Chapter 12: Saying Goodbye
A moment later James opened his eyes and pulled back from Lily slowly and regretfully. Lily sat rigid blinking confusedly.
"What was THAT for?" Lily said in absolute astonishment.
James blinked at her, then flushed slightly and looked down. "I thought… well… um…" he sighed in confusion and embarrassment. "Ever since… Christmas Eve," he blushed fiercely again and refused to look at her. "Ever since then, I've been thinking about you. Even though we weren't even friends then, you were… sweet and kind to me," there was a slight smile on his lips as he spoke but he was still refusing to look at her. "And… when you said, 'More important than you?' just now… I thought… I thought…" he stumbled to a halt and turned even redder.
Lily gawked at him with open mouth and wide, innocent eyes. The idea that just maybe he had liked her too had never actually occurred to her.
He chanced a look at her but quickly looked away again because too many emotions were running rampant through his head. His thoughts were in turmoil but one thought rose to the surface and made itself known. "I'm so stupid," he thought to himself mournfully.
He looked so sad and upset that Lily just couldn't help herself. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He jumped slightly but then his arms went around her waist and pulled her closer to him as he kissed her back.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Rose stormed out of the Funeral Home and went down to where the cab with the humorous old man waited. She climbed in and slammed the door behind her. "Hogwarts," she said harshly.
The old man turned around and smiled at her. "Where are ya little friends missy?" he inquired.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Never you mind. You can come back for them after you take me home," she paused. "Please?" she said in a much nicer tone.
"Surely little miss. Off we go then!" he smiled back at her as he started the engine and drove off leaving Rose staring out the window at the quickly vanishing Funeral Home. A silver tear broke free of the hold she kept on herself and slid down her ivory cheek. She raised her hand and quickly dashed it away angrily. Her anger grew and it burned away the tears, but she felt their presence all the same.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When James and Lily parted the second time, it was only to arms length. After a moment she dropped her hands and lay her head on his shoulder. His arm went about her waist and he lay his head on top of hers. For a long while they stayed like that neither speaking.
Lily looked up at him tenderly. "Are you going to be ok James?"
James didn't answer for a long moment. "I never got to say goodbye," he whispered, closing his eyes.
Lily put her arms about his waist. "What do you mean?"
He swallowed hard before answering. "Ti and I were just talking. She was laughing at some joke I told. I can't even remember what it was. And then…" he broke off and choked down another sob. "I never got to say goodbye," he whispered again.
"She knows that you loved her. It's the greatest gift you could have given her. She died laughing with her loving family surrounding her. I can't think of a better way to go," Lily said blinking furiously.
"I know. And that should make me feel better but…" he stopped, unsure of how to continue.
Lily disengaged her arms from about him and stood up. She turned and offered him her hand to help him up. He took it and she pulled him to his feet and led him to the door still holding his hand.
She opened the door and they stepped out unnoticed into the crowd of mourners. She led him to the coffin and stopped a few feet away from it. "You can still say goodbye," she murmured sorrowfully.
He swallowed hard and stepped over to Tiana's side. He looked at her then reached out and took her cold hand. He opened his mouth several times and closed it again without saying a word. Finally he took a deep breath and forced the words he wanted to say out. "I love you kiddo. Always will. Just like I'll always miss you. Take care of Gran and Pap Pap for me. And take care of yourself Ti," he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. When he stepped back, glistening on her cheek like a diamond was one of his tears. He reached out a tender hand to wipe it off then stopped and dropped his hand, leaving the tear there like a testament of her humanity.
Lily came up next to him and took his hand again. "You'll see her again," she said firmly. James made no response but he gave her hand a little squeeze. His eyes and demeanor were still melancholy but there was a sense of peace about him as he looked at the beautiful face of his only sister.
"Yeah. I will. No need to hurry it," he said softly. "Let's go find the others," he gazed at his sister for one more moment then turned and walked away hand in hand with Lily.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When they reached the others, Lily self-consciously dropped James hand. The Marauders swarmed around James and Lily walked over to Lucille and Kit who stood a few feet away. Lucille gave Lily a small smile but Kit was looking at her penetratingly. Lily sighed.
"Honestly Kit. Do you miss ANYTHING?" Lily said exasperatedly.
Kit smiled a subdued version of her usual impish smile. "No. Sorry to disappoint you."
Lucille looked quite confused and she looked from one to the other then sighed. "I guess I'm just not meant to understand you people," she said resignedly.
Lily swung an arm around Lucille's shoulders. "Nope. It's much more fun when you are mystified," she said with a teasing smile on her lips.
Lucille glared at her and groaned. "I HATE being in the dark," she moaned.
Kit's ocean blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "I don't think it'll be a secret much longer anyway Lucille. Unless you are blind," she said dodging to the side quickly to avoid a kick from Lily.
"I'm going to join the boys. You people are too mysterious for me," Lucille said, flipping her silky black hair over her shoulder and walking over to the Marauders.
Kit turned to Lily, the devil horns back in place. "Sooooooo… what happened?" she said with a demon's smile.
Lily tried in vain not to blush. "Nothing."
Kit smile only widened. "They could heat the whole of England from the heat of your blush. In other words, yeah… right."
"Kit, I don't think it meant anything. He's so messed up right now. Him and Rose just had a huge fight, his sister is gone and there is just so much turmoil in his mind right now that I don't think it really meant anything." Lily's tone was very level but the eyes that were staring at the ground were windows to her tortured heart. Kit's smile died and she reached out a hand to pat Lily's shoulder.
"I think you're wrong," was all she said.
A moment later James opened his eyes and pulled back from Lily slowly and regretfully. Lily sat rigid blinking confusedly.
"What was THAT for?" Lily said in absolute astonishment.
James blinked at her, then flushed slightly and looked down. "I thought… well… um…" he sighed in confusion and embarrassment. "Ever since… Christmas Eve," he blushed fiercely again and refused to look at her. "Ever since then, I've been thinking about you. Even though we weren't even friends then, you were… sweet and kind to me," there was a slight smile on his lips as he spoke but he was still refusing to look at her. "And… when you said, 'More important than you?' just now… I thought… I thought…" he stumbled to a halt and turned even redder.
Lily gawked at him with open mouth and wide, innocent eyes. The idea that just maybe he had liked her too had never actually occurred to her.
He chanced a look at her but quickly looked away again because too many emotions were running rampant through his head. His thoughts were in turmoil but one thought rose to the surface and made itself known. "I'm so stupid," he thought to himself mournfully.
He looked so sad and upset that Lily just couldn't help herself. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He jumped slightly but then his arms went around her waist and pulled her closer to him as he kissed her back.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Rose stormed out of the Funeral Home and went down to where the cab with the humorous old man waited. She climbed in and slammed the door behind her. "Hogwarts," she said harshly.
The old man turned around and smiled at her. "Where are ya little friends missy?" he inquired.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Never you mind. You can come back for them after you take me home," she paused. "Please?" she said in a much nicer tone.
"Surely little miss. Off we go then!" he smiled back at her as he started the engine and drove off leaving Rose staring out the window at the quickly vanishing Funeral Home. A silver tear broke free of the hold she kept on herself and slid down her ivory cheek. She raised her hand and quickly dashed it away angrily. Her anger grew and it burned away the tears, but she felt their presence all the same.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When James and Lily parted the second time, it was only to arms length. After a moment she dropped her hands and lay her head on his shoulder. His arm went about her waist and he lay his head on top of hers. For a long while they stayed like that neither speaking.
Lily looked up at him tenderly. "Are you going to be ok James?"
James didn't answer for a long moment. "I never got to say goodbye," he whispered, closing his eyes.
Lily put her arms about his waist. "What do you mean?"
He swallowed hard before answering. "Ti and I were just talking. She was laughing at some joke I told. I can't even remember what it was. And then…" he broke off and choked down another sob. "I never got to say goodbye," he whispered again.
"She knows that you loved her. It's the greatest gift you could have given her. She died laughing with her loving family surrounding her. I can't think of a better way to go," Lily said blinking furiously.
"I know. And that should make me feel better but…" he stopped, unsure of how to continue.
Lily disengaged her arms from about him and stood up. She turned and offered him her hand to help him up. He took it and she pulled him to his feet and led him to the door still holding his hand.
She opened the door and they stepped out unnoticed into the crowd of mourners. She led him to the coffin and stopped a few feet away from it. "You can still say goodbye," she murmured sorrowfully.
He swallowed hard and stepped over to Tiana's side. He looked at her then reached out and took her cold hand. He opened his mouth several times and closed it again without saying a word. Finally he took a deep breath and forced the words he wanted to say out. "I love you kiddo. Always will. Just like I'll always miss you. Take care of Gran and Pap Pap for me. And take care of yourself Ti," he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. When he stepped back, glistening on her cheek like a diamond was one of his tears. He reached out a tender hand to wipe it off then stopped and dropped his hand, leaving the tear there like a testament of her humanity.
Lily came up next to him and took his hand again. "You'll see her again," she said firmly. James made no response but he gave her hand a little squeeze. His eyes and demeanor were still melancholy but there was a sense of peace about him as he looked at the beautiful face of his only sister.
"Yeah. I will. No need to hurry it," he said softly. "Let's go find the others," he gazed at his sister for one more moment then turned and walked away hand in hand with Lily.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When they reached the others, Lily self-consciously dropped James hand. The Marauders swarmed around James and Lily walked over to Lucille and Kit who stood a few feet away. Lucille gave Lily a small smile but Kit was looking at her penetratingly. Lily sighed.
"Honestly Kit. Do you miss ANYTHING?" Lily said exasperatedly.
Kit smiled a subdued version of her usual impish smile. "No. Sorry to disappoint you."
Lucille looked quite confused and she looked from one to the other then sighed. "I guess I'm just not meant to understand you people," she said resignedly.
Lily swung an arm around Lucille's shoulders. "Nope. It's much more fun when you are mystified," she said with a teasing smile on her lips.
Lucille glared at her and groaned. "I HATE being in the dark," she moaned.
Kit's ocean blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "I don't think it'll be a secret much longer anyway Lucille. Unless you are blind," she said dodging to the side quickly to avoid a kick from Lily.
"I'm going to join the boys. You people are too mysterious for me," Lucille said, flipping her silky black hair over her shoulder and walking over to the Marauders.
Kit turned to Lily, the devil horns back in place. "Sooooooo… what happened?" she said with a demon's smile.
Lily tried in vain not to blush. "Nothing."
Kit smile only widened. "They could heat the whole of England from the heat of your blush. In other words, yeah… right."
"Kit, I don't think it meant anything. He's so messed up right now. Him and Rose just had a huge fight, his sister is gone and there is just so much turmoil in his mind right now that I don't think it really meant anything." Lily's tone was very level but the eyes that were staring at the ground were windows to her tortured heart. Kit's smile died and she reached out a hand to pat Lily's shoulder.
"I think you're wrong," was all she said.