Chapter 20

Something rubbed against Severus's nose. He was in a deep sleep, uncommon for him, and was trying to come out of it to see what it was. It did it again, and this time rubbed across his face as well. Now he heard a loud purring and remembered he was in Tara's bed. He opened his eyes to see Tara's little, sleek black cat, being very affectionate with his nose and face. Tara woke up just then and smiled at the scene. There was something around his head also, and he saw that Tara's large gray cat was wrapped around his head on the pillow.

"Nose kisses and a head warmer. That's it, you're definitely accepted," she informed him. He stroked the cat's wiry, shiny coat. "I'm glad they like you. They are terrific judges of character, you know."

Heidi had enough and jumped off the bed. Henry stood up, stretched, then head butted Severus' hand so he'd pet him. He obliged, then Henry got off the bed in pursuit of Heidi. "Guess that's it then," Severus commented. Tara snuggled up close to him. "Do you think I'll stop passing out one day?" she asked, commenting on their lovemaking the night before, that, as usual, had rendered her unconscious.

"I don't know. I've been looking for information on this ailment to see if I can brew up something to counter it. It isn't good for you to lose consciousness...so...often..." he said, looking mischievously into her eyes. Her heart leapt when he looked at her that way. "You going to make me pass out so early in the day?" she asked him. "Oh, I don't know. Do you care to?"

They were late to breakfast. They made a quick entrance into the great hall, and something about the way they bounded in made Dumbledore think of teenagers in love. He had never seen Severus like this, but it was refreshing. After breakfast, they went to one of the dungeons to work on Tara's wand skills. They were careful about where they worked on this so as not to attract attention or cause any damage. Today they were working again on levitation, one of the first skills to learn. Tara stared at the large white feather on the table before her with frustration. No matter what she did, she hadn't managed to make it move in days. Finally, she put her wand down in frustration.

"I think I must be a...what do they call it. A squib," she said miserably.

"No, remember last week when you raised it?" Severus reminded her. The week before, it had been so easy. She made the proper motions and was delighted to see the feather quiver, then rise before her and float around the room. She was so excited, it suddenly dropped, not before bursting into flames.

"Yes, the fire made it particularly dramatic," she said. "How come I'm on one day and off another?"

"That seems to be the behavior of your power so far. Come on, try it again."

She frowned and, chasing stray thoughts from her mind, picked up her wand once again, and felt its resonance. Oh wait, it's going to work this time. Sure enough, the feather swept nicely off of the desk and into the air. This time, she was able to land it without incident. That was the first time she was successful. Her eyes were huge as she put the wand down, and she clapped her hand over her mouth. Severus hugged her. "See? You can do it. Now what were you thinking just before you picked up that wand again?"

"Nothing. I just blanked out and when I picked up the wand, I felt its power."

"There's your key. You cleared your mind. I think you get too much noise that limits your ability. You need to learn to channel it. Try it again."

"What if I can't--" she began.

"Don't...just do it."

Once again, she cleared her mind and picked up the wand. The resonance was there once again, and she was able to lift it. But then her concentration broke as her excitement grew, and it fell. She re-focused and was able to catch it and land it nicely again. She was ecstatic!

"Nice save," Severus commented. "Yeah! I lost it but then I just did that clearing thing again! Oh this is so cool! I can lift a feather!!!

"And this time there were no small fires to put out," he commented. He gave her a book that the first years used on incantations and spells. "I think it's time for you to start reading this. Reading it! Don't try anything unless I'm with you," he told her, almost scolding.

"Believe me, I'm scared to death to try anything unsupervised," she told him.

"That's good, that should keep you out of trouble then."

"Know what I want to learn though?"

"What's that?"

"How to light up a room and make a fire. Like when I go to the storage room to play. It is so cold in there, sometimes my hands are numb, so it's tough to play."

"That involves fire..." he began.

"I know, but it's just an eventual goal. Am I reaching for the stars?"

"No, but you might not be ready for that for a while."

"That's okay, I have nothing but time. I want to learn properly," she told him.

"I wish all of my students had your attitude towards learning, it would make my job a lot easier."

"That's another thing. I want to learn potions. I think I'd be far less dangerous with a cauldron than with a wand. I want to learn all of this; I have a lot of catching up to do. Do you know that everything I know about the computers, programming, and all of that - I taught myself? So I know I can learn anything."

"You taught yourself?"

"Yes. I read a lot. Like that young lady, Hermione Granger. She and I are cut from the same cloth, I think."

"No, I don't think so. You don't annoy me the way she does," he said with a smirk.

"She's a little precocious, but very bright. You have to admit that, Severus."

"I suppose."

"You don't like kids do you?"

"That's not true, I like some children. Just not most. If there was a way for them to appear on the Earth around 25 years old...but that's not how it works."

"What about...you and I?" she asked. They had never discussed a family, and she figured she'd better find out now how he felt about them.

"I think I'm a bit old for it. But, if it happened, I think it would be...interesting."

"Yes, I'm getting a little old for it too, but I'm told it's no problem late into my 40s to bear children. But then again, there are two of us in the relationship. I figured I'd never get married again, let alone have children. But...I'd love to have your baby, Sev. If it...happened."

"What would our child be like?" he asked her, looking a bit amused. She was relieved to see that he was at least entertaining the thought. "Intelligent...feisty..." he began. "Moody!" she teased him.

"I never thought I might be a...father...but I never thought I'd get married either. We'll have to wait and see. I'm not opposed to it."

Tara was satisfied, and felt a wave of relief wash over her. "Now we just have to fix my passing out thing during acts of procreation," she commented. They went to the library's restricted section to search on the subject matter. The subject eluded them.

"Perhaps we should talk to someone--" she began. Severus gave her a dark look. "I don't want to discuss that with anyone!" he began.

Typical male response to counseling, Tara thought, sighing. "Sev, it's not a crime, and whoever we talk to - they have professional ethics where they don't disclose private information about their patients."

"Maybe in the muggle world they don't..."

"You mean they don't do that here? They don't have counselors for wizards and witches with emotional or psychological problems?"

"Well, yes but..."

"I think we need to go see one. If you won't go, I'll go alone," she said.

"Is that a threat?"

"Sev, you know me better than that. I will seek counseling on my own then. I don't think it's healthy for me to keep passing out every time we do it. I mean it's great that you have that effect on me...to a point."

"All right, I'll go too," he said with a heavy sigh.

They were able to find a counselor who specialized in marriage and family, and she had a cancellation on Tuesday and could see them that soon. Her office was in Diagon Alley. Tara was excited to be going there again; she found it fascinating.

Dr. Katarina VanGuard was a tall, thin woman with her graying dark hair pulled into a bun. She wore wire rimmed spectacles and flowing maroon robes. She introduced herself, and let them in her office, which was devoid of any kind of chairs. Large pillows and velvet bean bag chairs adorned the room. A fire burned in a large stone fireplace. Dr. VanGuard sat down on a stack of large pillows.

"Wherever you two feel comfortable is fine," she said. Severus and Tara looked at each other hopelessly. Tara grabbed some pillows and did as the Doctor had, and Severus looked at a huge velour beanbag chair, and picked it up to arrange the filling, then sat down in it, and sunk. It was quite an amusing picture. He frowned and got up to try to arrange the filling so he could sit in a more upright position, and sat again. Once more, he sunk. He gave up and grabbed a stack of large pillows and sat upon them. Tara was fighting laughter, and the Doctor was smiling.

"So, what brings you two to see me?" she asked.

Tara looked at Severus expectantly, and he looked at her. "We uh--" Tara began.

"She is having trouble, I mean, not trouble exactly..." he said simultaneously.

"Okay one at a time. What trouble?"

"Well when we do it, I faint." Tara said simply.

"You faint?"

Tara nodded. "It's wonderful, I mean, he is magnificent, and when I uh...reach my...climax...it is so intense, the edges get blurry and I'm out. It's really quite annoying, and I think losing consciousness 3-4 times in one evening is--" Severus cleared his throat loudly, and Tara looked at him, and saw color in his cheeks. He looked at her dangerously.

"Three to four times in one evening? My goodness. I think you two have quite a healthy sex life if you are making love three to four times a night!" Dr. VanGuard commented.

"We don't do this every night," Severus commented.

"No, but when we get together on weekends, by Monday I can hardly walk!" Tara blurted.

"Tara..." Severus said, putting his face in his hands.

"Professor, your experiences won't go beyond these walls," Dr. VanGuard said.

"See, I told you!" Tara said.

"I realize that, I'm not used to discussing what you and I do in private--and how many times."

"Most men aren't and it's like pulling teeth to get the men to even come to see me with their partner."

"We were wondering if it's because I'm half muggle. I thought I was a...squib...until recently. So I thought it was a symptom of a muggle and non muggle copulation or something," Tara said.

"We haven't been able to find any information on it, else I could make a potion to counter it," Severus mentioned.

"I'm unaware that there is any type of reaction. Have you had a medical checkup lately?" she asked Tara. She shook her head.

"I think you need to do that. Do you ever get lightheaded when exerting yourself in exercise?"

"Oh no. I climb 10 flights of stairs all the time to get up to my quarters. I used to smoke and it killed me then, but now, I just run on up. Good for my legs too," she commented. Severus gave her a mischievous look. "Yes, I know," he said, wanting to whisk her off somewhere. Tara returned the playful look and the doctor cleared her throat.

"Well it sounds like you are just having a very...good...experience. But, I am going to refer you to someone to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong." She took out a small pad of paper and scribbled a name, and handed it to Tara. "Dr. Lazaraus Lithgow?" she asked, deciphering the scrawl. Dr. VanGuard nodded. "He is specialized in treating mixed blood. Are you on any medication? I forgot to ask you that." Tara nodded. "I take 20 mg of prozac every day." Dr. VanGuard took off her spectacles. "There is your trouble," she said. "I bet the Prozac is mixing with your non-muggle blood somehow that is causing you to pass out at the point of...climax. Prozac works with the chemicals in your brain and suppresses certain things. It can cause dizziness in some."

"Yes, I saw that on the label. But when I'm not taking Prozac, life is not good."

"Perhaps there's a potion..." Severus suggested.

"Oh! Of course!" Tara said, squeezing his hand.

"My dear, you forget who you're with sometimes," he said slowly.

"Yes, I definitely do."

"Tara, I still want you to see Dr. Lithgow just to make sure, before you go off your Prozac. Follow his advice on that," Dr. VanGuard advised, "we do have equivalents to Prozac that may work."

They finished their session and were near Dr. Lithgow's office, so they made Tara an appointment for the following Friday.

"It sure is easier to get appointments here than at home. It's like 6 weeks for most medical professionals to see new patients," Tara commented.

"Welcome to my world," Severus purred. They walked down the narrow alley hand in hand.

"So maybe we shouldn't do it until I see the doctor on Friday then," she said. "It'll really suck, but..."

"We can show some restraint," he said. "Yeah, I know, but it'll suck!" Tara interjected. "We can manage," he told her.

Friday came soon enough and Dr. Lithgow confirmed what Dr. VanGuard had suggested. He prescribed three strengths of a drug called Wizac (Prozac for Wizards and Witches), and a lesser strength of Prozac and said to start the first strength the next day while continuing the Prozac. She would do that for one week, then go to the second level of Wizac and take the lesser dosage of Prozac the second week, and the third week, the third and final level of Wizac and drop the prozac.

"It could take up to a month to start working."

"So I'll still be fainting when my fiance and I--"

"Initially, but that will eventually go away. I want to see you again in 6 weeks to see how you are doing."

"Does this mean we should abstain?"

"Not necessarily. Go about your normal life."

She went out to the waiting area where Severus was. He was happy to hear the news. They went to a pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions, and they returned to Hogwarts. That night, he made dinner for her in his quarters, and she stayed with him.

News of the romance between Severus and Tara wasn't really news; but soon the rumors of a wedding were confirmed. Severus had to speak to his students in several of his classes to maintain authority.

"I know that you have heard about a certain event that is going to happen next year. What I don't want is for it to distract you from what you are doing in this class. Unless you want to accidently turn your classmates into animals or have other things go wrong, you must remain focused on what you are doing, not what is going on in my personal life. It doesn't take away from my concentration, and it will not. Is this clear?"

The students were somber and nodded in agreement. His delivery had sobered them, and it was true; when dealing with possibly unstable solutions, one could not lose their concentration. He had never lost anyone yet to an accident, and didn't want to start now.

He glanced over at his computer in the corner and saw that it had a solid blue screen with some message on it. What was that? He was giving his lecture, then had the students working on a formula he challenged them to write, and he went over to investigate. Fatal Exception Error. What was that? It said hit any key to continue. He hit a key and got the same screen again. Control-Alt-Delete had no effect. He'd have to have Tara come and fix it. When class was over he asked Draco Malfoy if he had time to fetch Tara to fix his computer.

Tara was writing code when a knock came at her door. She got up to open it and there was that strange looking kid, Draco, standing in front of her, from the Slytherin house. He was the only kid in his house who didn't have terrible teeth, but he was pretty strange looking, with a pointy face that made her think of a rodent, or perhaps like something out of the old TV show The Munsters. But he was polite to her.

"Professor Snape's computer has a blue screen," he explained.

"He didn't hit control-alt-delete?" Draco shrugged. "I don't think he wants to deal with it. He asked for you," he said a little slyly. "Okay. I'll be right there." This is why she needed an assistant sometimes. To have to go all the way down to the dungeon. She made a point not to go there if he had students because of the obvious tittering going on about their engagement.

Ten minutes later, she quietly slipped into the dungeon. Severus was in the middle of a tirade at one of the students, and didn't notice she had come in, right away. She went to the computer, and hit control-alt-delete and the screen went dark.

"Furthermore, Mr. Potter--" Severus stopped, hearing the computer beep as it rebooted. He turned to see her there. He was so furious at his student, he had somehow missed her arrival. He acknowledged her silently, then went back to chewing young Mr. Potter a new one. Tara wondered what he had done to deserve such harsh words. He was the dark haired kid with the lightening-shaped scar. She had heard that he had fought off some big bad guy when he was a baby and was raised by muggles, but was a very powerful, talented wizard-in-training.

The computer was coming back up and she decided to run some diagnostics on it to make sure there were no viruses or corrupted files causing trouble. It was time consuming but it would save her time in the long run - to not have to come all the way down from her tenth story quarters. Tara looked up sharply as she heard Severus rip into young Mr. Potter again. This time it was unprovoked. She was getting mad now.

After the class let out, she sat silently, finishing up with the computer. She hadn't said a word.

"Is it all fixed?" Severus asked, strolling over, starting to reach for her shoulders.

"Just about," she snapped, not looking up at him. He drew his hands back.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What's wrong? You ask me what's wrong? I should be asking you that."

"Well, nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?"

"Why were you all over that poor child? He didn't do anything and you were sitting there tormenting him. What did he do?"

"That poor child is our celebrity, Harry Potter..." he began.

"What is your problem?" Tara was terribly upset. "You don't like him?"

"It's not that..."

"I just can't figure you out sometimes. I heard you are a brute to your students, and I've ignored that, given you the benefit of the doubt, but you know what? You are! It's true!"

Just then the diagnostic program concluded and she exited out of it.

"There, it's fixed. See ya."

She turned and quickly left the room, tears blurring her eyes. She had never seen this side of him, and it scared her. What if they had kids? Would he be a son of a bitch to them? She ran up the stairs 2 at a time, and then almost fell because the staircase swung to change. Oh man. She hung on for dear life. She hated it when they did this, especially now when she wanted to get to her room as quickly as possible. She eventually got back to her room and there was an instant message from SSPM. Severus Snape Potions Master.

He wanted to see her to discuss what had happened. She typed back to him. "No, I'm very upset. I have never seen you like that and I can't talk to you right now." She ignored messages after that from him, her mind reeling. She needed to talk to someone about this. She thought it was all heresay but no, it wasn't. What if she got him mad at her and he treated her like that?

Better to find out now than after the wedding, she thought, miserably.

Tara felt her world coming down around her, as she buried her face in her hands...