Sorry for the loooonggg delay, but I finally updated!
Ray sat for a while staring at his hands, trying to decide how to answer Leigh. Normally he would just brush the question off with a laugh or whatever, but for some reason he couldn't do that to her. Her blue eyes watched him intently, he could feel them on him. He sighs and opens his mouth. "You'll think it sounds crazy."
"Humor me." Leigh replies simply
"They were a threat to me." Ray replies, he sighs and goes on "I knew that any one of them could take my place, could beat me out, and might be better than me. So I used my only weapon I had on them."
"Superiority." Leigh whispers
"Yea, because where we live people are still considering white people to be above black people." Ray nods
"Do you still feel the same way?"
"Now, and I feel like an idiot because I was blinded by my own fear. Now I'm not on the team and they're well on their way to becoming the number one team in this state."
"That didn't help you did it?" Ray looks closer at her
"If…if what you said is true for people, then I was a threat to my father?"
"I told you I wouldn't be much help." Ray tells her
"I guess I'm just looking for answers with closed doors." Leigh shrugs "Hey you know, the guys on the team they're really great….. I know it's too late for you to come back to them and all….but making amends with them might make you feel a little better."
"I think I missed out on my chance a long time ago." Ray half smiles "Gerry's lucky you know." He tells her as she stands up "He's smart too, I wouldn't have let you go either. Too bad I didn't know you first."
Leigh nods and turns away.
"Leigh?"
Leigh closes her eyes and pauses bracing herself for the question.
"Are you all right?" Ray asks
"Just as expected." Leigh mutters softly, she faces him "Course."
"It's just that, you seem all right. But then you come out and ask me that question and tell me what you told me….so I was thinking maybe you're real good at telling people you're all right and that maybe you're real good at lying too."
"You sound like every other person I've spoken with lately." She smiles. "I guess I just have to get used to it. Thanks Ray."
Later that day
Leigh walks through the halls and goes to the cafeteria. "Hey" She smiles taking a seat. "Where is everyone?"
"Don't know" Sunshine replies through a mouthful of food
"That's really gross you know that?" Leigh makes a face
"My bad." Sunshine smiles "So what's up? I hear you and Julius had a talk."
Leigh smiles back "Yea, I've been thinking a lot lately…."
"Uh oh."
"Shut up" Leigh jokes "Seriously, you know something that my mom used to say? A pity party has only enough room for one." She smiles distantly
"She sounds smart."
"She was." Leigh nods "I snapped because my mom died. My father was an jerk and he put me through a lot of crap. But the reason I mostly snapped is cause my mom is dead. Ray was right I am really good at lying I was even able to trick myself into believing it was all because I was feeling bad for myself."
"Leigh-"
"I was throwing up the other day, I'm sorry I know it's gross. But I could hear my mom saying that stuff about pity-parties and I remembered she was dead. I had actually forgotten. I forgot she died how sick is that?"
"Leigh-"
"My mom had left us, and things started to get worse around my house. My dad started to send me out to coach more and more. So when I was at the camp this summer I just told my dad I was staying and he agreed. Then he got a call from my aunt saying my mom died. My dad told me and he said he wanted me to come home, because he didn't have any family now for real."
Leigh pauses and takes a breath
"I had already reported my father to the police that's why he was so bent out of shape about coach getting custody. Then everything happened and in the midst of it all I had forgotten. I had made myself get sick, I was so out of sorts."
Sunshine watches her carefully "Does coach know your mom is dead?"
"Honestly? I don't even know." Leigh looks around the cafeteria "I always kept things to myself, dealt with it myself but when things got to big I felt sorry for myself instead."
"I think we all noticed that." Sunshine tells her
"Yea you did, didn't you? In a way it almost makes this better it like justifies my actions. You don't think it does do you?" Leigh asks softly
"No, I'm sorry Leigh." Sunshine shakes his head
"You know what?" Leigh smiles slightly "I don't think I have ever been so confused in my entire life." She has a faraway look in her eyes as she continues to speak "I always knew that when you hit the bottom things can only get better, so I have been just praying I would hit rock bottom soon so I could get back on top."
"Why don't you just get better from here?" Sunshine asks
"I'm not sure, I don't think I know how." Her eyes meet his "I can't runaway though, things don't go away it's never that easy."
"But?"
"But now I don't care as much, I mean……my father is in jail, my mother is dead…..so what else is there?"
"Your friends, coach, Cheryl." Sunshine offers
"I know that." Leigh looks slightly saddened "I don't know how to explain it but it's like a part of me is dead. Do you get that?"
"Sort of." Sunshine agrees "It's just me and my dad you know."
"What happened to your mom?"
"She died when I was a kid."
"You get along with your dad?"
"For the most part, we have our disputes now and then but nothing to big." Sunshine shrugs "I don't really remember her. I know she was pretty, and my father loved her and everyone around her loved her but they're all stories. It doesn't seem real to me."
Leigh nods "I get that. I wish my father was just a story to me. What I really want is to forget and just live my life."
"Forgetting isn't very easy."
"I've managed it once."
"No you covered it up once and you know what happened…."
"So what are you suggesting?" Leigh asks pushing her food around on her plate, she meets his eyes "This must be a big one, why so serious?"
"You wont like what I'll say."
"That hasn't stopped you before." Leigh shrugs
"You need to forgive your father. That's the only way you'll get past it all. That's how you'll forget." Sunshine tells her firmly "Forgive and forget."
Leigh's eyes widen "Forgive him? You've got to be kidding me!"
"Hey guys" Gerry sits down with Julius "What'd we miss?"
"Ohh looks serious." Petey jokes sitting down, Julius elbows him "Chill with that." Petey rubs his side
"You all right?" Gerry asks Leigh quietly.
Not taking her eyes off Sunshine she tilts her head slightly "I'm just fine." She blinks and looks at Gerry "I haven't seen you today, where have you been?" She forces a smile on her face.
Gerry's face relaxes "I had to retake a test I bombed, it was a little hectic today. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, it's all right."
"Want to go out today? After practice?" Gerry asks
"Sure. Sounds good." Leigh replies tuning into the conversation around them. She smiles listening to the guys crack jokes and rip on each other. Gerry's hand slips into her as he laughs as a joke.
*****************
Leigh climbs up the bleachers before practice that afternoon nine rows up she takes a seat and sits back, looking at the empty field. A soft breeze blew her hair gently. Sunshine words played over and over in her mind.
"Damn." She mutters trying to think of something else. She watches as the guys come out onto the field. At the far end the cheerleaders were practicing, their shouts muted by the wind. She meets Gerry's eyes and he smiles, she returns the smile but it quickly vanishes as a slight movement makes her meet eyes with Sunshine. He looks at her knowingly.
Leigh adjusts her position, crossing her legs and folding her arm, stubbornly by nature.
Gerry turns and faces Sunshine "What happened with you two?"
Sunshine shrugs "Don't ask me."
"So you don't know?"
"I know but if I tell you and you agree with me, she'll be mad at you too." Sunshine pulls on his helmet and jogs away.
"Girls getting you down son?" Boone asks Gerry, he nods "Yea well you know what will take your mind off of it?"
"What coach?"
"Practice, getting beat around by your fellow teammates you know the drill. Get out onto the field" Boone cracks a small smile and watches as Gerry joins the team in their warm ups.
"Hi." Cheryl takes a seat by Leigh
"Hey Cheryl." Leigh smiles
"Have a good day?"
"A long day, but it wasn't all bad. You're a smart kid you know that? Lucky too." Leigh tells her
"Why am I lucky?"
"You got a good dad that's why."
"Well isn't he kind of your dad too now?" Cheryl looks at her
"I guess so." Leigh stares straight out ahead
"Are you mad at your dad?"
Leigh nods "Yea I am."
"Maybe your dad doesn't know. Maybe he thinks he was doing a good thing."
"So you think I should tell him?"
"No, because if you tell him you're mad at him. He'll be mad at you and you both wont even know why after a while." Cheryl explains
Leigh laughs "How do you figure?" She continues to watch the practice
"Because when you're mad at someone it can last forever and after a while you don't even remember why. You just keep telling yourself you're mad even though you don't know why. Then one day you wake up and you want to say you're sorry but it's too late and you don't know what to say you're sorry for?"
"Have you been talking to Sunshine?" Leigh asks kind of surprised
"No, why?"
"That's almost exactly what he said to me today."
"What did he say exactly?" Cheryl looks at her curiously
"He told me I should forgive my father." Leigh looks at Cheryl "What do you think?"
"I think……" Cheryl bites her lip "I think it would make you feel better, and maybe it would make your dad feel better."
"So you think it's a good idea too?"
"Yea." Cheryl replies
"It wont change anything though."
"Maybe not, but you don't really know that."
Leigh smiles "You're too smart for your age, I hope you know that."
"I do." Cheryl laughs glancing at the practice taking place. "They're good."
"Yea they are." Leigh smiles to herself.
More to come please R&R thanks .
Ray sat for a while staring at his hands, trying to decide how to answer Leigh. Normally he would just brush the question off with a laugh or whatever, but for some reason he couldn't do that to her. Her blue eyes watched him intently, he could feel them on him. He sighs and opens his mouth. "You'll think it sounds crazy."
"Humor me." Leigh replies simply
"They were a threat to me." Ray replies, he sighs and goes on "I knew that any one of them could take my place, could beat me out, and might be better than me. So I used my only weapon I had on them."
"Superiority." Leigh whispers
"Yea, because where we live people are still considering white people to be above black people." Ray nods
"Do you still feel the same way?"
"Now, and I feel like an idiot because I was blinded by my own fear. Now I'm not on the team and they're well on their way to becoming the number one team in this state."
"That didn't help you did it?" Ray looks closer at her
"If…if what you said is true for people, then I was a threat to my father?"
"I told you I wouldn't be much help." Ray tells her
"I guess I'm just looking for answers with closed doors." Leigh shrugs "Hey you know, the guys on the team they're really great….. I know it's too late for you to come back to them and all….but making amends with them might make you feel a little better."
"I think I missed out on my chance a long time ago." Ray half smiles "Gerry's lucky you know." He tells her as she stands up "He's smart too, I wouldn't have let you go either. Too bad I didn't know you first."
Leigh nods and turns away.
"Leigh?"
Leigh closes her eyes and pauses bracing herself for the question.
"Are you all right?" Ray asks
"Just as expected." Leigh mutters softly, she faces him "Course."
"It's just that, you seem all right. But then you come out and ask me that question and tell me what you told me….so I was thinking maybe you're real good at telling people you're all right and that maybe you're real good at lying too."
"You sound like every other person I've spoken with lately." She smiles. "I guess I just have to get used to it. Thanks Ray."
Later that day
Leigh walks through the halls and goes to the cafeteria. "Hey" She smiles taking a seat. "Where is everyone?"
"Don't know" Sunshine replies through a mouthful of food
"That's really gross you know that?" Leigh makes a face
"My bad." Sunshine smiles "So what's up? I hear you and Julius had a talk."
Leigh smiles back "Yea, I've been thinking a lot lately…."
"Uh oh."
"Shut up" Leigh jokes "Seriously, you know something that my mom used to say? A pity party has only enough room for one." She smiles distantly
"She sounds smart."
"She was." Leigh nods "I snapped because my mom died. My father was an jerk and he put me through a lot of crap. But the reason I mostly snapped is cause my mom is dead. Ray was right I am really good at lying I was even able to trick myself into believing it was all because I was feeling bad for myself."
"Leigh-"
"I was throwing up the other day, I'm sorry I know it's gross. But I could hear my mom saying that stuff about pity-parties and I remembered she was dead. I had actually forgotten. I forgot she died how sick is that?"
"Leigh-"
"My mom had left us, and things started to get worse around my house. My dad started to send me out to coach more and more. So when I was at the camp this summer I just told my dad I was staying and he agreed. Then he got a call from my aunt saying my mom died. My dad told me and he said he wanted me to come home, because he didn't have any family now for real."
Leigh pauses and takes a breath
"I had already reported my father to the police that's why he was so bent out of shape about coach getting custody. Then everything happened and in the midst of it all I had forgotten. I had made myself get sick, I was so out of sorts."
Sunshine watches her carefully "Does coach know your mom is dead?"
"Honestly? I don't even know." Leigh looks around the cafeteria "I always kept things to myself, dealt with it myself but when things got to big I felt sorry for myself instead."
"I think we all noticed that." Sunshine tells her
"Yea you did, didn't you? In a way it almost makes this better it like justifies my actions. You don't think it does do you?" Leigh asks softly
"No, I'm sorry Leigh." Sunshine shakes his head
"You know what?" Leigh smiles slightly "I don't think I have ever been so confused in my entire life." She has a faraway look in her eyes as she continues to speak "I always knew that when you hit the bottom things can only get better, so I have been just praying I would hit rock bottom soon so I could get back on top."
"Why don't you just get better from here?" Sunshine asks
"I'm not sure, I don't think I know how." Her eyes meet his "I can't runaway though, things don't go away it's never that easy."
"But?"
"But now I don't care as much, I mean……my father is in jail, my mother is dead…..so what else is there?"
"Your friends, coach, Cheryl." Sunshine offers
"I know that." Leigh looks slightly saddened "I don't know how to explain it but it's like a part of me is dead. Do you get that?"
"Sort of." Sunshine agrees "It's just me and my dad you know."
"What happened to your mom?"
"She died when I was a kid."
"You get along with your dad?"
"For the most part, we have our disputes now and then but nothing to big." Sunshine shrugs "I don't really remember her. I know she was pretty, and my father loved her and everyone around her loved her but they're all stories. It doesn't seem real to me."
Leigh nods "I get that. I wish my father was just a story to me. What I really want is to forget and just live my life."
"Forgetting isn't very easy."
"I've managed it once."
"No you covered it up once and you know what happened…."
"So what are you suggesting?" Leigh asks pushing her food around on her plate, she meets his eyes "This must be a big one, why so serious?"
"You wont like what I'll say."
"That hasn't stopped you before." Leigh shrugs
"You need to forgive your father. That's the only way you'll get past it all. That's how you'll forget." Sunshine tells her firmly "Forgive and forget."
Leigh's eyes widen "Forgive him? You've got to be kidding me!"
"Hey guys" Gerry sits down with Julius "What'd we miss?"
"Ohh looks serious." Petey jokes sitting down, Julius elbows him "Chill with that." Petey rubs his side
"You all right?" Gerry asks Leigh quietly.
Not taking her eyes off Sunshine she tilts her head slightly "I'm just fine." She blinks and looks at Gerry "I haven't seen you today, where have you been?" She forces a smile on her face.
Gerry's face relaxes "I had to retake a test I bombed, it was a little hectic today. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, it's all right."
"Want to go out today? After practice?" Gerry asks
"Sure. Sounds good." Leigh replies tuning into the conversation around them. She smiles listening to the guys crack jokes and rip on each other. Gerry's hand slips into her as he laughs as a joke.
*****************
Leigh climbs up the bleachers before practice that afternoon nine rows up she takes a seat and sits back, looking at the empty field. A soft breeze blew her hair gently. Sunshine words played over and over in her mind.
"Damn." She mutters trying to think of something else. She watches as the guys come out onto the field. At the far end the cheerleaders were practicing, their shouts muted by the wind. She meets Gerry's eyes and he smiles, she returns the smile but it quickly vanishes as a slight movement makes her meet eyes with Sunshine. He looks at her knowingly.
Leigh adjusts her position, crossing her legs and folding her arm, stubbornly by nature.
Gerry turns and faces Sunshine "What happened with you two?"
Sunshine shrugs "Don't ask me."
"So you don't know?"
"I know but if I tell you and you agree with me, she'll be mad at you too." Sunshine pulls on his helmet and jogs away.
"Girls getting you down son?" Boone asks Gerry, he nods "Yea well you know what will take your mind off of it?"
"What coach?"
"Practice, getting beat around by your fellow teammates you know the drill. Get out onto the field" Boone cracks a small smile and watches as Gerry joins the team in their warm ups.
"Hi." Cheryl takes a seat by Leigh
"Hey Cheryl." Leigh smiles
"Have a good day?"
"A long day, but it wasn't all bad. You're a smart kid you know that? Lucky too." Leigh tells her
"Why am I lucky?"
"You got a good dad that's why."
"Well isn't he kind of your dad too now?" Cheryl looks at her
"I guess so." Leigh stares straight out ahead
"Are you mad at your dad?"
Leigh nods "Yea I am."
"Maybe your dad doesn't know. Maybe he thinks he was doing a good thing."
"So you think I should tell him?"
"No, because if you tell him you're mad at him. He'll be mad at you and you both wont even know why after a while." Cheryl explains
Leigh laughs "How do you figure?" She continues to watch the practice
"Because when you're mad at someone it can last forever and after a while you don't even remember why. You just keep telling yourself you're mad even though you don't know why. Then one day you wake up and you want to say you're sorry but it's too late and you don't know what to say you're sorry for?"
"Have you been talking to Sunshine?" Leigh asks kind of surprised
"No, why?"
"That's almost exactly what he said to me today."
"What did he say exactly?" Cheryl looks at her curiously
"He told me I should forgive my father." Leigh looks at Cheryl "What do you think?"
"I think……" Cheryl bites her lip "I think it would make you feel better, and maybe it would make your dad feel better."
"So you think it's a good idea too?"
"Yea." Cheryl replies
"It wont change anything though."
"Maybe not, but you don't really know that."
Leigh smiles "You're too smart for your age, I hope you know that."
"I do." Cheryl laughs glancing at the practice taking place. "They're good."
"Yea they are." Leigh smiles to herself.
More to come please R&R thanks .