LoD Help Me Hotline 3: Electric Wheelchair
Note: I hate cheese, but please RnR anyway. Thanks to a few special people who gave me some ideas. ^_^
Malk: Well, hello again all you stinky dogs! I'm back due to popular demand (can you believe it!?! ^______^). We're going to do things a little differently the third time around. Caller number 8 gets a VERY SPECIAL PRIZE!! However, it's a SEEEEEEEEECRET Special Prize!! Also, since many people wanted Meru to have a bigger role...I gave her a bigger role! And good timing, too! You see, while using my ex-boyfriend as a piñata, I kind of...well, missed his head, and hit Lloyd's leg pretty hard...yeah, I broke his leg, so now I need a new co-host. Sooooooooo...welcome my new co-host....MERU!!
.......................
Malk: Eh HEM! Welcome my new co host........MERU!!!
....................
*random coughing*
Malk: ............... ^_____________________^ Just a minute folks....
*Malk goes behind stage* Malk: MERU! GET OUT...*GASPS!!!*
Meru: Ha ha ha!! What's that Lloyd, you want ANOTHER muffin!!? *stuffs a muffin in his mouth.....btw Lloyd is still in an electric wheelchair with a cast on his leg* Oh, what did you say? Another muffin? Here ya go! *stuffs another muffin in his mouth...Lloyd's mouth is overflowing with muffins*
Lloyd: mmmmmmfmemmfiphdommmmmphphmmmmm....... #_@
Malk: MERU!!
Meru: *looks at Malk* ..............hi!
Malk: What are you doing!?!
Meru: He wanted more muffins!
Lloyd: -__- *mouth still stuffed with muffins*
Malk: Oi......come on, you're on the air now! You can stuff muffins down his throat LATER!
Lloyd: O_@
Meru: Ohhhh........ok! *leaves with Malk*
Malk: We're back folks, and here's my co-host..........MERU!
Meru: *Jumps up onto the table* Am I on TV!?
Malk: Yes, you are...
Meru: YIPPIE!! Come on everyone, let me show you my new DANCE CRAZE!! Do the MERU!! *starts spinning and jumping*
Malk: ....um Meru, you're blocking the hotline number.
Meru: Oh, here, let me help it down. *jumps up and grabs the hotline number board*
Malk: Meru, no!
Meru: *pulls it down too hard, it falls on her and breaks in half* Uuuuuuuuu.....$_@
Malk: -_- *sigh* Well, the number's the same folks. Phone lines are now open for a half hour, no longer. Call 1-800-LODHELP to ask questions about Legend of Dragoon. Caller 1, you're on.
Caller 1: What does being "Dispirited" mean?
Malk: It means that your character's soul got taken by the...
Meru: It means you can't earn any Spirit Points in battle! Use a Body Purifier to cure it!
Malk: ............Meru, let me handle these people.
Meru: ^_^
Malk: -_- ...........next caller.
Caller 2: There's an arrow on Dart's head!! How do I get it off!?!
Malk: Actually, that's a bomb and...
Meru: That's easy! Just use the R1 or L1 buttons!
Caller 2: ...........
Malk: .............
Caller 2: Well, thank you, thank you very much!
Malk: Meru........let ME handle the calls....
Meru: Okies! ^_^
Malk: -_-..........next caller.
Caller 3: What does A-AV mean?
Malk: Assholes Annonymous...
Meru: Attack Evasion Skills!
Caller 3: Oh.......that's interesting...thank you!
Malk: Meru.......
Meru: Next caller!
Caller 4: Hey Meru, where did you get your ultra-cute shoes?
Malk: At the clown convention where she used to work at as a carnie...
Meru: No, that's where I got you that hat you're always wearing!
Malk: -_-
Meru: I actually got these shoes on sale at Target! Gotta love those bargains! Next caller!
Caller 5: This is gonna be a real stupid question...
Malk: That's normal. -_-
Meru: Just remember, the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked!! ^_______^
Malk: -_- uuuuuhhh....
Caller 5: If I pour milk out and it looks like cottage cheese, does that mean it's gone bad?
Malk: No, it's perfectly safe to consume. You'll only suffer from diarrhea and upset stomach and other common ailments of food poisoning.
Meru: EWWW!! Throw it out!! Throw it out!! Don't eat it! Just THROW IT OUT!!
Caller 5: Gee, thanks Meru! You're the best!!
Meru: ^__________^
Malk: -_- .......next caller.
Caller 6: Yes, I have a question for Meru.
Meru: Go on ahead! I'm all ears.
Malk: -_-
Caller 6: Well, I just want to know how to beat that darned Virage hybrid in The Forbidden Land! He always kills me!
Meru: Oh, that one's actually quite easy! You just guard the whole time!
Caller 6: Cool! I'll try that one! Thanks!
Meru: Nooooooooooo problem! ^________^ Next caller!
Caller 7: Hi, MERU, um, well, last time I called, Malk gave me some pretty lousy advice on how to beat Faust...
Malk: WHAT do you mean LOUSY!!? That's expert material there, you hose-sucker!!
Caller 7: And, well, MERU, I was wondering...could you give me some advice?
Meru: I'd be glad to! In fact, I'll give you a step-by-step guide on how to beat that big ol' meanie!
*ten minutes later*
Meru: And then he should pretty much be a dead duckie! Hope that helps! ^_______^
Caller 7: Thanks so much!
Malk: ........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... -_-
BUZZBUZZBUZZ!!!
Malk: AAAAAAAAHHH!! DON'T BITE ME!! @_@ ..........oh, it's just the buzzer...and THAT MEANS!!
Chorus: Caller.........NUMBER EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHT!!
Malk: That's right! Hello, you're on the air!
Caller 8: Yeah, hi, listen, I...
Malk: Do you know what caller number you are?!
Caller 8: ...............no......
Malk: You're....
Chorus: Caller.........NUMBER EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHT!!
Caller 8: Uh...yeah, listen I want to speak with Meru about......
Malk: And you know what THAT means, right?
Caller 8: ..............no, but.........
Malk: It means you win the SECRET SPECIAL PRIZE!!
Caller 8: ...........and that is.......?
Malk: Albert for a day! ^___^
Caller 8: Albert......for a day?
Malk: Yep, let me tell you about it! Albert's been training hard for the last six hours studying to become a professional landscape designer!!
Caller 8: ........he has?
Malk: Yep! And for one full day, he'll go over to your house and do yard work for FREE!! Pretty good for an expert, huh?
Caller 8: Yeah, nice, but I wanna talk with Meru, so...
Malk: Don't worry, we'll package him up and deliver him to your doorstep within the next ten minutes!!
Caller 8: But I still have my quest...*click*
Malk: *turns to security guards holding Albert* You heard me! Put Albert in that package and deliver him to caller 8's house!
Albert: *struggling as he gets pushed in a box* YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! I'M A KING!! I WANT MY LAWYER!! Oh wait, I AM my own lawyer...I'LL HAVE YOU ALL DECAPITATED!! *is stuffed in box and sent to Caller 8's house*
Malk: Next caller!
Caller 9: Hi, Meru?
Meru: HELLLLLLLLOOOOO!! ^___________^
Caller 9: I was just wondering...where is all the Stardust?
Meru: That's an easy one!
Malk: Um, Meru, we don't exactly have time to ANSWER that one...
Meru: Nonsense! It'll take no time at all! ^_________^
Malk: Whatever........ -_-
Meru: The first on is in Seles, near the graveyard, and the next few you don't get until you're in Bale, and there are some procedures you need to take before you get it and...
*an hour later*
Malk: -_- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........zzzzzzzzzzz.......wha, wha...where am I?
Meru: And THAT'S how you defeat the Divine Dragon! Take care now!
Malk: *looks at Meru's chair* Isn't that Lloyd's electric wheelchair?
Meru: Well, my butt kind of fell asleep on the other one...
Malk: But...what's Lloyd sitting on?
Lloyd: -_- *is sitting on a birdbath* Shoo shoo...go away you pesky birds!! *slaps at them with his crutch*
Malk: Well, I guess it doesn't matter...what caller are we on?
Meru: 73.
Malk: Oh..........CALLER SEVENTY THREE!?!? What time is it?!
Meru: 10:32
Malk: TEN THIRTY TWO!!?! We should have been off the air 45 minutes ago!! What were you THINKING!?!
Meru: Well, there were sooooooo many people, and I just couldn't HANG up on all of them! ^________^
Malk: God!! What did they all want?
Meru: Well, a lot of them were from before, saying that you didn't exactly give accurate information and...
Malk: ....AND!?
Meru: Oh yeah, someone wanted your muffin recipe! ^_________^
Malk: @_@ .........WHAT!!?! You didn't give it to him, did you!?!
Meru: Well of COURSE I did!
Malk: FOOL!! That was my family's super duper totally top top secret hidden behind three-metal doors homemade get-well muffins for LLOYD!!
Meru: Sheesh, it just came from a Pillsbury boxed mix, don't get all bent out of shape... -_-
Malk: *growls* You are SOOO FIRED MISSIE!!
Meru: *disappears*
Malk: ...........woah, didn't know she could do that! LLOYD!!
*Lloyd limps over*
Caller 73: Hello, Meru? What is the answer to 26 across on page 122 in this month's Crossword Heaven magazine?
Malk: SHOVE IT! She made like a tea and got bagged!!
Lloyd: -_- That doesn't make ANY sense...*sits down on his electric wheelchair*
*LOUD FARTING NOISE*
Malk: O.O
Lloyd: -_- *stands up and takes off the whoopee cushion on his wheel chair*
Malk: MERU!!!
Meru: NWAYAYA!! *jumps on Lloyd's back and starts stuffing muffins down his throat again*
Lloyd: #_@ MFFFFFFFTTPHHHTT!!
Malk: MERU!!!
Meru: Oh, loosen up Malkie-Walkie! JOIN ME!! ^_________^
Malk: *shrugs* Sorry folks, phone lines are closed! *begins stuffing muffins down Lloyd's throat with Meru, when suddenly...*
Meru: Uh oh...
Malk: Now what?
Meru: *sniff* No more muffins...
Malk: Pooie...now what do we do?
Meru: *looks in corner* Hey, isn't that your ex-boyfriend hanging upside down over there?
Malk: Oh yeah. I had him brought down here in case I needed to talk my anger out on someone...
Meru: Well, I'm pretty mad we ran out of muffins...*wink wink*
Malk: Yeah, me too. *nudge nudge*
Both: ^_____________________^
Meru: I've got the bithcin' hammer!
Malk: And I've got the blindfold!
*Malk and Meru walk over to Malk's ex-boyfriend*
Malk: There's just one thing that bothers me Meru...
Meru: Whaz that?
Malk: What were you doing in my bishonen closet the other day?
Meru: Um..........that's a looooooooooong story, let's do it while we use the "piñata"
*Lloyd is in the background flailing his arms and tripping over wires and camera stuff while choking on muffins*
*meanwhile, at caller 8's house*
*The bushes are burning and the trees are on fire...Albert is mowing the lawn on a riding lawn mower when suddenly....*
ZIIIIIIIP SCRATCH ZIP ZIP RIP SHRED!!
Albert: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! MY CAPE MY CAPE!! *cape gets shredded, his head is nearing the blades*
Albert: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
End
Note: I hate cheese, but please RnR anyway. Thanks to a few special people who gave me some ideas. ^_^
Malk: Well, hello again all you stinky dogs! I'm back due to popular demand (can you believe it!?! ^______^). We're going to do things a little differently the third time around. Caller number 8 gets a VERY SPECIAL PRIZE!! However, it's a SEEEEEEEEECRET Special Prize!! Also, since many people wanted Meru to have a bigger role...I gave her a bigger role! And good timing, too! You see, while using my ex-boyfriend as a piñata, I kind of...well, missed his head, and hit Lloyd's leg pretty hard...yeah, I broke his leg, so now I need a new co-host. Sooooooooo...welcome my new co-host....MERU!!
.......................
Malk: Eh HEM! Welcome my new co host........MERU!!!
....................
*random coughing*
Malk: ............... ^_____________________^ Just a minute folks....
*Malk goes behind stage* Malk: MERU! GET OUT...*GASPS!!!*
Meru: Ha ha ha!! What's that Lloyd, you want ANOTHER muffin!!? *stuffs a muffin in his mouth.....btw Lloyd is still in an electric wheelchair with a cast on his leg* Oh, what did you say? Another muffin? Here ya go! *stuffs another muffin in his mouth...Lloyd's mouth is overflowing with muffins*
Lloyd: mmmmmmfmemmfiphdommmmmphphmmmmm....... #_@
Malk: MERU!!
Meru: *looks at Malk* ..............hi!
Malk: What are you doing!?!
Meru: He wanted more muffins!
Lloyd: -__- *mouth still stuffed with muffins*
Malk: Oi......come on, you're on the air now! You can stuff muffins down his throat LATER!
Lloyd: O_@
Meru: Ohhhh........ok! *leaves with Malk*
Malk: We're back folks, and here's my co-host..........MERU!
Meru: *Jumps up onto the table* Am I on TV!?
Malk: Yes, you are...
Meru: YIPPIE!! Come on everyone, let me show you my new DANCE CRAZE!! Do the MERU!! *starts spinning and jumping*
Malk: ....um Meru, you're blocking the hotline number.
Meru: Oh, here, let me help it down. *jumps up and grabs the hotline number board*
Malk: Meru, no!
Meru: *pulls it down too hard, it falls on her and breaks in half* Uuuuuuuuu.....$_@
Malk: -_- *sigh* Well, the number's the same folks. Phone lines are now open for a half hour, no longer. Call 1-800-LODHELP to ask questions about Legend of Dragoon. Caller 1, you're on.
Caller 1: What does being "Dispirited" mean?
Malk: It means that your character's soul got taken by the...
Meru: It means you can't earn any Spirit Points in battle! Use a Body Purifier to cure it!
Malk: ............Meru, let me handle these people.
Meru: ^_^
Malk: -_- ...........next caller.
Caller 2: There's an arrow on Dart's head!! How do I get it off!?!
Malk: Actually, that's a bomb and...
Meru: That's easy! Just use the R1 or L1 buttons!
Caller 2: ...........
Malk: .............
Caller 2: Well, thank you, thank you very much!
Malk: Meru........let ME handle the calls....
Meru: Okies! ^_^
Malk: -_-..........next caller.
Caller 3: What does A-AV mean?
Malk: Assholes Annonymous...
Meru: Attack Evasion Skills!
Caller 3: Oh.......that's interesting...thank you!
Malk: Meru.......
Meru: Next caller!
Caller 4: Hey Meru, where did you get your ultra-cute shoes?
Malk: At the clown convention where she used to work at as a carnie...
Meru: No, that's where I got you that hat you're always wearing!
Malk: -_-
Meru: I actually got these shoes on sale at Target! Gotta love those bargains! Next caller!
Caller 5: This is gonna be a real stupid question...
Malk: That's normal. -_-
Meru: Just remember, the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked!! ^_______^
Malk: -_- uuuuuhhh....
Caller 5: If I pour milk out and it looks like cottage cheese, does that mean it's gone bad?
Malk: No, it's perfectly safe to consume. You'll only suffer from diarrhea and upset stomach and other common ailments of food poisoning.
Meru: EWWW!! Throw it out!! Throw it out!! Don't eat it! Just THROW IT OUT!!
Caller 5: Gee, thanks Meru! You're the best!!
Meru: ^__________^
Malk: -_- .......next caller.
Caller 6: Yes, I have a question for Meru.
Meru: Go on ahead! I'm all ears.
Malk: -_-
Caller 6: Well, I just want to know how to beat that darned Virage hybrid in The Forbidden Land! He always kills me!
Meru: Oh, that one's actually quite easy! You just guard the whole time!
Caller 6: Cool! I'll try that one! Thanks!
Meru: Nooooooooooo problem! ^________^ Next caller!
Caller 7: Hi, MERU, um, well, last time I called, Malk gave me some pretty lousy advice on how to beat Faust...
Malk: WHAT do you mean LOUSY!!? That's expert material there, you hose-sucker!!
Caller 7: And, well, MERU, I was wondering...could you give me some advice?
Meru: I'd be glad to! In fact, I'll give you a step-by-step guide on how to beat that big ol' meanie!
*ten minutes later*
Meru: And then he should pretty much be a dead duckie! Hope that helps! ^_______^
Caller 7: Thanks so much!
Malk: ........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... -_-
BUZZBUZZBUZZ!!!
Malk: AAAAAAAAHHH!! DON'T BITE ME!! @_@ ..........oh, it's just the buzzer...and THAT MEANS!!
Chorus: Caller.........NUMBER EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHT!!
Malk: That's right! Hello, you're on the air!
Caller 8: Yeah, hi, listen, I...
Malk: Do you know what caller number you are?!
Caller 8: ...............no......
Malk: You're....
Chorus: Caller.........NUMBER EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHT!!
Caller 8: Uh...yeah, listen I want to speak with Meru about......
Malk: And you know what THAT means, right?
Caller 8: ..............no, but.........
Malk: It means you win the SECRET SPECIAL PRIZE!!
Caller 8: ...........and that is.......?
Malk: Albert for a day! ^___^
Caller 8: Albert......for a day?
Malk: Yep, let me tell you about it! Albert's been training hard for the last six hours studying to become a professional landscape designer!!
Caller 8: ........he has?
Malk: Yep! And for one full day, he'll go over to your house and do yard work for FREE!! Pretty good for an expert, huh?
Caller 8: Yeah, nice, but I wanna talk with Meru, so...
Malk: Don't worry, we'll package him up and deliver him to your doorstep within the next ten minutes!!
Caller 8: But I still have my quest...*click*
Malk: *turns to security guards holding Albert* You heard me! Put Albert in that package and deliver him to caller 8's house!
Albert: *struggling as he gets pushed in a box* YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! I'M A KING!! I WANT MY LAWYER!! Oh wait, I AM my own lawyer...I'LL HAVE YOU ALL DECAPITATED!! *is stuffed in box and sent to Caller 8's house*
Malk: Next caller!
Caller 9: Hi, Meru?
Meru: HELLLLLLLLOOOOO!! ^___________^
Caller 9: I was just wondering...where is all the Stardust?
Meru: That's an easy one!
Malk: Um, Meru, we don't exactly have time to ANSWER that one...
Meru: Nonsense! It'll take no time at all! ^_________^
Malk: Whatever........ -_-
Meru: The first on is in Seles, near the graveyard, and the next few you don't get until you're in Bale, and there are some procedures you need to take before you get it and...
*an hour later*
Malk: -_- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........zzzzzzzzzzz.......wha, wha...where am I?
Meru: And THAT'S how you defeat the Divine Dragon! Take care now!
Malk: *looks at Meru's chair* Isn't that Lloyd's electric wheelchair?
Meru: Well, my butt kind of fell asleep on the other one...
Malk: But...what's Lloyd sitting on?
Lloyd: -_- *is sitting on a birdbath* Shoo shoo...go away you pesky birds!! *slaps at them with his crutch*
Malk: Well, I guess it doesn't matter...what caller are we on?
Meru: 73.
Malk: Oh..........CALLER SEVENTY THREE!?!? What time is it?!
Meru: 10:32
Malk: TEN THIRTY TWO!!?! We should have been off the air 45 minutes ago!! What were you THINKING!?!
Meru: Well, there were sooooooo many people, and I just couldn't HANG up on all of them! ^________^
Malk: God!! What did they all want?
Meru: Well, a lot of them were from before, saying that you didn't exactly give accurate information and...
Malk: ....AND!?
Meru: Oh yeah, someone wanted your muffin recipe! ^_________^
Malk: @_@ .........WHAT!!?! You didn't give it to him, did you!?!
Meru: Well of COURSE I did!
Malk: FOOL!! That was my family's super duper totally top top secret hidden behind three-metal doors homemade get-well muffins for LLOYD!!
Meru: Sheesh, it just came from a Pillsbury boxed mix, don't get all bent out of shape... -_-
Malk: *growls* You are SOOO FIRED MISSIE!!
Meru: *disappears*
Malk: ...........woah, didn't know she could do that! LLOYD!!
*Lloyd limps over*
Caller 73: Hello, Meru? What is the answer to 26 across on page 122 in this month's Crossword Heaven magazine?
Malk: SHOVE IT! She made like a tea and got bagged!!
Lloyd: -_- That doesn't make ANY sense...*sits down on his electric wheelchair*
*LOUD FARTING NOISE*
Malk: O.O
Lloyd: -_- *stands up and takes off the whoopee cushion on his wheel chair*
Malk: MERU!!!
Meru: NWAYAYA!! *jumps on Lloyd's back and starts stuffing muffins down his throat again*
Lloyd: #_@ MFFFFFFFTTPHHHTT!!
Malk: MERU!!!
Meru: Oh, loosen up Malkie-Walkie! JOIN ME!! ^_________^
Malk: *shrugs* Sorry folks, phone lines are closed! *begins stuffing muffins down Lloyd's throat with Meru, when suddenly...*
Meru: Uh oh...
Malk: Now what?
Meru: *sniff* No more muffins...
Malk: Pooie...now what do we do?
Meru: *looks in corner* Hey, isn't that your ex-boyfriend hanging upside down over there?
Malk: Oh yeah. I had him brought down here in case I needed to talk my anger out on someone...
Meru: Well, I'm pretty mad we ran out of muffins...*wink wink*
Malk: Yeah, me too. *nudge nudge*
Both: ^_____________________^
Meru: I've got the bithcin' hammer!
Malk: And I've got the blindfold!
*Malk and Meru walk over to Malk's ex-boyfriend*
Malk: There's just one thing that bothers me Meru...
Meru: Whaz that?
Malk: What were you doing in my bishonen closet the other day?
Meru: Um..........that's a looooooooooong story, let's do it while we use the "piñata"
*Lloyd is in the background flailing his arms and tripping over wires and camera stuff while choking on muffins*
*meanwhile, at caller 8's house*
*The bushes are burning and the trees are on fire...Albert is mowing the lawn on a riding lawn mower when suddenly....*
ZIIIIIIIP SCRATCH ZIP ZIP RIP SHRED!!
Albert: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! MY CAPE MY CAPE!! *cape gets shredded, his head is nearing the blades*
Albert: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
End