Jaina's Journal_Entry #12
Lover's Walk
By obi's girl
Summary: This is the big one people. Zekk tells Jaina's the three words she doesn't want to hear from him and why he came back, besides to fight the Vong. And more!
After Jacen and I sat talking for about half an hour, he left me alone to my thoughts. I didn't tell him about Jag's proposal, or that I accepted. Now wasn't the time for that. If I was going to tell, I wanted everyone to be there. I fingered the ring on my chain and smiled, looking at the two stick figures on it.
Forever.
That used to be a bad thing, when I was younger. Zekk had caused me so much heartache but not anymore. Jag was different and this time, things would be different. I knew they would. They had to be. I dropped the ring, faintly hearing someone enter the lounge. I started for my sabre but then remembered the 'no weapons' in the lounge for safety purposes and eased up.
"Hello?"
Zekk stepped out from the darkness, causing me to scowl and release my hand from my sabre. I rolled my eyes, ignoring him completely as I did before but it didn't work. He didn't leave. He just stood there, looking at the many stars.
I turned to him, a bit more than irritated, "I'm sorry, but is there a reason you decided to annoy me again when I pointedly told you before to leave me alone? Or are you just deaf?"
He shrugged, "I need to talk to you, Jaina. It's about why I came back..."
I rolled my eyes, abruptly standing up and turning to leave. "Whatever you have to say, Zekk, I don't want to hear it. You had your chance to explain why you left before you actually left."
"I didn't tell you because I didn't know what I was going to do; or end up."
I laughed, brushing my hair away from my face. "And now you want a clean slate? Forget it. Forget us, because there is no 'us.' You decided that when you left me, and cut me out of your life!"
Zekk shrugged, crossing his arms. "I accept that. But you still deserve to know why I came back, now and I have to warn you, the Vong aren't the only reason. That was coincidental."
"I can't believe this! You're going to tell me you decided to show out of nowhere because you want to start over? Sorry Zekk, but you're a couple years late, and if you haven't noticed I've found someone."
"I noticed, and I accept that. I didn't expect you to wait around for me to show up one day." He mused, glancing up at me.
Why did we have to get into this now? Why did he have to come back now? I did wait for him but the longer I waited, the less hope I had he would come back. But I wasn't about to admit that to him. "I have to go, now." And started for the door, but three words escaped his mouth I thought I'd never hear and it stung my heart.
I love you.
I turned back to him and scowled, nodding furiously, "You DID NOT just say that to me?!"
He nodded yes, and I threw up my arms, wanting to pull out my hair. Correction, pull out his hair and smack some sort of bondage on his mouth. "Why are doing this to me Zekk? I have a life. I'm in love with someone else, and yes that someone else is Jag; not you."
"Jaina, I can't stop this feeling inside of me. I love you."
"Sithspawn Zekk! I don't love you." I paused, grinding my teeth. "Take it back. Take it back, NOW!"
He nodded no, walking closer to me though I backed up some. I didn't want him touching me or anywhere near me. "Jaina, it's the truth. I love you." He whispered.
I raised my hands and put them over my ears, trying to block him out. I couldn't deal with this right now. "STOP IT! Stop it, Zekk! Take it back!"
"I'm not taking it back, Jaina." I rolled my eyes and removed my hands from my ears, glaring back at him. Zekk leaned on his right foot as he continued, "I came back because of you. I thought maybe we could..."
"What? Be together and start all over? I told you. You're a bit late for that." I cried, my voice wavering. "Jag and I...I love him and we're engaged." There. That had to have hurt some.
Zekk's face was indifferent but I knew despite this, he was thinking; thinking of a way to rebuke what I said.
Only, I hadn't anticipated what he would do next. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I pushed him away, disgusted he would go this far. He wiped my mouth, glaring back at with disbelief. "Well, now you have two things to take back, now don't you?" I spat.
I wiped my mouth some more before abruptly walking out on him, stumbling over Jag who had come to look for me. Sithspawn! "Jag, what are you doing here?"
"I came to look for you. Jacen came back. He said you wanted to be alone but I thought I'd stop by and surprise you." He smiled. I rolled my eyes, still feeling Zekk's lips on mine. I pulled Jag into a passionate kiss. His arms snaked around my back as Zekk left the lounge unnoticed. He stopped briefly and looked back at us but I waved him away, and he left. I let go of Jag and smiled.
He smiled back at me, arms still around my back. "Well, that was a nice hello."
I cleared my throat, smiling mischievously, "We aren't needed right now are we? Cause I was thinking we could be alone for a few moments." And to help me get my mind of Zekk. I didn't need his emotions right now. I didn't want him back in my life, and telling me 'I love you'. It was too late for us, but even that wasn't going to convince him. I knew that.
"I could spare some minutes. Something bothering you?"
I frowned, nodding back to the lounge. We walked in and sat down on one of the corner couches. "I just want to sit here with you in silence. So much has been going on..."
He kissed my head and smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I understand." I snuggled his neck, my mind racing. What was I going to do about Zekk? And if he ever confronted Jag? No! That couldn't happen. I couldn't lose Jag. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wasn't about to lose him. I couldn't.
**
Jacen Solo sat solemnly at the table, oblivious to the many pilots exiting the sim and entering. His conversation with his sister earlier made him think about some things. Theoretically, he wasn't evil by nature. And he had never done anything to harm or hurt anyone. He saved Danni Quee from the Vong, and she was grateful to him for that. A smile twitched his lips, thinking about the young doctor. Danni Quee. She was beautiful and talented in the Force, something she never knew until the Vong surfaced. His smile grew even wider, remembering the time after he rescued her.
~~Leaving him [Jacen] feel quite naked, and leaving him, as Danni likewise released her mask and cloaker, wearing no more than a tiny loose-fitting shift. Above the level of tension, Jacen noted that his companion's shoulders bobbed with sobs.
"We're out now," he said to her softly, and then he looked at her, really, looked at her, and nearly lost his breath at the beauty he saw there. In truth, Danni was a mess, with bruises on her face and her curly blonde hair matted and ragged. But Jacen didn't see any of that as he looked hard and for the first time into her green eyes, into the pain he saw there, both vulnerability and inner strength, as he stared into her mind and her spirit, remembering that she, and not Miko Reglia, had been the one to put out the telepathic call, though she was not a Jedi Knight.
She could be, Jacen realized then and there, and a great one at that.
He was conscious, too, of the press of their scantily clothed bodies together with the confines of the small stylus ship.
"You're safe now," he said, his voice barely a whisper, and he worked his hand up from his side, take care as to where it brushed then brought his fingers gently against Danni's cheek.
"Miko," the woman said quietly.
Jacen nodded that he understood---about Miko and about the ordeal this woman had apparently suffered on that cold planet. He dared to bring his hand around the back of her head, his fingers sliding into her thick stock of hair, and he pulled her close.
Danni didn't resist. She buried her face in Jacen's strong shoulder and allowed the tears to flow. ~~
Though she was special, she was afraid of the power inside of her and was unsure of her path. She had experienced fear first hand under the Vong, and the fear of other people while on Duro. Before he left Yavin, he talked to Danni one last time. They laughed and shared meaningful words of wisdom. He even hugged her and smelled her hair. How sweet she smelled. He didn't want to let her go. Jacen wanted to stay in her arms forever and tell her all the things he had kept hidden and safe. She smiled, letting go and kissed his cheek for luck then he left Yavin and her.
But oh, that moment would stay with him forever. The way she looked; blonde hair flowing around her shoulders. Her sweet green eyes and innocent face. He still dreamed about her; and the more he dreamed the more he wished he could experience the real thing. Dreamed of the day, some day, she would return his feelings and experience that first kiss. What the Force had install for Jacen and Danni, he didn't know but he certainly hoped she was in his future somewhere.
**
Zekk walked somberly through the Squadron apartments, trying to piece together his feelings. He just told Jaina he loved her and she rebuffed him. She even went as far as to tell him she was engaged to Jagged Fel but he knew that was impossible, or was it? No, it was impossible. He knew she loved him but engaged? She probably just said that to hurt him, make him realize there was no future. There was no point in going back. But Zekk didn't think like that; he didn't believe that.
He couldn't just walk away from Jaina. He refused to hurt her another time. She was the reason he came back; he didn't want her to hurt any more than she should. She didn't deserve that, and no matter what, he was going to fight for her. He was going to fight Jagged Fel for her, and he was going to win. He had to win; there was no other option. He stopped, glancing at the door he stopped in front of her. The plaque read Lieutenant Jaina Solo, and there was a small COM pad on the side of the door for messages in case she wasn't in. Zekk looked around for anyone then knelt down and typed in a message:
Dear Jaina,
I know you said you didn't want me back, and that you don't want me here at all but I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you ever again. I'm going to fight for you. I meant what I said in the lounge. I love you, I really do and I'm not giving up on us even though you have, a long time ago.
Jaina, the years I was gone and lost, you were the one constant in my life. Whenever there was darkness, you were my light. I didn't know where I was going but I did know, no matter what, as long I saw your face in my dreams I was safe.
I want to be safe again, Jaina. I want to see your face and see you smile again. I want you. Come back to me and forget everything. I love you, Jaina. I will always love you.
~~ Zekk ~~
TBC
By obi's girl
Summary: This is the big one people. Zekk tells Jaina's the three words she doesn't want to hear from him and why he came back, besides to fight the Vong. And more!
After Jacen and I sat talking for about half an hour, he left me alone to my thoughts. I didn't tell him about Jag's proposal, or that I accepted. Now wasn't the time for that. If I was going to tell, I wanted everyone to be there. I fingered the ring on my chain and smiled, looking at the two stick figures on it.
Forever.
That used to be a bad thing, when I was younger. Zekk had caused me so much heartache but not anymore. Jag was different and this time, things would be different. I knew they would. They had to be. I dropped the ring, faintly hearing someone enter the lounge. I started for my sabre but then remembered the 'no weapons' in the lounge for safety purposes and eased up.
"Hello?"
Zekk stepped out from the darkness, causing me to scowl and release my hand from my sabre. I rolled my eyes, ignoring him completely as I did before but it didn't work. He didn't leave. He just stood there, looking at the many stars.
I turned to him, a bit more than irritated, "I'm sorry, but is there a reason you decided to annoy me again when I pointedly told you before to leave me alone? Or are you just deaf?"
He shrugged, "I need to talk to you, Jaina. It's about why I came back..."
I rolled my eyes, abruptly standing up and turning to leave. "Whatever you have to say, Zekk, I don't want to hear it. You had your chance to explain why you left before you actually left."
"I didn't tell you because I didn't know what I was going to do; or end up."
I laughed, brushing my hair away from my face. "And now you want a clean slate? Forget it. Forget us, because there is no 'us.' You decided that when you left me, and cut me out of your life!"
Zekk shrugged, crossing his arms. "I accept that. But you still deserve to know why I came back, now and I have to warn you, the Vong aren't the only reason. That was coincidental."
"I can't believe this! You're going to tell me you decided to show out of nowhere because you want to start over? Sorry Zekk, but you're a couple years late, and if you haven't noticed I've found someone."
"I noticed, and I accept that. I didn't expect you to wait around for me to show up one day." He mused, glancing up at me.
Why did we have to get into this now? Why did he have to come back now? I did wait for him but the longer I waited, the less hope I had he would come back. But I wasn't about to admit that to him. "I have to go, now." And started for the door, but three words escaped his mouth I thought I'd never hear and it stung my heart.
I love you.
I turned back to him and scowled, nodding furiously, "You DID NOT just say that to me?!"
He nodded yes, and I threw up my arms, wanting to pull out my hair. Correction, pull out his hair and smack some sort of bondage on his mouth. "Why are doing this to me Zekk? I have a life. I'm in love with someone else, and yes that someone else is Jag; not you."
"Jaina, I can't stop this feeling inside of me. I love you."
"Sithspawn Zekk! I don't love you." I paused, grinding my teeth. "Take it back. Take it back, NOW!"
He nodded no, walking closer to me though I backed up some. I didn't want him touching me or anywhere near me. "Jaina, it's the truth. I love you." He whispered.
I raised my hands and put them over my ears, trying to block him out. I couldn't deal with this right now. "STOP IT! Stop it, Zekk! Take it back!"
"I'm not taking it back, Jaina." I rolled my eyes and removed my hands from my ears, glaring back at him. Zekk leaned on his right foot as he continued, "I came back because of you. I thought maybe we could..."
"What? Be together and start all over? I told you. You're a bit late for that." I cried, my voice wavering. "Jag and I...I love him and we're engaged." There. That had to have hurt some.
Zekk's face was indifferent but I knew despite this, he was thinking; thinking of a way to rebuke what I said.
Only, I hadn't anticipated what he would do next. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I pushed him away, disgusted he would go this far. He wiped my mouth, glaring back at with disbelief. "Well, now you have two things to take back, now don't you?" I spat.
I wiped my mouth some more before abruptly walking out on him, stumbling over Jag who had come to look for me. Sithspawn! "Jag, what are you doing here?"
"I came to look for you. Jacen came back. He said you wanted to be alone but I thought I'd stop by and surprise you." He smiled. I rolled my eyes, still feeling Zekk's lips on mine. I pulled Jag into a passionate kiss. His arms snaked around my back as Zekk left the lounge unnoticed. He stopped briefly and looked back at us but I waved him away, and he left. I let go of Jag and smiled.
He smiled back at me, arms still around my back. "Well, that was a nice hello."
I cleared my throat, smiling mischievously, "We aren't needed right now are we? Cause I was thinking we could be alone for a few moments." And to help me get my mind of Zekk. I didn't need his emotions right now. I didn't want him back in my life, and telling me 'I love you'. It was too late for us, but even that wasn't going to convince him. I knew that.
"I could spare some minutes. Something bothering you?"
I frowned, nodding back to the lounge. We walked in and sat down on one of the corner couches. "I just want to sit here with you in silence. So much has been going on..."
He kissed my head and smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I understand." I snuggled his neck, my mind racing. What was I going to do about Zekk? And if he ever confronted Jag? No! That couldn't happen. I couldn't lose Jag. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wasn't about to lose him. I couldn't.
**
Jacen Solo sat solemnly at the table, oblivious to the many pilots exiting the sim and entering. His conversation with his sister earlier made him think about some things. Theoretically, he wasn't evil by nature. And he had never done anything to harm or hurt anyone. He saved Danni Quee from the Vong, and she was grateful to him for that. A smile twitched his lips, thinking about the young doctor. Danni Quee. She was beautiful and talented in the Force, something she never knew until the Vong surfaced. His smile grew even wider, remembering the time after he rescued her.
~~Leaving him [Jacen] feel quite naked, and leaving him, as Danni likewise released her mask and cloaker, wearing no more than a tiny loose-fitting shift. Above the level of tension, Jacen noted that his companion's shoulders bobbed with sobs.
"We're out now," he said to her softly, and then he looked at her, really, looked at her, and nearly lost his breath at the beauty he saw there. In truth, Danni was a mess, with bruises on her face and her curly blonde hair matted and ragged. But Jacen didn't see any of that as he looked hard and for the first time into her green eyes, into the pain he saw there, both vulnerability and inner strength, as he stared into her mind and her spirit, remembering that she, and not Miko Reglia, had been the one to put out the telepathic call, though she was not a Jedi Knight.
She could be, Jacen realized then and there, and a great one at that.
He was conscious, too, of the press of their scantily clothed bodies together with the confines of the small stylus ship.
"You're safe now," he said, his voice barely a whisper, and he worked his hand up from his side, take care as to where it brushed then brought his fingers gently against Danni's cheek.
"Miko," the woman said quietly.
Jacen nodded that he understood---about Miko and about the ordeal this woman had apparently suffered on that cold planet. He dared to bring his hand around the back of her head, his fingers sliding into her thick stock of hair, and he pulled her close.
Danni didn't resist. She buried her face in Jacen's strong shoulder and allowed the tears to flow. ~~
Though she was special, she was afraid of the power inside of her and was unsure of her path. She had experienced fear first hand under the Vong, and the fear of other people while on Duro. Before he left Yavin, he talked to Danni one last time. They laughed and shared meaningful words of wisdom. He even hugged her and smelled her hair. How sweet she smelled. He didn't want to let her go. Jacen wanted to stay in her arms forever and tell her all the things he had kept hidden and safe. She smiled, letting go and kissed his cheek for luck then he left Yavin and her.
But oh, that moment would stay with him forever. The way she looked; blonde hair flowing around her shoulders. Her sweet green eyes and innocent face. He still dreamed about her; and the more he dreamed the more he wished he could experience the real thing. Dreamed of the day, some day, she would return his feelings and experience that first kiss. What the Force had install for Jacen and Danni, he didn't know but he certainly hoped she was in his future somewhere.
**
Zekk walked somberly through the Squadron apartments, trying to piece together his feelings. He just told Jaina he loved her and she rebuffed him. She even went as far as to tell him she was engaged to Jagged Fel but he knew that was impossible, or was it? No, it was impossible. He knew she loved him but engaged? She probably just said that to hurt him, make him realize there was no future. There was no point in going back. But Zekk didn't think like that; he didn't believe that.
He couldn't just walk away from Jaina. He refused to hurt her another time. She was the reason he came back; he didn't want her to hurt any more than she should. She didn't deserve that, and no matter what, he was going to fight for her. He was going to fight Jagged Fel for her, and he was going to win. He had to win; there was no other option. He stopped, glancing at the door he stopped in front of her. The plaque read Lieutenant Jaina Solo, and there was a small COM pad on the side of the door for messages in case she wasn't in. Zekk looked around for anyone then knelt down and typed in a message:
Dear Jaina,
I know you said you didn't want me back, and that you don't want me here at all but I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you ever again. I'm going to fight for you. I meant what I said in the lounge. I love you, I really do and I'm not giving up on us even though you have, a long time ago.
Jaina, the years I was gone and lost, you were the one constant in my life. Whenever there was darkness, you were my light. I didn't know where I was going but I did know, no matter what, as long I saw your face in my dreams I was safe.
I want to be safe again, Jaina. I want to see your face and see you smile again. I want you. Come back to me and forget everything. I love you, Jaina. I will always love you.
~~ Zekk ~~
TBC