Chapter 21: Consumer Blizzard.
By Star
Notes: Yes, I know this is in 3rd person, past tense. Victory and I couldn't face another multiple-POV chapter straight after the last one. They're hard work!
"Hold up! Everyone shut up!"
Everyone stared at the source of the loud voice, including more than a few patrons of the gaudily decorated mall they were standing in.
Maya smiled at them calmly. "Taz, you're buying for me, so you can shop with anyone but me at the moment."
"Except for the Bash Brothers. I still don't have their gifts either." The small purple girl replied.
"So it's Charlie or Adam. Are either of you buying for Taz?" Maya asked.
"I've already got Taz's gift." Charlie told her.
Maya grinned. "Wonderful. Charlie, Taz, get lost, blitz your money. We'll see you back here in two hours." Maya turned to the remaining three. "Ok, Fulton, what do you need to buy?"
"Adam and Portman's present." He replied obediently.
"Wonderful. Looks like I'm shopping with you. Do either of you have problems with that?" She asked the other two.
The shook their heads, slightly intimidated by her assertiveness.
*~*~*~*
Portman and Adam"I thought her girlfriend was the scary one." Portman said in a hushed tone.
"You should seen Maya lose her temper. Her rage puts Taz's to shame." Adam replied.
"I'll take a rain check on that, Taz scares me enough."
"Actually, you've never seen her really lose her temper either." Adam said thoughtfully.
"That's because I like being alive." Portman grinned. "So, are we going to discuss the feisty lesbians all day, or are we going to shop? I for one don't want to be late back, Maya might kill us."
Adam nodded and began to follow him. "You know the reason she's being so assertive, don't you?"
"Does it have anything to do with the Christmas tree that Taz painted on the wall of their room?"
Adam grinned. "You'd think by now that girl would learn to paint on paper. Luckily, that's what Charlie has got her, a huge sketch book."
"You think that will stop her?"
"I don't know, I hope so. I've bought Maya a hockey stick, maybe she can threaten Taz with it."
"Now there's an image I can't deal with. Them fighting each other… with weapons." Portman laughed.
"Maybe I should take it back." Adam considered.
"Come on cake-eater. Which shop are we going to first?"
Adam blushed. "I just need to get a small gift for Charlie, I've already got his main present."
Portman took a deep breath. "So which shop are we going to for this small gift?"
"I was thinking of getting him underwear."
Portman considered this carefully, then decided, "You are so middle-aged."
*~*~*~*
Fulton and Maya"So what's the plan of action?" Maya asked as they walked.
"Did anyone ever suggest you'd do well in the army?" He replied.
She gave him a look that made him wish he hadn't spoken, then she laughed.
"Sorry, Christmas makes everyone crazy. I try to keep my head. You try living with Taz and trying to stay sane."
"I heard about the Christmas tree." He said warily.
Maya snorted. "I've been trying not to laugh about that all day. If I laugh it only encourages her, and I'm sick of having to repaint our room every couple of weeks. And you don't want to be around Taz when she's high on paint fumes!"
"She's one of a kind."
"I think the world isn't ready for another Taz." She grinned. "C'mon, let's go spend some money!"
*~*~*~*
Taz and Charlie"Charles Conway, move your ass!"
"Taryn Anne McDonald, don't you use that tone with me!" He glared at her. "And I've told you before, don't call me Charles."
"Well don't call me Taryn!" She snapped back. "And how do you know my middle name?"
"Me? You started it!"
"Go dtachta neach neamhshaolta do thóin bheagmhaitheasach!"
He frowned at her. "You haven't taught me that one!"
She smiled back. "I know. So are you coming in here or not?" She gestured to the shop they were standing outside of.
"Not." He said firmly.
"That wasn't really a question. Move it!"
"Taz, one of the reasons I'm glad I'm gay is shops like this. I don't want to go into a lingerie shop."
Taz grinned. "Come in there with me or I'll make a scene."
"You don't think you're doing that now?" He countered.
"This? This is the warm-up. Wait 'til I get going. I'll do the heartbroken girlfriend thing."
"You wouldn't." He said without much hope.
Taz exploded. "How dare you! You fool around behind my back, I take you back – like the schmuck that I am and now you…"
Whatever Taz was planning to say was cut off by Charlie clamping his hand over her mouth and tugging her inside the shop.
She grinned at him. "See, now that wasn't so bad, was it?"
"If I wasn't so scared of Maya, I would happily kill you." He muttered in her ear.
"You love me really." She wrapped an arm around him.
"Like I love syphilis."
"You have syphilis? That's what you get for tarting around behind my back." She grinned and he stepped on her foot.
"Nasty." She tried to pout at him, but neither could keep a straight face.
"So what are we in here for?" He asked, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Taz and not the lingerie around him.
"Can I help you?" A sales assistant with a bright smile greeted them.
Taz's grin got bigger and Charlie began to worry.
"My boyfriend's buying me pyjamas for Christmas, buy you know what men's taste is like, so I've come along to chose them."
The assistant's eyes dimmed slightly, working out that it would only be a paltry commission. "This way." She instructed with a less bright smile than before.
"So, what are you two looking for?"
"Do you have anything resembling a straight-jacket?" Charlie asked with a perfectly serious expression.
Taz glared at him.
Let the games commence.
*~*~*~*
"So, did everyone get what they wanted?" Maya asked, slipping back into drill sergeant mode.
"Charlie and I got kicked out of three stores." Taz supplied brightly.
Adam raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend, Charlie shrugged and pointed at Taz, insinuating that it was all her fault.
"That's nice." Maya responded tiredly. "Can we go home now?"
Halfway home it occurred to them that nobody bought wrapping paper.