Chapter 01 – The Situation Is This

(Okay, I think everyone in this chapter is © me…which is sort of worrying actually. Except stuff like Poison Jam, Noise Tanks, etc, which are © Sega. Please r+r.)

You've probably decided what you think of me. And I can guess what words you're using. Bitch, maybe. Slut, possibly. Psycho, almost certainly.

Maybe I am. All of those, I mean. I'm not denying anything. All that they've said I did – because I bet they've been talking, they're good at that – all that stuff, it was true.

I don't know how to make sense of it all. I suppose this is an attempt to do that.

Read it. Read it even if you hate me, because then you can laugh like everyone else has. Go on. Read it. I dare you.

Kogane-cho. Midnight.

Well, I don't know if it was actually that time. But it should have been.

I was lying awake, ears strained so that the smallest sound made me jump. So far all I could pick up was the lapping of the river far below my window. If I looked out, I'd see it, spread out, dark and inky, moonlight catching the ripples. No streetlights here. The Poison Jammers break 'em all.

Oh, and there was the other sound. The conversation downstairs. My mum, and him. Whispering sweet nothings to each other. I couldn't pick out any words, but I could hear the tone, rising and falling like waves.

As long as that went on, I was safe.

I lay flat, flat as I could, wishing I could get up, run away, out into the darkness. And why didn't I? It wasn't like I'd be anything odd. In Kogane-cho kids run away all the time. You must know that.

Maybe I was just scared to. You saw them, later on, smashed out of their skulls, or lurking on street corners mugging old ladies, or asleep in doorways, or being dragged away by the cops. Whatever was happening to me, surely it was better than that?

I wasn't so sure, right now, in the darkness.

The conversation stopped. I lay there, trying not to breathe, trying to pick out all the sounds I could. Go out, I willed. Go to a bar. Go to the station and do some overtime. Just don't come here.

Footsteps.

I heard myself whimper, and immediately bit down on my lip. I was not going to show that I was terrified.

Coming up the stairs now.

My heart hammered desperately on my ribs. I wanted to do something, anything, I had to get out of here. But I knew I couldn't.

The door slid open. A thin line of light burnt itself onto the dark floor.

"Kelly?"

I hate that name. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I lay perfectly still, trying to breathe slowly and deeply, trying to act like I was asleep.

The door opened a little wider. The light was at his back, blazing out around him. I couldn't see his face, but I could picture his smile only too well.

"Come on, Kelly. I know you're awake."

Closer and closer. I squeezed my eyes shut. The darkness hardly changed, except for one fundamental problem. I couldn't see where he was. He could be right next to me – right now –

I gritted my teeth as I felt his fingers pinch my bare arm. It does not hurt, I told myself. It does not –

I yelped as he twisted the fold of skin, and heard him laugh. "Come on. You're awake now."

"Leave me alone," I snapped. I wasn't going to beg to him. Ever.

I felt his arms around me, holding me down, and then his lips were on mine. His tongue was damp and muscular, twisting around mine like a lasso. I felt my throat tighten.

He moved away at last, and said, "Good as ever."

I sat up. "Just go away, go away right now, get it?"

"Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. You've forgotten again, haven't you?"

I didn't answer. I knew what he was on about.

"I can see your skates in the corner, honey. You know I'm within my rights to arrest you and take you down to the station right now."

"But you won't, will you? Because you're so desperate for a fuck that you'll blackmail me instead. Some cop you are."

He slapped me lightly across the face. It didn't hurt much. Just told me to shut up right now.

"But you want to be a rudie, don't you, Kelly? It's your own little dream. Dashing around on wheels doing pretty pictures on walls."

I bit down on my tongue as hard as I could, wondering if I'd be able to push my teeth through and bleed to death.

"So just lie back and play ball." He pushed me back onto the bed, and swept the covers away. Cold air hit my skin. I felt like a dissection specimen, uncovered, waiting to be pulled apart and studied in minute detail.

And then the operation began, and I shut my eyes and said my two-times table over and over again, until it stopped.

He threw the sheet back over me, and walked out of the room. I lay there, listening to him prowl down the stairs, and out of the house.

I was crying again, and I hadn't even chosen to.

I had to get out of here. He was right. It was my dream to be a rudie. I needed to be. I needed something that meant I could leave. Those skates were my ticket out of here. Unfortunately they were also the ball and chain on my foot.

But I'd be out. Soon. Soon.

Oh, sorry. Am I turning your delicate stomach with this? I never pretended it would be nice. I never pretended I was nice.

My name is Fuyutsuri Kellaani, though I've been known by lots of others. Kelly, for starters. I'm no age now, but when the story started I was sixteen.

Although he'd started on me before then. He was my mum's longest relationship. Two years. He and me had been – 'enjoying ourselves' – since I was fourteen. Lucky, lucky me.

His name was Shiro, and I hated him.

Sorry, I'm getting off the subject. This is an update paragraph, a Kellaani file, as it were.

How did I look, back then? I had dark hair that came to my chin, deep brown eyes, and skin I never needed tanning lotion for. I was quite tall for my age – well, that hasn't changed – and Shiro told me I was pretty.

I hated being pretty.

I lived in Kogane-cho, with my mum, as you know, and I wanted to be a rudie. But I wasn't thinking of joining up with the Poison Jammers. Please! Firstly, they're too close to home, and secondly, they're idiots. No, I had my sights set on a different gang.

Kogane-cho feels twisted at night, like the district can't handle it. Benten-cho only ever really comes alive when the sky is dark.

I skated into Genkijomae, trying to act like I knew where I was going. Above me, a lone Noise Tank tagged a billboard. I ignored him. I wasn't looking for the Noise Tanks.

Lines of light bulbs arched above me, leading to a central platform high above the square. I picked out the line that led to the gate onto the railway tracks.

Then I gathered speed and sprang onto the side of the ramp in the square. As I ground up the side of it, I leapt, and the square dashed beneath me as I landed on the central platform. Quickly, I found the correct light line, and ground down it. The wall rushed towards me. I jumped sideways, and the lights of the square vanished as I shot through the gate onto the railway. I felt rust on my skin.

I'd done it.

Carefully I stepped back from the train tracks, and leant against the wall. I wondered what I'd do if a train came. Would I be far enough away?

"Scared?"

The voice echoed in the darkness. I jumped.

Someone sniggered, and then three figures stepped out of the shadows. Two girls and a guy.

Like me, they were dressed in black from head to skates. But that was the only similarity. Both girls had their hair cut diagonally – on the left side it reached their ear, on the right, their shoulder, and all three rudies had a diagonal scar going from their left eye to the corner of their mouth.

"Glad you could make it," said the guy. He was pretty muscular. His shoulders blocked out the light.

I shrugged. "Why? Did you think I couldn't?"

"We didn't know," one of the girls said. "So many rudies think they're good enough for the Sable Blades when they're not."

"Your point being?"

"Relax, people," the other girl said. She was the tallest of the three. "Okay, Kellaani. Now listen up. There's three tests for the Sable Blades. Skating, tagging, and…"

"And what?"

"We'll tell you later. Let's see your moves. Follow me."

Suddenly she dashed forwards, back through the gate into the square. I followed her, hoping I'd practised enough. I didn't want to look a fool.

She ground along the line of lights, hair flowing out behind her. It was dyed blood red. Then she leapt over the central platform, and onto another light line. I managed to land on the same one, but only just.

We sped down towards the Noise Tank I'd seen earlier, who was still tagging. The girl smashed into him, grabbed the paint he'd dropped, and leapt onto a telephone wire next to the platform. I followed her, wondering if I should have done something else to the Noise Tank. Kicked him, or something.

She leapt off the wire onto another billboard platform, and waited for me. As I jumped to land next to her, she said, "Not bad. You've passed the skating, anyway. Come here again same time tomorrow night, and we can get going on the tagging."

And with that, she leapt off the platform, and away.

I grinned in the night light. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I got back home pretty late. Mum was sitting in the kitchen, looking sleepy. There was no sign of Shiro.

"Where have you been?" she asked me.

"Out."

She shrugged.

"Shiro not in?" I said, succeeding in keeping my voice neutral.

"No. Said he had to work. You don't like him, do you?"

I'd never told her what he did, and I wasn't going to now. "Not particularly. He calls me Kelly."

"But you can get along with him, right? You're not finding him hard to live with?"

"No. No, it's almost like he's my boyfriend too," I said coolly.

I wanted her to take the bait, to ask me what I meant, to listen and to throw him out of there. But she just shrugged again, and said, "That's good. I really want this to work."

Why didn't I tell her? Well, firstly, Shiro'd find some way to retaliate. Secondly, she wouldn't want to believe me. She wanted to be happy. She'd had a bunch of guys in her life. This one didn't beat her up, at least. Or sleep around. Well, not with anyone who mattered.

Thirdly – I just couldn't face telling her, running to her like an injured kitten. That wasn't the sort of thing rudies – Sable Blades – did.

I could handle this. Soon I'd be gone. Once you had a gang you could survive. On your own you'd be powerless, but with a gang, the world was at your feet. Or something.

"Better get to bed." My mum got to her feet and yawned. "School tomorrow."

The next day the sun burst into my room far too early. I wanted to roll over and sleep in – no one would stop me – but I had my position to think of. And besides, Akina would be here soon, waiting to walk to school with me. I didn't want to let her down.

I dressed quickly, ran a comb through my hair, and headed out of the door. Akina stood leaning against the wall, staring out over the rooftops.

She had dark brown hair, the colour of old varnished wood, and large hazel eyes, edged with shadows. As I walked out of the door, she pushed herself off the wall and called, "Finally. Where were you?"

"Asleep." I walked over to her and we set off down the street. She only came up to my shoulder.

"Why so tired, Laani?"

She always called me that, but I liked it. It was as far away from Kelly as you could get, with my name. And I liked the fact that someone was close enough to me to give me a nickname. If anyone wasn't close enough and they tried, I punched their face in.

"I was out last night."

"Rudie stuff?"

"Uh-huh."

Akina sighed. "Did they let you join?"

"I passed the first test. They've got another one for tonight."

"Well done." She didn't sound too happy, and I knew why.

"Look, I promised, didn't I? Whatever happens, we'll stay friends. I'll do tags for you…you can post bail for me when I get nabbed by the cops…"

Akina gave me a shove, but she was smiling. "You're crazy."

"I know it. How're you, anyway?"

"Fine."

I looked at her. She didn't look fine. She looked miserable, and too thin again.

"They been giving you trouble?" I said, keeping my voice low.

She shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with it, Laani. They're my family, after all."

"They're a bunch of bastards." I hated seeing Akina miserable. It was like seeing a baby crying, or someone kicking a puppy.

"Don't be so angry all the time," she said.

"Akina, they're screwing you up. Why not just admit it?"

"There's nothing I can do," she said, voice resigned. "And if I fight against it I'll just upset myself."

I sighed. I wished she'd let herself get angry. I was mad at what Shiro did to me, and I admitted it. She wouldn't let herself be. Why not? What was wrong with it?

"Anyway," Akina said, smiling again, "Don't worry about that. Let's –"

"Hey, Kellaani! Who told you the bag lady look was in?"

I looked up, and scowled. Alex Gilbert stood at the entrance to school, hands on hips, her red hair rippling round the smug smirk on her face.

"What's it to you, carrots?" I said as we reached her. "Didn't think you cared much about looks."

"Nuh-uh, that's you, Kellaani." She always called me by my full name, mouthing it out like it was as elegant as a brick. "Take a look at yourself."

She handed me a mirror. Angrily I squinted at my reflection. "What is it?"

"Oops, you're telling me that's how you normally look?" Alex tittered. "Sorry."

"Just give it up, Alex. I'm not in the mood for a fight."

"Well, that's a pity, 'cos I sure am." She stepped closer. "Or are you chicken?"

I punched her in the stomach, and as she doubled over, said, "No."

Alex and I had been fighting since we'd met. I couldn't even remember why, but we hated each other. Always had.

"Leave my sister alone!" another voice shrieked, and I felt someone slap my face. Blinking to clear my vision, I made out Alex's sister, Sandra, or San, as she was commonly known.

"Get back to kindergarten." I grabbed her hair, which was strawberry blonde, and pulled. San yelped.

"Stop it," Akina snapped at me. "Leave her alone."

"Akina –"

"You know I hate this." Akina turned around and marched into the school building. I wondered whether to follow her, but then a voice called, "Over here, Kellaani!" and I looked up to see Shar running towards me, waving.

I let go of San, who stumbled over to her sister, and I called, "Way to turn up too late!"

Shar rolled her eyes, and then returned them to her habitual squint. "You looked like you were doing okay on your own. Where's Akina?"

"Inside."

I could see Shar thinking wimp, but she didn't say it. Even if it was true, I wasn't letting other people get on Akina's case.

"Dash is coming," Shar said. "I think."

Shar's real name was Shina, but she hit anyone who called her that. Dash had never told us her real name. Don't ask me why. I was Kellaani to them both. Only Akina was allowed to give me a nickname.

"Hey, Kellaani!" Alex yelled. "Quit picking on my sister, okay?"

I turned. "You gonna stop me?"

"Yeah." Shar clenched her fists. "You Gilbert girls are a bunch of wimps."

"Picking on my friends again?" another voice echoed from behind us.

"These guys are your friends? You have a taste problem, Jacqueline," I said.

"That's Jay to you, honey." Jay strode forward. She was the oldest of us all, with dark braided hair and long, strong arms and legs that were good for landing punches on people. Like me, for instance.

"Well, exc-use me," Shar said. "When people can't keep their opinions to themselves…"

Jay shrugged. "It's too early in the morning for this, don't you think?"

"You scared?" I said.

"There's a time and a place, Kellaani. Something I think you've never really understood."

"Go on, you can admit you're scared." I spoke in a stage whisper. "I won't tell."

Jay gave me a contemptuous look, then simply strolled past me to stand with Alex and San.

Dash came stumbling towards us. "Guys, what happened? What did I miss?"

"Just the normal trouble from the Slut Patrol," Shar said loudly. "Nothing we couldn't handle. We'd better get to class."

As we walked into the classroom, I saw Akina sitting at her desk looking miserable. I dropped down next to her, and hissed, "I'm sorry."

She looked up at me. "Then why do you do it?"

"Why not? It's not like they don't fight back."

Akina sighed. Her breath whistled, and I said, "I didn't make you start hyperventilating, did I?"

She didn't answer.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'll try not to do it so much. Are you happy now?"

She smiled slightly. "I guess so."

"Anyway, I don't dare upset you. You're gonna post bail for me, right?"

"Oh…" She hugged me. "You're just plain annoying!"

When she let go of me I was surprised to feel like I wanted to hang on. I shrugged to cover the feeling, and said, "I know. It's all part of my charm."

Tonight I had another meeting with the Sable Blades.

The residential area of Benten-cho was humid, and I could feel sweat sticking my clothes to my back. The lights turned everything a dingy orange, and I could smell the scent of a million supper tables. My stomach growled. I'd been too nervous to eat before coming out.

I stood waiting on a low roof. Behind me trains tore past me, rattling as they went. I was clutching a spray paint can, my hand damp on the smooth surface.

I wished they'd get here. I felt queasy. And throwing up through sheer fear was not the sort of style that was going to get me accepted.

I heard the sound of dashing, and looked round to see the male Sable Blade jump onto the roof next to me.

"Hey," he said. "You ready?"

"For what?"

"Tag the wall." He pointed the one behind us. "X-tra large tag. Fast as you can."

I shrugged. "Okay. Any particular request?"

"Just your own personal tag. You do have one, right?"

"Of course. You ready?"

He nodded. He was looking at his watch. "Three…two…one…go!"

I began.

The Sable Blades used mainly black in their tags, so I'd decided to do the same. My tag was a long, curved blade running underneath my name. The letters were edged with flame, and the blade was almost all black, with just a little silver put in where the light would catch it.

It had seemed a lot easier when I'd practised at home, out in the back yard. Now my hands kept slipping on the paint can, the colours seemed wrong, they wouldn't blend, and I kept seeing a million things I wanted to change. But at last I was finished. I sprayed the last line, then stepped back, heart pounding.

The guy surveyed it, eyes narrowed. He looked very serious. I wondered if I should have made it look a bit more individual. Or maybe I hadn't been fast enough.

I tried to shut down the doubt, and watched as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Well…not bad."

"What does that mean?" I asked. "Am I in, or am I out?"

"Oh, you're in," he said. "You definitely passed. No, I'm just thinking…"

"Is there another test?" I said.

"Tomorrow. Same place. Chiyo'll meet you here."

"Which one is she?"

"The black-haired one. The redhead is Jin. And I'm Ringo."

"Okay. See you tomorrow. Or whenever."

"Yeah."

I turned to jump off the roof, but then he said, "Wait."

"Yeah?"

"Kellaani…uh…be careful."

I nodded and skated away. I was feeling pretty pleased that I'd passed the next test, but I wondered what the last one could be. Why all the mystery? And why did he tell me to be careful?

I didn't know. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. But I wasn't going to back out now.

I walked slowly back into Kogane-cho, wrinkling my nose as the smell of rotting fish returned to the air. My house was pretty near to the boundary between the two districts, which I was glad about. I walked quite quickly, trying not to look vulnerable.

I reached home at last. It was dark and silent. Shiro had taken my mum out to party hearty, I figured. Good.

I walked towards the door, and yelped as I saw a figure sitting on the step.

"Hey, get out of here!" I snapped.

"Laani…it's me."

Akina was shivering and I could hardly make out her words through the rasping in her chest.

"What on earth happened to you?" I gasped, putting out a hand to help her up.

She gripped it. Her fingers were damp.

I knew something not a lot of people did. Akina had a terror of drowning. She never, ever went swimming, or near the river, or put her face underwater in any way. And it had been dry weather all night.

"Can I come in…" she choked. "I…I came and you weren't there…"

"I am now. Don't worry." I unlocked the door and helped her inside. She felt very small and nervous next to me, and she was wet all over.

Putting on the light, I looked her over. Her hair was soaked, sending dribbles of water over her already saturated clothes. Her eyes were red and tearstained, and her shoulders shook with coughing.

"I'll get you some of my clothes," I said. "You can't keep those on. Mum's out, so don't worry about keeping quiet."

She nodded. I dashed upstairs, grabbed clothes and a towel, hurried back down again. "Get changed and dry off your hair."

I went over to the kettle and began boiling some water. Akina peeled off her sodden dress and dropped it on the floor. Underneath it her skin was shiny with water. She flung the towel over her shoulders to take off her underwear. I suddenly realised I was staring, and quickly turned my attention back to the kettle.

When I turned back again, she was wearing a T-shirt and jeans of mine which hung baggily on her bones, and her hair was wrapped up in the towel. I smiled in spite of myself, but she didn't look upset.

"Can you breathe okay?" I asked her.

"Yes." She still sounded husky. "If I don't need to run I'll be fine."

"Here" I handed her a cup of hot chocolate, and pouring one for myself, said, "What happened?"

Akina shrugged. "Just stuff."

"The family?"

"Of course."

I sipped my chocolate, and burnt my tongue. Blinking back tears of pain, I said, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, but…" She stopped.

"Okay. Twenty Questions. Did they put a bucket of water on top of the door?"

"No."

"Did they push you in the river?"

I saw her hands tighten on the mug. "No."

"Did they attack you with a hosepipe?"

"They knew I was scared of water," Akina said quietly. "They filled the sink, and shoved my face in it."

I could imagine how terrified she'd have been. I took her hand, feeling her trembling.

"They kept splashing me," she said. "They kept telling me I was dirty, that I needed to have a good bath for once…I never take one when they're in the house, they'd come in and do something like that again."

She was crying now. "You know that, Laani. I've never done anything to them. Why should they hate me just because we have different parents? Why?"

She was starting to struggle for breath again. I hugged her, stroking her back, trying to get her to calm down. Gradually I felt her start to breathe normally again.

"They're just jerks," I said slowly. "You hear me? They're just pigs to you because they're jealous of such a wonderful, kind, clever person. They give you any more trouble, you come to me and I'll look after you."

"Thanks." She rubbed one arm across her face, smearing tears over it.

"You can stay here for tonight if you like," I said. "Mum won't mind."

"No…no, my parents should be back by now. I'll be safe then."

"Why don't you tell someone what's going on?"

"Laani, they'll slaughter me. As long as I keep quiet they just do it for fun. If I did anything to make them hate me…I think they would kill me, they really would."

"I won't let them. If you ever think they're gonna make a move on you, then come over here. Even if I'm not in, my mum'll let you wait till I get back."

"But what about when you're a rudie? Will you still be here?"

"No."

Her eyes widened. "Why?"

"Because I'm not staying living here a minute longer than I have to." My voice sounded funny. Choked. Unreal.

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

I didn't answer.

"It seems okay to me." She sounded angry. "You've got people who'll look after you. Is it just 'cos it's uncool to like living in a nice place?"

I could hear the contempt in her voice. It hurt like she was jabbing needles into me.

"Shiro's screwing me," I snapped.

"What?"

I looked up at her. She looked baffled. Quickly, before I could get scared, I said, "He. Is. Screwing. Me. Fucking me. Copulating with me. Having sex with me. Jumping my bones. Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing with me. Getting it on with me. Deflowering me. Do you understand?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Akina said at last.

"Because I've got it all under control, okay? Soon as the Sable Blades let me in I'm out of here. Then he won't be able to get me."

"Oh, Laani, I'm sorry!" She looked like she was about to burst into tears again. "I thought – I thought –"

"Forget it, okay? Don't be a prat." I put my hands on her shoulders. "Maybe we've got pretty annoying home lives, but we've got each other."

She nodded. Her eyes were glinting with tears.

I bent my head, and kissed her.

She was delicate against my lips, like a butterfly in your hands. For a moment she froze – then she just let me – then she pulled away.

"I'd better go," she said, a blush spreading over her skin. "Um – if I could have my clothes back when they're dry – uh – thanks for everything – bye!"

And she dashed out the door.

"Well done, Kellaani," I said to myself. "You really blew that one. You're lucky Akina's not the gossiping sort, or else Alex would have a field day."

I got up, picked up Akina's wet clothes and threw them down onto the radiator. "I'm not a lesbian," I said to them. "I'm not, okay?"

The house threw back a mocking silence.

"Anyway, it wouldn't matter if I did fancy her. Which I don't. She's not likely to talk to me now."

(Gulp…please r+r! And be nice!)