Oni
by Mandina Lee
Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Yuu Watase and who ever else she decided to sell the rights too. All the spelling errors belong to me and I claim all rights to them.
Warnings: Slight OOC, other than that, squeaky-clean ^^
I want to dedicate this fic to all my friends; thank you for all the support and encouragement. I also want this to be for Genro. Simply, you are my happiness. I love you.
~~~~
Houjun sighed, he just was not sure of what lied ahead of him now. If he had let himself really listen to his soul, he would of heard the faint whisper of 'I'm scared'. But he didn't, he couldn't. He feared what would follow. Besides, he was one of Suzaku's chosen, a warrior of legend, and could not let fear stop him. If he did the consequences would be dire.
~
"Try to do some good in the world until the miko arrives, bring a smile to somebody's face."
"But how will I know when she arrives?" asked Houjun as he tried to say goodbye to numerous Nyan Nyans who were clinging to his legs.
"Her chi will be very strong and unique. When you feel it, go to her immediately. Until then, do as you please, but try and find some happiness because the times that lie ahead of you will be trying.", replied Taiitsukun.
As her last words were spoken, a mist seemed to cover Daikyokuzan. Houjun watched in amazement as the place he came to call home faded from his eyes. He heard her say goodbye and the Nyan Nyans release him. A tear slid down his face as called farewell back, trying not to let them hear the catch in his voice.
~
He seemed to be on a path, but he had no idea where it lead to. A while back, he decided that when he finished training, he would follow nature; get to know the world around him, free of worries. But especially because he needed time to think. He needed to think about his life and the terrible things that happened, to reflect.
But now that that day was here, he was second-guessing himself. With another heavy sigh, followed by a small smile and a glint in his eye, he summoned his courage and took the first step. "This is not so hard. Really, it's just walking." So he walked on to a new life, leaving behind a torn and broken soul to become a Suzaku Senshi, but never forgetting the man he once was.
The path he took was not too long or hard. It took him through a small forest with a lush green canopy and a brook he promised himself to visit for a fish dinner. There were animals that stopped and watched him as he passed and birds that sang him safe journey. He was beginning to feel a bit better, his nerves fading away with the beauty of the nature around him.
After a while, he began to smell food cooking and livestock. He walked a little bit faster. After all, he was getting a little hungry. As the smells got stronger, he was able to hear faint voices. Soon he was at the edge of the forest and the walls of a large village. He was absolutely awestruck. He had never seen a place so large. Excitedly, he approached it and entered.
He had never seen such sites. Animals, shops, inns, people, and things like he had never seen before. He wished for a moment that he had both eyes so he could take everything in better. He was so fascinated that he never even noticed the disgusted looks people were giving the man with only one eye.
"MOTHER! MOTHER HELP ME!", screamed a little boy close to Houjun. His joy cut short, he ran to the child to try to help. As he got closer, the child got more hysterical, which made Houjun run faster, and so on. When he reached the child, he was as pale as snow and completely silent. Houjun looked around quickly for the boy's mother but did not see her. Then he checked the boy for injury. Finding none, he picked him up and held him close. Patting his head in a comforting way, he whispered reassurances in his ear. Through all this, the child never moved or protested. After a moment he whispered something barely audible against Houjun's chest.
"Nani, no da?", taking on a speech pattern he used with children.
"O....Oni."
"Oni, where hide me no da!", cried a super deformed Houjun as he tried to hide behind the boy. He knew that the boy was calling him a monster, but he also realized that children did not always realize the consequences of what they said. Especially a young boy. He had hoped that taking a playful stance with the child, it would make him smile. He hoped to try and show the child that even though he different, he was still a human being.
But the boy did not listen to him and took Houjun's sudden movement as an attack. He gathered his strength and struck Houjun in the stomach as hard as he could. In pain, cried Houjun out. He was about to sit the boy down and give him a good talking to when he heard hurried footsteps behind him.
Just exactly what are you doing to my son!"
Excuse me," he begged as he turned around and went back to normal size,"I am very sorry but your son seemed to be in..."
Houjun was cut short by the sound of her gasp. 'She must be afraid of me too,' he thought to himself, 'but there is nothing I can do.' "I am very sorry, I meant no harm. I will be going now."
The woman picked up her child and gave him a disgusted look. "People like you should be killed the moment you are born. You are a sick animal and should be treated as such." She spat in his path stormed off, obviously offended that someone so low would touch her child and speak to her.
Stunned, Houjun whispered to their retreating backs, "But once I had both eyes, just like you."
He continued on his exploration of the village, this time hyper aware of the reactions he got from just being in people's presence. Some seemed to agree with the woman and her child, others just seemed to be full of pity. He was hurting so badly inside from the words spoken to him, and they just made it worse. 'I am a human being. No different than you', he replied to their stares mentally. It was more for himself than for anyone else. He knew that he could not change the way a person thought in just a short period of time.
Houjun was growing weary and wished to rest and have a meal so he began to look for a very dark tavern. 'If it is dark enough and I sit away from people, I should not cause any trouble,' he figured.
After a while, he found one. It was small and in a section of the village that seemed to be fairly quiet. There were not as many people in the streets or as many homes, so Houjun thought that there was probably not as many people inside.
He was wrong. It was full of farmers looking to get away and have some fun with other men. Carefully, quietly, and with his head down, he entered. He quickly looked up and scanned the room. It was dark and dirty with a counter running all along the sides. He moved to the nearest corner and took a seat.
As soon as he sat down, the full impact of the woman's words hit him. "Killed at the moment you are born.", her cruel voice hit him, "Sick animal.", she taunted again. He was fighting back tears as he stared at the cold wall in front of him.
"Can I help you?", a young woman's voice asked. Houjun did not turn around, but ordered some rice and a bowl of soup. She went back to get his order and he resumed watching the wall, the only thing in the village that did not seem to hate him. 'Not all people will be like this. Someone somewhere will accept you. You must be special, you were chosen by Suzaku to be his warrior.'
'Yes, they must', he replied to his own thoughts, 'especially the others, they will accept me.'
'But what if they don't?'
'They will, I know it.'
Feeling a touch better, he took a better peek at his surroundings. The people there seemed to be happy, laughing and sharing stories of good times past. For a moment, Houjun wondered if he would ever be like them. Accepted.
"Here you go sir.", the woman said to him as she approached him with his order. Without thinking, he looked at her and said thanked her. Quickly she sat down his food, all the while being careful not to look at his face again. Houjun did not think that anything was wrong and enjoyed his meal until a man in about his early forties came up to him and asked to speak to him. Nervously, Houjun turned around to face him.
"Look, I own this place and well, I don't really want your kind here. I do not have a problem with you, but some of these other guys here will and they won't come back. You're bad for business. Look, I'm not saying you have to go without finishing your meal, just take it on out back. You can bring the dishes back when you finish. I'll even let you eat for free, to show there are no hard feelings."
"No, I can pay.", Houjun whispered back. He gathered his bowls and followed the man, all the while blushing furiously. It was the most embarrassing moment of his life. Thankfully, most were too involved in their drinking to notice him and those who did were too drunk to care. Still, it hurt.
The man led him to a small area where the animals were kept. "Here, sorry about this." Houjun said nothing and sat down. The owner went back inside and left Houjun with his food and his feeling of being totally alone. He sat for a moment, void of all feelings but ones that made him feel worse. Deciding he was not hungry anymore, he stood up and left. "I am not an animal."
The day was almost over and Houjun felt horrible. He was heading back to the path that would lead him to the forest. He wanted to build a fire and go to sleep, to forget this hell that shunned him for something as stupid as skin. Not wanting to deal with anymore people, he took paths that would headed the same direction as the main road but were secluded enough that he would not see near as many people.
He traveled close to a few homes but far enough that he would not cause any disturbances. He only looked up enough to make sure he would not travel off course or run into anything. All was going well until he saw something that brought a whole new pain to his heart.
A woman, watching the sun set on a hill on her family's property. But she looked like HER. His beloved. Her hair caught the last of the sun's rays and made her glow. Her skirts blew softly in the wind, and she was singing a tune that seemed to come from the heavens. She was beautiful to him, and he desperately wanted to give her some sign that he thought so.
Houjun looked around him, looking for something that he could give to her. His mind whispered to him that he had her confused with the real thing, but he pushed those thoughts aside. She was there, and she had the power to make all his pain go away. After a moment, he found a pretty flower and picked it.
Carefully and quietly he walked to the hill. She was still there, but now the sun had gone down and she was watching the stars come out. "Hello. My name is Houjun." he spoke gently from the foot of the hill.
"Hello Houjun," she replied sweetly, "are you looking for a place to stay the night? If so, I'm sorry but we do not take in strangers to the family."
"No. I just wanted to give you something. But..."
"Give me something? Just who are you?," her voice took on a warning tone.
"Please, I am just a wandering monk and you have taken my breath away. I just wanted to give you something that would bring a smile to you, then be on my way. I have no intention of hurting you."
"Well, if you are being truthful then I have no reason to fear you. Come up here so I can see you better."
"No, I better not. I'm sorry. I will leave it here and you can get it when you come down."
"No. I want to see the man who is interested in me." She ran down the hill, much to Houjun's surprise. He turned away quickly but the lady would have none of that and turned him around by the shoulders. He had no idea she was so feisty.
When she saw his face she said nothing, only let him go.
"Please, why did you do that?", he asked her looking down.
She opened her mouth but said nothing. Houjun's heart sank, she hated him already and he had done nothing but try and let her know he thought she was beautiful.
She got a hateful look in her eyes and slapped him. Houjun was stunned. "Why did you do that?", he asked her softly.
But she offered no answer, she only called for her father to help her. "You tried to court me! How dare you, looking the way you do. I am too good for you and all you have to offer."
Fighting back tears, he replied, "No, you misunderstand me. I was only attracted to you and wanted you to have this flower." He held out his hand and have her a young lily. She took it and ripped it to pieces. He could only watch as his gift was torn apart, feeling like his affection was worthless, to be disagreed with the trash. All because of his skin.
About that same moment, the lady's father came rushing out to them with a large farming tool that Houjun had never seen before, but he understood that it's purpose was to be a weapon so he took one last look at the girl and escaped. They never saw him leave, he was running to quickly with the help of his magic to be seen.
He only slowed down when he reached the brook in the forest he had traveled through earlier. Crying freely now, he used his magic again to build a small fire. He was thankful that it was a warm summer night. If it wasn't, he would of had to of found shelter.
Laying down for the night, he cried harder. "I am a person too, with feelings and love. Oh please Suzaku, why can't people see that? I don't deserve to die just because I have a scar. I am not a monster or a threat. I just don't want to be lonely. I want to help people and make them happy. But they run from me and hate me. It's just skin. That's it." He cried for a very long time, feeling more alone than ever before. He wanted to die. Then he could be with her and pay for his sins against him. And he would be gone, the world would be a brighter place. No one would hate him and he would not spread anger wherever he went. Yes, things would be much better.
He stood up, fully resolved to kill himself, but her remembered his mark. And that he was a Suzaku Senshi. And the conversation that he had with himself in the tavern. The world did need him. It needed him more than the people who would hurt him or kick him out of a place. He sat back down, and tried to think of a way to live.
He had an idea. A mask, one that smiled and would not scare anyone. One that would hide his face and allow him to live as normally as he could until the miko arrived. Although he was not too pleased with the idea of hiding who he really was to live how he wanted to, it was the only way he would be accepted by anyone.
Gathering magic on the tips of his fingers, he willed a shape. It got more defined as he gathered more and within a matter of moments he had a face that smiled at him in his hands. With trembling hands he slowly placed it on his face. He soon discovered it allowed him to cry. Feeling exhausted he laid back down and fell asleep. His last thoughts were 'Now, I am no longer a Monster. Please accept me.'