Chapter 4
"They escaped?" Rezo roared out from the square in front of Notre Dame. He clenched his fists by his side. "Inconceivable! The church was guarded at every door!"
The guard sighed and nodded in agreement. "We're very sorry, sir."
"You should be! We have to find those gypsy girls and arrest them!" Rezo's balled up fist shook wildly, knocking a few guards in the head in his flailing.
Gourry, who had been present during all of this, raised his hand from the crowd of guards like a little kid in first grade. "Minister Rezo! Why do you want them arrested again?"
Rezo marched up to his black horse and used the stirrup to reach the saddle. "They've caused me too much trouble as it is and I can't think of anything else to do with my time….That and I'm evil! EVIL I SAY!"
The guards just stared him. One of them coughed a little.
"We're off!" Rezo sat on his horse and pointed in front of him.
Gourry poked one of the guards. "Should we tell him he's facing the horse the other way?"
"He'll figure it out." The guard yawned and followed the backward horseman down the street.
- - - - - -
"Honey, what's going on outside?" A woman said from her seat at the table. Her husband was looking out the window.
"It looks like Minister Rezo!" The miller said.
"How can you tell, dear?"
"He's the only man in Paris that rides his horse backwards."
"Ask him if he wants dinner!"
The miller guy walked out and waved to Rezo and his guards. "Minister Rezo, what has brought you to our humble home?"
Rezo turned his horse so he was facing the man. "We've heard you've been harboring fortune tellers in your 'humble home'."
"What? That's nonsense! We don't harbor fortune tellers!" The miller yelled.
From inside the house a bad accented voice rang. "Call for yo free readin' now!"
Gourry's jaw dropped. "Hey! It's Miss Cleo!"
"I knew it!" Rezo snarled. "Get her out!"
The miller pushed himself in front of the guards. "But she's not a fortune teller!" Guards poured into the house and drug out a woman in the bad outfit.
"Git yo stinkin' honds off me clothes, mon!"
"Why is she talking like that?" One of the guards asked.
"I donno. Sound gypsyish?" A guard shrugged.
"Why yes. Yes it does. Seize her!" Rezo pointed the other way, but the guards know well enough who they were suppose to capture. "Do you know of any certain gypsy girls? One has red hair, the other black. I demand that you tell me!"
Miss Cleo made a few nervous glances at him. "Um…..I don't know…"
"Fifty pieces of silver says you do." Rezo pushed a fist full of coins in her face.
"I…..um …"
Rezo sighed. "Arrest her."
"NO WAIT! I really need the money! Just let me get my tarot cards!……mon!" The guards cuffed her and drug her off.
"See, I told you she wasn't a fortune teller." The miller said.
Rezo frowned at him. "But she is a gypsy. Step into your house please." The miller shrugged and opened his door and walked in. Rezo took a torch from a nearby guard and gave it to Gourry.
"Burn it."
Gourry's eyes popped out. "What?"
"Two words. Burn and it. Put them together and what do you get?"
"I can't do that!" Gourry whimpered, holding the torch away from him.
Rezo advanced him. "And why not?"
"My mother always told me not to do three things: Don't steal, don't hit a lady, and don't burn down people's houses with the people still in it." Gourry sighed sadly. "I can't do it, sir." He dropped his torch in a barrel of water.
A large crowd had gathered around the mill to watch. Lina and Amelia were hiding amongst the people watching the scene. "It's Mr. Gourry!" Amelia whispered to Lina.
"And he didn't burn down the house. So he does have some sense." Lina said softly.
"You stupid jerk!" Rezo spat him. He grabbed another torch and lit the hay roof himself. "Your mother is a fool!"
The house caught on fire and the mill was ablaze with flames and frightened shrieks echoed from inside. "The green beans are burning!" The wife screamed.
Gourry couldn't take it anymore. "NO! Not the green beans! I love green beans!" He jumped into the blazing house and jumped out with a small child under his arm and a pot of green beans with the miller and his wife following.
Rezo quickly ordered a guard to hold Gourry down. "Now you have to be punished!"
Two guards held him in a kneeling position while another guard stood above him with a sword poised over Gourry's neck.
Gourry looked up in horror at Rezo. "OH no! You're going to give me a bad haircut???"
Rezo blinked. "No, we're going to kill you."
Gourry sighed. "Oh whoo. For a moment I thought…..Kill me? I don't want that either!"
"That just too bad." Rezo growled.
Amelia had a few whimpering sounds. "Oh Miss Lina! What should we do?" Lina thought for a moment and fiddled with the end of her dress.
"I know!" Lina gave a sharp whistle. "Look everybody! It's Jesus and he came to party!"
As planned everyone, including Rezo, turned to look. Gourry turned his head to the side. "Jesus? Where? …"
"Run Gourry run!" Amelia and Lina screamed as the enemies were distracted. Gourry blinked a few times and got the idea. He jumped onto Rezo's horse and raced down to the bridge over the Siene river.
"Shoooot hem! Shooot hem!" Rezo yelled wildly. How he knew Gourry ran away we will never know.
Arrows flew in Gourry's direction but missed everytime. Gourry suddenly felt something in his eye. "AHHH! EYE LASH!" And in his struggle to remove the nasty thing he fell off the horse and into the river.
A loud "Huzzah!" rang from the guards.
"Let him rot like the dog he is!" Rezo snarled and got back on his horse, the wrong way of course, and rode back to the city with his henchmen following. "Lets go burn down Paris, men!"
"Oh no! Gourry fell in the water!" Amelia cried.
Lina squinted her eyes and gave Amelia one of her 'looks'. "I KNOW! C'mon, maybe he has money on him!"
The two girls jumped into the river.
- - - - - - -
Meanwhile……Back at the bell tower…
Zelgadis was doing a few finishing touches on a wooden figure of Amelia. On the table was her bracelet, which he occasionally looked at from the corner of his eye while he worked. When the Amelia figure was finished he glanced around to see if anyone was watching so he could hide it a small box.
"Hey Zelgadis! Whatcha got there?" Hugo popped out from behind his seat. Zelgadis almost screamed in surprise, clutching his heart to catch his breath.
"Don't DO that ?" Zelgadis growled. He gasped when Hugo found his box and picked up the wooden Amelia figure. "It's not what you think!"
Hugo grinned and held it up. "She needs bigger boobs."
"Stop that! Give it back!" Zelgadis leapt at him and he chased Hugo around the belltower, stirring the other two gargoyles.
"What's going on!" Lavern shouted.
"Zelly has a girlfriend! Zelly has a girlfriend!" Hugo laughed and he paraded around Victor and Lavern with the figure. Zelgadis tackled him and pinned him down. "Oh Zelly! I like it when you're rough!"
"GAH! GIVE IT BACK!" Zelgadis screamed and grabbed his prize.
Lavern and Victor hopped up to Zelgadis and patted him on the back. "Aw, it's nothing to be ashamed about." Victor said soothingly. "We know she likes you too."
Zelgadis sighed and put the figure back on the table with the others. "No she doesn't. Who would want a stone freak like me."
"HEY!" The gargoyles said offended.
"I'm not talking about you!"
Hugo took Zel's hand and led him to the balcony. "Zel, Zel. You've got a lot cut out for you. We've seen the way she looks at you."
Zelgadis spun around to face Hugo. "You saw us? You were spying!"
"We're bored okay! It's not like we have a huge social calendar filled up!" Victor lectured. "Plus we think that Amelia would actually come back here to visit you."
"I don't think so." Zelgadis groaned.
"If you don't agree to what we're saying, we'll just have to sing it to you." Hugo said with a grin.
Zelgadis blinked and faked a smile. "Why yes! I do believe we can be together! We'll get married up here in the belltower! Have six kids, three of which that will eventually be thrown off the balcony because Hugo wanted to see if they bounced!"
"That sounded like sarcasm…" Victor pointed out.
Zelgadis gave Victor a fake dumbfounded look. "Realllly?"
Hugo hopped on the table. "That's it! We're singing!"
"Oh god…." Zelgadis puts in his fingers in his ears as Hugo begins to sing.
Paris, the city of morons
Is glowing this evening
"Maybe because it's because the buildings are on fire…." Zelgadis snorted.
Somewhere out there in the dark
Someone's has a beating heart
And I know the dude that heart is
Beating for
A dude like you
She likes ya a lot
A dude like you
Is so incredibly unique, yo
You've got a look
That's all your own
Could there be two?
Victor and Laverne
Like you?
All Three
Hell no
Hugo
Those other guys
With pink flesh, sir
All commute the same
And you can't tell
who it is you've screwed!
You're so different
You've even got texture
Sweet lord above
She's gotta love
A dude like you
Victor
A dude like you
Gets all the glory
Because it's true
You've got something no one else has
Hugo
(spoken) It's that stone texture, wink wink, nudge nudge!
Laverne
You see that hair
You won't forget it
Victor and Laverne
Want something else?
Hugo
That's Zel
All Three
Hell yeah!
Laverne
We all have seen
Perfect sculptured figures
Victor
But why not have a stone figure
That talks and moves
Hugo
And since you've got
Great chiseled features
All Three
No questions asked
They'll give a rat's ass
For a Dude like you!
Laverne
Call me delusional
But Zelly, you've got it
Victor
She wants you so
I promise you you're going to score!
All Three
Fore!
(make golf swinging motions. Hugo yells, "Hole in one!" Zel blushes)
Hugo
A dude so great
Victor and Laverne
A dude like you
Hugo
I tell ya Zel
Victor and Laverne
There never was
Hugo
It's why she fell
Victor and Laverne
….we forgot our lines..
Hugo
For you-know-who
Victor and Laverne
They'll stop and stare-a
All Three
Cause you're one gorgous chimer-a!
Who wants a goddess
When they can have a Zelgadis
She will get her man
With a stony-like can
Who wouldn't love a dude
Like you?
She's gotta love
A dude like you!
The music ends and the gargoyles start clapping. "We were great! You da man, Victor!"
"No you da man, Hugo!"
Zelgadis shakes his head. "I hate musicals. Especially when they're about me."
- - -
to be continued