By Star
Notes: We decided we needed a bit of light relief here.
Taz's POVI carefully write out an Irish word on a piece of paper, making sure I spell it the way it sounds rather than the way it's spelt, and pass it to Charlie.
He passes the note back after jotting something down in his terrible handwriting.
What does it mean?
I smile and write an answer.
I would be expelled if I got caught passing a note with the translation on it! Essentially, it sums up your thoughts on Connie perfectly.
He smiles back. Who'd have thought? One day I'm stabbing him with a pin, the next we're friends. Two weeks later and we sit together in all the classes we share and pass notes.
I'm not saying we don't fight. We do. Constantly. Maya and Adam get quite tired of it, although the Bash Brothers find it entertaining. It's just the malicious intent is gone.
He passes the note back.
I think I'm going to over-use this word.
I grin at him, thinking back to the first time he tried to use Irish.
We were fighting over who got to use Banksie's red biro – like I said, we fight. Naturally, neither of us really cared about the outcome, but it seemed to be a good way for Charlie to let off steam. Eventually he hurled a word back at me that I'd been over-using during the fight. I was so stunned I collapsed on the floor laughing my head off. He tentatively asked me to teach him some more.
I carefully write out another good phrase. I'm sure my parents would be so proud of my abuse of the Irish language.
guh GREH-muh nuh GRAWN-yoh-guh KYA-luhg-roo-nuh-khuh duh WAHL FA-ruh-guh.
Charlie raises his eyebrows at the length. I then pass him the translation and am rewarded with the biggest snort of laughter I've heard from him in weeks.
He turns an alarming shade of purple as he tries to hide his mirth. I can't look at him without losing it too. It wasn't that funny, but looking at Charlie with tears streaming down his face I can't stop myself from laughing either.
Mr Lawson is not at all interested in Charlie's laughing fit, because Charlie is a jock, and allowed to do what he likes. He may well be interested in mine though. I calm myself, trying not to look at Charlie. I look straight ahead and try to ignore the spluttering noises.
Every time I catch his eye we both snort with laughter.
We eventually get out of class without detention thanks to Charlie being a jock. As we're leaving he mutters, "May the malevolent hedgehogs gnaw at your manly parts?"
I grin at him. "I was running out of swearwords."
"Thank you, Taz." He self-consciously puts his arm around me. "I really needed to laugh."
"That's ok. I was deeply impressed by that snort."
"Oy! Conway, hands off!"
We look around and see Maya approaching. "She's mine. You missed your chance with her." She teases.
"I know. I was too busy being stabbed, tripped over, stomped on and cursed in Irish to really appreciate her charms."
"Those are her charms." She points out, taking my hand. "Adam's on his way. He's just stopping at his locker."
"Why don't you try out your new phrase on Maya?" I suggest.
Charlie obediently reads the words from the note I passed earlier, I correct his pronunciation at times, but really he's a very good learner.
She blinks several times then decides, "I don't want to know what you just said."
*~*~*~*~*
Maya and I have only one class together, also in that class are Connie, Dwayne, Adam and Fulton. A perfect audience. Well, Connie's a perfect target. She's been rotten to Charlie and Adam, she's worse than ever now she's captain. At first she was just a bitch, now she's a bitch with power.
To be honest, I'm stunned that someone like her hasn't spread the word around. The only reason I can think of why she hasn't is she's scared it will come back on her, that people will think she's gay.
Maya and I excuse ourselves and leave the 'Queertet' as they are now called to finish their lunch.
Maya pauses, then turns back to them. "We were with you for the entire lunch hour." She says.
They all exchange a look, then nod, wondering what we've got planned. I just wish Portman and Charlie were in our class. They'd really enjoy this.
We get to our classroom before lunch is over and go straight to Connie's seat. I open my bag and hand Maya the glue I've 'liberated' from the Art Department. It's wonderful stuff, clear – almost invisible, it takes quite a while to form a bond, but when it does only acid will remove it.
I'm already getting giggly, and Maya's not exactly calm. If we get caught this means big trouble. Possibly a suspension, I'm not sure. It's going to be worth it to see the lads smile though.
Maya and I talked it over. The guys seem really depressed – with good reason, and it's our duty to cheer them up.
We finish up and disappear. We're going to turn up a few minutes late, just to make sure that we can't be placed at the scene of the crime. We've just got to get rid of the glue in case there's a bag search. I'd really love to ditch it in Connie's bag just to cause confusion, but she hates us with a fiery passion and we'd never get close enough.
We settle for putting it in one of the trash cans outside.
When we arrive in class muttering apologies, Connie's already at her seat. I daren't look at Maya, I might well die laughing.
Fulton and Adam spend the entire hour giving us quizzical looks. I make sure I don't look at anyone. If I start giggling it will be far too obvious. Instead I gaze out of the window, when I catch sight of a late-season butterfly I'm able to forget where I am and why I keep laughing.
I don't know what it is about butterflies that I love so much. I have no interest in studying the creatures, I don't know any of the names of the species in English let alone Latin. I just stare at them. They're perfect.
I get yelled at for not paying attention. I seem to be giving off the aura of an everyday-garden-variety-Taz with no tricks up her sleeve.
Finally the bell rings and we're able to leave. I catch Fulton's eye and nod towards Connie. Maya must have already tipped off Adam because he's staring at her too.
As we're getting up Maya 'accidentally' spills her pens across the floor, giving all four of us a good reason to stay in the classroom.
We all start picking up pens and pencils, keeping an eye on Connie as she tries to get up. As she stands, the chair comes with her.
Several people laugh at her, and we join them, making sure we're not the first to laugh.
She tries again and once more the chair follows her. One of her friends walks over to her and tries to assist. She holds the chair down as Connie once again tries to stand.
The whole class, including the teacher is staring at her now. There are tears of laughter pouring down Maya's face. That does it for me. I slump against a wall and laugh myself stupid.
Finally three people hold the chair down and two people try to drag Connie away from it. With a loud ripping sound she drags herself free, leaving the seat of her trousers behind, and showing her silky heart-covered undies to the world.
The whole class cracks up and the teacher, Ms Jansen, looks like she's going to explode.
"Quiet!" She orders. "Everyone be quiet or you're all on detention!"
Connie realises that she's showing her panties to the world and quickly leans against a wall. I can't stop laughing, tears are running down my face and my stomach actually hurts.
Ms Jansen is going to kill us all in a minute. Her face has turned bright red and there's a vein throbbing in her temple. "I want whoever did this to own up right now or everyone's on detention for a week!"
The class falls deathly silent.
Ms Jansen turns to Connie. "You can go now."
Connie frowns. "I… uh… can't." She says not moving away from the wall.
Dwayne walks over and offers her his jacket to wrap around her waist. She smiles sweetly at him, then glares at Fulton and Adam.
"Who did this?" Ms Jansen turns back to the rest of us.
Surprisingly Dwayne speaks up. "I saw Riley and Cole in here during lunch."
Maya and I exchange a look.
"Why would they do this?" Ms Jansen explodes at him.
Dwayne takes a nervous step back. "Varsity vs Ducks rivalry. Connie's just been made captain." He supplies.
Could this be more perfect? I give Maya another look, she looks stunned too.
Ms Jansen reluctantly lets us leave, threatening to report the incident to the Dean, and promising us she will get to the bottom of it.
The four of us walk quickly to the nearest dorm where we can laugh in private. On the way there, as we pass Connie Maya can't resist giving the jacket around Connie's waist a tug.
We run off, leaving Connie with her kickers on show to the entire school.