Notes and Disclaimers are at the beginning of Chapter One.

Spoilers in this Chapter: Alter Boys

Part Nine - I Don't Remember

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Grissom was sitting in his chair, staring into space.  Margie's arraignment had been that morning, and he had been there to watch as the former CSI had pled not guilty to the misdemeanor pointing of a firearm charge that the DA claimed was all they could charge her with.  Frankly, Catherine didn't know where the younger woman got the guts to plead not guilty after she and the two men had seen her aiming her gun at Grissom.  If Nick hadn't shot Margie, she probably would have shot Grissom, making the charge murder or attempted murder.  But they couldn't prove that, the DA claimed. 

They couldn't charge her with Annie Jones' death, either, even after her confession to Grissom.  Since Nick, Catherine, and Warrick had arrived after Margie's recitation of what really happened, her attorney would argue that the confession was hearsay.  Without anyone to back up Grissom's version, it would never be allowed into court.

Grissom had been quiet since that night in his house.  More quiet than usual.  Catherine knew what was bothering him, but she hadn't been able to get him to say it out loud again. 

He hadn't known whether or not he had killed Annie Jones.  For those long hours, Grissom had to face a side of himself that he had never really confronted.  He'd had to consider the fact that he could take a human life.  Not in self defense, not in defense of someone else - but a cold-blooded murder.

Even with Margie's confession, Grissom still didn't know and would never know what really happened that night.  He could piece together the evidence and maybe imagine what occurred, but thanks to the drug, he would never have his own memories.  A woman had died not three feet from him, and he could not remember her death.

"Come on in, Catherine."

She entered slowly and sank down into one of the visitor's chairs.  "You okay?"

"I just keep wondering how many others…"

"Don't, Grissom.  You keeping thinking like that and you won't be able to do this job."

"I'm not sure I can anymore, now," he said softly.

Catherine stared at him, stunned.  In ten years, she couldn't recall Grissom saying anything about leaving. 

"Margie's brother died because I didn't look deep enough.  Ben Jennings died when I knew he was innocent but couldn't prove it.  How many other innocent people, Catherine?  We're supposed to protect them, not facilitate their deaths."

"Gil --"

He cut her off.  "Annie Jones died because she wanted revenge, and I don't remember her death!  I don't remember Margie putting a gun into my hand and pulling the trigger.  All I know is that Annie came onto me in a bar and when I woke up the next morning, she was dead."

Catherine sighed.  "Margie got her wish, then."

His head snapped up.  "What do you mean?"

She leaned forward.  "Margie and Annie wanted to do to you what they thought you did to them - take away the one thing that mattered.  Personally, I don't think they were quite right in the head, planning this for five years.  Margie was good to be able to hide her hatred of you while working here.  Hell, I never would have suspected her."

Grissom raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'your point'?

"If you leave now, then they've succeeded.  I know how much this job means to you, Gil.  They knew how much it means to you.  They probably figured that even if you weren't arrested, you'd be so shaken that you would leave."  Grissom stayed silent.  Catherine continued softly.  "I know this has forced you to think about your job and yourself in ways we never want to.  I know you're wondering how someone could work with you for three months and hate you so much she was planning to frame and kill you.  Margie is the only person who can answer that."

"And I can't talk to her because I haven't officially been cleared."

Catherine sighed.  He hadn't officially been cleared. Yes, another sample had shown that there was Flunitrazepam in his system. But that didn't prove that he hadn't done it.  That only slowed down the investigation.

"Gil, just promise me you won't do anything rash, okay?"

Grissom looked at her, seeing how worried she was.  He nodded.  Catherine smiled sadly, not really reassured.

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