Harry Potter and the Spiked Pumpkin Juice
Chapter 3: Setting Up For The Party (Draco, Snape, and Sexy Arses)
Author's Note: Bloody freaking grr. SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. My life's been... really freakin' busy these last two weeks. Thanks so much for all of the reviews. There were 35 last I checked. I'm happy! And a special thanks to everyone who told me that I didn't suck. ^_^ Soo...
- Gumlick: Oooohhh, thanks a lot!!
- Pervert Bitch: LOL, and thanks for all the Snape suggestions. Hee hee hee. I'll have to try and work some of them in. Definitely.
- kayla: Jell-O shots? LOL!!! Oooh, that's such a good idea!! And I'll try to find Ron someone to make Harry freak out... but... I said I wouldn't make him gay so it'll be a little harder to make Harry freak...
- Hermione-G-Weasley: LOL. Wow, well thanks a lot. I liked the Hufflepuff line, too, hee hee. And Dean said something? Oh, good. Glad you're back, and thanks for telling me what you liked!! ^_^ And Draco is the sexiest man on earth, LOL.
- evilbunny: LOL, thanks. I thought it was a Draco-type thing to say. ^_^
- coriander: Dude, Draco's ass is perfect. Perrrfect. Now imagine it in leather. Ooh. *salivating* It's a beautiful thing. ^_~
- Chablis Jameson: Ooohhh, yay! Thanks!
- The Face of Evil: Yes, spandex...
- Harry: LOL, and thanks!
- SoulSister: LOL, I love them, too. They're just so cute together!
- Hestia: HAH! LOL. To be honest, *I* jumped up and yelled when I finally got it out. Really. *thinking about Harry/Draco/Myrtle* Ewww! _ And spandex. Eh...
- Jay: Thanks! ^_^ I appreciate it.
- Dieter182: Ice cubes? Hmm. I'm sure I can. Well, I'll try. And they scare you? Hah.
- RandomBabbling: Thanks!! And lol, you want Blaise to get slapped again? Hmm. And leatherpants!Draco is HOT!! Yeah! ^_^;;
- catchytune: LOL, yes. I agree - Draco in leather is hot! I love it. And... pink? I don't shop with shopaholics. *shakes head* Nooooo.
- ViEiRA: Well, thanks for giving me two suggestions now (*cough socks cough*)! And thanks for reassuring me. I appreciate it. ^_^
- bondagechic: Ooohh, yeah. sexyprat!Draco, hee hee. That's so true! And thanks lots.
- mandraco: *shudders* Neville/Seamus? Eurgh. Umm, I wasn't thinking that at all. But... I guess it might not be that bad... maybe... but no, that's not what I meant. Heh. LOL.
- Lija: LOL!!!! Thanks a lot, Lija. Thanks for reading, and for the good feedback. Hee. ^_~

~*~*~*~*~

Ron looked around, frowning. Where's Harry? He said he'd be here early to help set up for the party.

Hermione shrugged and magicked purple streamers up. He probably got distracted, she said, deliberately being vague.

With what? Ron demanded. It's a Saturday! We finished our classes already and they don't give homework *after* you graduate, Hermione!

Oh, come on, Ronniekinns, Fred said, carrying a box of Canary Creams across the room. I think you know...

Ron frowned. I have no idea what you're talking about, Fred.

Just think, you git, George said, conjuring up a banner. Where could Harry possibly be?

Or better yet, said Fred. Where would he *want* to be?

If he's not here, said George.

With us, his friends, said Fred.

Then where would he be? the twins finished simultaneously.

Really, Ron, George chided. It's simple.

Ron gave them a blank look. George sighed. You really are a git sometimes, you know, he said to Ron.

I am not! Ron protested. You're just not making any sense!

Hermione sighed impatiently. Actually, Ron, they are, she said, Fred and George nodding their agreement. What they're trying to say is that Harry is probably with Draco.

said Ron, making a face. Don't call him that.

It's his name, Hermione said pointedly.

Ron said. His name is Malfoy. M-A-L-F-O-Y. Maalllffoooyyy. Come on, Hermione, say it with me - Malfoy. Malfoy.

said Fred and George together.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Malfoy is his surname.

Ron demanded.

And Draco is his first name.



And we should call him Draco!

But *why,* Hermione?! Why should we?

Hermione said, becoming frustrated. Because that's his name and that's what Harry calls him. That's what Harry wants us to call him.

Well, you never really know what Harry might call him, George chided.

He might always refer to him as sex kitten' or something, offered Fred.

Or love muffin, said George, solemnly.

Or baby.





said Ron. I don't want to think about it!

Ron Weasley, don't be so closed minded! Hermione scolded.

Yeah, Ron, said George. And besides - didn't he give you a new broomstick for Christmas?

said Ron.

Yeah he did, said Fred. It was one of those fancy, expensive, new Nimbus 3000's. Very nice.

Yeah, well, Ron grumbled. Mum always said that material possessions can't buy love.

She only told you that because you cried when you didn't get that Chudley Cannons poster you wanted, Ron, George pointed out.

That was ages ago! Ron exclaimed, blushing.

It was last year! Fred yelled. When you turned 16 -

Shut up! yelled Ron. It was NOT Fred!

interrupted Hermione. Shouldn't we finish setting up?

mumbled Ron, looking at his feet. We should. It's not long now till the party starts.

Fred shrugged, reluctant to stop teasing Ron about his crying. Fine, might as well. We need to finish setting up before the teachers arrive, anyway.

This made Ron's head snap back up.

Yeah, Ron, George said. You know, teachers, professors -

Whatever you kids are calling them these days, Fred piped up.

Old bats, ding bats, stupid old -

You shouldn't talk about them that way! Hermione exclaimed, offended. They're professors! They deserve your respect.

Respect? Snape? Hah! said Fred. That's funny, Hermione. Looks like you have a sense of humor after all.

Hermione scowled at the twins. If you really don't like them then why did you invite them, hmm?

Practical joke? Fred offered.

In the spirit of giving? George suggested, shrugging.

Feeling particularly friendly?

Random act of charity?

Just for the fun of it?

I'll bet I know, Ron said, interrupting Fred and George. Mum made you, didn't she?

Fred and George looked at each other and sighed. Mum made us.

Ron smirked. I knew it.

Fred scowled. Don't start, Ronniekinns, or we might just make you cry again.

The smile immediately vanished from Ron's face.

I don't get it, Hermione said to George. How could your mum *make* you do anything? You're adults now.

George shrugged. She made us throw this party, too. Do something *nice* for your brother for once,' she said. I honestly don't understand it either, Hermione. That's just the way she is.

Fred nodded solemnly. Plus she said that if we *didn't* have supervision we wouldn't be getting anything for Christmas. As if she doesn't trust us to supervise you lot ourselves!

And why *would* she trust you? Ron demanded. *I* don't think you're very trustworthy.

Don't be a prat, Ron, said George. We're responsible now, you'll see. Right, Fred?



We're perfectly capable of being in charge.



The two of you think you can keep all the students from 7'th year in check yourselves? Hermione asked, incredulously.

said Fred and George simultaneously.

From all four houses?

Of course we can!

And you can do that without anyone getting into any sort of trouble?



No trouble at all? No one getting hurt, no one getting drunk or -

the twins yelled together. Yes, yes, yes, Hermione! We could!

said Hermione. I doubt that.

Fred scowled. I don't think I like you anymore, Hermione.

You're mean, said George.

Hermione scoffed. I am not! I'm only being honest!

said Fred sullenly. Honest in a *mean* way.

Hermione huffed. Oh, whatever.

Ron glanced up at the clock on the wall. We only have an hour and a half left to set up, you know, he pointed out.

said George, taking out his wand again. And knowing the teachers, they'll probably be early.

Ron sighed. I wish Harry were here. He *promised* he'd come early.

He has better things to do, said Fred. More specifically, better *people* to do. Namely, Draco Malfoy.

George sniffed. Bet they *are* shagging right now. And here *we* are setting up for a stupid party. Life's really not fair.

Fred pouted. Wish I could shag Draco Malfoy. Harry really gets all the luck.

If you like the skanky, blonde, male type, Ron said.

So what if I do? Fred demanded. He's dead sexy.

George salivated. He is. And have you seen his arse?

It's very nice, said Fred.

said Hermione dreamily. It is.

Fred, George, and Ron all turned to stare at her.

Um, Herm? asked Ron. Do you... do you realize what you just said?

Hermione blinked. Did you say something, Ron?

said Ron. You just said that Draco Malfoy has a nice arse, Hermione.

Hermione blushed scarlet. I said what?

Nothing to be embarrassed about, said Fred. It's perfectly natural to have these sort of feelings, Hermione. When a person turns a certain age, his or her body starts going through certain changes and -

Oh, bugger off, said Hermione, still blushing. This isn't sex education, you know, Fred, thanks very much.

Sex education? George demanded. They TAUGHT YOU ABOUT SEX IN SCHOOL?!

What school did you go to? Fred demanded. I want to go there.

It was a regular muggle school, Hermione said.

That explains it, said George. Only muggles would be prats enough to actually TEACH their children about sex.

Hermione frowned. Not all muggles are prats, I'll have you know.

said Fred sarcastically. And the Pope's not a bloody Catholic. Get real, Hermione.

Ron frowned. But I thought the Pope -

He was being *sarcastic,* Ron, George said, resisting the urge to snigger. The Pope *is* a Catholic.

said Ron. Well, good. That's what I thought.

I'll go get the pumpkin juice, said Fred, starting to leave.

said George. I'll go get the crisps and you two can finish setting up here, all right?

said Ron.

Don't forget the jelly! Hermione called after Fred and George as they left. You promised Harry, remember?

Ron made a face. Jelly? Here?

Hermione shrugged. Harry likes it, apparently.

Yeah, well, he also likes Draco Malfoy.


And woolly socks, Hermione said. I still don't understand that.

What, socks? Ron asked. Well, I guess it's just a boys' thing, then. You see, he uses them when he wan- Ron stopped and blushed. Erm... well, I think I'll tell you later, all right, Hermione?

Hermione frowned. Well, all right, Ron. But what were you going to say?

I don't think we should talk about this, Hermione.

Why Ron? What was it you started to say? Wan-something. Wan-what? What starts with wan? Hmm, Hermione said, beginning to muse to herself. She laughed. Well, there's wanking but I honestly don't see what that has to do with socks, Ron.

Ron blushed and looked down at his feet. I'll explain it to you when you're older.

Hermione blinked. Wanking socks?! she sputtered. First Seamus and his 101 Uses of Jelly,' and now Harry has wanking socks?! Oh, honestly! What's next? Do you fancy Snape or something?

Ron nearly threw up. Snape?!?!?! Argh, Hermione! That's bloody disgusting!

Well, at this point, nothing would surprise me.

Let's just finish setting up, said Ron, shuddering. Snape. Ugh.

Well, you know, Ron, Snape does have a nice arse.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, Hermione!

Almost as sexy as Draco.

Hermione, stop! It isn't funny!

Have you looked at his arse? How could you not? Even Fred and George admitted it. Draco's arse is very nice.

said Ron. How can you say that?!

It's true.

It's Malfoy. He's Harry's boyfriend!

That doesn't change the fact that he has a sexy arse, Ron.

Malfoy... arse... sexy... brain... not... functioning... ah, said Ron, holding his head. I have a headache.

Try looking at Draco's arse, said Hermione, sounding chipper. That always makes me feel better.

I think I'm going to be sick!

Not before the party!

Oh, gods, Ron moaned. Too much talk about arses.

You wouldn't be complaining if we were talking about Parvati, you know.

Too much talk about *men's* arses.

We could always talk about something else.

Good. Anything.

Well... I got Susan Bones to join S.P.E.W. the other week.



Yes, Ron?

Let's just... not talk. Okay?

Oh. Okay Ron. But you know, I heard a really interesting rumor about Snape the other day -

Ron ran out of the room holding his hand over his mouth. He looked as if he were about to be sick.

Really, Ron! Hermione cried, running after him. It's not that bad!

~*~*~*~*~

TBC. Oh. I couldn't think of a better way to end it. Anyway. *looking around* Thanks for reading - and for being patent. Sorry it took so long. Please review, okay? They really do inspire me to write more. Hopefully I'll have more time this week, heh. ^_^;; R-E-V-I-E-W and I will L-O-V-E Y-O-U!! Hah, LOL. More fairly soon. Hopefully less than a week this time. Later. ^_^ Oh, yeah - and happy Easter!!