Chapter 6

Gourry and Zelgadis followed the painted arrows out of the city, Gourry making a squealing sound everytime they found another arrow. The arrows were leading them to a large cemetery outside the city. Walking past many tombstones they came to a very large and very scary grave.

"Look Zelgadis! A very large and very scary grave!" He gulped. "Wanna go look somewhere else?"

Zel looked at the tombstone with the words painted in white letters, 'Court of Secrets, please wipe your feet.' He motioned for Gourry to help him move the grave covering out of the way.

"Lets go." Zel jumped down and climbed inside. Gourry tripped and fell in and splashed into the murky water below. "Hey!" Zel snarled as Gourry got water on the back of his hood, "Watch it!"

Gourry picked himself up and made a face at the rank smell from the inside. Zel surveyed the area they were in. "Looks like the old catacombs. A clever hiding place I have to admit."

"It is a good hiding place 'cause who'd wanna come in here! It smells like Poo-Gas!" Gourry pinched his nose with his fingers.

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They trudged through the sewage water down into the tunnel. "The Court of Secrets could be right at the end of this tunnel." Zelgadis and Gourry carried on, trying not to make too much noise.

Gourry glanced around the walls of the tunnels. "Hey Zel. Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched?"

Zel sighed, "Everytime someone says that, something always pops up a second later."

"HOO HAH!" Men dropped down from the high walls of the catacomb and pinned them down.

Zelgadis lifted his face from the water. "I hate it when my logic is right…"

Suddenly the tunnel was lit with torches and the men holding them came into their view. Every one of them had on a purple, shoulder length hair wig with black mouse ears sticking from the sides.

"What on earth.." Zel looked confused at the captors, then looked up at the man standing right before them.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" The ringleader of the group had REAL shoulder length purple hair and a blue hat with a yellow feather on top. "I see you've found the Court of Secrets. Now you must be punished."

"But!" Gourry and Zel cried, but were cut off as the men gagged them and held them up in the air and began to sing.

Who's the leader of the band

That's great for you and me!

X-E-L

L-O-S

…..uh…S-S-

S-S-S-S!

The paraded down the tunnel with Gourry and Zel as they continued to sing.

Xellos!

"Donald Duck!"

Zel hissed at Gourry. "Stop that!"

Gourry blushed. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself…" They were taken inside a tunnel that led to a large room filled with tents and decorations.

"Looks like a New Orleans New Years party threw up in here!" Zel thought to himself at the colorful tents and wagons and a large banner that read 'The Court of Secrets; The Happiest Place on Earth'.

Xelloss threw two nooses around their necks and led them to a platform for everyone to see. He danced around laughing and had them stand straight on the wooden platform and stood before the large crowd of gypsies. "My brothers and sisters! We have caught two intruders in our hideaway! And you know what we do to intruders, don't you?"

"Yes we do!" The crowd roared.

The purple headed guy laughed again and grinned at Zel and Gourry. "Prepare for your punishment, gentlemen!"

Zelgadis and Gourry shut their eyes, readying themselves for the torment. Xelloss magically took out a ball and threw it into the air. "Follow the bouncing ball!" And the crowd began to sing.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Even though the sound of it

Is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough

You'll always sound precocious

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

The ball Xelloss threw was bouncing on the subtitled lyrics that had appeared in the air. The ball also had a purple wig with black mouse ears.

Zel almost fell to his knees. "Oh what a horrible song! Stop! STOP!" Gourry on the other hand was enjoying it and clapped his hands to the beat.

Gourry sang along. "Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! WOO! This is so much fun!"

"STOP!" A voice rang out and stopped the song immediately. Filia ran down to the platform and pointed a finger in Xelloss' face. "You're such an idiot! What's your problem with these stupid songs?"

Zelgadis spoke up from the platform. "Yeah! They're horrible!"

Filia squinted at the mouse ears on the fake wigs. "What is this all about? I thought you only liked evil things! How are Mickey Mouse ears evil?"

Xelloss crossed his arms over his chest. "Give me a good reason why they're not."

Filia thought for moment. "Yeah, I guess you're ri….No! I'm not supposed to agree with you! Jerk!"

Xelloss stuck his tongue out. "Flake!"

"I'd like to rip off your arms and beat you with them!"

"Well I'd like to gouge your guts out with a giant shoe horn!"

"Loser!"

"Wench!!"

"Jerk!"

"You already said that…"

"I did? Did I call you a moron yet?"

"Nope."

"MORON!"

Zelgadis and Gourry just exchanged looks. Zel sighed, "I think I preferred the singing.."

"Really?" Gourry smiled, "Here's a good one! Under da sea! Under da…."

Zel kicked him in the leg. "Don't start that again! Where the hell are Amelia and Lina when you need them?"

Rezo suddenly burst into the court. "Bahahahahaha! Cringe in fear you vermin!" But nobody was paying attention to him, only to Xelloss and Filia yelling at each other. "Um….hey? I'm arresting all of you? Don't you care?"

Xelloss and Filia glared at each other then back at Rezo. "Look what you did now, Xelloss. Now what are you going to do? Huh? Huh?"

"Well if you think you're so smart you take care of it." Xelloss put his back to her.

Filia did the same. "Well I'm not going to, so there!"

Rezo growled when they didn't do anything. "Pay attention to me, damn you!! ARREST ALL OF THEM! NOW!"

Lina and Amelia came walking into the court. "What's all this screaming about…….oh crap. Rezo!"

"New plans gentlemen." Rezo held up a hand. "Arrest everyone. But burn them." He gestured to Amelia and Lina.

Lina bit her lip. "Oh double crap." Amelia began to cry.

"But I'm so young! I never got to see Paris!" Amelia paused for a moment. "…. wait a minute…"

Rezo chuckled evilly with his posse of guards as they tied up the gypsies. One of the guards grabbed Zelgadis and Gourry, and Rezo smiled down at the chimera. "Well, it seems that I finally found a good use for you besides one hell of a door stop. I just followed you down here."

"You had to follow us to find this place?" Zel rolled his eyes. "My god you have problems."

Gourry shrugged. "Most people do."

Amelia struggled against her bonds and jerked her head to Zelgadis. "I know this isn't your fault, Zelgadis! Even if I do burn to death it's not your fault!"

Zel sighed. "Amelia, technically it is my fault.." Gourry nudged him.

"Don't ruin it, man. She's letting you off scott free!" Zelgadis just narrowed his eyes at him. Rezo and his men piled up the gypsies and our heroes to the streets above.

- - - - - -

The crowd was gathered around after dinner for a horrid, but entertaining display of the annual burning in from of Notre Dame. The gypsies were all in cages, facing the center of the square where Lina and Amelia were tied up to a stake.

"This is all your fault, Amelia." Lina whined.

"No it's not, Lina!"

"Well it has to be someone's fault. Wait, it's Zelgadis' fault!"

Amelia squirmed on her stake. "It's not his fault either! He was tricked!"

"Whatever.." Lina sighed.

Rezo walked up the stairs with a long list in his hand. "So glad you could join us this evening." He smiled at the crowds of people. "Lets see what this list says…." He tried to focus on the list for a long long moment. "This would go a lot faster if I could actually see! See if you can read it, Dilgear."

Dilgear the executioner took the list from him and scratched his neck and cleared his throat. "We are gathered here today to join…"

"Read the other paragraph!" Rezo growled.

"Would the owner of a white horse cart please come to the Palace of Justice, your wagon is parked illegally…"

"READ THE OTHER PARAGRAPH!"

Dilgear flipped the list over. "Okay…..erm….For disrupting a public gathering, being a pain in the ass, and using deformed people without a license to escape buildings, the punishment is….Death!"

Bum Bum BUM!

Lina raised an eyebrow. "We already figured that out! We are tied to wooden stakes ya know!"

"Yeah! Plus we have to wear these ugly white shirts! Why white? Don't they show more dirt?" Amelia asked from her position next to Lina.

Rezo smiled a very evil smile. Think 'Grinch' smile.' "Light the stakes, Dilgear."

 - - - - - -

Zelgadis was doing his usual thing up in the belltower; feeling sorry for himself. He was chained up against the pillars overlooking the town square. "Well this sucks."

"Then do something about it!" Hugo says, trying to break the chain with his teeth. "You're the hero in this story!"

"I don't care!" Zel snapped. "The story is so clique anyway, and no matter how much these stupid people need me to act heroic, I'm not doing it! And Amelia doesn't like me that way!" He just hung in his chains with his head down.

The gargoyles huddled together to think up some way to get Zel down there. They got an idea. Hugo hopped up to Zel's face. "Um Zel?"

"What?"

"If you don't that Xelloss guy will probably save the day…"

Zelgadis blinked and looked up at him. "The guy with the stupid hat?"

"Yep."

Zel growled. "I can't….let him do that!"

The gargoyles chimed together. "Soooooo?"

"Fine!" He broke the chains with no problem. "I'll do the 'right' thing, then!" Zel ran off to the side of the balcony and glanced down. "That's…..that's Amelia down there!"

Hugo hopped up on the railing. "And Lina! Ah man, Rezo is gonna burn them to a crisp in the KFC Original style!"

Zelgadis felt his anger rise and he grabbed a VERY long rope that just happened to be in the bell tower and leapt down, swinging down into the square. "I'm coming Amelia!"

- - - - -

Lina and Amelia coughed from the smoke in their lungs.  Lina choked, "This is not good for my pores! Amelia, I just want to apologize to you for all the times I gave you shit and…"

Amelia had already passed out.

"Why is it that every time I say I'm sorry to someone they're always unconscious."

Gourry was in his cage trying to fit his head through the bars to see the action. "I can't see! Maybe if I open this cage door I can get out!" He waved over to a guard. "Can ya let me out?"

The guard laughed in his face. Gourry frowned, "Please?" The guard stopped laughing.

"Uh….okay."

"Thanks! Hey, what's that up there!" Gourry was looking up at the sky at a man swinging down from the tower.

The guard looked up. "Where?"

"Up there." Gourry swung his arm around, accidentally knocking it across the guard's head. "Oh sorry! Do you want your keys back? Oh well."

Lina cheered when she saw Zelgadis swinging down to the platform. "We're saved! We're saved!" Zel landed by the stakes, grabbed up Amelia and swung back to the belltower. "Hey! What about me! I'm dying too!" She coughed and groaned, then tried blowing back the flames.

Rezo blinked. "Why is the crowd cheering? Has they're skin melted yet?"

A guard yelled to him. "The Chimera just saved the gypsy girl! One of them!"

"AHHH!" Rezo snarled. "This really frosts my cupcakes! After him!"

- - - - -

Zelgadis held Amelia in one arm and climbed up the rope with the other. He reached the top and put Amelia gently in his bed. Zel gave her a slightly worried expression and said softly to her, "Just stay here, you'll be safe….I think. If you disagree say something." Amelia was still unconcious. "Alrighty then."

He ran off to the edge and saw guards scaling their way up to the belltower. "What the hell are these guys' problem?" Zel ran to the side and saw some big vats of melting building material. "I wonder why I haven't noticed those before."

Zel glanced back at the guards, then back at the pots. He grinned and pushed the pots over and poured them out over the guards. He was greeted by the sounds of their screams and watched them fall. "Sweet."

The gargoyles annoyingly joined in, leaving Zel to go back to tend to Amelia.

- - - - -

Gourry set to unlocking the gypsies' cages crying out, "Free!!", after each cage. He looked around for some more unlocking when he saw Lina up on the platform.

"Hey Lina! What are you doing up there!"

"I'm dying! Get up here and save me!" Lina wiggled as much as she could.

"But I'll get burnt!"

"If you don't get up here I'll fry and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

"You don't have to bite my head off…." Gourry jumped up and quickly untied her. "Now what?"

Lina put her hands on her hips. "Get the townspeople to riot or something! "

"A riot, huh." Gourry got up on a cage to get the people's attention. He thought for a second. "Um…..Long Live Rock!"

"HUZZAH!" Yelled the people, and just like in a rock concert brawls they started attacking everything in sight, including the guards.

As the people attacked they knocked over a stock, freeing five old geezers dressed in Justice Super Hero uniforms (from Slayers Try). "We're Free! We're Free!" Then they fell into a man hole. "Dangit!"

- - - -

Zelgadis chuckled in spite of himself. "The Parisians are finally attacking Rezo! This day wasn't so bad after all." He walked over to the sleeping Amelia and shook her gently. "Amelia! Rezo is losing! I've got the best view from here, come and see it!"

Amelia wouldn't wake up. Zel looked her over again, "Amelia?" He held her up from his bed. "Please wake up Amelia!"

Hugo closed the door. "We'll come back later.." He closed it and snickered. "Zel is…um….gonna be busy for awhile guys." Lavern smacked him.

"You idiot, she's dead!"

"That doesn't stop some people.." Victor and Lavern hit him at the same time.

Zelgadis rocked her gently. "I'm so sorry." A few tears fell from his eyes.

From the bottom of the church Rezo was fighting his way up the stairs. The archdeacon tried to block his entrance. "Don't you dare enter the house of god."

"Quiet you!" Rezo drop kicked him away and ran up the stairs. He found Zel in his room holding Amelia.

Zel sadly glanced up at Rezo, then narrowed his eyes at him. "You killed her."

Rezo shrugged. "Fey, I don't care. I'm evil." He smiled as Zelgadis turned his head away to tend to Amelia and he took out a sword.

Zel saw Rezo's shadow on the wall with his sword held high. He turned quickly to see Rezo slam it down. "Take that! And that! AND THAT!"

Zel shook his head at the sight of Rezo nailing his sword at a stone block. "Zelgadis…what's happening?" Amelia whispered weakly to Zel. Overjoyed he picked her up and ran out of his room.

"Let's get our butts out of here and I'll tell you later!"

The minister stopped cutting the stone and ran after him. "Come back here, Bitch!" He followed the sounds of Zelgadis' footsteps, slashing with his sword everywhere. Holding Amelia close to him, Zel scooted on his side to avoid Rezo's careless attacks. The sword wouldn't really hurt him, but he was trying to shield Amelia from the blade.

Zelgadis whispered into Amelia's ear. "Rezo is blind as hell. If we stay really quiet he won't know where to attack." Zel started to scoot silently away from Rezo.

"Okay Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia yelled.

Zelgadis groaned. "Great….just great."

"RRRRARRRAH!" Rezo jumped on top of Zelgadis , knocking Amelia away from him. He kicked Zelgadis in the side, sending the Chimera almost teetering off the balcony.

Zelgadis was holding on to one of the gargoyles, starring up at the mad eyes of Rezo. The minister laughed evilly with his sword in hand. Amelia was lying off to the side watching the scene.

"Oh the Horror! The Horror!" Amelia held the backside of her hand over her forehead.

Rezo chuckled. "I know this is not a appropriate time to tell you something that will scar you for life if you weren't going to die in a moment. But I'm going to do it anyway." He looked Zel in the face. "Zelgadis…..I killed Mufasa!"

Zelgadis coughed. "What?"

Rezo sweatdropped. "Opps, wrong script. I mean….um…what was I was going to say?"

"Oh just spit it out already! Jeez!"

"Now I remember. Zelgadis, I killed your mother and turned you into a Chimera."

Zelgadis gaped. "You? You did this to me? Why?"

"Trying to make gold." Rezo shrugged. "Funny how those things happen."

Zel was foaming from the mouth. "You ruined my life! That's not funny!" He reached up and grabbed Rezo from the collar and pulled him down. Rezo yelped and grabbed onto Zel's leg to keep from falling.

"Zelgadis!" Amelia grabbed Zel's hand, trying to pull him up. Zelgadis was trying to shake his foot from Rezo's grasp. The minister was loosing his hold.

He cried out to Zel. "Zelgadis! Please save me! I know deep down you think I'm like a father to you!"

"Yeah right! Let go!" He gave his foot one more jerk and Rezo was thrown off and fell.

"AAAAAhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaaahhhh…." Rezo had to take a breath as he was falling into the pool of lava-like melting material below. "AAAHHH!"

Zelgadis climbed up slowly and Amelia fell into his arms. "Oh Zelgadis! I was scared that you were going to fall!"

He smiled and held onto her. "Yeah me too. At least you're safe…"

"OW! Oh! I'm melting! MELTING! Oh what a world! What a world!" Rezo cried from the bottom of the church.

Zelgadis and Amelia waited to see if he was going to scream anymore.

"Ouch! Burning! Still burning! Ehhhhh......"

They smiled when they didn't hear anything. Lina and Gourry came running up the stairs. "Thank god you're okay!"

They all stood in front of each other awkwardly. "Um….now what?"

Gourry tapped his chin. "I think this is when we all kiss passionately to signify the ending of the evil doer and the feelings we have for one another."

Zelgadis lifted a finger. "Gourry? How in the world did you know…Mmmph!" Amelia was clutching him and had her mouth on his.

Gourry grinned at Lina and puckered up. Lina grimaced. "Ah ha….maybe later." She pushed him away. "I have a headache."

- - - - - -

The four heroes walked out of the church doors to the waiting townspeople. "Notre Dame Wins!!" Gourry cried and the crowd cheers in applause.

Amelia gently tugs Zelgadis into the view of the people. They look at him curiously as he walked up, rubbing the back of his head. A little girl suddenly walks up to the crowd and looks at him.

Zel blinks at her, then she touches his face. She smiles and hugs him. Zel is still stiff as a board, making nervous glances at Amelia and then at the girl.

"Can I keep him, mommy?" The little girl cries to her mother. The crowd laughs and Zelgadis just blushes. The little gor; pouts, "I was serious!"

Zelgadis turns back to Amelia to give her a kiss when the crowd picks him up and carries him through the surprisingly 'free of melting lava' streets with no dead bodies or anything. Zel growls and begrudgingly lets the crowd carry him on their shoulders.

Xelloss jumps out. "Now here is a riddle to guess if you can…." The crowd looks at him. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"And here I thought this was suppose to have a happy ending.." Zel groaned.

Just that moment Hugo fell from the balcony and broke into a thousand pieces.

Zelgadis gives the audience a thumbs up. "Now it's a happy ending!" Zel and Amelia walk off together followed by Gourry and Lina down the street with a computer animated crowd surrounding them.

THE END

Auther's Note: Woo! Finally done! This was really fun, I hope everyone enjoyed it. I tell ya, writing weird stuff like this is good stress relief from real life. If anyone has some good ideas for another parody in the future please feel free to email them to me sometime. Writing parodies sure beats writing research papers. Thank you all for the reviews!