These Walls are Too Thin
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ficcy by the tricky
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Disclaima'- No ownee. No suey. Yeah.
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He stared blankly at her, as if not comprehending what she had just said. Which was just as well, she supposed. She wasn't sure whether she was actually ready for his reaction, just yet. But what she was actually ready' for had very little bearing on what did happen in her life anyway. Why this was coming up now was a mystery, and she'd just as soon drop it. But it was too late for that.

You look sick, her partner commented, sipping her drink much more daintily than Meryl would have dreamed possible, especially since she knew how much Millie had drank already. Are you okay? Mr. Vash can help me carry you up to your room, if you want... She might have, but she wouldn't admit it, no matter how inebriated she was. Some things you just had to bear through, and drunken navigation was one of them. This was why she didn't drink, except on special occasions. Special. Like tonight. She snorted into her glass, watching the stray bits of foam fly through the air, only to land on the already sticky table.

I-I'm okay--Millie. Just gimme a secon' to finish thish up... She punctuated this with an unladylike hiccup. Just one second... Her partner nodded and turned back to her beer with a shrug. She was probably wondering where Wolfwood had gotten to. However, from Meryl's vantage point, she could just see a dark blur that could be him. He seemed to be watching them. He was always watching. Sometimes it unnerved Meryl, but Millie seemed to like the man, and she was a much better judge of character than Meryl could ever hope to be.

Yes. He'd looked at her blankly, and then something inside had shut down. Something key, something vital had simply vanished. There was a certain deadness in his eyes when he finally answered, one that both chilled and saddened her.

Ma'am? Um..ma'am? Millie was shaking her by the shoulders, trying to wake her up. Meryl finally opened her eyes, at once squinting in the overly-bright atmosphere of the bar. Are you feeling better now?

Wha-- *hic* --at? She breathed in, feeling tired and sodden. This was why she never drank. Aside from her inevitable lack of control, this post-buzz haze was the worst portion of being drunk. She tasted bile in her mouth, and frowned slightly. D-did I throw up?

Millie sighed, Yes, ma'am. I think you've had too much to drink, especially since you don't do this normally. She glanced around the bar once, searching for something. I wonder where Mr. Vash ran off to. He didn't seem too happy. I was hoping he'd help me carry you--

I don' need to be carried. Specially by him. Meryl spat, slurring her words slightly. Millie started at this, noting the vehement stance that the smaller woman had taken. However, after a moment, she nodded.

Okay, then me and Mr. Wolfwood can help you upstairs. You really shouldn't drink any more.

I'm sorry. It was a genuine statement, one of the few she'd heard him make recently. He even sounded genuinely apologetic, if one ignored the steely resolve hidden behind the overly eager-to-please facade that he normally used.

She stared at him. It wasn't so much the words that he said that had hurt her so. She'd prepared against them. She'd told herself many things before finally deciding to confront him. She'd given herself countless escape routes. Never, ever allow yourself into a situation where you can not get out of. Never allow any one you care for to get too close. Her mother had taught her that, shortly before sending her off to her aunt's to live. And she'd lived by it.

Despite her protests, she was carried upstairs, where Millie helped her into her night-clothes, and into bed. After insisting that she keep a pail beside her bed just in case,' her partner finally turned to leave. Grasping the doorknob, she cast one last worried glance at Meryl in bed. What did you and Mr. Vash talk about today?

At the merest mention of it, Meryl's stomach clenched up and she hung her head over the bedside, dangling sickly above the pail. Her partner watched silently, not helping in the slightest as she drained her stomach of its contents, which by now were mostly liquid. However, afterwards, she felt much better. Wiping her mouth tiredly with the back of her hand, she rolled herself back to the middle of the bed.



The room had started to spin around her nexus. Damn alcohol...

Meryl didn't respond. Still no response. Out of the corner of her eye, Meryl watched Millie's brows knit in a most un-Millie-like expression. Was that frustration? Well, she deserved it for bothering her about a subject that wasn't her business.

Meryl, stop being such a baby. What happened? Don't lie to me any more. I don't like it when you do that. Millie voice was edged. A blade through the fog. What happened? Why are you and Mr. Vash not speaking? What is going on?

It was the tremble in her voice that did it. Reaching the part that Meryl had locked away, it caught her and held her. What had happened? Something seemed stuck in her throat, a noise of some sort, and when she finally opened her mouth to answer her partner, it came out as a choked sob. And then it was all over. She had to talk to somebody...

Oh Millie... He came in today and he wanted to talk...

So I'm not the one you're looking for, is that it? Normally the problem is that people can't find me. He seemed to be trying to find some humor in the situation. He was most assuredly failing miserably.

No, that's not it. It's just that... She looked at his face, watching it there. He looked tired. Tired and--- old. That was odd, she couldn't imagine that he was a day over thirty at the maximum. And suddenly she felt ten times worse for what she was saying. For what she was doing. It's just that you...and I, we could never make it. Even if it wasn't breaching the contract with Bernardelli that I was hired-- She was babbling. Looking down at her shoes seemed to help avoid the chasm that had opened up between them. After Augusta... I missed you so much. I think I loved you then. She smiled sadly, but no tears came. I thought you were dead. And it hurt so much. Meryl's eyes rose to meet Vash's. You--you still have things to do. You could still... A pleading note in his eyes caused her to stop.

They stood in silence for a minute before he spoke.

he started, I was raised in the belief that love could save everything. If we both...feel something for each other... He paused before shooting forward in a rush. If there's a chance that we can find it with each other, then all I'm asking for is for you to trust me.

Trust me.

She could have laughed, if she hadn't been crying by then. As she explained the situation to Millie, she found herself leaning against her partner while Millie held her. An image of Vash doing the same thing earlier flashed through her mind and she felt weak. Which was why she had denied him earlier. She was too weak to survive alone if she allowed herself to let go. If he didn't live, it would kill her as is...

You love him, don't you? Millie's voice was soft. Blinking away tears, Meryl looked up at her. At her gaze, Millie looked away thoughtfully. Ma'am, if you both love each other, then you should be together.

Millie, it's not that simple..

And what's not simple? I thought you were worried that he didn't feel the same for you, and that was why you never told him how you felt. What's not simple about two people?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bringing this up. I just felt it was--unfair--to leave this unsaid. You had a right to know. And you are right, I have no right to ask you to wait for me.

'No matter what you do, if something happens to him, you are going to get hurt. Pretending like this will only make you hurt more.' My big sister told me that once.

What do you want me to do?

Just go to him. You love him, and he... Go. Millie hugged her tighter then, and Meryl could feel Millie's tears damping her hair.

Oh, Millie... She was right though. If one viewed it in this light, there were three paths open to her. One, a path in which there was a happily ever after. One, a path in which there was sadness, but it was coupled with fond memories. And the last one was a path of regrets and sadness.

Millie was right. She couldn't hide in her little room any more, especially not from herself. She had to confront her fears. Pushing away from Millie, she smiled up at her partner. Thank you. Thank you for everything. I've got to...

He's outside by the thomas troughs. Millie smiled at her once before returning her gaze to her lap.

Meryl smiled wanly and sat up, ignoring the sudden chill around her legs as she made her way unsteadily towards the door. Wiping her tears, she turned back towards Millie, who had remained on the bed, hands in lap, head bowed. She wanted to say something, but there was nothing to say. Not yet, anyway. The drunkenness had passed, but she was still a little weak around the knees. Resting her hand upon the cool brass of the doorknob, she took a deep breath and left the room, angling down the corridor. Three steps to the stairs, down the stairs... One, two, three, four... Past one door to the kitchen, and into a lobby. She ignored the night-clerk's stare as she made her way to the front door, where she paused. Through the window, she could see the silhouette of someone on the stoop outside. One breath, then two. The figure was singing something softly, his spiky head tilted towards the starry sky.

Heartbeats. One, then two.

Taking a deep breath, she swung open the door to the outside, startling him from his reverie. From the light spilling outside, she saw pale traces of where tears had fallen earlier.

He stared at her, his trenchcoat stirring slightly in a breeze she did not feel through the numbness that had enclosed her world. His eyes were so mournful. How could she have hurt him? What had possessed her?

Vash, I want... she began in a rush, just as he stirred himself to open his mouth, I want to talk. I think I need to talk with you. She stopped as suddenly as she had begun, watching his reaction.

Vash turned away from her for a moment. What is there to talk about? he asked lightly. I thought we'd settled everything earlier. A vaguely bitter glance back at her, You know, you go one way, I go the other...

Somewhere to her right, a cricket chirped. And again. She watched him, noting the set of his shoulders. She wanted to clear her throat, but didn't, instead allowing her voice to become hoarser as she continued. Vash... Vash, I'm sorry. I-I didn't allow myself to think through what I was saying. I didn't want to allow myself that same pain. She paused again. But then, I realized something...

Aqua eyes measured her. You realized what? he asked slowly.

That I trust you.

And I you. He smiled at her for a moment, almost unbelievingly, before lapsing into another silence. After a minute of just looking anywhere but at eachother, he finally motioned her to come sit beside him. Meryl, do you know anything about the constellations?

No, could you show me? And she sat beside him, watching him pick out the stars from the sky, and hand her their stories. She was still afraid, but now she had something to hold on to. And Millie was right.

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Author's Note: Heh. Sorry for the OOC-ishness of it all, but I was seeing all of these Meryl professes her love to Vash and gets rebuffed,' and I wanted to try the reverse of it. Y'know, what happens if Vash professes his love... yadda yadda. The problem was, I couldn't see him making any moves until after all the danger had been gone, etc. Which meant post-series, which meant that--according to my rules of Meryl conduct, she really would have no reason to not go with him. Which screwed up my story. Which is why most characters are slightly OOC. Yeah. I go now.