A SeeDy Christmas

By The 41st Maguanac aka Galatea

Chapter Three – Comedy in the Quad

Squall Leonhart decided to keep a low profile for most of the day. Coping with humiliation wasn't exactly one of his strong points, so he vented some of his frustration in the Training Centre. Despite it's enormous size, Squall didn't manage to find a T-Rexaur for the whole afternoon, but the Grat population was in serious decline. Squall sat on the edge of one of the broken logs and thought to himself.

'This is boring. I could be spending this time with Rinoa, but I'm still too pissed off about earlier. I haven't run into Seifer yet, but I have a pretty shrewd idea of the kind of thing he'll say.' Squall started fiddling with the catch on his gunblade. 'We haven't had any real work since that Ultimecia incident. Rinoa's right, I probably think too much. When are we going back to work? I'm bored of floating about aimlessly. Cactuars and Behemoths are all very well, but hardly a challenge when you own a Lionheart and about a hundred Meteor and Ultima spells. I'd better find something to do before I start wondering about really trivial things, like, borrowing some more of Rinoa's shampoo, because it makes my hair really shiny, and easy to manage, and why I wear 6 belts, seeing as only one of them is actually holding up my trousers, and why I wear leather trousers, even in the heat of summer, and what happens to my gunblade when I'm not using it? It's not like I have a sheath for it, so where does it go? Who are my real parents? And more importantly, why did they LEAVE me?!'

"Squall?" Squall leapt up, wielding his gunblade in the direction of the voice.

"Whoa, chill out man, it's just me," said Zell, emerging from the shadows. Squall sat down on the log again, and put his gunblade away.

"Be more careful wandering around the Training Centre!" warned Squall.

"It's okay," said Zell, pulling a hotdog out of his pocket and taking a huge bite, "I'ff ot ese fiffs of mim."

"Excuse me?"

Zell swallowed the lump, "I've got these fists of mine!"

"Where did you get that anyway? I thought stocks were finished until after Christmas."

"Secret stash," said Zell, tapping the side of his nose in a knowledgeable way, which was rare.

"The Disciplinary Committee will be on to you if they see you."

"Seifer, Fujin and Raijin? Hah! They couldn't catch a cold between them!"

"Whatever."

"Speaking of the DC, they're putting on a comedy show in the Quad. Wanna go?"

"Not really."

"It'll be funny!"

"I can't imagine comedy as Seifer's kinda thing."

"Me neither, but I wanna see what happens. Apparently, he's doing impressions of famous people. Go on! Please?"

"All right. I'll go."

"By Eden, he said 'yes'! It's a miracle!" Grabbing Squall by the arm, he lead him quickly out of the Training Centre, and towards the crowded Quad.

The show was just about to start as they walked into the Quad. Tables had been put out for people to sit around, so Squall and Zell were quickly located and seated around a table with Selphie, Irvine, Quistis and Rinoa. Squall stared into his drink of Coke, trying to avoid eye contact with as many people in the room as possible. Irvine yawned and put his arm around Selphie, who noticed, but didn't say anything about it, as she was enjoying the attention. Raijin and Fujin walked out on to Centre Stage.

"GREETINGS."

"Yeah, hi, ya know."

"SHOW. BEGINNING, oh what the Hell. Hello everyone and welcome to our show. We hope you'll find it entertaining."

"Yeah, we hope you don't think it sucks, ya know?" For this remark, Raijin received a kick on the ankle, which silenced him. The audience laughed and cheered, thinking it was part of the act, and finally the curtain was pulled back to reveal Seifer and a microphone.

"Good evening, fellow students. I see a few familiar faces out there, most of whom have been running from the Disciplinary Committee at some time." Several students swallowed hard, a couple of seats were edged backwards, and several students found that a sudden trip to the bathroom was in order.

"Anyway. Tonight is not a night for discipline!" This got a cheer. "Throughout my travels, I have met many interesting," Seifer makes a face, "'people'" and bunny ears. "I have decided that I will portray some of them for you tonight."

'Why is he being nice?' thought Squall, 'Seifer can't usually get through a sentence without insulting someone.'

"First up," said Seifer, beginning to get into the flow already, "President Deling!" Seifer puffed out his stomach, and pretended he was addressing a camera. "Hello citizens of the world! Now I have finished making a crap job of getting the Dollet communication tower up and running, may I invite you to meet the sorceress Edea! She will begin her tyrannical reign and threats, just as soon as she is done, choking me to death!" Squall had to admit the accent was very convincing, but wasn't it rather bad taste to make fun of a dead man? Rinoa was in stitches, as she hated President Deling, but surely Edea wouldn't be happy about that? It wasn't exactly her fault.

"Next on my list is President Laguna of Esthar!" Seifer messed up what he had of his hair, and leant against the side of the stage. "Hi ya! I'm Laguna, the soldier turned President. Anyone seen Adel lately? I'm sure I locked her away in Space, but I might have to check. Of course, this may be a problem, as I can't find my ass with both hands…" The audience roared with laughter. Even Squall was forced to smile. The man was a moron, after all. It wasn't so much what Seifer was saying, but the perfection of the accent he used. Rinoa was a lot less impressed by this, as she had been the one left floating around in Space. Squall put his hand over hers to make her feel better.

"Next up is a good friend of mine. We've known each other since we were kids, back in Edea's orphanage. Of course, back then, we used to just call him Chicken-Wuss…" Zell was instantly alert. Seifer bent over a little, after all, Zell was only 5'5, the shortest of all the men, except the juniors, at Balamb Garden. He pulled a readily prepared sandwich out of his pocket, and stuffed as much as he could of it into his mouth. "Hhi, I'm Fell. If youf effer gneed me, I'll prfagly be fftuffing gown hoffdoffs in fa caffe," when Seifer had finished his mouthful, he was really beginning to enjoy himself. He danced back and forth in Zell's fighting pose, and pointed at people in the audience. "Hey!!!! You laughing at me!!?? Huh??!! Are you??!! You don't wanna start anything with these fists 'o' mine, or I might have ta…. Run home and get my mommy!!!" Zell leapt to his feet angrily. He was surprised to see so many people laughing. Even Squall was desperately trying to stifle a grin in the feathers of his jacket. Quistis laid a hand on his shoulder and Zell sat down, arms folded across his chest, sulking.

"Or, how about my lovely Instructor, Quistis Trepe?" Quistis looked up and frowned. Seifer sucked as much of his gut in as possible and walked across the stage, swinging his hips in the same manner that Quistis did. The Trepe fan club was instantly enraged, and left the Quad. "Hello students! Today we're doing… Seifer, put that down! Anyway… as I was saying… What is it now? No, I don't care if your desk is on fire… What's that? Squall? No, it couldn't possibly be him! Squall's perfect. I don't care if he is holding a flamethrower, it must have been planted on him… Right, that's it Mr. It's the disciplinary room for you. Everyone else can have free time, except Squall, you can stay with me…" Quistis was positively glowing with embarrassment. She had never realised that the students noticed that she paid Squall any more attention than anyone else. She was grateful to see that Squall was also blushing from ear to ear.

"Or how about the leader of the illustrious Garden Festival Committee? Until now, Selphie had been giggling uncontrollably, but now things were personal. Seifer made little flicks, like devil horns out of his short blond hair, and skipped across the stage. "Merry Christmas everyone! I'm so full of Christmas cheer, I might just burst! It is so ultra, super duper cool that everyone could be here tonight! I'm really looking forward to blowing something to smithereens…" Squall was laughing by now, a very rare sight indeed. Selphie was steaming with rage. Although Irvine was laughing, he liked to be in Selphie's good books, so got ready to stand up and have a go at Seifer.

"Is that a hat I see in the audience?" yelled Seifer, now at full pace, "Yes, I believe it's our brother-in-arms from Galbadia Garden." Seifer had a makeshift hat hidden behind the curtain. He put it on and tipped the rim, "Hello ladies! Glad to see so many of you here today! If maybe two or three of you aren't busy later, we could go back to my room and admire my… gun collection! Fire it? No, you must be joking! I always croak when it comes to the really important jobs!" Irvine sat down, his confidence immediately drained out of him. Was he that transparent? He didn't mind a reputation as a ladies man, but he didn't want a reputation as a womaniser. What would Selphie say about that? Selphie didn't even notice, as she was too busy giggling at him. Everyone was. He pushed his hat down over his eyes, and tried not to catch anyone's eye.

"That's about all we have time for tonight!" the audience groaned and cheered, "but I have one last impression to do before I go… Someone we all know quite well now, after all, he is our commander." Squall stopped smiling immediately. The other impressions Seifer had done had all been almost perfect. What would Seifer do for him? "Seifer stood silently by the microphone for almost half a minute. The audience were already laughing. Seifer changed his position, but still said nothing. It was obvious what he was doing. Brooding. Just like Squall did, with the exact same expression. Squall wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. "Uhh…" Seifer shook his head and left another huge pause, which was followed by more laughter. "I'd just like to say that everyone's doing a great job. Has someone just blown up the cafeteria? Okay, just as long as someone tidies up afterwards. Could the person who has set my hair on fire please be more careful, and the person trying to stab me in the back needs better knife wielding lessons. If you'll excuse me, I'm going off now, so Rinniepoos can tuck me into bed with a hot water bottle and read me another chapter of 'Wind in the Willows'.

'Damn it Seifer,' thought Squall. Even Rinoa was laughing a bit, as it was true that he hardly ever showed his emotions, but the last bit was just uncalled for! Squall stood up in the middle of the crowd, and marched out of the door.

"Well." Said Seifer to a subdued audience, "I guess some people can't take a joke…"

To Be Continued.