Disclaimer: If only I owned them.
A/N: Thank you:
Achoo, Trinity, Darkmoon (sorry, in this one he actually isn't gay), thecoffeebringer (um, yes, it's exactly like a story/movie I once created, but it's still funny, right?), Nuriko Metallium (thank you for saying you liked it even if it's unbelievable) and to 'This Sucks' – Ooo, something new to light the candles for my romantic dinners with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ahhh!" everyone screamed and turned to run. They ran right out of The Shire, unknowingly heading on the road to Bree. Soon, they came to a tall wall. It took everyone (especially Legolas) a long time to climb it, but they managed to, the killer still hot on their trail. They kept going until they realized that they were now inside of Bree. They stopped and checked into the Holiday Inn Bree. They all took one room. Nobody knows why. They just did.
"Whew. That was close," said Merry.
"That was like, way scary," said Legolas.
"It's strange, but I can't help feeling like somebody else is in this room," said Boromir.
"That is because I am in this room," said a tall man with dark hair that was actually a wig, even though he could have easily grown it that long. The others gasped.
"Like, who are you?" asked Legolas.
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, owner of a broken sword that was not fixed before I used it in the movie," said the man. "I was running away from the killer when I found this hotel, and I've been here about a week."
"Like, wow. A week? Wearing the same thing every day?" Legolas was amazed.
"Are you the only other person here?" asked Pippin.
"Yes. I've seen a couple of people being chased by that guy. You guys are lucky to get away, especially with five people," said Aragorn.
"I am like, so cheesed. That guy got blood on my tunic. I'm going to make him pay my dry cleaning bill," said Legolas, oblivious to the danger they were all in.
"I think we should be getting to bed. There are some leaves in the back that are okay to sleep on," said Aragorn.
"LEAVES?!?" yelled Legolas. "You have no idea what I've been through, and now you want me to sleep on LEAVES?"
"You're an elf. Get over it," said Frodo.
"Would you rather sleep on leaves or the hard, muddy floor?" asked Merry.
"Ooo, me first!" squealed Legolas.
"Why aren't there any beds if this is a hotel room?" asked Pippin.
"There just aren't," said Aragorn.
The next morning when they woke up, Legolas began to protest when Aragorn announced that they should probably be getting on their way.
"But I can't wear the same thing TWICE," he said.
"You have nothing else to wear," said Aragorn.
"Oh, like, fine," pouted Legolas. "Ma solo perché io sono una Guchacha."
Aragorn looked confused.
"That's the only foreign language Legolas knows," reported Pippin. "It means 'But only because I am a Guchacha' in Italian."
He looked confused again.
"A loyal Gucci fan," said Boromir.
Merry thought it was lucky that Legolas had worn his Gucci tunic, otherwise he never would have agreed.
"Ring, ring," went Merry's cell phone.
"Hello?" asked Merry.
"Hello, Meriadoc," said a voice.
"What do you want?" asked Merry.
"I want to kill you. You're going to die tonight," said the voice, with a follow-up of a clicking noise.
"It was him," said Merry. "I'm going outside."
"Okay," said Pippin.
"Ring, ring," went Legolas' cell phone.
"Hello, like, Legolas speaking."
"Hello, Legolas. I can see you now. In a hotel room."
"I have, like, a pick to bone with you," said Legolas. "You got blood all over my $900 Gucci tunic. Will you give me your address so I can send you the dry cleaning bill?"
"You're going to die tonight, Legolas."
"Umm … No?" said Legolas. "Well, anyway, what's your address?"
"Are you prepared to die, Legolas?"
"Hello! I, like, already ANSWERED that question! So give me your address. And order me a pizza while you're at it. I'm starved!"
The killer hung up the phone.
Legolas Star 69'd him. "Don't you hang up on me ~or I'll gut you like a little fish~" hissed Legolas.
"Legolas!" everyone exclaimed.
"Omigosh, I'm like so sorry!" apologized Legolas. "I don't know WHAT came over me. Maybe I was a psycho in another life!"
The killer once again hung up the phone.
So Legolas Star 69'd him again. But this time, he got his machine! The message went something like:
~This isn't the machine of a guy named Miller
This is the machine of your local killer
If you don't leave a message after the tone
I'll kill you next time you're alone
It is you I want to kill
And Legolas, I'm not paying your dry cleaning bill~
"How rude!" said Legolas. "Hi!" he said into the machine. "This is like, Legolas. And I cannot believe you put me on your machine! Don't you have any friends or anything? Omigosh, you don't have any friends, do you? I'll be your friend! Just open up! I'll be there for you!
"But yeah, anyway, how about that address? And that pizza? Do you have any idea how much dry cleaning costs these days? Honestly. I had this one girlfriend, and she never paid dry cleaning bills either …" Legolas went on and on, taking up the rest of the tape!
He finished his conversation.
"Sometimes I think I might be a gecko, but other times I swear I'm psychic," said Aragorn. "Can I have three guesses as to what you'll say next, Legolas?"
"Umm, like, okay," said Legolas.
"One: That guy didn't pay my dry cleaning bill yet!"
"Oh, I SHOULD say that!" murmured Legolas to himself.
"Two: Where's that pizza?"
"Normally, I would say that," agreed Legolas.
"It's neither of those? Well, then how about three: Omigosh, the killer is right behind you Aragorn!"
"Yup, that's what I'd be saying now," said Legolas.
"WHAT?" screamed Aragorn as he turned around in fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Another annoying place, I know. But what can you do when you've got to read the entirety of The Tempest and you simply have no more time to type?
A/N: Thank you:
Achoo, Trinity, Darkmoon (sorry, in this one he actually isn't gay), thecoffeebringer (um, yes, it's exactly like a story/movie I once created, but it's still funny, right?), Nuriko Metallium (thank you for saying you liked it even if it's unbelievable) and to 'This Sucks' – Ooo, something new to light the candles for my romantic dinners with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ahhh!" everyone screamed and turned to run. They ran right out of The Shire, unknowingly heading on the road to Bree. Soon, they came to a tall wall. It took everyone (especially Legolas) a long time to climb it, but they managed to, the killer still hot on their trail. They kept going until they realized that they were now inside of Bree. They stopped and checked into the Holiday Inn Bree. They all took one room. Nobody knows why. They just did.
"Whew. That was close," said Merry.
"That was like, way scary," said Legolas.
"It's strange, but I can't help feeling like somebody else is in this room," said Boromir.
"That is because I am in this room," said a tall man with dark hair that was actually a wig, even though he could have easily grown it that long. The others gasped.
"Like, who are you?" asked Legolas.
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, owner of a broken sword that was not fixed before I used it in the movie," said the man. "I was running away from the killer when I found this hotel, and I've been here about a week."
"Like, wow. A week? Wearing the same thing every day?" Legolas was amazed.
"Are you the only other person here?" asked Pippin.
"Yes. I've seen a couple of people being chased by that guy. You guys are lucky to get away, especially with five people," said Aragorn.
"I am like, so cheesed. That guy got blood on my tunic. I'm going to make him pay my dry cleaning bill," said Legolas, oblivious to the danger they were all in.
"I think we should be getting to bed. There are some leaves in the back that are okay to sleep on," said Aragorn.
"LEAVES?!?" yelled Legolas. "You have no idea what I've been through, and now you want me to sleep on LEAVES?"
"You're an elf. Get over it," said Frodo.
"Would you rather sleep on leaves or the hard, muddy floor?" asked Merry.
"Ooo, me first!" squealed Legolas.
"Why aren't there any beds if this is a hotel room?" asked Pippin.
"There just aren't," said Aragorn.
The next morning when they woke up, Legolas began to protest when Aragorn announced that they should probably be getting on their way.
"But I can't wear the same thing TWICE," he said.
"You have nothing else to wear," said Aragorn.
"Oh, like, fine," pouted Legolas. "Ma solo perché io sono una Guchacha."
Aragorn looked confused.
"That's the only foreign language Legolas knows," reported Pippin. "It means 'But only because I am a Guchacha' in Italian."
He looked confused again.
"A loyal Gucci fan," said Boromir.
Merry thought it was lucky that Legolas had worn his Gucci tunic, otherwise he never would have agreed.
"Ring, ring," went Merry's cell phone.
"Hello?" asked Merry.
"Hello, Meriadoc," said a voice.
"What do you want?" asked Merry.
"I want to kill you. You're going to die tonight," said the voice, with a follow-up of a clicking noise.
"It was him," said Merry. "I'm going outside."
"Okay," said Pippin.
"Ring, ring," went Legolas' cell phone.
"Hello, like, Legolas speaking."
"Hello, Legolas. I can see you now. In a hotel room."
"I have, like, a pick to bone with you," said Legolas. "You got blood all over my $900 Gucci tunic. Will you give me your address so I can send you the dry cleaning bill?"
"You're going to die tonight, Legolas."
"Umm … No?" said Legolas. "Well, anyway, what's your address?"
"Are you prepared to die, Legolas?"
"Hello! I, like, already ANSWERED that question! So give me your address. And order me a pizza while you're at it. I'm starved!"
The killer hung up the phone.
Legolas Star 69'd him. "Don't you hang up on me ~or I'll gut you like a little fish~" hissed Legolas.
"Legolas!" everyone exclaimed.
"Omigosh, I'm like so sorry!" apologized Legolas. "I don't know WHAT came over me. Maybe I was a psycho in another life!"
The killer once again hung up the phone.
So Legolas Star 69'd him again. But this time, he got his machine! The message went something like:
~This isn't the machine of a guy named Miller
This is the machine of your local killer
If you don't leave a message after the tone
I'll kill you next time you're alone
It is you I want to kill
And Legolas, I'm not paying your dry cleaning bill~
"How rude!" said Legolas. "Hi!" he said into the machine. "This is like, Legolas. And I cannot believe you put me on your machine! Don't you have any friends or anything? Omigosh, you don't have any friends, do you? I'll be your friend! Just open up! I'll be there for you!
"But yeah, anyway, how about that address? And that pizza? Do you have any idea how much dry cleaning costs these days? Honestly. I had this one girlfriend, and she never paid dry cleaning bills either …" Legolas went on and on, taking up the rest of the tape!
He finished his conversation.
"Sometimes I think I might be a gecko, but other times I swear I'm psychic," said Aragorn. "Can I have three guesses as to what you'll say next, Legolas?"
"Umm, like, okay," said Legolas.
"One: That guy didn't pay my dry cleaning bill yet!"
"Oh, I SHOULD say that!" murmured Legolas to himself.
"Two: Where's that pizza?"
"Normally, I would say that," agreed Legolas.
"It's neither of those? Well, then how about three: Omigosh, the killer is right behind you Aragorn!"
"Yup, that's what I'd be saying now," said Legolas.
"WHAT?" screamed Aragorn as he turned around in fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Another annoying place, I know. But what can you do when you've got to read the entirety of The Tempest and you simply have no more time to type?