Chapter 4
Angel looked up from the doorway and met the glances of the two women sitting on h is bed. Not before this moment had he realized how alike they both looked. Alessia's hair seemed a bit darker than Cordelia's but the highlights brought on a striking resemblance to her mother. Her tone of voice was just like Cordy's. The way she raised her eyebrow, questioningly or teasingly. The way she just sat there.
Angel found himself at a loss for words for a moment. He then cleared his throat and took a few hesitant steps into the room.
"I didn't mean to interrupt…I just…" he said motioning to the open door.
"You didn't." Alessia quickly reassured him, giving him a weak but bright smile. "Besides…it's…your bedroom." She made a gesture toward the room.
"It's alright." Angel softly smiled back. "You can use it…" he offered her.
"So what's up? You guys concocted us a real full-proof plan?" Cordy said, with fake joy and hope filling her every word. At the look on Angel's face, her face fell back to normal and she mumbled. "It was worth a shot…"
"Wesley is trying to figure out how to stop the ritual if we get to the point where Wolfram and Hart starts it, and Skip is helping him, giving any tid-bit of information he can remember about the whole thing." Angel sighed. "It's one thing to know what's going to happen, but it's another to actually stop it."
"But you will." Cordy half-stated, half-asked.
Angel's eyes bore into hers, in that way that allowed her to read him to perfectly.
"I won't let them touch Connor…I don't care what I have to do…Nobody will get their hands on my son." He said in a low, threatening voice that Cordelia strangely found comfort in.
"Good. Good." Alessia interjected from her place on the bed. "Good plan so far. I like this plan. That's a [I]very[/I] good plan." She repeated with a thumb up.
Both Cordelia and Angel turned to face her as she nervously spoke.
"Did your parents…." Angel began but then stopped himself mid-sentence. "I mean…Did Cordy ever tell you details about the ritual that would help us?" he softly asked.
"I know that there's a book….It's a very complicated and demanding ritual and they have millions of rules to follow and chants to do, and it's in this book that Wolfram and Hart keeps somewhere…" Alessia said, trying to remember something. "I just can't remember where…" she said through her teeth, grabbing her head and desperately trying to remember.
The events of the last hour or so were still weighing heavy on her and it seemed the more she wanted to remember the details that her parents had told her about the ritual, the more she forgot them. Angel quickly placed a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that it was alright. They would find a way.
At the moment he placed his hand on her, Alessia's heart stopped beating. She held her breath and stared into his dark, comforting eyes and she froze. She couldn't help herself. She watched him intensely for a few seconds, before reminding herself to breathe normally.
Angel then got up and walked towards Cordelia, slightly brushing her arm with his hand. The gesture seemed to send shivers throughout her body and they just stared at one another with such intensity that Alessia found herself feeling out of place. But she still watched the scene before her eyes, her heavy heart breaking into pieces.
"You look tired…" Angel whispered to her.
Cordelia began to assure him she was fine but he didn't let her finish. The look in his eyes silenced her and they both knew that yes, she was tired, and still hurt from their earlier fight with demons, but that no, she wouldn't go home.
"Gunn and Fred went to warn Dennis that you were here and not to worry…" Angel then said.
"Thanks." Cordy whispered back.
At the sound of Dennis' name, a soft giggle came from behind them. They turned around and saw Alessia with a huge smile on her face as she sat on the bed still. The girl let out a small sigh and looked up at Angel and Cordelia.
"What's so funny?"
"Why don't you guys use the phone?" Alessia said, clearly amused.
"You do know that Dennis is a ghost right?" Cordy raised an eyebrow as she questioned her future daughter.
"Hello? I lived with him for most of my life. I do know he's a ghost." She replied tenderly. "A very skilled one at that too…" she added in a very low, reminiscing sigh. "But the ghost can still hear the machine pick up…" she began to explain and then felt stupid. "I guess that's just a tactic you guys will begin using in the near future…" she nodded and got up from the bed.
"So I still have Dennis in the future?" Cordy asked, clearly happy at that thought.
"Of course." Alessia smiled. "Dennis and I are like this" she said, crossing her fingers. "We used to have the most awkwardly interesting conversations…among other things." Alessia grinned, looking at Cordelia and Angel as if she knew a secret they didn't.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked.
"Oh, let's just say I was probably the only child in LA whose talk about the birds and the bees also involved a loofah." She said, obviously amused by the way this conversation was turning out.
Cordy's eyes grew wide and she stared at the girl, shocked, for a moment. Angel looked back and forth between Cordy's shocked and flushed face and Alessia's wicked grin and he found himself completely clueless.
"A loofah?" he said, confusion crystal clear in the way he questioned Alessia. "What is she talking about?" he turned to Cordelia who seemed a bit nervous now.
"You know, it's probably not good to give out too much detail about the future…" she told Angel, trying to change the subject. She laughed nervously and faked obliviousness. "I have no idea what she's talking about!"
Alessia successfully tried to repress a little giggle. It was nice.
This.
This was nice. After the emotional talk she'd just had with Cordelia, and before all the heavy 3 days that lied ahead of them, it felt nice to have a light moment like that, even at the expense of her mother. She couldn't help but smile.
Angel nodded, still not understanding the inside joke between Cordy and Alessia, but he decided not to pursue it. Then, a deep silence fell between them and Angel finally remembered why he had come up in the first place. He looked back and forth between Alessia and Cordy, sensing the remaining tension, the awkwardness even, but also the kind of understanding that seemed new between the two.
"Well…" Angel broke the silence calmly. "I just came up to get Connor's teddy bear…" he said.
As soon as Connor's name was mentioned, Alessia's face turned mournful and her heart sank. She had to struggle with herself not to let her eyes well up with tears once again. Cordelia also reacted to Connor's name, but differently. She looked back and forth between Angel and Alessia, knowing that the two probably needed to talk as well. This girl…this beautiful, emotionally drained young woman who stood before them and who claimed to be her daughter, had come all the way over here for Connor. It automatically built a connection between Angel and the girl; a connection Cordelia suddenly acknowledged.
"I'll take it to him." Cordy said, taking the stuffed animal from the desk and looking back at Angel.
She gave him a knowing nod and began walking to the door. Just before she stepped out, she stopped and quickly turned around, facing Alessia with fearful mother-y eyes. She wasn't a mother and clearly had no idea what it was like to be one, but Alessia recognized that look. She knew that look.
"You didn't…I mean…the loofah…with Dennis…you didn't…?" Cordy tried to ask, dreading the answer.
Alessia repressed an amused smile.
"The curiosity would have killed me…" Alessia grinned, trying not to laugh at the shocked expression on Cordelia's face.
"O-kay!" Cordy gasped and then turned around and left the room. "I will kick his ass…" she said taking a deep breath while walking out.
Once Cordelia was gone, the light-hearted mood seemed to vanish with her. There was a long silence that wrapped around Angel and Alessia as the two of them looked everywhere but at one another. They were alone. What was she going to say to him? How was she going to look in his eyes, knowing what the future held for this man? She swallowed back the lump in her throat and waited for him to say something first. That had always worked with him in her past…his future…Gosh she was confusing herself with those time things.
"So…" Angel said, finally looking at the young woman in front of him. "You have the visions now?" he asked, knowing already the answer.
"How long had you been standing there?" Alessia asked in a quiet voice.
Angel stared into her eyes and saw the hidden sadness and pain in them. It distracted him for a moment but not too long for him to forget what had been the question.
"Long enough." He admitted.
Another awkward pause interrupted their equally awkward conversation.
"Thanks for the sweater." Alessia then honestly spoke.
"No problem." Angel replied, his voice nearly chocking for no reason at all.
All he could do for a moment was examine the person in front of him. Standing on her 19 years, she seemed much younger than that, yet in other ways, like when she spoke, her voice seemed wise beyond her years. The lines on her face indicated the many things she probably had to survive, but there was still this innocence in her eyes. An innocence Angel found remarkable. Behind that innocence was a darkness, that he also found himself relating to. Whatever that girl had seen and lived, he could see how it had shaped her life. How it had nearly broken her many times.
Angel found himself watching her, mesmerized by the light and shadows in her eyes, by the playfulness and seriousness in her words, by how lively yet emotionally drained she appeared to be. Such contradictions.
Contradictions that mirrored Cordelia's, but also his at times.
Suddenly, Angel felt self-conscious, and Alessia realized the change in his posture as he stopped his inner conversation with himself.
"I'm not reading you." She promptly reassured him. "If that's what you're worried about."
"I wasn't." Angel lied, knowing that the thought of Cordy's daughter reading his thoughts and feelings had momentarily startled him.
After a moment, Angel could not repress the questions that were taunting him.
"I heard what you told Cordy about your life…about your father." Angel spoke, looking at her.
Alessia Chase. Cordelia's daughter.
The thought once again made Angel's undead heart flutter. A part of him wanted to smile at the thought that Cordelia had been loved and had loved in return in the future. Yet, there was another part of him that slightly broke his heart, knowing that he could not be the one to give that to her.
Alessia lowered her eyes, not only because she didn't want to look at him, but also because she didn't have the strength. She had meant it when she'd told Cordelia that she didn't want to tell her who her father was. She had meant it…but would she still mean it for 3 whole days?
"Was he a good father?" Angel asked.
Alessia was slightly surprised by the question as it was not exactly the one she was anticipating. She looked up into Angel's eyes and nodded tenderly.
"Yeah…" she whispered. "The best…"
"Good." Angel whispered back, his eyes boring into the bedroom door where he had seen Cordelia disappear earlier. "It's good to know that…" he said, unable to hide the emotions in his voice, as he got up and began to walk towards the door.
Alessia felt bad for the vampire sitting beside her.
"Will I give him a hard time?" Angel then asked, and Alessia smiled.
"Definitely." She answered with a nod. "I think it was hard for you to look at him sometimes…" she answered softly. Angel lowered his eyes as she continued. "But you liked him." She smiled.
"Really?" Angel seemed a bit surprised.
"Yeah…"
"On a scale of one to ten, how much did I like him?"
"I'd say a solid 8." Alessia smiled and Angel found himself giving her a gentle smile back. "Sometimes 9."
Angel gave Alessia one last look. There was something about this girl. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"I hope your father knew just how lucky he was to have you as a daughter…I hope he got the chance to tell you." Angel whispered.
"He just did…" Alessia whispered to herself as a small tear rolled down her face.
"What did you say?" Angel asked, turning around as he stood in the doorway.
Alessia held her breath and looked at him. She lowered her eyes and shook her head, remembering the rules of the PTB.
"Nothing."
She heard Angel walk out and just as she was about to sit back down, something came back to her. She was hit by a flashback and she found herself bolting for the door and stumbling into the corridor.
"Wait!!" she called out to Angel, who immediately turned around and ran back towards her. "I know where the book is…"
Angel looked up from the doorway and met the glances of the two women sitting on h is bed. Not before this moment had he realized how alike they both looked. Alessia's hair seemed a bit darker than Cordelia's but the highlights brought on a striking resemblance to her mother. Her tone of voice was just like Cordy's. The way she raised her eyebrow, questioningly or teasingly. The way she just sat there.
Angel found himself at a loss for words for a moment. He then cleared his throat and took a few hesitant steps into the room.
"I didn't mean to interrupt…I just…" he said motioning to the open door.
"You didn't." Alessia quickly reassured him, giving him a weak but bright smile. "Besides…it's…your bedroom." She made a gesture toward the room.
"It's alright." Angel softly smiled back. "You can use it…" he offered her.
"So what's up? You guys concocted us a real full-proof plan?" Cordy said, with fake joy and hope filling her every word. At the look on Angel's face, her face fell back to normal and she mumbled. "It was worth a shot…"
"Wesley is trying to figure out how to stop the ritual if we get to the point where Wolfram and Hart starts it, and Skip is helping him, giving any tid-bit of information he can remember about the whole thing." Angel sighed. "It's one thing to know what's going to happen, but it's another to actually stop it."
"But you will." Cordy half-stated, half-asked.
Angel's eyes bore into hers, in that way that allowed her to read him to perfectly.
"I won't let them touch Connor…I don't care what I have to do…Nobody will get their hands on my son." He said in a low, threatening voice that Cordelia strangely found comfort in.
"Good. Good." Alessia interjected from her place on the bed. "Good plan so far. I like this plan. That's a [I]very[/I] good plan." She repeated with a thumb up.
Both Cordelia and Angel turned to face her as she nervously spoke.
"Did your parents…." Angel began but then stopped himself mid-sentence. "I mean…Did Cordy ever tell you details about the ritual that would help us?" he softly asked.
"I know that there's a book….It's a very complicated and demanding ritual and they have millions of rules to follow and chants to do, and it's in this book that Wolfram and Hart keeps somewhere…" Alessia said, trying to remember something. "I just can't remember where…" she said through her teeth, grabbing her head and desperately trying to remember.
The events of the last hour or so were still weighing heavy on her and it seemed the more she wanted to remember the details that her parents had told her about the ritual, the more she forgot them. Angel quickly placed a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that it was alright. They would find a way.
At the moment he placed his hand on her, Alessia's heart stopped beating. She held her breath and stared into his dark, comforting eyes and she froze. She couldn't help herself. She watched him intensely for a few seconds, before reminding herself to breathe normally.
Angel then got up and walked towards Cordelia, slightly brushing her arm with his hand. The gesture seemed to send shivers throughout her body and they just stared at one another with such intensity that Alessia found herself feeling out of place. But she still watched the scene before her eyes, her heavy heart breaking into pieces.
"You look tired…" Angel whispered to her.
Cordelia began to assure him she was fine but he didn't let her finish. The look in his eyes silenced her and they both knew that yes, she was tired, and still hurt from their earlier fight with demons, but that no, she wouldn't go home.
"Gunn and Fred went to warn Dennis that you were here and not to worry…" Angel then said.
"Thanks." Cordy whispered back.
At the sound of Dennis' name, a soft giggle came from behind them. They turned around and saw Alessia with a huge smile on her face as she sat on the bed still. The girl let out a small sigh and looked up at Angel and Cordelia.
"What's so funny?"
"Why don't you guys use the phone?" Alessia said, clearly amused.
"You do know that Dennis is a ghost right?" Cordy raised an eyebrow as she questioned her future daughter.
"Hello? I lived with him for most of my life. I do know he's a ghost." She replied tenderly. "A very skilled one at that too…" she added in a very low, reminiscing sigh. "But the ghost can still hear the machine pick up…" she began to explain and then felt stupid. "I guess that's just a tactic you guys will begin using in the near future…" she nodded and got up from the bed.
"So I still have Dennis in the future?" Cordy asked, clearly happy at that thought.
"Of course." Alessia smiled. "Dennis and I are like this" she said, crossing her fingers. "We used to have the most awkwardly interesting conversations…among other things." Alessia grinned, looking at Cordelia and Angel as if she knew a secret they didn't.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked.
"Oh, let's just say I was probably the only child in LA whose talk about the birds and the bees also involved a loofah." She said, obviously amused by the way this conversation was turning out.
Cordy's eyes grew wide and she stared at the girl, shocked, for a moment. Angel looked back and forth between Cordy's shocked and flushed face and Alessia's wicked grin and he found himself completely clueless.
"A loofah?" he said, confusion crystal clear in the way he questioned Alessia. "What is she talking about?" he turned to Cordelia who seemed a bit nervous now.
"You know, it's probably not good to give out too much detail about the future…" she told Angel, trying to change the subject. She laughed nervously and faked obliviousness. "I have no idea what she's talking about!"
Alessia successfully tried to repress a little giggle. It was nice.
This.
This was nice. After the emotional talk she'd just had with Cordelia, and before all the heavy 3 days that lied ahead of them, it felt nice to have a light moment like that, even at the expense of her mother. She couldn't help but smile.
Angel nodded, still not understanding the inside joke between Cordy and Alessia, but he decided not to pursue it. Then, a deep silence fell between them and Angel finally remembered why he had come up in the first place. He looked back and forth between Alessia and Cordy, sensing the remaining tension, the awkwardness even, but also the kind of understanding that seemed new between the two.
"Well…" Angel broke the silence calmly. "I just came up to get Connor's teddy bear…" he said.
As soon as Connor's name was mentioned, Alessia's face turned mournful and her heart sank. She had to struggle with herself not to let her eyes well up with tears once again. Cordelia also reacted to Connor's name, but differently. She looked back and forth between Angel and Alessia, knowing that the two probably needed to talk as well. This girl…this beautiful, emotionally drained young woman who stood before them and who claimed to be her daughter, had come all the way over here for Connor. It automatically built a connection between Angel and the girl; a connection Cordelia suddenly acknowledged.
"I'll take it to him." Cordy said, taking the stuffed animal from the desk and looking back at Angel.
She gave him a knowing nod and began walking to the door. Just before she stepped out, she stopped and quickly turned around, facing Alessia with fearful mother-y eyes. She wasn't a mother and clearly had no idea what it was like to be one, but Alessia recognized that look. She knew that look.
"You didn't…I mean…the loofah…with Dennis…you didn't…?" Cordy tried to ask, dreading the answer.
Alessia repressed an amused smile.
"The curiosity would have killed me…" Alessia grinned, trying not to laugh at the shocked expression on Cordelia's face.
"O-kay!" Cordy gasped and then turned around and left the room. "I will kick his ass…" she said taking a deep breath while walking out.
Once Cordelia was gone, the light-hearted mood seemed to vanish with her. There was a long silence that wrapped around Angel and Alessia as the two of them looked everywhere but at one another. They were alone. What was she going to say to him? How was she going to look in his eyes, knowing what the future held for this man? She swallowed back the lump in her throat and waited for him to say something first. That had always worked with him in her past…his future…Gosh she was confusing herself with those time things.
"So…" Angel said, finally looking at the young woman in front of him. "You have the visions now?" he asked, knowing already the answer.
"How long had you been standing there?" Alessia asked in a quiet voice.
Angel stared into her eyes and saw the hidden sadness and pain in them. It distracted him for a moment but not too long for him to forget what had been the question.
"Long enough." He admitted.
Another awkward pause interrupted their equally awkward conversation.
"Thanks for the sweater." Alessia then honestly spoke.
"No problem." Angel replied, his voice nearly chocking for no reason at all.
All he could do for a moment was examine the person in front of him. Standing on her 19 years, she seemed much younger than that, yet in other ways, like when she spoke, her voice seemed wise beyond her years. The lines on her face indicated the many things she probably had to survive, but there was still this innocence in her eyes. An innocence Angel found remarkable. Behind that innocence was a darkness, that he also found himself relating to. Whatever that girl had seen and lived, he could see how it had shaped her life. How it had nearly broken her many times.
Angel found himself watching her, mesmerized by the light and shadows in her eyes, by the playfulness and seriousness in her words, by how lively yet emotionally drained she appeared to be. Such contradictions.
Contradictions that mirrored Cordelia's, but also his at times.
Suddenly, Angel felt self-conscious, and Alessia realized the change in his posture as he stopped his inner conversation with himself.
"I'm not reading you." She promptly reassured him. "If that's what you're worried about."
"I wasn't." Angel lied, knowing that the thought of Cordy's daughter reading his thoughts and feelings had momentarily startled him.
After a moment, Angel could not repress the questions that were taunting him.
"I heard what you told Cordy about your life…about your father." Angel spoke, looking at her.
Alessia Chase. Cordelia's daughter.
The thought once again made Angel's undead heart flutter. A part of him wanted to smile at the thought that Cordelia had been loved and had loved in return in the future. Yet, there was another part of him that slightly broke his heart, knowing that he could not be the one to give that to her.
Alessia lowered her eyes, not only because she didn't want to look at him, but also because she didn't have the strength. She had meant it when she'd told Cordelia that she didn't want to tell her who her father was. She had meant it…but would she still mean it for 3 whole days?
"Was he a good father?" Angel asked.
Alessia was slightly surprised by the question as it was not exactly the one she was anticipating. She looked up into Angel's eyes and nodded tenderly.
"Yeah…" she whispered. "The best…"
"Good." Angel whispered back, his eyes boring into the bedroom door where he had seen Cordelia disappear earlier. "It's good to know that…" he said, unable to hide the emotions in his voice, as he got up and began to walk towards the door.
Alessia felt bad for the vampire sitting beside her.
"Will I give him a hard time?" Angel then asked, and Alessia smiled.
"Definitely." She answered with a nod. "I think it was hard for you to look at him sometimes…" she answered softly. Angel lowered his eyes as she continued. "But you liked him." She smiled.
"Really?" Angel seemed a bit surprised.
"Yeah…"
"On a scale of one to ten, how much did I like him?"
"I'd say a solid 8." Alessia smiled and Angel found himself giving her a gentle smile back. "Sometimes 9."
Angel gave Alessia one last look. There was something about this girl. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"I hope your father knew just how lucky he was to have you as a daughter…I hope he got the chance to tell you." Angel whispered.
"He just did…" Alessia whispered to herself as a small tear rolled down her face.
"What did you say?" Angel asked, turning around as he stood in the doorway.
Alessia held her breath and looked at him. She lowered her eyes and shook her head, remembering the rules of the PTB.
"Nothing."
She heard Angel walk out and just as she was about to sit back down, something came back to her. She was hit by a flashback and she found herself bolting for the door and stumbling into the corridor.
"Wait!!" she called out to Angel, who immediately turned around and ran back towards her. "I know where the book is…"