(To the tune of As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys)




Misery has always been a friend of mine
You'll do anything to get the fortune in your hands
Our lives are very far from fine
Us Baudelaire Orphans aren't your biggest fans
And how you fool people is a mystery
There's no way you can hide your eye tattoo
When we're adults we won't have a great history
But no one can ever catch you and the rest of the crew


Chorus:
I don't care who you say you are
Where you say you're from
How you got here
I know you're Count Olaf
Who you say you are
Where you're from
Don't care how you got here.
I know you're Count Olaf

You'll do anything to get our fortune
All of them crafty and mean
Hung little Sunny from a tower
Killed our poor Aunt Josephine

Chorus

Bridge:
Giddy Uncle Monty dead in his Reptile Room
Mamba du Mal poison in his veins
Every day's always filled with doom
Aunt Josephines toys are pretty lame
You won't rest, until you get our fortune, Olaf

Chorus

Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
I know you're Count Olaf
(Repeat to fade)