None of the Enterprise characters are mine, though how I wish Trip was.

Tell me how it's all going. Your thoughts and feelings about poor, misunderstood Trip.

*********

Commander Tucker struggled in vain against the guard who'd come to 'escort' him to his new home, probably, for the next eighteen years. The prison building loomed into view, an adobe-looking building that looked quite large. Several burly officers were standing next to the door, each holding a laser weapon in hand. Damn it, he had to curse aloud, didn't he? Trip scolded himself. Now he was going to jail. He idly wondered if you could post bail on this planet…

His thoughts were interrupted by a forceful shove to the back. The engineer tried to remember the path he was being lead down. Left…left…right…He lost track after that. It seemed to him that Kaelynians enjoyed mazes. He was roughly pushed into a cell near the back, or at least he thought it was near the back, of the compound. He stood up just in time to hear the 'click' of a lock.

"Well I got myself into a real peachy situation, haven't I? Should've read the damn padd. I bet T'Pol's laughing her little green-blooded self to death," Trip started pacing the cell, hopelessly looking around his new surroundings. There was a stone bed jutting out of one wall, and "Whaddya know, I get a barred window all to myself, too! I can see all the free people outside. Maybe the Cap'n will bake me a cake with a file in it. I can saw my way out…"

"Do all humans escape from prison by baking cakes?" Trip almost fell over he spun around so fast. A Kaelynian woman in a guard's uniform was standing outside his cell. Screw diplomacy,

"Who the hell are you?"

She blinked, taking a step back. "I'm Kalizza. I've been assigned to your cell. I'm a guard here. What's your name?"

Of course she was. Kaelynians were obviously not sexist when it came to jobs. Hell, their Supreme Chancellor was a woman! He remembered that distinctly. What man would be a waiter, when your wife is the most powerful person on the planet? "Sorry, s'pose I'm just a little on edge…That's all. I'm not thrown in jail too often. Ah, you can call me Trip…"

"I need to be going. I'll give you your dinner in a few hours."

Trip sighed. He supposed supper wasn't going to be pan-fried catfish, either.

*********

"Can you please release my officer from custody?" Captain Archer repeated the question for what seemed like the millionth time. He had returned back to Enterprise after his chief engineer's arrest that caused the untimely end of the Kaelynian banquet. For the last half-hour he'd been asking the chancellor to let Trip go. He wasn't getting very far at all.

"I've already told you Captain," Supreme Chancellor Ma'Takk's voice was bordering on impatience. "He broke one of our laws. Disrespect to a chancellor or a chancellor's family means a prison sentence of nine years. Your officer insulted both my husband and my mother-in-law, meaning he will face eighteen years in our correctional facility."

Archer rubbed his eyes. His friend's antics had gotten him into a world of trouble this time. And it seemed that this woman was not going allow Trip to get off with a stern warning. "I assure you. My officer didn't know of that law. And the only reason he insulted your family to begin with was because your husband bumped into him…"

The chancellor's face grew stern. "Your sub-commander downloaded our laws and customs. If your officer did not read them, then all the more reason for him to be in jail. If you'd like to argue this judgment, our courts convene in one year to discuss matters. Now, I have more pressing issues to attend to. Good-bye Captain."

"I can't possibly wait—" the viewscreen cut off abruptly, leaving Archer to finish his sentence to the bridge crew, "an entire year! T'Pol, is there anything we can do?"

He turned to see the Vulcan, and swore she had a smug look on her face. Was it just him, or had she seemed more…upbeat since the engineer had been arrested? "I gave Mr. Tucker the information on their laws. There's nothing more I can do. If he had read the padd in first place he wouldn't be impriso—"

"Yes, T'Pol, I realize this. But we can't leave Trip down there for eighteen years!"

"I believe the Supreme Chancellor said we could send in a plea for his case in one year."

If Vulcans weren't so damn serious, Archer would have bet his captain's chair that T'Pol was being sarcastic. She seemed too eager to keep him gone… "Sub-Commander, that's not the point. We can't wait around for a year, either."

"Then I suggest we leave orbit for one year, and return when Mr. Tucker's 'parole' comes around."

Archer gave up the discussion, staring ahead at the view screen.

Mayweather cleared his throat, turning around in his seat to look at the captain. "Ah, sir? I'm guessing you don't want me to leave orbit just yet?"

"That's exactly right, ensign. Unlike our science officer, I'm not leaving Trip alone on that planet."

*********

Trip sat on the 'bed' in his cell, tossing small pebbles out the window. The past few hours had to have been the most boring in his entire life. If he was supposed to spend the next, God help him, eighteen years in jail then he'd better get some form of entertainment. Throwing rocks would only be fun until he hits someone, which would probably end up adding another few years to his sentence. Well, what a few more years, anyway? Chances were that the Enterprise wasn't going to set up shop for almost two decades in order to wait for one person to get out of jail. He was about to throw another rock out the window when he saw the female Kaelynian, Kalizza returning.

"I've brought you some food," she stated as she neared the cell.

Trip groaned, "Thank you, ma'am! I'm starving. I didn't eat enough at that banquet…"

Kalizza looked almost embarrassed. She looked down at the tray in her hands and squirmed. "Well, you don't get any of those delicacies. But I don't think L'massai soup tastes too bad." She slid the tray through a small slot between two of the bars. Trip quickly grabbed the bowl, then raised an eyebrow in question.

"It's blue."

"Yes. Is blue…bad for humans?"

Trip chuckled, stirring the spoon around in the blue liquid. "No. It's not." He took a skeptical sip of the soup. "Hell, it's not too bad. Sort of like a cross between tomato soup and chicken broth."

"What are…tomato and chicken?" Kalizza's voice was filled with confusion. She had taken a seat outside the bars.

"Well…A tomato's a plant…er…And we eat its fruit. And a chicken is a bird that we eat…" He'd never had to describe what a tomato was. Hell, he wasn't sure if it even was a fruit. He'd never really gotten that whole debate. But he was sure that the Kaelynians couldn't check any references to make sure he was right or wrong.

Kalizza nodded, staring at Trip as he slowly ate his soup. "And earlier, you never answered my question. Do all humans escape prison by baking cakes?"

The engineer laughed, quickly pushing his soup aside. He shook his head, grinning at the guard. "No. I'm not sure if anyone actually escaped like that. But, the idea behind it is to bake a file in it, so you can sand down the bars and escape."

"Oh, okay then. Well, I'll be going." The Kaelynian stood up and turned around, but Trip's voice stopped her.

"Hey, can I ask you a few questions? I have a friend back on the ship, and in eighteen years, I'd like to clear up some things for him."

Kalizza turned back around and smiled. Trip noticed how her brown eyes had started to glimmer. "Go ahead."

"How much of your population is female?" The commander grinned. After eighteen years of rumors flying around about this planet, they'll probably think the population is ninety-eight percent women…Not that rumor would be bad…The men on board would probably think he was a god, and hell, the women would think he had a god's experience. That would be a fun hour or two.

Kalizza looked taken aback by the question. She blinked before responding, "Well. About fifty-eight percent of the population, I think. Are there any more…questions?"

"Just one. Do the women or the men get pregnant?"

"The women. Who on your ship would want to learn about all of this? They seem to be rather…amusing questions. I hope you're not the one wanting to know all these things."

Trip chuckled. Well, he was a little bit interested in those answers himself, and the pregnancy question was of his doings…"A friend. His name's Malcolm. He's a Brit who permanently has a stick lodged up his ass."

"That must be quite…painful for him."

"Oh no, no, no!" He slapped his knee, grinning ear-to-ear as he corrected the Kaelynian. He'd no doubt be able to confuse the woman with all these human expressions. Well, he could clear them all up during these next eighteen years… "It's just an saying. It means he's not the most agreeable person."

Trip wondered if the guard was blushing. She smiled weakly. "Alright. I'll see tomorrow morning, Trip. I've neglected my duties enough."

"'Night." He picked up another stone from the ground and resumed tossing them out the window. He was in for a long night of tossing rocks outside and trying to sleep on a mattress that was literally a rock.

*********

"A little late for your duty shift, aren't you, ensign?" Archer's voice was sharp, but amused all the same. Ensign Sato looked a little worse for wear, a result of the punch her 'teachers' had her drinking earlier.

"Can you…keep your voice down Captain?" Hoshi pleaded as she joined the others in the Situation Room. She leaned against a console, rubbing her temples as she tried to figure out why she hadn't stopped to see Dr. Phlox. Nevermind, she remembered. She heard the last person that went to him for a hangover had to swallow Tarenin ground worm…She wasn't even sure what one of those was.

The captain nodded, but Lieutenant Reed didn't seem to be listening to Hoshi's request for silence. "Captain! What are we going to do with Commander Tucker? We can't just leave him there on that bloody desert-planet!"

"Well we don't have many options, Lieutenant. It's either wait a year, or wait eighteen years. The Supreme Chancellor won't let him go."

Reed slammed his hand down. Hoshi winced. Reed was not going to let this go. "So you're going to do this the blasted diplomatic way? I'll be damned if I let Tucker rot in that bloody cell for eighteen bloody years!"

"The Kaelynians have been nothing but kind to us, Malcolm. We can't go blasting down their buildings!"

"They started this by not letting Tucker leave! They deserve to be blown down –"

"Lieutenant Reed –"

"Both of you just shut up!" Hoshi's voice cut into the mix, surprising the two men as well as all the others in the room. It was obvious how the argument would end. She had only been on the ship a few months, but she knew that Archer would do almost anything for Trip. "Captain, you know you want Commander Tucker rescued as much as Reed does. So just rescue him, god damn it!"

Archer raised an eyebrow, before glancing over at Hoshi, then Reed. "Lieutenant, we may as well raid the weapons locker. It sounds like our hung over com officer has gotten a mind of her own."

"Captain?" Reed was disbelieving.

"Yes, Malcolm. We're getting Trip out of there."

*********

"I'm getting you out of here."

Trip's 'nap' was interrupted by Kalizza's voice. He must have been asleep for only five minutes. His neck was already stiff from trying to sleep on his bed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Kalizza entered the cell, grabbing a hold of Trip's arm. She was continually glancing around, as if someone was going to lock her in there with him. "I'm breaking you out of jail. The other guard is asleep, and I'm supposed to be on watch. We only have an hour of darkness left."

"Huh? It just got dark, not even an hour ago!"

"Exactly. There's only an hour and forty-four minutes in the Kaelynian night. We have three suns, remember?"

Trip groaned, slowly making his way to his feet. Kalizza took his hand and started quickly leading him out of the compound. He still couldn't remember the way out. He couldn't understand this race's obsession with mazes. Hadn't they heard that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line? And the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep all night wasn't helpful. He wondered if the Kaelynians only slept during the dark hours. Hell, he could use some of them on his engineering team if they needed only two hours of sleep.

They managed to slip past a snoring guard in the front hall and exit into the dry night air. The temperature hadn't dropped all that much, and the human felt thirsty just standing outside. It had been much cooler in his cell…

"We'd better run. Unless you want to be caught and have an extra thirty years added to your sentence for escaping from custody and kidnapping." Kalizza's voice was hushed.

Trip stood there for a moment, wondering what she meant by 'kidnapping'. "Hey! I didn't kidnap you!" He yelled softly at the figure that was already running through the streets. He took off after the Kaelynian, musing to himself.

He went from a jailbird to being an all out fugitive. Damn, he loved this planet more and more with each passing second.