Disclaimer: Same as before. I don't not own "I'm too sexy".
And now the moment everyone has been waiting for: Legolas's drunken dance of merriment!
Ch 20- Vive Cuervo, baby.
(Frodo and Sam are lying in a tent awake. Muffled moan is heard outside.)
Sam: What was that?
Frodo: I don't know. Think we should go investigate?
Sam: Absolutely not!
Frodo: Of course we should.
Sam: Nooo! But Master, it could be orcs or urak-hai, or the evil clowns.
Frodo: The WHAT?
Sam: I have weird dreams, ok.
Frodo: Whatever. (Grabs Sting and jumps outside the tent.) Phew. It's just Legolas, Sam.
Sam: Ok. (Steps out of tent.) Why the moan Legolas?
(Legolas is sitting at a table with a glass bottle in his hand. He moans again and smacks his head against the table.)
Frodo: Legolas? Are you ok? (They rush to him)
Legolas: I'm such an idiot.
Frodo: Why? What's wrong?
Legolas: (sighs) I said I was over her… but I lied. What in the name of Elbereth is wrong with me? I like a girl- a human girl- over 1000 years younger than me. Why can't I shake this feeling?
Frodo: Because you're in love?
Legolas: Because I'm heartbroken!
Frodo: You can't be heartbroken, you're still alive.
Legolas: True.
Sam: Hey Legolas, what are you drinking?
Legolas: Oh… this? …Nothing…
Sam: (grabs bottle) Jose Cuervo?
Frodo: Legolas! You said drinking was bad!
Legolas: (starts bawling) I know! (Snatches bottle) I did! I did! Just let me drown my sorrows ok? (takes swig)
Frodo: Oh Legolas, come on man, you have to pull yourself together.
Legolas: Easy for you to say, your girl likes you back. (takes swig) I mean, I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I hardly know the girl, the next I can't live without her. I think I'm cracking up.
Sam: Legolas, you are one of the strongest members of our crew. You can't go all jello guts on us.
Frodo: Yeah, Sam's right.
Legolas: Yeah, but, it's just (realizes that his tequila is empty) Pass me that bottle Sam.
Sam: (picks up bottle) What this? No way, this is more tequila!
Legolas: Pass me the goddamn bottle or you'll wake up with an arrow through your skull!
Sam: Yes, sir. (Tosses bottle to Legolas.)
Frodo: Sam! No, I can't let you drink that.
Legolas: Frodo, just leave me be, ok? This is the only way I can get it out of my system.
Frodo: (sighs) Fine, but please don't get too drunk, ok? You have to save some for me.
Legolas: Heh. Ok.
Frodo: 'Cmon Sam, let's go back inside.
(They do and manage to fall asleep. They are awakened a few hours later to loud music blaring from outside.)
Sam: What the heck?
(Both hobbits jump up and run outside. 6 empty glass bottles litter the floor under the table. Legolas is on top of the table dancing and singing.)
Legolas: I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts…
Frodo: Legolas, you stupid elf!
(Legolas is twirling around, shaking his ass and waving his hands in the air.)
Aragorn: (coming out of tent) What in Middle-Earth is… Oh… my… God.
Arwen: (after him) Oh Legolas…
Gimli: (comes out of different tent) HAHAHAHA! Where's my camera when I need it?
Merry: (emerges from different tent) You're making your race look bad Legolas.
Legolas: I'm a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Harry: (emerges from different tent) HAHAHA! Damn, elf, get down with your bad self!
Ron: Yeah. Shake what your mama gave you!
Harry: Ron! What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?
Ron: Long story.
Ginny: It's not funny, you guys. Legolas is really drunk!
(Legolas is gyrating his hips and thrusting his pelvis forward.)
Legolas: On the catwalk. On the catwalk yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk.
Dumbledore: (whips out wand) DORMIO!
(Legolas freezes in spot, music stops abruptly. He falls off the table and he lands, snoring, with his arms and legs spread out on the ground.)
Dumbledore: Sleeping spell. He'll be alright in the morning.
Merry: With a really bad hangover.
Herm: Aw, headmaster, that was the most exciting thing that's happened since we got here!
Dumbledore: I don't know, Miss Granger. I'd call Mr. Weasley's pink bunny suit rather interesting. Tell me, what are you here, and why are you wearing it?
Ron: Well, I studied as much as I could for Charms, and then decided to follow you. So after RUNNING after you for over a week, I get here and SHE (point to Galadriel) says I'm breaking the rules and that I need to wear this outfit for the rest of the trip.
Galadriel: And he must be called Carrot Stalker.
Dumbledore: If Lady Galadriel wills it, then it shall be done.
Ron: What?! Headmaster, you are supposed to side with me! I'm your bloody student!
Dumbledore: Now now Carrot Stalker…
Ron: (turns red) I wanna go home. I miss Gryffindor, I miss quidditch, heck I'm even starting to miss mum a bit.
Ginny: We all want to go home. We've only got to go a little farther and then we can all go home.
Gandalf: With that settled, let's get some rest.
(Everyone goes back into their tents, Arwen drags Legolas after her into hers.)
*Next Morning*
(Frodo wakes up and walks outside. Sam is cooking food by the fire. Pippin, Merry, Gimli, and Harry are sitting in a circle chatting.)
Pippin: Good morning Frodo.
Frodo: Morning guys. Has Legolas woken up yet?
Merry: Well, he's still in the tent if that's what you mean.
Gimli: Yeah, why do you think we're all sitting out here waiting?
Sam: Breakfast is served.
Pippin: Yay! Biscuits!
Harry: Hey, Sam, these are good!
Sam: Thank you very much.
(Legolas emerges from tent.)
Legolas: Good morning everyone.
(Everyone stares and starts cracking up.)
Legolas: What?
Gimli: Well good morning Ricky Martin.
Legolas: What?
Frodo: Legolas, how much did you drink last night?
Legolas: Oh, a few bottles of Jose Cuervo and then I feel asleep. But damn my head hurts.
Harry: Are you sure you didn't do anything else?
Legolas: I don't think I did.
Merry: Are you SURE you're sure?
Legolas: What'd I do?
Frodo: You really can't remember?
Legolas: No!
Gimli: Does this ring a bell? "I'm a model, you know what I mean."?
Legolas: I still don't get it. I wasn't that drunk.
Frodo: Legolas, you drank 6 bottles of tequila.
Gimli: And you got up on that table, sang "I'm Too Sexy" and shook your ass.
Legolas: Oh… I… No I didn't!
Merry: Yes you did, Legolas, ask anyone.
Legolas: You mean I made a fool of myself?
Harry: That's putting it lightly.
Legolas: Damn! Damn that Jose Cuervo!
Frodo: But tell me, do you still love Cho?
Legolas; (pauses for a moment) You know, I don't think I do!
Sam: All right Legolas!
More psychotic fun on the way soon!
And now the moment everyone has been waiting for: Legolas's drunken dance of merriment!
Ch 20- Vive Cuervo, baby.
(Frodo and Sam are lying in a tent awake. Muffled moan is heard outside.)
Sam: What was that?
Frodo: I don't know. Think we should go investigate?
Sam: Absolutely not!
Frodo: Of course we should.
Sam: Nooo! But Master, it could be orcs or urak-hai, or the evil clowns.
Frodo: The WHAT?
Sam: I have weird dreams, ok.
Frodo: Whatever. (Grabs Sting and jumps outside the tent.) Phew. It's just Legolas, Sam.
Sam: Ok. (Steps out of tent.) Why the moan Legolas?
(Legolas is sitting at a table with a glass bottle in his hand. He moans again and smacks his head against the table.)
Frodo: Legolas? Are you ok? (They rush to him)
Legolas: I'm such an idiot.
Frodo: Why? What's wrong?
Legolas: (sighs) I said I was over her… but I lied. What in the name of Elbereth is wrong with me? I like a girl- a human girl- over 1000 years younger than me. Why can't I shake this feeling?
Frodo: Because you're in love?
Legolas: Because I'm heartbroken!
Frodo: You can't be heartbroken, you're still alive.
Legolas: True.
Sam: Hey Legolas, what are you drinking?
Legolas: Oh… this? …Nothing…
Sam: (grabs bottle) Jose Cuervo?
Frodo: Legolas! You said drinking was bad!
Legolas: (starts bawling) I know! (Snatches bottle) I did! I did! Just let me drown my sorrows ok? (takes swig)
Frodo: Oh Legolas, come on man, you have to pull yourself together.
Legolas: Easy for you to say, your girl likes you back. (takes swig) I mean, I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I hardly know the girl, the next I can't live without her. I think I'm cracking up.
Sam: Legolas, you are one of the strongest members of our crew. You can't go all jello guts on us.
Frodo: Yeah, Sam's right.
Legolas: Yeah, but, it's just (realizes that his tequila is empty) Pass me that bottle Sam.
Sam: (picks up bottle) What this? No way, this is more tequila!
Legolas: Pass me the goddamn bottle or you'll wake up with an arrow through your skull!
Sam: Yes, sir. (Tosses bottle to Legolas.)
Frodo: Sam! No, I can't let you drink that.
Legolas: Frodo, just leave me be, ok? This is the only way I can get it out of my system.
Frodo: (sighs) Fine, but please don't get too drunk, ok? You have to save some for me.
Legolas: Heh. Ok.
Frodo: 'Cmon Sam, let's go back inside.
(They do and manage to fall asleep. They are awakened a few hours later to loud music blaring from outside.)
Sam: What the heck?
(Both hobbits jump up and run outside. 6 empty glass bottles litter the floor under the table. Legolas is on top of the table dancing and singing.)
Legolas: I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts…
Frodo: Legolas, you stupid elf!
(Legolas is twirling around, shaking his ass and waving his hands in the air.)
Aragorn: (coming out of tent) What in Middle-Earth is… Oh… my… God.
Arwen: (after him) Oh Legolas…
Gimli: (comes out of different tent) HAHAHAHA! Where's my camera when I need it?
Merry: (emerges from different tent) You're making your race look bad Legolas.
Legolas: I'm a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Harry: (emerges from different tent) HAHAHA! Damn, elf, get down with your bad self!
Ron: Yeah. Shake what your mama gave you!
Harry: Ron! What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?
Ron: Long story.
Ginny: It's not funny, you guys. Legolas is really drunk!
(Legolas is gyrating his hips and thrusting his pelvis forward.)
Legolas: On the catwalk. On the catwalk yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk.
Dumbledore: (whips out wand) DORMIO!
(Legolas freezes in spot, music stops abruptly. He falls off the table and he lands, snoring, with his arms and legs spread out on the ground.)
Dumbledore: Sleeping spell. He'll be alright in the morning.
Merry: With a really bad hangover.
Herm: Aw, headmaster, that was the most exciting thing that's happened since we got here!
Dumbledore: I don't know, Miss Granger. I'd call Mr. Weasley's pink bunny suit rather interesting. Tell me, what are you here, and why are you wearing it?
Ron: Well, I studied as much as I could for Charms, and then decided to follow you. So after RUNNING after you for over a week, I get here and SHE (point to Galadriel) says I'm breaking the rules and that I need to wear this outfit for the rest of the trip.
Galadriel: And he must be called Carrot Stalker.
Dumbledore: If Lady Galadriel wills it, then it shall be done.
Ron: What?! Headmaster, you are supposed to side with me! I'm your bloody student!
Dumbledore: Now now Carrot Stalker…
Ron: (turns red) I wanna go home. I miss Gryffindor, I miss quidditch, heck I'm even starting to miss mum a bit.
Ginny: We all want to go home. We've only got to go a little farther and then we can all go home.
Gandalf: With that settled, let's get some rest.
(Everyone goes back into their tents, Arwen drags Legolas after her into hers.)
*Next Morning*
(Frodo wakes up and walks outside. Sam is cooking food by the fire. Pippin, Merry, Gimli, and Harry are sitting in a circle chatting.)
Pippin: Good morning Frodo.
Frodo: Morning guys. Has Legolas woken up yet?
Merry: Well, he's still in the tent if that's what you mean.
Gimli: Yeah, why do you think we're all sitting out here waiting?
Sam: Breakfast is served.
Pippin: Yay! Biscuits!
Harry: Hey, Sam, these are good!
Sam: Thank you very much.
(Legolas emerges from tent.)
Legolas: Good morning everyone.
(Everyone stares and starts cracking up.)
Legolas: What?
Gimli: Well good morning Ricky Martin.
Legolas: What?
Frodo: Legolas, how much did you drink last night?
Legolas: Oh, a few bottles of Jose Cuervo and then I feel asleep. But damn my head hurts.
Harry: Are you sure you didn't do anything else?
Legolas: I don't think I did.
Merry: Are you SURE you're sure?
Legolas: What'd I do?
Frodo: You really can't remember?
Legolas: No!
Gimli: Does this ring a bell? "I'm a model, you know what I mean."?
Legolas: I still don't get it. I wasn't that drunk.
Frodo: Legolas, you drank 6 bottles of tequila.
Gimli: And you got up on that table, sang "I'm Too Sexy" and shook your ass.
Legolas: Oh… I… No I didn't!
Merry: Yes you did, Legolas, ask anyone.
Legolas: You mean I made a fool of myself?
Harry: That's putting it lightly.
Legolas: Damn! Damn that Jose Cuervo!
Frodo: But tell me, do you still love Cho?
Legolas; (pauses for a moment) You know, I don't think I do!
Sam: All right Legolas!
More psychotic fun on the way soon!