So perhaps Devi had rightfully rejected him. He was quite a horrible
person. Even Johnny could admit that, and he almost thought he wouldn't be
able to understand, or cope with, anyone liking him.
That wasn't the problem. He didn't need her to be there for him. He needed her to be totally unaccessible. He needed her to stop being a part of his life. Granted, she had done all she could to stay away. But he couldn't keep coming upon her like this.
At the moment, she was absolutely at his mercy. Like just another one of his victims, with Johnny in power. The police directed him to the State Institution, where Devi had been relocated, and Johnny arrived with a sense of confidence in his decision. After Devi was gone, he would be totally alone, with no hope for any such lusts. No one else could sway him the way Devi did. After she was gone, he could be on his own, and he could deal with his solitude.
"We don't usually have visitors for the solitary cells." The nurse told him drily. It was a guy nurse, with a bad attitude, but that didn't matter. Keep focused on your goals, Johnny told himself. He was in the middle of threatening the nurse (for that was sometimes what one must do to get the things they want) when an alarm somewhere began shrieking. As the attendents fled the building, Johnny took the chance to wander idly about the building.
Following a smell, he came upon the source of the alarm; a fire burning meticulously at the padded walls. Johnny passed cautiously by, but the flames seemed to lurch out at him. The door next to the fire was open, and Johnny peered in.
And there was Devi.
Devi stopped struggling with the straitjacket and looked up at Johnny. Hmm, she thought, thank you, Sickness, for the fast and prompt delivery. If Sickness still had her screw eyes they would be rolling in her head. Devi watched Johnny, wonderful and freeing images of his head splattered against the wall dancing through her brain. For a long moment he just stood there, imagining her at his mercy, seeing as she was tied up.
Then something snapped, and the straitjacket unwound itself about her. "Whee!" She said, only half sarcastic, as she fumbled with the buttons and clips, somehow miraculously working it off. Johnny didn't remember the fire burning behind him, and didn't understand Devi's Houdini- trick. He was preoccupied with the vision of Devi before him.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" She snapped. "Give me a knife."
Slowly Johnny bent down and lifted a sharp dagger from his boot. Devi exploded into a rage of laughter that subsided only when Johnny slashed her shoulder.
"Hey." She said reasonably, then touched her palm to the blood forming on her shirt. "Hey." Slow comprehension almost turned into anger, but she smiled instead.
"You are the answer to my problems." He said stonily.
Devi cackled and flaunted, "Dude, that is soo poetic." Quoting Nowhere, the movie that had been on the television that night at Johnny's house. The time when there had actually been potential in the world. She laughed again at her cleverness.
"Shit, Devi, can you please shut up? I am serious here."
She sighed and played along, "Okay, then…? I'm supposed to ask, Why are you going to kill me?"
"You're the only excess in my life."
"Fuck it, I'm not in your stupid life."
"You're the only hope for me. Without you there, taunting me, then I'm free to fall into the void."
"Giving into your demons?" Devi hissed. "God, Johnny, you were always so weak!–"
"I've conquered my demons, Devi. The only one left is You."
Finally Devi paused and considered this. "Wait. I'm your demon? I'm your hope?" She looked at him oddly, and all he could do was stand there, she could've sworn she saw him shaking. "Ahh.. in a place where you don't want any hope. You don't want to be happy. You'd rather sit around your stinking house, imagining yourself to be somehow transcending this desolate world! Ah, GOD, Johnny, you are so lost!"
At this, Johnny leaped forward at her, dagger aimed for her head. Quickly Devi dodged, grabbed Johnny in flight, and brought him down harshly into the corner of the cell. He was too shocked to grasp the dagger, which she quickly snatched out of his hand.
"You are weak, Johnny. You can never be any match to me." She said, lowering the knife to his head. "You think giving up on love, or lust, is going to make you a better person? Why the fuck do you want to be empty, Johnny? You might as well kill yourself."
"I've tried that." He mentioned sharply, but she ignored him.
"Living may be trite, or stupid, but that's all you have. Just because you've experienced some awfully negative emotions, doesn't mean you should look over any others, which could possibly make life bearable. Emotions… lust… stupidity. Why not? Why do you feel such violent hate for that which is simply irrelevant?"
Johnny pulled out another dagger and leapt up. Devi held hers at his chin, and Johnny held his at her heart.
"Life just is. And I'm going to have fun with it." Devi pulled away from Johnny and took a running leap out of the cell.
He ran to the doorway, but was trapped in by the flames. How had Devi gone through, he wondered. He touched his throat and felt a trickle of blood. She had ever so gently sliced it. Shallow, and only a bit of feeling entered him. She had jumped through the flames.
Johnny followed, taking a running leap out of the room. He fell into the wall of the hall, doubled over in pain and heat. Somewhere down the hall Devi laughed maniacally. "She's playing with me," he realized with terror. "This is fun to her.. This is her feeling life." He didn't like the feeling of pain. He batted a few flames off his pants and shakily stood up.
Devi watched from around the corner, trying hard not to laugh. What fun! Fire and blood and the faint remnants of a loss romance. Johnny might be right, there was a sort of relationship between the two, however twisted it was. I hate you, Johnny, Devi thought, because you made ME believe there was some hope. I hate you because you're the potential that will never get realized. And you hate me because you know something better is possible, but you're too stubborn to find it.
In the end, the only thing was the emotions, was the hate, was the laughter, was the fun adventure of slashing people open, (you know that feeling, Johnny, that excess), perhaps a kiss or two. A feeling. And then one final cut, and it's all over.
That wasn't the problem. He didn't need her to be there for him. He needed her to be totally unaccessible. He needed her to stop being a part of his life. Granted, she had done all she could to stay away. But he couldn't keep coming upon her like this.
At the moment, she was absolutely at his mercy. Like just another one of his victims, with Johnny in power. The police directed him to the State Institution, where Devi had been relocated, and Johnny arrived with a sense of confidence in his decision. After Devi was gone, he would be totally alone, with no hope for any such lusts. No one else could sway him the way Devi did. After she was gone, he could be on his own, and he could deal with his solitude.
"We don't usually have visitors for the solitary cells." The nurse told him drily. It was a guy nurse, with a bad attitude, but that didn't matter. Keep focused on your goals, Johnny told himself. He was in the middle of threatening the nurse (for that was sometimes what one must do to get the things they want) when an alarm somewhere began shrieking. As the attendents fled the building, Johnny took the chance to wander idly about the building.
Following a smell, he came upon the source of the alarm; a fire burning meticulously at the padded walls. Johnny passed cautiously by, but the flames seemed to lurch out at him. The door next to the fire was open, and Johnny peered in.
And there was Devi.
Devi stopped struggling with the straitjacket and looked up at Johnny. Hmm, she thought, thank you, Sickness, for the fast and prompt delivery. If Sickness still had her screw eyes they would be rolling in her head. Devi watched Johnny, wonderful and freeing images of his head splattered against the wall dancing through her brain. For a long moment he just stood there, imagining her at his mercy, seeing as she was tied up.
Then something snapped, and the straitjacket unwound itself about her. "Whee!" She said, only half sarcastic, as she fumbled with the buttons and clips, somehow miraculously working it off. Johnny didn't remember the fire burning behind him, and didn't understand Devi's Houdini- trick. He was preoccupied with the vision of Devi before him.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" She snapped. "Give me a knife."
Slowly Johnny bent down and lifted a sharp dagger from his boot. Devi exploded into a rage of laughter that subsided only when Johnny slashed her shoulder.
"Hey." She said reasonably, then touched her palm to the blood forming on her shirt. "Hey." Slow comprehension almost turned into anger, but she smiled instead.
"You are the answer to my problems." He said stonily.
Devi cackled and flaunted, "Dude, that is soo poetic." Quoting Nowhere, the movie that had been on the television that night at Johnny's house. The time when there had actually been potential in the world. She laughed again at her cleverness.
"Shit, Devi, can you please shut up? I am serious here."
She sighed and played along, "Okay, then…? I'm supposed to ask, Why are you going to kill me?"
"You're the only excess in my life."
"Fuck it, I'm not in your stupid life."
"You're the only hope for me. Without you there, taunting me, then I'm free to fall into the void."
"Giving into your demons?" Devi hissed. "God, Johnny, you were always so weak!–"
"I've conquered my demons, Devi. The only one left is You."
Finally Devi paused and considered this. "Wait. I'm your demon? I'm your hope?" She looked at him oddly, and all he could do was stand there, she could've sworn she saw him shaking. "Ahh.. in a place where you don't want any hope. You don't want to be happy. You'd rather sit around your stinking house, imagining yourself to be somehow transcending this desolate world! Ah, GOD, Johnny, you are so lost!"
At this, Johnny leaped forward at her, dagger aimed for her head. Quickly Devi dodged, grabbed Johnny in flight, and brought him down harshly into the corner of the cell. He was too shocked to grasp the dagger, which she quickly snatched out of his hand.
"You are weak, Johnny. You can never be any match to me." She said, lowering the knife to his head. "You think giving up on love, or lust, is going to make you a better person? Why the fuck do you want to be empty, Johnny? You might as well kill yourself."
"I've tried that." He mentioned sharply, but she ignored him.
"Living may be trite, or stupid, but that's all you have. Just because you've experienced some awfully negative emotions, doesn't mean you should look over any others, which could possibly make life bearable. Emotions… lust… stupidity. Why not? Why do you feel such violent hate for that which is simply irrelevant?"
Johnny pulled out another dagger and leapt up. Devi held hers at his chin, and Johnny held his at her heart.
"Life just is. And I'm going to have fun with it." Devi pulled away from Johnny and took a running leap out of the cell.
He ran to the doorway, but was trapped in by the flames. How had Devi gone through, he wondered. He touched his throat and felt a trickle of blood. She had ever so gently sliced it. Shallow, and only a bit of feeling entered him. She had jumped through the flames.
Johnny followed, taking a running leap out of the room. He fell into the wall of the hall, doubled over in pain and heat. Somewhere down the hall Devi laughed maniacally. "She's playing with me," he realized with terror. "This is fun to her.. This is her feeling life." He didn't like the feeling of pain. He batted a few flames off his pants and shakily stood up.
Devi watched from around the corner, trying hard not to laugh. What fun! Fire and blood and the faint remnants of a loss romance. Johnny might be right, there was a sort of relationship between the two, however twisted it was. I hate you, Johnny, Devi thought, because you made ME believe there was some hope. I hate you because you're the potential that will never get realized. And you hate me because you know something better is possible, but you're too stubborn to find it.
In the end, the only thing was the emotions, was the hate, was the laughter, was the fun adventure of slashing people open, (you know that feeling, Johnny, that excess), perhaps a kiss or two. A feeling. And then one final cut, and it's all over.