Disclaimer: First part…need I to say more?

Rating:      PG: some verbal fighting; like before

Chapter Nine: Final Encounters

Beverly Crusher decided to pay Will a visit to make sure he was alright. She heard the door chimes 6-7 times and grew more and more impatient because he didn't respond.

"Will? Wi-ill!?! Open up!" The lack of response concerned her deeply.

"Computer: locate Commander Riker." Te familiar sounds indicated the computer was busy executing her orders and second later she got her answer.

Commander Riker is in Counselor Troi's quarters. A mellowed smile crossed her face; she should've guessed that herself.

*Door bleeps* "Come in"

"Hello Will." He quickly walked over, as if he was trying to hide something.

"I, I was, uhm...I was gathering Deanna's belongings...so that..." Beverly indicated him to be silent and approached him.

"Will, it's alright to miss her, we all do." Slowly he shook his head.

"She...she left just over a day ago. We've been separated for longer than this." She aimed her blue eyes at his and narrowed them.

"But never knowing there would be only a slight chance that she would return." His eyes flashed with anger, he shook his head again, barely noticeable this time.

"Than what's different this time?" No response, not a move or a sound.

"You feel guilty about fighting with her, don't you?" 'NO! Dammit! I feel guilty about letting her go!' His heart cried out at her, but still not a single indication of life on the outside. 'Dammit! I want to hold her! Kiss her with every part of my soul!'

"Will, she'll forgive you. She already has, I'm sure." She gently squeezed his hand.

"She broke the link." His statement was unexpected and seemed cold, as if he didn't really care, nothing was less true.

"I thought it already had been broken." With a loud sigh he plumped down on Deanna's couch.

"That's what I thought as well." The tall red-haired woman sat down at his side, he could see the confusion and compassion in her eyes.

"You've lost me now." Her attempt to lighten the sphere didn't really work.

"And I've lost myself." Was his heavy-hearted reply. The sincerity and defeat in his voice struck her, she had never seen him this serious or sad before.

"Can you explain that to me?" For the first time since Deanna's departure she saw him smile.

"What?"

"You're saying exactly the same things she would've said." Beverly smiled back, it was true.

"Well, we've spent some time together." After sharing a brief laugh their faces turned serious again, knowing they'd had to talk.

"Will, why did you loose yourself? Because she broke the link?" He nodded reluctantly.

"But didn't you tell me the link was already broken?" Again he nodded.

"Then how...?" Riker looked up at her and for the first time in all the years she had known him there were tears in his eyes.

"She has been with me...for 17 years and I didn't realize! Ever!" He buried his head in his hands and continued.

"After our time on Betazed I NEVER realized that I was the one who broke the link. Hell! I've been a first class fool!" Beverly opened her mouth but before she had the chance to make even the slightest noise he silenced her.

"Oh, I've re-established the link several times, fully aware of what I was doing and why. But each god forsaken time I was the one who broke it the morning after!" Beverly laid her hands on his shoulders and forced him to look at her, she saw the pain in his eyes and had trouble controlling her emotions. It was so weird; Deanna had been away before, for a week, a month, two months. She had been, like all of them, in dangerous life-threatening situations and had always, like each of them, managed to survive. But this mission was different, with the stakes so high and the chance of survival so small. And now, one of her best friends was about to give up hope; she couldn't let that happen She had made a promise to Deanna and intended to keep it as long as she could.

"She never stopped loving you." The pain in his crystal blue eyes was immense.

"I know that now." A forced smile washed over his tired face.

"I guess that 'you don't know what you have until you've lost it' is true after all." The sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable but it were his words that infuriated her.

"Dammit Will Riker! You make it sound as if she's already dead and buried!" Beverly took a deep breath and continued her flood of words.

"Is that what you want? Her out of your way so that YOU can do whatever you wish without being responsible for hurting her?! Without running the risk to be responsible for losing her support!?" The red-haired Doctor was definitely throwing her temper now and she didn't mind in the latest bit. Will, infuriated by her acquisitions, jumped up and turned his back to her.

"You're selfish Commander Riker, face it! Never once did you think about her feelings!" Their eyes flashed with blue fury when they met.

"That's not true! I always_ALWAYS_thought about her!"

"Oh, I bet you did. But you never simply SOLELY thought about her. You thought about how HER reaction would influence YOU when you SHOULD be thinking about how YOUR decision would influence HER!" Powered by her words his fist hit a table. His knuckles started bleeding but neither of them noticed or cared.

"DAMMIT Beverly! I CARE for her! I LOVE her! And I did NOT use her for my own good!"

"Tell me something Will." The woman calmly replied, "Where would you have been without her? And where will you be?" With open mouth he gazed at her, he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words. The red-haired, and now red-faced woman exhaled slowly and pressed her fingertips against her mouth.

"Oh my God...Will...I'm sorry." She couldn't believe she had said all those mean things. A feeling of guilt washed over her.

"I had no right to say that." He stood with his back to her, slowly and deeply breathing, his hands strongly folded into fists.

"That's right Beverly, you hadn't." He turned around. She had expected pure anger in his piercing eyes, but instead she saw tiredness, guilt and defeat. 'What have I done?!'

"But I'm glad you did. It's the plain truth. I've known her for so long, I don't even remember what life was without her. I guessed I got so used to having her around I stopped noticing her presence inside me." Tears dropped on his uniform now and the CMO had more and more difficulties in restraining her own.

"I wasn't...entirely right Will. I know you did think of her." He firmly shook his head, his brow hair jumping from side to side.

"You were right about that part as well. My thoughts always were 'Will she still be there for ME, to pick up the pieces of the mess I'VE made?'." Beverly felt guilty for what she had done, for causing him so much pain. But on the other hand...it was about time someone told him the truth.

"If she...no...WHEN she comes back it'll be different." Unwilling to let silence take over to allow him time to shut down again she brought back the original issue.

"Did...did the termination of the link have anything to do with your fight recently?"

"No... we made up before she left remember. She terminated the link because she's afraid to endanger us, me."

"I'm not sure I understand." 'Damn half-Betazoid psyche' "What do you think she has done to protect us? How did she break the link?" Will closed his eyes, how could he explain this in words?

"Will?" She_was_a physician, maybe she would understand.

"She has...locked us away Bev., build some kind of mental barriers around her memories of us." The Doctor replayed his words in her mind. It made sense to her but she wasn't sure what Deanna's purpose would be.

"To keep them intact?" The movement of his head indicated she guessed wrong.

"Than what_does_she hope to accomplish?"

"It'll prevent others from finding them no matter what they try." The woman's blue grew large, from what she understood Deanna would 'forget' about her past.

"Do you really think she's capable of that?" Her question hadn't been much louder than a whisper but he had heard it nonetheless.

"She's capable of far more then we think she is..." His eyes flashed again with anger, anger combined with disbelieve this time when he realized which consequences those defensive walls could have.

"Dammit Deanna, dammit!!! You can't let that happen! Not now! Not after..." Whatever he was talking about it infuriated him more than anyone or anything ever before. Beverly rose from the couch and firmly grabbed tense shoulders. "Will, take easy being angry now won't help either of you. Calm down." She kept whispering. Her words and sentences did not always make sense but her soft and low voice calmed him and she felt him relax. His bright blue eyes were filled with tears and he tried very hard to fight them back. When she pulled him into her embrace he couldn't control his tears anymore.

"I...miss her...she means...more to me than...life itself." The words, interrupted by hard sobs, came from his heart. Slowly Beverly rocked from left to right.

"Shh, she knows Will, she knows."

"She...took...half my soul...with her, I...I feel so lonely...and...empty inside." This sudden confession surprised her; if there was anyone who kept his or her feelings hidden besides Deanna, it was Will 'what a couple'

"Shh, she'll come back, I know she will." 'Who am I trying to convince here?' The First Officer of the USS Enterprise-E buried his face deeper in the CMO's red-orange hair, he sobbed loudly but couldn't bring himself to cry...not yet.

----------------------------------------------------------

The walls were in place now with exception of one small hole. Deanna lay on the furry carpet, exhausted and barely conscious. Constructing those walls had drained most of her energy and because her abilities hadn't fully returned it had taken even more effort. Her breathing gradually slowed down and she opened her eyes. Deanna scrambled up, standing weakly on her feet.

"Well, next time...I'll think twice before doing this again." She looked around the chamber one more time. She had spend a lot of time there as a little girl, the room didn't seem as impressive as it had all those years ago but the spiritual sphere hadn't changed even though it was merely a copy of the original.

"Mother will kill me for this if she ever finds out." She muttered nervously. "But I don't really have a choice do I?" A rhetorical question of course, beside there wasn't anyone who could possibly answer.

"Computer: end, delete and completely erase program."

Personal code required.

"Protective as always aren't you mother?"

Invalid code Deanna rolled her eyes and was about to say something in return but figured it wouldn't do any good anyway. 'Now, let's see, the personal code...'

"Daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed, holder of the sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the holy rings of Betazed."

Invalid code, please enter the correct code or your orders cannot be executed. This was just great, what else was important to her mother?

"Ian Andrew Troi."

Invalid, please enter...

"Kestra Troi." She usually had fun guessing but this became annoying and a waste of precious time.

Invalid.

"Dammit Mother." 'Well, maybe my own name then, who knows...'

"Deanna Troi."

Invalid...

"Code, yes I know!" She deeply sighed and closed her eyes. The idea of just leaving the program as it was seemed more and more attractive each second.

"Of course! Computer: enter personal code 'Little One'." The Betazoid held her breath, waiting for the computer to respond.

Code acknowledged, ending, deleting and erasing program.

"Thank the Gods!" Deanna returned to her quarters, frequently seeking support from the walls in order not to fall. The minute she entered she knew something was wrong.

"Computer: li..." A hand from the dark seized her mouth; preventing her from making any sound. Deanna, still not fully recovered, tried to break free; twisting and turning in the strong hands that were holding her. To weak to hit or kick hard enough she used her nails and scratched her attacker's face. Blood drops fell down but the other didn't seem to mind in the latest bit.

"Quite a fighter, aren't we?" The voice! It was familiar yet...not.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Beverly's crying changed into laughing, inwards and silently at first but every minute it came closer to the surface and grew louder until she couldn't keep herself in check anymore and laughed out loud. Will was soon infected and joined her.

"Beverly...an itsy-bitsy-tiny question..." He couldn't finish his question due to the lack of air and the hick-ups that teased him.

"Yes Will?" For a second Beverly was dead serious, for a second that was.

"Just why the hell are we laughing?" For a second they froze, but then laughed even louder as before.

"Because...we're so damn pathetic." His smile froze on his face and confused he looked at her.

"Oh, Will. We always refused tot talk to the Ship's Counselor, Deanna had to drag us in and...well... just look at us now." The Doctor saw him considering her words and continued.

"I promised Deanna I'd keep an eye on you so that she wouldn't return to a psychologically troubled crew. And since I walked in here, a few moments ago we've had every possible emotion." She shook her head, causing her red hair to dartle around her face and laughed at the same time. Staring at the doors Will was seriously considering her words.

"Well..." He faced her now, his lips curled into a big grin, his eyes revealing his pain. "...Deanna would have encouraged us 'to get in touch' with our emotions." 'He used her name!' Beverly smiled supporting back.

"Yes, she would."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The attacker lost the grip on her face, Deanna used the opportunity immediately and bit the hand that had been holding her as hard as she could.

"Bitch! You'll pay for that, rest assured!" A shiver ran along her spine, she was terrified but too proud to show it. A sharp pain travelled from her left jawbone to just below her eye. Before she could do anything in return her attacker kicked her in the back of her knee. Deanna clenched her teeth together, refusing to scream when she fell down. The attacker picked her up and threw her across the room. Deanna landed on her hands ad partially against a desk in the corner, she twisted herself to face the other.

"You!"

"Oh, I didn't scare you did I?" Her eyes flashed, almost shot fire.

"You couldn't scare a two-year-old!" She saw the lustring of metal just before a kick in her said made her roll over. The last thing Deanna Troi felt was a sharp knife cutting through her clothing and slicing through her flesh just aside her spine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"She's gone."

"What do you mean 'she's gone'?"

"She's gone." He didn't offer an explanation, he couldn't. 'What do you mean ,she's gone,?' The words played themselves over and over again in his head. What_had_he meant? He wasn't sure himself. He no longer sensed her, not even faintly; if he cleared his mind and searched for her he could only find a deep black hole. He repeated the words one more time, more to himself than to anyone else.

"She's gone."

End of Part I

~D~

So, ready for Part Two?