Jaina's Journal_Entry_13

"Complications"

By obi's girl

The moments I stayed with Jag in the lounge, my mind couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to do about Zekk. He told me he loved me and I angrily demanded he take it back but refused to. I couldn't deal with this. One man was enough for me, why did Zekk have to come back into my life? It wasn't fair. None of this was this fair. And I knew he didn't plan on leaving anytime soon. He'd probably stick around as long as possible, his eyes on every minute...

Years earlier, I would have been happy to have back. He was the love of my life, but that title now belonged to Jag. It will always belong to him in my opinion. Complications. Jagged Fel, current love, leader of the Chiss Squadron, excellent pilot, really sweet, handsome. Zekk, former love, Jedi Knight, shunned me out of his life, constantly pushed me away and picked up the pieces whenever convenient. Zekk - stubborn, persistent, annoying, a shadow, mysterious.

You would think it's a no brainier but it's a lot more complicated than that. With one

complication, there's another right around the corner. Jag smiled and kissed my forehead, causing me to look at him and smile. "Hey, where were you?"

I frowned, shrugging, "What do you mean?"

"I mean just now. You seemed a bit distracted. Is something wrong?"

I huffed, pushing my feelings out of my mind. "I just have a lot on my mind. Nothing big.

Nothing you need to worry about."

Jag leaned forward and took my left hand in his and smiled, "You know, if anything is wrong, you can tell me about it."

I smiled hopefully, "I know I can, Jag but this is something I have to deal with on my own, without your interference." I kissed his cheek, my arms wrapping around his neck.

"Wish I could help, Sticks, but just remember what I said. You can always talk to me; whatever the problem we can work it out together."

I brushed a hair away from his face and smirked, "I know, and thank you. I am so lucky to have you." I kissed his cheek as once again, my COM buzzed. I frowned, picking it up,

"Yes?"

~~Sticks? Where are you? Jag said he would return with you as soon as he found you. ~~

I recognized that voice; it didn't belong to Wedge or Gavin; some one else but with great authority. I glanced over at Jag and he shrugged. I cleared my throat, "Sir, sorry, who is this?"

The man chuckled a bit before answering, ~~Get down here, Sticks and bring Colonel Fel with you, if he's there. ~~

I glanced one more time at Jag before we both stood up and left the lounge.

**

After all that had happened, I wasn't ready for another surprise. Zekk's proclaiming he loved me just about soured my mood for anything else. Jag, however didn't see Zekk in the lounge before he saw me which was a comfort. Zekk seemed to move about in shadows; I never really knew when he was around until he made his presence known --- and most of the time I didn't even want him around. But one thing was for sure - if I saw Zekk again, I was going to loose it.

Jag glanced at me and smiled, as we both entered the simulation room. Wedge and Gavin were standing by the same table Jag and I sat at to evaluate pilots. I didn't see Jacen anywhere, which meant maybe he took my advice and returned to Yavin or just decided to be scarce. Both men dismissed the pilots as we neared the table; this time there was a third man standing in the back and it wasn't the Baron. I really didn't like this.

"Something wrong, Uncle?" Jag mused, as I shyly stood back and huffed.

Wedge nodded, gesturing the mystery man come forward, "Jag, this is Tycho Celchu." He turned back to me, "Jacen left awhile ago to return to Yavin. Whatever you said to him, I guess changed his mind."

I shrugged, "I guess." Now if I could only get Zekk to change his mind that would be a miracle! "Are you staying long?" My question wad directed towards Celchu.

"I don't know." He turned back to Wedge and the Corellian nodded, "Awhile, and oh, congratulations for making the Squadron. It wouldn't be complete without a Skywalker in a the crew."

"Thanks." I mused, glancing at Jag. We left them alone, sitting on the steps on the simulator. It looked like everyone was taking a break; Chiss included although I didn't really know what Chiss did on breaks. I faced Jag again and smiled.

He swayed his head, leaning back some, "Hey, you okay? You seem a bit distracted, lost."

I nodded no, still smiling, "Remember Zekk? The Jedi you met on Yavin? He's here; he's been here awhile though I've repeatedly told him to get lost. He's refused, deciding to stick around for awhile."

Jag's face-hardened and I knew he was jealous, suspicious even of my connection to Zekk.

"Has he been bothering you?"

"He's stubborn; very stubborn --- I don't know what to do about him. He won't leave me alone and he's not going to leave Coruscant anytime soon." I shrugged again, leaning against him, "He's just driving me crazy! It's frustrating."

Fel raised his hand and rubbed his chin, "Does he know about us? I mean, does he know I ---."

I bit my lip, wishing I had kept my mouth shut but he drove me to say something I knew I'd regret. "He knows but I don't think he believes me. I was angry; I said it to hurt him - which did work by the way but it didn't change his mind about me." I gazed at Jag, holding his hand, "Just promise me you won't talk to him or confront him. I need to deal with this on my own."

"Except you've dealt with this on your own, Sticks. We're a team; if he hurts you - I want to know about it so I can back you up."

I smiled hopefully, "I know but right now, he's not your biggest fan."

Jag nodded, glancing at his Uncle, Gavin and Tycho. The Squadron, Chiss included were there - it was perfect. He grabbed my hand, forcing me to stand up after him as he cleared his throat. I was about to ask Jag what he was up too but I knew. Oh Sithspawn! Now was not the time for this, Jag. He smiled, clearing his throat as I started to shy away but he held my hand.

"Jag, wait! Do we have to do this now? Wouldn't you rather wait? I know I would like too. My parents, half of my family aren't here." I even raised my hand and waved it in front of him but he frowned, confused then turned his attention back to the surrounding pilots. Sithspawn!

"What is this, Jag?" Wedge asked, crossing his arms.

I scowled, really not ready for this. I already had a lot to deal with. Why now? Why couldn't he wait until later? "Jag, no really, now isn't the time."

Again, he bent down and kissed my cheek, smiled then continued, "I have announcement to make, regarding Lieutenant Solo and I..." Maybe if I faked a vision, or something but it was too late. "Jaina and I are engaged."

Mother of Sith! I am in true Hell! Everybody applauded us; Wedge stepped forward and hugged Jag, then me, smiling congratulations. By noon today, it will be all over the HoloNet and I'll be screwed. I love Jag, I do but now wasn't the proper time to announce our engagement. For one, I would rather have Zekk halfway across the galaxy, even in Vong hands - as long as he was far away from Jag and I. But it was too late, far too late.

"Jaina?" some one asked. I turned to Gavin and Wedge, smiling hopefully though deep down, I knew this was just the beginning to an endless spiral of chaos.

Weakly, I found my voice and answered, "Yes?"

Wedge frowned, "Sticks, you all right? You don't look so good."

Blame that on your nephew, Wedge! I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for any of this. I nodded, letting go of Jag, "I just need some air." Jag faced me and he could tell why I was freaked. He knew it wasn't the perfect timing to announce the engagement; but he did it anyway, probably to shove it in Zekk's face. And now it would be shoved in his face big-time (something I liked) but not like this.

"Jag, could we leave? I need to talk to you in private."

He nodded, chauffeuring me towards the door, the pilots - both Chiss and human were oblivious to us leaving except Gavin and Wedge.

**

I waited until we were in the turbo lift and out of sight from anyone else, to talk with Jag. I knew why he was doing this, but I wanted to hear it from Jag. I leaned against the wall of the lift, reminding myself to stay calm. "Jag, why --- I thought we agreed to announce this when the time was right?"

Jag stared back at me and shrugged, "And when would the timing be right, Sticks? When Zekk steals you from me before I even have the chance to make you mine?"

Make me his? A little possessive aren't we? Of course, I didn't except anything less. He is still human and a male and they always have to be like that. It's one of their flaws. Except I never expected it in Jag. He was perfect like that, understanding and un-emotional, well at least before he met me. "Jag, what are you trying to prove? I told you I would deal with Zekk on my terms; why can't you accept that?"

"I can't, Jaina. I'm sorry; I just can't. The past, the history - you two have a history, even if you haven't admitted to it I can tell. The way this guy is always around you and managed to push your buttons. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me from the beginning? Or were you hoping I wouldn't figure it out?"

I nodded, feeling myself angrier with him, but understanding his anger. "I didn't tell you because I wasn't expecting Zekk to show up again in my life. You knew we were close ---."

He waved his hand, cutting me off, "That I knew; but your feelings I didn't know. Jaina, I don't want to lose you to him. You're special to me. These feelings inside of me, I never knew they were there until I met you."

I nodded, pushing off the wall and took his hands in mine, "You won't lose me, Jag. You'll never lose but you have to allow me to fight my own battles. I can't always have you as my wingman - though sometimes I want you to be." I smiled, kissing his cheek, "Tell you what, if this thing with Zekk annoys the Sith out of me, you can yell at him all you want."

Jag laughed, hugging me tight in his arms and kissed my forehead, "I never want to lose you, Sticks. No one's been able to bring out the human side of me before. I like it."

"I like it too and you won't lose me." I concluded as the lift doors swooshed open to the apartments. I took Jag's hand in mine and we walked out, towards my quarters. I smiled him but quickly frowned again when I saw the message on my COM pad. It was from Zekk. Jag saw it too but didn't say anything. I gulped, reading it silently to myself.

Dear Jaina,

I know you said you didn't want me back, and that you don't want me here at all but I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you ever again. I'm going to fight for you. I meant what I said in the lounge. I love you, I really do and I'm not giving up on us even though you have, a long time ago.

Jaina, the years I was gone and lost, you were the one constant in my life. Whenever there was darkness, you were my light. I didn't know where I was going but I did know, no matter what, as long I saw your face in my dreams I was safe.

I want to be safe again, Jaina. I want to see your face and see you smile again. I want you.

Come back to me and forget everything. I love you, Jaina. I will always love you.

~~ Zekk ~~

I cringed, looking back at Jag. His face was stone, his eyes were glazed; I didn't have to read him through the Force to know he was upset. No, past upset - he was furious. He turned on his heel and walked down the opposite hall. I glared back at the message then hurriedly ran down after him. "Jag, wait! Jag?!"

He didn't even turn to face me, as he continued down the hall and entered the turbo lift and disappeared.

**

I erased the message, then immediately asked the computer where Zekk was located. The lounge. This had gone far enough; I wasn't going to let him ruin my relationship with Jag any further beyond repair. This has to end now!

NEXT