1st annual FF Oscars.
Jade: *From off stage* Hey, that annoucer sounds really familiar. Wait!! Thats Seifer!!! Seifer you idiot!! You were supposed to co host. You left me up there with Vampire boy!!
Vincent: HEY?!?! I am not a vampire!!!
Jade: Whatever........ I'm going home to call my therapist now.
THE END.....or is it??????