None of the Enterprise characters are mine, though how I wish Trip was.

There will be another chapter or two. Yes. There will.

*********

The starship, the NX-01 Enterprise orbited silently around a Minshara-class planet named Kaelyn VII, the only inhabited planet in a trinary star system of eight. The Enterprise had been in orbit for what seemed like hours and hours, as Sub-Commander T'Pol was insisting on contacting all planetary officials and downloading all information on the race's laws, as well as running scan after scan of the planet's surface. The crew was starting to itch to get down on the volcanic planet.

"…Sub-Commander…Have you completed the scans of the atmospheric composition?" Captain Archer's voice was edgy. He'd been sitting in this chair for the last four hours listening to scan after scan. Hopefully, this was the last one.

"Yes Captain," the sub-commander's reply was brisk and collected, "The atmosphere is made up of fifty-nine percent nitrogen, thirty-three percent oxygen, six percent argon with the last two percent composed of a mixture of helium, carbon-dioxide, h—"

Archer raised his hand to silence the officer, "I get the idea, T'Pol, we can breathe the air. And we have permission to land our shuttlepods on the planet?"

"Ensign Sato has confirmed it with the Kaelynian Supreme Chancellor, who has prepared a banquet and she would like some our crew to attend, we may leave at eighteen-hundred-hours."

Archer let out a sigh of relief. He'd finally be able to leave the bridge. His captain's chair was comfortable enough, but sitting there with T'Pol was a little too much for him. He'd been lucky this planet had been inhabited by a humanoid species, or else the Vulcan science officer would have had him send probes to scan six days worth of readings of the planet before he got to stretch his legs on a new world. The sound of a banquet in Enterprise's honor seemed like a welcome idea. And he knew just the right person to invite along.

"Archer to Tucker."

"Yeah, Cap'n?" The chief engineer's southern drawl rang through the com system.

"The Kaelynians have a party they'd like some of the crew to attend at eighteen-hundred-hours. Think you'd be interested?"

"Hell yes, sir! Y'mind if I invite Lieutenant Reed to come along?"

"Go right ahead, Trip. It'll save me a walk to the armory."

*********

"I'm telling you, Commander, I heard the population was made up of seventy-five percent women!" Malcolm Reed's voice was persistent. Now that both he and Commander 'Trip' Tucker were invited to go down to Kaelyn VII, they'd been arguing in the mess hall about the rumors they heard about the Kaelynians.

"So suppose that they all greet men by seducing them, since there aren't enough to go around on their own planet?" Trip's voice was sarcastic, but obviously the armory officer had heard that rumor as well.

"So I've been told, Commander," the British officer leaned across the table, "And I heard not just one will sleep with you, but a dozen or two."

Trip laughed heartily, shoving a forkful of catfish into his mouth. "Well, I wouldn't be so quick to jump at that chance, remember what happened with me and Ah'len? I ain't about to get knocked up again, Lieutenant."

"Oh no, that's not what I heard. Kaelynian women are fertile, are barely dressed and look—"

"Lieutenant! Who the hell are you getting all this information from?"

"People around the armory. They said they heard these things from the bridge crew, people who have seen the aliens right on the viewscreen!"

"That's bull, Malcolm, outright bull. Anyway, we'll see jus' what these Kaelynians look like. We only got two more hours before we go down. Wonder what the surface looks like…"

Reed's British accent chimed in once again, "Well, I heard…"

"Lieutenant, I'm goin'. I gotta get ready for this little get together."

"But Commander…We have two more hours!"

"Yeah, well, I can't always decide what I should wear!" Trip dropped his fork and quickly exited the mess hall as quickly as he could. Another two hours of hearing all of these rumors would kill the chief engineer.

*********

Captain Archer, Sub-Commander T'Pol, Commander Tucker, Lieutenant Reed, Doctor Phlox and Ensigns Mayweather and Sato were grouped in the shuttlebay. They had been lucky to have so few going to the banquet – Doctor Phlox had managed to tell every patient in sickbay and patron of the mess hall about what was going on the planet. The crowd of people didn't show up, however – rumors of the specific time where quite varying.

"Commander Tucker," T'Pol's voice rang out in the bay, "Did you read the information I sent you on Kaelynian law?"

Trip was halfway in the shuttlepod when he heard the Vulcan and paused. "Ah, yeah? I sure did. And why are you askin' me and not any of the others?"

"Because you seem to…'throw caution to the wind' when it comes to alien cultures. I don't expect you to care for your behavior when it comes to 'parties', as you refer to this occasion, which has the potential to be very dangerous."

"Don't worry about me, T'Pol. I'll be the perfect gentleman." There was a silence. Trip knew it was too good to be true that the sub-commander would so easily give up. He was right.

"That's what you said when you went aboard the Xyrillian ship. I believe you returned pregnant."

Trip shoved his way into the shuttlepod. That was not an experience he wanted to relive. "I'm never gonna live that one down, am I?"

Lieutenant Reed leaned towards Trip, murmuring, "You know, Commander…I still haven't heard the whole story about what happened with that…"

"And you sure as hell ain't gonna hear it, either!" Trip grunted, before shouting towards the front of the shuttle. "Mayweather, can we please get this ride underway?"

"Yes sir!" The resident space-boomer responded as soon as the captain nodded to Trip's question. The shuttlepod lifted off the launch bay floor. The craft was soon out of the doors and descending into the Kaelynian homeworld. Space and soon clouds rushed by them as they arrived in the alien landscape. The ensign was skilled in the operating of these craft, and it showed through.

The small landing party slowly headed out onto the planet and were greeted by a wave of dry heat. The planet's three suns shown in different sections of the sky, making the seven wonder how life could've evolved on this parched world. But it had, and though the ground looked like the Sahara Desert back on Earth, cobblestone walkways and flowers were everywhere.

"Welcome to Kaelyn VII! I am the Supreme Chancellor, Ma'Takk." The female's voice was cheery; obviously glad the planet had visitors. "The council building is this way, the banquet is to be held there."

The small group of humans followed, Reed and Tucker lingering in the back.

"I told you they had ridges!" Reed whispered, a proud look coming over his features.

Trip snorted. "Yeah. They have ridges on their nose and temples, not on their—"

"Commander, quiet! Someone might hear you."

"Yeah, well, apparently the whole crew has heard rumors along the same lines." Trip looked over the passing Kaelynians. The race was about as tall as humans, with the same general structure, but with skin that was an extremely dark shade of brown. Their faces had small ridges at the nose, and around the side of the head that spread into the eyebrows. The species also had curious lines of purple and blue that ran down the sides of their faces and necks. "They don't seem to look half bad, though."

"Not half naked," Reed murmured. "And that reminds me. You're wearing the exact same thing you were wearing in the mess hall."

Trip cursed. "Yeah, well, I figured this looked best on me."

The two of them were entering the council building right behind the rest. The structure was a huge, stepped-pyramid, with designs covering the jet-black exterior. Inside all of the halls made a dizzying maze. White stones created paths into almost every direction, even staircases were in an abundant supply. The Commander figured that there were directions on the walls, but he couldn't read a bit of the Kaelynian language. He'd be lost in two seconds if he weren't following everyone else.

"Wonder if Hoshi could fine her way around this place…" Trip muttered out loud, staring down every corridor they passed.

His answer was abrupt, with T'Pol's glare on him. "Commander. It is impolite to speak in the halls of the council building. Wait until we are in the dining hall to…map the building. I thought you said you read the information I sent you."

"I guess I skimmed through that part." In fact, Trip had forgotten completely about the padd he'd been sent. He'd actually left it in the mess hall, since he'd abandoned it as soon as he saw Chef had made up some catfish. It wasn't like his mother made it, but it was good enough. Well, anyway, he figured he could muddle along without insulting the Supreme Chancellor any more. They seemed like a pretty forgiving species, anyway. He could get by breaking a custom or two…

When they entered the room were the banquet was held, Trip could've danced with T'Pol. The room was wall to wall with women, there was a table filled with exotic foods galore, and best of all, there was beer. Or, at least it looked like some kind of liquor. He slapped Lieutenant Reed on the back.

"This is gonna be one hell of a party, Malcolm."

*********

About an hour later, the crew of the Enterprise was starting to fit in quite well. Reed had found the Minister of Defense and the two of them were having a heated debate about whether the Enterprise's phase cannons or the Kaelynian's plasma torpedoes were the best weapons. The two of them were on the verge of actually putting the two weapons to the test when Captain Archer decided to step in.

Hoshi Sato was getting a language lesson with a group of Kaelynian teenagers, one of which kept slipping off to spike the punch, leaving the ensign a little tipsy.

The rest of the crew was all mingling with the other Kaelynians at the banquet, all but T'Pol, who was quietly working on a report in a corner. No one seemed to bother the Vulcan, though Trip was on route to do such a thing when a Kaelynian female stopped him.

"I don't believe I met with you. I am Breena, the Minister of Communication's wife."

Trip stopped in his tracks, glancing over the woman. She was dressed like most all the other Kaelynian women, wearing a brightly colored dress that seemed to be wound around her. He was quick to answer, seeing as a waiter was just offering T'Pol a drink. He had to see her response…

"Commander Charles Tucker the Third. Chief Engineer on the Enterprise."

This seemed to interest Breena a great deal. "Can you tell me about your warp engines? Our engines only go to warp three, I hear yours go to warp fi—"

"Can you excuse me?" Trip was impatient, and when he moved away from the Kaelynian, he saw that T'Pol was alone, and without a drink. Damn, and he was hoping to coax her into a drink or two…

"Son of a bitch!" Trip shouted when the waiter knocked into him, spilling drinks all over his uniform. Everyone in the surrounding area gasped. The Minister of Defense quickly broke out of his newest argument with Reed (whether hull plating or shields could withstand a bigger blast) and made his way over to the Commander and wrenched the officer's arms behind his back.

"You're under arrest, Mr. Tucker."

"What the hell did I do? I just had cold drinks dropped on me!"

The Sub-Commander then made her way to the front of Trip. It was plain to see she was almost glad the engineer had been arrested. "You insulted the Supreme Chancellor's husband, and you insulted her mother-in-law. That act can earn you up to eighteen years in a Kaelynian prison." She paused, "I believe that, too was in the information I sent you."

"Well maybe I skimmed that part, too, damn it!" Trip shouted as he was jerked from the banquet hall. He was going to miss one hell of a party because he called someone a 'son of a bitch'? He suddenly hated this culture.