Jaina's Journal_Entry_14

"Possession"

By obi's girl

Zekk smiled sensing my presence as I entered the lounge. He turned around as I stomped up to him and slapped his face, causing a dark scowl. If there was a scale for how angry I was, it had to be past deadly, tipping towards Sith-like and right now, I felt like one. How could he do this to me? He said he didn't want to hurt me but he hurt me in the worst possible way and if he expected forgiveness, obviously, Zekk didn't know me as well as he thought he had. "What in Sith is the matter with you, Zekk? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hurting me?!"

He nodded, looking away, taking a sip of his caf, "You don't belong with him, Jaina. He doesn't deserve you."

"He does; he deserves me more than you do. A lot more and I do love him; and I meant what I said before – we are engaged."

Zekk huffed, facing me again, "You don't have a history; we do."

"True, but Jag and I can still have a future; from that we can look back and remember our past." I shouted, closing my eyes, calming my nerves though they were at the boiling point. "Zekk, there is no more us. Why don't you see that? 'Us' died when you left Yavin. Zekk, please, I'm begging you, leave. You said you didn't want to hurt me; you're hurting me now by staying here. You have to understand that."

He shrugged his face calmer than before. "What I don't understand is why you would even consider him as your life-long mate."

"Because he understands me; he's good to me. He makes me laugh; I make him laugh. We challenge each other to let the other know we care; I feel good when I'm around him. It's like the world around us doesn't matter anymore and nothing can touch us." I paused, gazing at Zekk. He remained quiet, and less tense. I was reaching him. "This feeling inside of me – I love him so much, if I let go it might kill me. I thought after you, I would never find anyone else but I have, and I am grateful for every day I have with Jag. I'm grateful because I know it might be our last. I love him, Zekk. I love him so much it hurts when I'm not near him and he doesn't hold me. I cringe inside when we fight, but I know deep down, inside both of us, we love each other." I paused, huffing, my eyes pleading with him. "Please Zekk, let me go. Let go of the past; don't hurt me anymore."

Zekk huffed, his hand reaching my face, caressing my cheek, and I could see tears in his eyes. "I just don't know how to let you go, Jaina. You've always been a huge part of my life; I guess I just shoved you away so many times...when I should have kept me near. But I don't want to hurt you; I would never wish you any pain. You don't deserve that." He paused, gazing up, nodding to something behind me. "I'll always hold you close to my heart, Jaina." He kissed my hand, tears falling on my hand as I let go. "I'm sorry if I intruded on your life; I never meant to hurt you – for both times." He scratched his chin and turned to leave, grabbing his flight jacket, "Good by, Jaina." And silently, he mouthed, "I love you."

I turned around, once I felt Zekk was gone facing Jag. He was the presence; I don't know how long he had been standing there but it wasn't enough to soften his attitude towards Zekk and I. He shrugged, walking forward and hugged me. "I'm sorry, Sticks." He cried, holding me close.

"You heard what I said?"

He nodded and kissed my forehead, "Everything. I was in the turbo lift thinking. I had no right to announce the engagement like this. We weren't ready; I was angry. The thought that some one else had their eyes on you, it scared me. For a split second, I realized I might lose you and did the only thing I could to keep you by my side. I'm sorry."

I laughed, kissing his cheek, "I'm sorry too; I'm sorry because we're gonna have to do that all over again but the right way." He smiled, as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, "Chances are, the Squadron didn't release the news yet. It's late and everybody's tired. It was bad timing and stupid thinking, but we can do it right this time. We don't have to rush and prove anything to anyone." I knelt down and presented him with a ring, "Jagged Fel, will you merry me?"

Jag knelt down and lightly touched my hand, taking the ring, "Yes." He kissed my hand (the one that my engagement ring). "Yes." I leaned over and kissed him, for the first time, feeling totally at ease and relieved.

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