A/N: Oh, my...Duo isn't happy about this...But maybe Quatre and Heero will
be able to make him understand he can't go on like this…
Shin's Voice is ready…
Oh, by the way, just wanna make clear the band's name is The Verve, I wrote it wrong last time. Sorry, my bad. Since I was typing at 3 o'clock in the morning, I didn't realize it. Please don't sue me for it…
"Believing in Angels"
Chapter Six
'They…they know' Duo thought amazed. But his shock disappeared within a minute, and his glanced turned icy, an anger glitter in his amethyst eyes.
He was mad. He was very mad.
"No, Duo…Duo, please…don't react like this" –Duo tried to calm down him- "We knew you would probably be angry with us, but please try to understand that our intention…"
"I don't care about your intention, Quatre, I don't give a damn…That was…unfair. You got no right…" –Duo said almost biting the words and turning his back on them, facing the window once again.
"Duo, please, listen to us. We only wanted to…" –Quatre started again, walking towards him.
"Don't come." –Duo replied without looking back- "Just leave"
"You're a fool, Duo. You are just pitting yourself" –Heero said in a reproof tone, but he only made Duo angrier. 02 faced them with his hands clenched in fists.
"How dare you talking like that to me?! Don't do it! Like if you knew…" –Duo said breathing heavily. Then he went silent for a moment, holding their glances. There was something definitely different in their eyes.
"Don't do that either" –he added, this time trying to speak normally…
"Don't look at me like that. I hate people looking at me like that, like if I am worthy of pity. I've never pitied myself and I don't want anybody's pity either. I can't stand it…I may not know how your pasts were, but at least I am sure that not me or any of us would be the way we are without a dark story…"
"Duo, don't get us wrong. We are not pitting you." –the Arabian pilot said in soft voice- "We are worried. Come on, you know us well. Look, even Heero is very worried…"
The classic death glare for Quatre was Heeros' answer. But, it was true. He was worried, he just couldn't accept it.
"We just want to help you. We don't know how, but we are here for you. We don't want for you to continue blaming yourself…" –Quatre gave another step.
Duo narrowed his eyes, like judging if what he was hearing was true. But there was no doubt. Quatre's sincere eyes were bright though sad, his kind heart reflected there. He suddenly realized the pressure in his hands and finally let the anger washed out of him.
"I am not blaming myself either. I mean…it's not like that. You maybe right… That accident… It was like …Well… I've just been thinking a lot" –Duo admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed, drawing lines with his finger over the window.
"And I am just wondering if you're being sincere with yourself" –Heero mused seriously. But Duo didn't answered.
"You can go on, repeating that over and over. But do you really believe it? You must be sure it wasn't your fault" –Quatre told him.
"I…hmm…I believe it. Yeah, I think so…" –Duo replied.
"Duo…" –04 repeated- "Do you really believe it?"
"I said I do" –Duo tried his best to sound like his usual self again. But no success there.
"It wasn't your fault" –Heero added, his indifferent glance melting into one of concern.
"I know" –Duo answered softly.
"Duo. Look at me. It really wasn't your fault" –Quatre repeated leaning beside 02, trying to find the American pilot's eyes.
But Duo lowered his face. He couldn't continue hearing that. Those words were hurting him badly. The terrified screams of the children, the heat of the flames, he could hear and feel them around him. Haunting him. How was it possible? He didn't protect them. He failed them. He let everyone down, even himself. Why he didn't make it?
"Duo…it wasn't…" – Quatre's voice sounded so far away, though he was bent in front of him.
Duo just nodded, unable to say anything. He couldn't talk, he knew if he did, his voice was going to betray him. His glance turned muddy and he pressed tightly his lips, in an attempt to stay calmed.
'What's wrong with me?' –he thought, annoyed with himself- 'I'm Shinigami, Duo Maxwell. Duo Maxwell doesn't cry. He can't. I swore it…'
But, right there, were two of his friends, talking clearly about his past. Everything he once had tried to forget had come back, pinned into his mind painfully. He had never been in such a confusing situation.
He closed his eyes, trying to shake away his memories, but he only brought back, within a cruel real image, the memory of the kid who screamed hopelessly in front of church in fire.
"Not your fault" –Quatre whispered once more.
"For God's sake, stop telling me that…It was my fault…" –Duo murmured without lifting his face.
Heero looked over Quatre for a second, with an admiration glance. All this time, 04 had perfectly known Duo was pretending he believed, just saying the words without conviction, because 02 still blamed himself. Then, he looked back to Duo. Heero felt such a weird warmth in his chest…It hurt, seeing Duo like this. Why did it hurt? Why?
'Because…because maybe I have friends after all…and his pain is mine too'
Heero wasn't sure if it really was his own voice the one who silently answered him within his mind. But even if it was or it wasn't, he knew it was true. Just as Duo's pain.
"No, Duo, please. If we could make you understand..." –Quatre said sadly. His kind heart was able to read clearly into 02's hidden emotions. The blonde pilot, bent beside him, put his hands over Duo's shoulders and with soft voice continued:
"We can't convince you. You have to believe it by yourself. I can see you are trapped inside your memories…and now is the moment. Look around you, all the images of your past, of all the people you loved so much and died long ago…Can you see them? Do you remember them? Watch carefully and you'll realize…they don't blame you…
Duo was suddenly wrapped into Quatre's arms, a friendship sign between them. Duo held his breath, startled.
'They don't blame me?' They really don't blame me? –he thought amazed.
"Duo, those people loved you too. They loved you and they knew you well and they knew they could never blame you..." –Quatre continued without letting go- "Why did they know that? Because you would have given your life instead of your friend Solo, right? You could have died among the flames trying to save the others, right? They knew that. But you couldn't change things back then, and you can't change past now. They have gone, but all their hopes and wishes are now resting in your hands. It's for you to go on and live your life without regrets, for them and for you…"
Duo started breathing again. He had heard Quatre with deep sadness, but…but it was true. So clear and simple. The weight he had been carrying for years seemed to become lighter. Even though he always blamed himself, in his happiest dreams, he could see Sister Helen's smile as she kissed his forehead…
Heero remained silent, just a couple of steps back. He wasn't like Quatre, words were not his strong point. And he could have never said something as perfect as the Arabian pilot had. It was exactly what Duo needed to hear.
Finally, Duo looked up to see his friends there. He tried to smile, what else was there to do? His eyes were bright with the unshed tears. He felt weird as he realized Heero's glance was kind and not cold as always. And Quatre was there, comforting him. The last person who had hugged him was Sister Helen…After all these years, he maybe needed a bit of affection from some else.
Quatre let him go and stood up, satisfied to see his friend seemed to be calmed now.
"Though I still think this was unfair" –Duo smiled a bit- "I really appreciate it, guys…"
"Are you feeling better then?" –Quatre smiled back.
"Have you already waken up, Duo Maxwell?" –Heero asked with a nod.
Intermittent red lights interrupted them and the alarm sound echoed through the entire ship.
"We got trouble!" –Duo practically jumped.
"Oz carrriers!" –Heero started to run.
Pilots 02 and 04 ran behind him, heading towards their own ship in the pirates' hangar.
**********Shinigami's Voice***************
A/N: Please R&R….
Shin's Voice is ready…
Oh, by the way, just wanna make clear the band's name is The Verve, I wrote it wrong last time. Sorry, my bad. Since I was typing at 3 o'clock in the morning, I didn't realize it. Please don't sue me for it…
"Believing in Angels"
Chapter Six
'They…they know' Duo thought amazed. But his shock disappeared within a minute, and his glanced turned icy, an anger glitter in his amethyst eyes.
He was mad. He was very mad.
"No, Duo…Duo, please…don't react like this" –Duo tried to calm down him- "We knew you would probably be angry with us, but please try to understand that our intention…"
"I don't care about your intention, Quatre, I don't give a damn…That was…unfair. You got no right…" –Duo said almost biting the words and turning his back on them, facing the window once again.
"Duo, please, listen to us. We only wanted to…" –Quatre started again, walking towards him.
"Don't come." –Duo replied without looking back- "Just leave"
"You're a fool, Duo. You are just pitting yourself" –Heero said in a reproof tone, but he only made Duo angrier. 02 faced them with his hands clenched in fists.
"How dare you talking like that to me?! Don't do it! Like if you knew…" –Duo said breathing heavily. Then he went silent for a moment, holding their glances. There was something definitely different in their eyes.
"Don't do that either" –he added, this time trying to speak normally…
"Don't look at me like that. I hate people looking at me like that, like if I am worthy of pity. I've never pitied myself and I don't want anybody's pity either. I can't stand it…I may not know how your pasts were, but at least I am sure that not me or any of us would be the way we are without a dark story…"
"Duo, don't get us wrong. We are not pitting you." –the Arabian pilot said in soft voice- "We are worried. Come on, you know us well. Look, even Heero is very worried…"
The classic death glare for Quatre was Heeros' answer. But, it was true. He was worried, he just couldn't accept it.
"We just want to help you. We don't know how, but we are here for you. We don't want for you to continue blaming yourself…" –Quatre gave another step.
Duo narrowed his eyes, like judging if what he was hearing was true. But there was no doubt. Quatre's sincere eyes were bright though sad, his kind heart reflected there. He suddenly realized the pressure in his hands and finally let the anger washed out of him.
"I am not blaming myself either. I mean…it's not like that. You maybe right… That accident… It was like …Well… I've just been thinking a lot" –Duo admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed, drawing lines with his finger over the window.
"And I am just wondering if you're being sincere with yourself" –Heero mused seriously. But Duo didn't answered.
"You can go on, repeating that over and over. But do you really believe it? You must be sure it wasn't your fault" –Quatre told him.
"I…hmm…I believe it. Yeah, I think so…" –Duo replied.
"Duo…" –04 repeated- "Do you really believe it?"
"I said I do" –Duo tried his best to sound like his usual self again. But no success there.
"It wasn't your fault" –Heero added, his indifferent glance melting into one of concern.
"I know" –Duo answered softly.
"Duo. Look at me. It really wasn't your fault" –Quatre repeated leaning beside 02, trying to find the American pilot's eyes.
But Duo lowered his face. He couldn't continue hearing that. Those words were hurting him badly. The terrified screams of the children, the heat of the flames, he could hear and feel them around him. Haunting him. How was it possible? He didn't protect them. He failed them. He let everyone down, even himself. Why he didn't make it?
"Duo…it wasn't…" – Quatre's voice sounded so far away, though he was bent in front of him.
Duo just nodded, unable to say anything. He couldn't talk, he knew if he did, his voice was going to betray him. His glance turned muddy and he pressed tightly his lips, in an attempt to stay calmed.
'What's wrong with me?' –he thought, annoyed with himself- 'I'm Shinigami, Duo Maxwell. Duo Maxwell doesn't cry. He can't. I swore it…'
But, right there, were two of his friends, talking clearly about his past. Everything he once had tried to forget had come back, pinned into his mind painfully. He had never been in such a confusing situation.
He closed his eyes, trying to shake away his memories, but he only brought back, within a cruel real image, the memory of the kid who screamed hopelessly in front of church in fire.
"Not your fault" –Quatre whispered once more.
"For God's sake, stop telling me that…It was my fault…" –Duo murmured without lifting his face.
Heero looked over Quatre for a second, with an admiration glance. All this time, 04 had perfectly known Duo was pretending he believed, just saying the words without conviction, because 02 still blamed himself. Then, he looked back to Duo. Heero felt such a weird warmth in his chest…It hurt, seeing Duo like this. Why did it hurt? Why?
'Because…because maybe I have friends after all…and his pain is mine too'
Heero wasn't sure if it really was his own voice the one who silently answered him within his mind. But even if it was or it wasn't, he knew it was true. Just as Duo's pain.
"No, Duo, please. If we could make you understand..." –Quatre said sadly. His kind heart was able to read clearly into 02's hidden emotions. The blonde pilot, bent beside him, put his hands over Duo's shoulders and with soft voice continued:
"We can't convince you. You have to believe it by yourself. I can see you are trapped inside your memories…and now is the moment. Look around you, all the images of your past, of all the people you loved so much and died long ago…Can you see them? Do you remember them? Watch carefully and you'll realize…they don't blame you…
Duo was suddenly wrapped into Quatre's arms, a friendship sign between them. Duo held his breath, startled.
'They don't blame me?' They really don't blame me? –he thought amazed.
"Duo, those people loved you too. They loved you and they knew you well and they knew they could never blame you..." –Quatre continued without letting go- "Why did they know that? Because you would have given your life instead of your friend Solo, right? You could have died among the flames trying to save the others, right? They knew that. But you couldn't change things back then, and you can't change past now. They have gone, but all their hopes and wishes are now resting in your hands. It's for you to go on and live your life without regrets, for them and for you…"
Duo started breathing again. He had heard Quatre with deep sadness, but…but it was true. So clear and simple. The weight he had been carrying for years seemed to become lighter. Even though he always blamed himself, in his happiest dreams, he could see Sister Helen's smile as she kissed his forehead…
Heero remained silent, just a couple of steps back. He wasn't like Quatre, words were not his strong point. And he could have never said something as perfect as the Arabian pilot had. It was exactly what Duo needed to hear.
Finally, Duo looked up to see his friends there. He tried to smile, what else was there to do? His eyes were bright with the unshed tears. He felt weird as he realized Heero's glance was kind and not cold as always. And Quatre was there, comforting him. The last person who had hugged him was Sister Helen…After all these years, he maybe needed a bit of affection from some else.
Quatre let him go and stood up, satisfied to see his friend seemed to be calmed now.
"Though I still think this was unfair" –Duo smiled a bit- "I really appreciate it, guys…"
"Are you feeling better then?" –Quatre smiled back.
"Have you already waken up, Duo Maxwell?" –Heero asked with a nod.
Intermittent red lights interrupted them and the alarm sound echoed through the entire ship.
"We got trouble!" –Duo practically jumped.
"Oz carrriers!" –Heero started to run.
Pilots 02 and 04 ran behind him, heading towards their own ship in the pirates' hangar.
**********Shinigami's Voice***************
A/N: Please R&R….