Jaina's Journal Series (Part II) Chapter 7: Forever (CH16), a star wars fanfic

Jaina's Journal_Entry_16

Forever

By Obi's Girl

Author's Note: This has to be the longest entry of Jaina's Journal, and most dramatic – over all, it's a huge tearjerker. Enjoy J

~~I turned, a strand of sweaty of hair stuck to my cheeks and forehead. I gasped, staring at him. My mouth was practically open and gaping back, unable to comprehend. There he was, Jagged Fel, dressed, in an officers' suit or was it one? I wasn't really sure. He was dressed up nicely, almost like gentlemen but the thin shirt he wore almost revealed his tight muscles. Oh no, Jainy! Don't even think about.

"Jag, what, uh, is something wrong - I mean what are you doing here?" I asked, practically falling over myself.

He walked closer, eyeing me, trying to see if he could size me down but it didn't work. He didn't intimidate me, but I still felt he was here to see me for a reason. He stopped, facing me and brushing the sweat off my forehead and sides.

"I was training, sir. Jedi exercises and sorry, I forgot. We're equals."

Jag nodded, met my eyes and kissed me softly without saying a word to respond to my answer. Only, there was no question. He didn't say anything. He just showed up, interrupted my exercises to kiss me...a kiss that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I relaxed a bit, my arms crawling around his back as his slithered onto mine. He pulled away suddenly and smiled.

"I always wanted to do that." He whispered. ~~

~~I nodded, touching the runway slightly. It was a bit bumpy, but then again, landing any type of craft was never easy. And I was nervous. Not only because I didn't want to mess up, but get distracted by this beautiful man steering me home. He was an excellent teacher. I might have to reward him later for that. I thought with a grin on my face.

"Hold it, Sticks. You're starting to come in too steep!" he cried. ~~

**

~~ "Practice. Practice is good." I replied, staring back at him.

"It is good." He replied, nearing me. My eyelids fluttered as his lips touched mine. He tried to pull me into an embrace but the pit was small, so all he could do was take my hands in his. He jerked back a bit, and then kissed me harder and harder. ~~

~~Jag smiled up at me as I checked his bandages from the blast. They were still in tact but in case we were needed again, I used a Jedi healing trance, helping the wound cover up faster. Tionne had taught me how to do that when I was younger, before the war happened – I'm just sorry I couldn't prevent Jag from getting hurt. I was able to heal it a little bit so it wouldn't sting as much when he walked. "Feel better?"

"A little, but not that's where it hurts anymore."

I raised an eyebrow at him but decided to play along anyway and smiled. "Where does it hurt then?"

He pointed to his right brow and I kissed it. Next, he gestured to his cheek and I gladly obliged. Last, his lips hurt the most. I kissed him fiercely but was careful to mind his wound. "Hmm. I needed that."

I laughed, "I think we both needed that." ~~

~~Forever. ~~

I blinked back to reality, looking out my view port. Two X-wings had already escorted Jag back to base; a couple more I assumed docked and one, probably Valis' stayed behind until I ready. Except how can I be ready? Jag... I thought the coral's shot didn't hit anything except space. I felt the hot tears in my eyes as I brought my X-wing about, returning with Valis to the bay.

Coming in, I struggled to remain calm despite this horrid feeling inside of me as I docked my x-wing. I ignored the pilots come to congratulate me and immediately went to one of the flight attendants. "Excuse me, sir, Jagged Fe1...The pilot that was shot..."

He nodded, "He's in the med. Bay." And returned to his work. I felt my face go pale, my limbs seemed to tense more – the last time something happened to Jag, he came out fine with just a scratch but this was serious, very serious. I turned around, Valis was at my side. I nodded as he steered me towards the door and down towards the med. Bay.

I fought with myself not to cry or panic as I stood waiting while Valis talked to the doctor on call. I had to remain strong but how long can I stay strong before breaking down in total fear? My fear and dark emotions only got worse when Wedge rushed into the bay. I tried to look busy but he knew I was only trying not to cry. He walked over and smiled as he always did; I smiled back, fidgeting before I hugged him tight.

"Wedge, I swear I didn't know Jag was hit. I saw the coral fire, but I didn't think it hit anything except space..."

He nodded, frowning, "No one's blaming you, Sticks." Wedge smiled again, raising his chin, "Jag will get through this; he's a fighter. If there's anything he's learned from you and growing up Chiss, it's to survive at whatever cost."

"Whatever cost." I echoed, sitting down, removing my dog tag, and playing with the ring Jag gave me and smiled hopefully. "When I accepted, I told Jag there are no tomorrow's; we won't know what will happen months from now or if we'll even survive the war...Sithspawn, I really wish that was true." I looked down, staring at the two stick figures holding hands and the sun above them, "If he dies, how can I deal with that? I don't know how to feel; from the cockpit in my X-wing to sitting right here, all I feel is numb."

Wedge shrugged, "Maybe that's a good thing; your feelings won't be jumbled up or confused."

I nodded, glancing up as one of the nurses came out and talked with Valis. Wedge and I stood up, confronting the nurse. She could have been about my age, maybe two or five years older. "He's stable for the moment, but he's in a coma. We don't know how it will last --- um, when he was brought in, he kept mumbling some one's name or at least a nickname. Anybody here called 'Sticks'?"

I looked back at Wedge. He nodded it was all right and I slowly raised my hand, smiling partially, "I'm Sticks. Jaina Solo." I paused, finding my voice, "Can I see him?"

The nurse shrugged and smiled, "I think maybe you should; if you don't mind me asking, who is he to you?"

I gazed up at the woman and nodded, "I'm his fiancée." And I walked inside, not looking back.

~~"Did you mean what you said before? That I'm you're future?"

Jag smiled, kissing me passionately. "I wouldn't have it any other way." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring, causing me to worry a bit. "If we get through this war, would you do me the honor of marrying me?" ~~

I had been through hurt and heart break before; I knew the pain but whatever I felt then, was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw Jag laying helplessly on the bed, eyes closed and breathing through a tube with some minors burns and bruises. Sithspawn, why did this happen? I wanted to crush those Vong for hurting him, but it wasn't them. It was I. I was so wrapped up in the moment, I blocked out whatever else was going on. I didn't even feel his emotions; I just blocked everything out.

I grabbed a chair and sat down; entwining my hand with his left and smiled hopefully. I even squeezed hoping if I squeezed hard enough, he would wake up. It didn't happen. I bit my lip, forcing back my emotions. Now wasn't the time to start acting like a girl. I had to be strong...for him.

"Jag..." My voice was hoarse, I didn't even recognize it. "Jag, I don't know if you can hear me --- it's Sticks. I'm here, and I have something to say to you, so many things." I looked down, matching his hand with mine, "The first time around, you weren't badly injured; I could deal with it but this, I can't deal anymore. Jag, I can't lose you. I need you. You were the first...before I met you, I gave up on love. I didn't want to feel; you didn't feel either. The Chiss in you, but I love that part of you."

I cleared my throat and kissed his hand, laughing, "You know you can't die on me. You proposed and I accepted --- Jag, I want us to be together, not only for me; for your Uncle. You're the only connection to his sister and her family. There's so much you have to live for but most of all, live for me. Please." I kissed his hand again, as his other twitched. I saw the twitch and nearly fell out of my chair as I called the nurse.

Two nurses and a man ran into the room; Wedge and Valis not far behind. I backed away from the bed as the nurses started checking his vitals. I bit my lip again, preying this was for real. The nurses were distracted, checking everything they didn't even see him open his eyes. I choked back a breath of air as our eyes locked together. He saw me; I know he did because he smiled.

The nurses backed away once again as I walked to the bed and grasped his hand. He smiled at me again, trying to speak, "Live...for me." With that, he closed his eyes. I nodded furiously as I glanced at his vitals. They were low, very low. I felt the pain rushing back, as the nurses tried to revive him.

Hot tears streamed down my face, though I didn't know it. I glanced back at Wedge; he looked away, crying as Valis held his head low in accordance.

~~Jag looked down at the ring in his hand, scrutinized it before handing it to me. I looked at him, confused a bit. "Keep it then. Keep it with you while you think, and look foreword towards the future, Sticks. The future is all we have." He then removed my dog tag necklace and slid the ring on it. "Just don't keep me waiting forever."

I smiled, kissing his cheek, looking at the silver ring. It had some markings on it. They looked like hieroglyphs. I rested my head on his shoulder, examining the ring. "It's beautiful. What does it mean? The hieroglyphs?"

He pointed to a couple of them and smiled, "This one means forever..." next he pointed to two stick people, holding hands, accented by a sun above their heads. "Forever soul mates, bonded by time and love. A love that will last forever." ~~

I nodded my head furiously, reached over him and breathed air into his lungs. Moments, later several nurses and the main doctor rushed into the room and pushed me aside as they tried to revive Jag. I clenched my fists, as I felt Wedge's hand on my right shoulder for support. This couldn't happen. Our lives were just beginning; we had a life – we're going to have a life together. How can the Force be so cruel to take Jag away from me? Sithspawn, it wasn't fair!

After some time, the nurses were finally able to increase his breathing though his eyes still weren't open. I wanted to see his eyes, his dark eyes and feel he was alive because I begged him to live. I want him to live; if he doesn't I don't know what I'll do. He was my life, my whole life. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him; grow old; have children and grand children with him. I wanted everything; I wanted him. And it was killing me there was no such response that he was all right.

~~"Did you mean what you said before? That I'm you're future?"

We didn't go through all those bad times, all those trials if we weren't meant to be together, Jag. I need you in life because you are my life. I love you so much. I want to give you everything; don't take that away from me. Don't run away from me, your Uncle and the family you left behind.

I glanced behind me; Wedge was leaning back on the wall and the nurses...They had left to allow Jag to rest, but one of them stayed in case there was another emergency. I smiled thanks to her as I neared the bed again and grasped his right hand and kissed it. I felt the faint life inside of him. He was still weak barely hanging on but he stayed...for me.

I stayed. I stayed so long, Wedge had to turn in and go home (and tell my family where I was in case they were wandering). It didn't matter to me as long as I stayed with Jag and made sure he was going to pull out from the coma. However long, I wouldn't leave him. I love him too much to betray him like that. We were engaged after all and as far as I was concerned, I already considered myself his wife. I wasn't Jaina Solo anymore. I was Jaina Fel, wife of Jagged Fel.

Unfortunately, the doctors had to kick me out because they needed to monitor his vitals and brain activity (and one of the nurses also persuaded me to be with my family and that I needed them, even though I wanted to be there incase he woke up).

I took the nurses' advice and went to see my family (my Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara). I didn't want to talk to my parents or siblings. Luke must have sensed I was coming because the door opened because I even COM'd it. I smiled, hugging him as I walked inside the small apartment. I smiled weakly at my aunt Mara and sat down on the couch, staring up at the wall and nodded, "I really didn't know the missile hit Jag until I was COM'd. I thought it just hit space. Sithspawn, I wish it hit only space!"

Luke nodded, sitting down next to me, "It wasn't your fault, Jaina. It was an accident." He paused, biting his lip, "Does Wedge blame you?"

"He said it was an accident too but it is my fault. I know it is. I should have sensed he was hurt; I was so caught up in vaping those coral skippers, I closed myself out from feeling anything else. Jag's hurt because I tuned him out and now, he's hurt!"

"Jag is an excellent pilot. He was careful; you all have to be careful when you're out there ---." Mara started, sitting down on the opposite armchair. "In this war, no one knows what to expect. No one knows what casualties there will be until it's too late. But no matter what, you have to remember none of this is your fault. The Vong came here; they invaded our galaxy without asking for an invitation." She paused, reasoning, "If there's anyone you should blame, it shouldn't be yourself. It should be the Vong."

The Jedi Master tensed up, sensing the tone of his wife. He knew Mara was resentful of the Vong for giving her the disease that was incurable for any medical means. But it still worried him, especially with a little one on the way. I huffed, fingering my necklace and ring.

~~Forever. ~~

I glanced up at the both of them and removed my dog tag.... and the ring. "Jag, he gave this to me." I started, referring to the silver ring. "I don't have to explain what it is; I think you both know – chances are you probably know about the announcement Jag made to the Rogue Squadron. I accepted. We were – if we survived the war, we would get married and have a life together." I paused, choking back tears as I stood up and paced about, "I want to have that life, but I can't if --- it shouldn't be like this!"

Luke picked up the ring and examined it, looking particularly at the two stick figures and the sun above the two – only it wasn't a sun. It was a heart with two rings around, crossing horizontally. In that moment, the Jedi Master saw Jag and I standing across from each other, holding hands as an officiator lead us in our vows. He smiled, glancing back at Mara and I. She held me as I cried on her shoulder. "He's not going to die, Jaina."

I looked incredulously at him, my face still wet from tears, "You haven't seen him, Uncle Luke. He had bruises – he was weak." I nodded; I couldn't even talk about his condition it hurt so much. "Did you have a vision?"

"I did," he started, kneeling before me and smiled, "And you know what I saw? I saw you standing happily across from Jag, as the two of you were married. You were so beautiful, Jaina. The warmth and love --- it was shining so brightly it could have blinded me. Jag, won't die. He won't die because he wants to have that life with you, and he wouldn't leave you."

I huffed, leaning back, "I really want to believe that but now, I don't know what to believe." At that moment, my COM link hummed. I groaned, picking it up, praying it wasn't another attack. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with more Vong. They already caused enough damage. "Yes? Lieutenant Solo here."

~~Sticks? It's Valis. You need to get down here – they're a slight change in Jag's condition. ~~

Change? Was that a good change or a bad change? Frankly, I wanted it to be good change but since when did I things I wanted to go my way, ever did. "I'll be right there. Thanks Valis." Luke and Mara raised an eyebrow as I stood up, straightening my flight vest, "A present from Jag. My new wing-man; he's a Chiss and a good pilot." Luke nodded, hugging me one last time before I left; hoping it was a good change Valis was talking about.

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