Author's Note: Let's see... Plot blatantly ripped off from A Midsummer Night's Dream by good old Willy Shakespeare and all the Zim stuff is property of Jhonen. This production has been brought to you by a random bout of insomnia. *insert maniacal laughter here* And for everyone who wonders who's who, here's a quick cast list.

Cast List:

Ms. Bitters: Helena
Robo-mom: Hermia
Robo-dad: Lysander
Prof. Membrane: Demetrius

Red: Oberon
Purple: Titania
GIR: Puck

Zim: Nick Bottom
Dib: Francis Flute
Random Irkens and students: Everyone else

A Midsummer Night's Doom

Act 1: Doomed Romance and Stuff

Summer was a joyous time. Children squealed and played their games. The hot sidewalk burned bare feet. The ice cream man's business boomed. Yes, everyone loved summer... Well, almost everyone. One lone black-clad figure slunk through the crowded sidewalks cursing her time out among the horrible dooming sun.

Ms. Bitters paused outside of the electronics store, staring at the display of televisions. Big televisions and small ones... Color and black and white... And all with one man upon their screens - Professor Membrane. Ms. Bitters's shrivelled, black, doom-filled heart flittered once in an approximation of beating. Ever since the explosion across town on Parent/Teacher Night, when she'd first seen the destructive power the professor had at his disposal, Ms. Bitters had been unable to keep the scientist far from her thoughts. "Love?" the wrinkled old teacher murmured to herself. "Pah! A foolish sentiment!" But still...

As "Probing the Membrane of Science" gave way to a commercial for a commercial about Bloaty's anal cream, Ms. Bitters shrugged and looked away from the television, only to stare in stunned silence. There HE was! Right there! The Professor! Standing on the very same sidewalk! 'Oh not-as-bad-as usual day!' Ms. Bitters marvelled.

Best of all, Membrane was looking right at her! The faint beginnings of a smile tried to blaze a trail across Ms. Bitters's face. The resulting expression made people shudder and clear a wide path around the terrifying teacher. Professor Membrane seemed oblivious, though, and only then did Ms. Bitters realize that he was staring not at, but beyond, her. Turning so slowly that her bones could be heard creaking, Ms. Bitters saw only Zim's parents leading a little green dog on a leash.

The dog froze by the television display and stared in rapt attention at the commercials. The man and woman proved unable to budge the little creature, so they too stopped to watch. When a man with a thick Brooklyn accent declared that he liked burritos even if they didn't like him, the woman leaned close to her husband and murmured, "Ah, honey, look! It's our show!"

"Yep," the man agreed, clenching a pipe between his teeth. "You know, dear, I've been thinking. Once we restock the base, maybe we should take a vacation." He paused as a small shower of sparks spurted from his neck. "Nothing long, just a night out. It seems a normal thing to do. A camping trip in those woods near the park, perhaps?"

The woman's vacant expression never changed as she cocked her head from side to side in thought. "All right," she agreed. "Just watch out for those grass stains. They're hard to get out, you know."

The commercials came to an end, and the dog began prancing ahead of its humans again, forcing them to be dragged along again. Ms. Bitters sighed softly. A doomed couple... Couldn't even control their own pet. She found herself hoping that the dog would go mad and try to eat the woman. At least that's what she hoped until Prof. Membrane came up behind her.

"Oh!" the professor murmured to himself. "She was right here! Right here, watching my show! So sweet... So beautiful... If only I knew her name!"

Ms. Bitters didn't have the heart to correct the scientist and tell him that they were watching the commercials. Instead, she decided to do something even more foolish just to get Membrane to actually notice her. "They'll be camping in the woods tonight."

Ms. Bitters thought that she could see Prof. Membrane's eyes light up behind his thick goggles. "Ah!" he exclaimed. "My sweet, sweet blue-haired love! Tonight I shall approach you and sweet you off your feet!" Membrane practically skipped off down the street, humming Broadway love songs. Ms. Bitters merely shook her head. Poor doomed soul... She might as well try to follow him to comfort him when he made a fool of himself. And maybe try to win his heart for herself... Or just gloat over how all romance is doomed anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

Zim glared at the kids sitting in a circle. How he loathed this planet and its stinkbeasts! Yet here he was, fraternizing with the filthy worm children. And why? Because he'd thought that joining a summer activity group would make him seem more normal. The fact that Dib was also part of this group only made things that much worse for the Invader. The very first week, the group leader - Sunny Shine - had taken three water guns away from Dib. Zim's lips curled in a silent snarl at the thought of having to depend on a mere human to protect him from Dib's devious ways. No, that was not how things should be. Not at all! The mighty Zim should be the one commanding these little bootlicking snails! Zim rubbed his hands together at the thought. Yes, he would take over...

First, Zim knew he had to win the Shine-human's favor through unbridled enthusiasm for her idiotic projects. And then he could take over! Zim burst out into maniacal laughter as he pictured Dib forced to obey his every whim.

"All right, kiddies!" Sunny chirped. "We're going to be putting on a play!" Her vapid blue eyes sparkled with breathless excitement as she began handing out the scripts. Zim gingerly picked up the bound pages by the corner and studied the title - "Pyramus and Thisby" - and frowned. He'd never heard of these Earth beasts. "Zim, you will play the part of Pyramus."

Zim hopped up and saluted. "Yes, Group Leader Sunny! Erm... But what exactly is this 'Pyramus' thing?"

"Oh!" Sunny exclaimed. "Pyramus is a noble hero that kills himself most nobly for love! Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Zim shuddered at both the grating voice of Sunny and the thought of doing anything for 'love.' Hideous Earth things... Did they really follow through with such foolishness? Zim could think of many better reasons for killing oneself than love - unless, of course, this Pyramus-beast was so disgusted by the love stuff that he couldn't bear to go on living. Yes, that made sense! "Then I shall move the audience to tears with my performance, but they shall be comforted knowing that this hideousness is not happening to them! Though, you know..." Zim's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "I would do much better in the part of a tyrant. But go on, Shine-human. Pass out the rest of the parts."

Sunny stared blankly at Zim for a moment, before moving on to the next role. "Dib!" Dib glanced up from where he was doodling in the dirt with a stick. "You're going to play the part of Thisby."

"Thisby?" Dib queried, arching an eyebrow. "Who's that? Some gallant hero out to save the world from the hideous aliens, I'll bet!"

Catching her lip cutely between her teeth, Sunny shook her head. "Oh no! There's nothing weird like that in the play. Thisby is the girl that Pyramus loves."

"WHAT!?" Both Zim and Dib were on their feet, each babbling protests.

"No way!" Dib exclaimed. "I'm not going to play a girl! Not a chance!"

"Never!" Zim howled. "I'm not playing any part that is in love with that... that... pale, stinking Dib-worm! I'd rather play this Thisbe and put someone else in my part!"

Sunny just kept shaking her head until Zim thought her pea-sized human brain was going to come falling out of her ear. "No no no! Zim, you're going to be Pyramus, and Dib will be Thisby! Or else..." Sunny motioned to the pen where the preschoolers played, and both Dib and Zim shuddered but bowed their heads in defeat. What a horrid choice - play roles in love with each other or entertain the ankle-biters. But as brave has human and alien were, neither wanted to face so many drooling little rugrats.

The parts for Thisby's parents were handed out with no argument. When Sunny got to Keef and told him that he would be the Lion, the young boy stared up nervously. "Will I have many lines to memorize? I hope not, because I'm not that great at memorizing."

Laughing, Sunny bent down and ruffled Keef's red hair. "Relax. You can make it up as you go along because it's just roaring." Keef let out a sigh of relief just as Zim jumped back to his feet.

"Let me be the lion!" the desperate alien pleaded. "I will roar so fiercely that all will tremble before me!" Zim paused to let out his fiercest, most blood-curdling roar. "You see? So greatly will I roar that once the audience stops shaking, they will say, 'Let him roar again!' None roars better than Zim!"

"Oh Zim," Sunny tittered. "If you roared like that, you'd give some sweet little old lady a heart attack, and we can't have that." She puffed out her bosomy chest proudly, certain that she'd managed to outwit the eager little green kid. Dib merely buried his face in his hands, partly to hide the fact that he was laughing. Though he wished that he'd thought of volunteering for the Lion to get out of his part first.

Casting about for another idea, Zim forced his voice low and soft. "Then I shall roar as sweetly as a cooing dove, so that no one keels over from the sheer terror that is Zim."

Sunny groaned, but held her ground. She'd not known that assigning parts for a play could be so hard. "No, Zim. You will play Pyramus and no one else but Pyramus. Now, we'll meet tonight at the old oak to practice. I've got to go to the mall now. Bye kids!" And with those parting words, Sunny flounced off, leaving the group to ponder what sort of doom was about to befall them.