MML2: SS&S
"We hold the rights until Nova forces us to give them back to her."
Calinca Chaos Reel 2
Bud: Before we begin, we'll explain why we won't take the series to Elysium. It's because the fucking monkey is charging us TRIPLE for every minute of film there. And NASA won't grant us permission to tag along. It's also because the director, a close friend of mine, is...um...resigning. Now, let's get to the show!
Disclaimer: All brands and names copyrighted to their respective companies, all rights reserved. Except for the Crew, they're under my command. SUE ME AND I WILL CAP YOU BIOTCH.
[filmed on location near Vladivostok, Russia]
[aboard the flutter]
[Take 1]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! X(
MM: Watching you practice your goddamn KarmaSutra by yourself! You look like you're masturbating!
D: CUT! TRIGGER! IT'S THE WHIP FOR YOU!
[Take 2, 20 painful lashes later]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! I was getting ready for my date with Teisel!
D: CUT! YOU TOO, ROLL!
[Take 3, 20 VERY PAINFUL lashes later]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing!
MM: Oops! You mean you're not Tron?
D: TRIGGER! COME HERE! NOW!
[Break at the Post Office, FIFTY lashes later]
MM: Hey, there!
PM: [PostMaster] Yo, Trigger! You got mail!
MM: Anthrax again?
PM: Hell no. This time, you've got some mail from Appo and Dah!
MM: DAMN! Those retards have been mailing me constantly about how their spelling is improving. And they still can't spell the F word right either.
PM: So...
MM: Just return it to the sender. They can't even read their own addresses.
PM: Alrighty...Oh! You also got one from Tron!
MM: ^_____^ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Lemme see it!
PM: Here ya go!
[You got: Tron Letter 2!]
MM: It reads - Dear Trigger, Mistress Tron is always happy these days. Whenever any of us asks why, she says its because you copulated with her, whatever that means. But Master Teisel is very angry. He wants us to get rid of you. We're using a different method than anthrax this time.
PM: Thank God. What can a little Lego Man do? Hit us with his plastic hand?!
MM: [reading] We're using a voice bomb. This letter will self-destruct in 2 seconds from the time you read this sentence out loud.
PM: Voice bomb my...
[The post office explodes in a ball of flame that also consumes nearby buildings.]
D: I love this whip!
[Meeting Joe...again...after 3 months of burn treatment and rehab]
Joe: Here...take this. These are the keys to the train.
MM: Yes! I get to take the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE TRAIN!!
D: Cut. Trigger! You know the drill.
MM: Hell no! I ain't gonna get whipped again! [makes a run for the hotel exit]
D: [to SG1] You know, this whip also doubles as a lasso.
[10 searingly painful lashes later]
[Train chase]
[Fighting Glyde's car]
[Take 1]
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!
MM: As easily as I did to you at the DANCE CLUB?!
G: NOOOOOOOO! DON'T REMIND ME!
D: CUT DAMMIT! Bringing up other shows is copyright infringement!
[NOTE: SEE MY OFF THE SET FIC EPISODE 2 PART 1 FOR MORE DETAILS.]
[Take 2]
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!
MM: Oh yes I will!
G: Oh no you won't!
MM: Oh yes I will!
D: Cut the scene! Didn't I tell you about copyright infringement already?!
G: Oh no you won't!
MM: Oh yes I will!
SG1: Word up, doc!
[Take 3]
G: After I defeat you, Tron will be ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!
MM: NOOOOO! I WON'T LET YOU!
T: [through megaphone] YEAH! DON'T LET HIM, TRIGGER!
D: CUT! I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
[Uncoupling Glyde's car]
G: What are you doing!
Teisel: So long, sucker! MWAHAHA Ha ha ha...ha... [can't push the button] I CAN'T DO IT! I JUST CAN'T!
T: If you don't uncouple the car, Glyde's will explode taking us with him!
Teisel: BUT WHO WILL I DRINK BEER WITH! X(
G: And how will I ever give Tron a blow-job if I'm dead!
T: [suddenly infuriated] HEY! ONLY TRIGGER AND THE STAGE GUY CAN SCREW ME! [pushes da button]
G and Teisel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T, MM, SG1: YEEEEEESSSS!
D: CUT! ALL OF YOU THERE SEE ME AFTER FILMING!
[Battling Teisel's car]
[Servbot missiles are being fired at Trigger]
R: Maybe you can send the missiles back the way they came from!
MM: Okay! I'll do that!
[Servbot missile heads towards Trigger, Trigger catches it]
Servbot: Hello, Trigger! Did you like my voicebomb? I made it myself!
MM: SO IT WAS YOU! DIE LEGO BOY!
[MM drops the Servbot in front of his train. It gets ground underneath the wheels, screaming.]
Servbot: [pitifully] Cold...so cold...
MM: AAAAAAHAHHAH! I LOVE THIS GAME!
[Director slaps himself]
SG1: [pats Director's shoulder] Don't worry, man. At least we don't have to pay for their insurance.
[Shooting up Servbots on an exposed, burning train]
R: There are too many of them! Aim for the laser!
MM: I can't! They're throwing bombs at me!
R: Throw the bombs back!
MM: Got it!
[Trigger throws a bomb back at a servbot, blowing it off the train and landing it under the wheels]
MM: HA HA HA! DID YOU SEE THAT! HE GOT GROUND UP REALLY BAD!
D: [Through Megaphone] Do you know how Christ felt being lashed? You'll find out real soon.
Priest: Hey! No religious references! Think of the children!
SG1: Hey, director, can I make him wear the crown of thorns now?
[After the train scene, and 50 lashes to each of the cast members...]
[Preparing for the icy dungeon sequence in the church]
[Think Detroit Rock City.]
MM: Ummm...director? Can I warm myself up before I enter the dungeon? It's cold in there, you know.
D: Ehh...fine. Don't take too long. Maybe you can ask the priest to bless you before you go in, too.
MM: Thanks! I'll do that! [runs into nearby confession booth]
D: They'll need all the blessings they can get.
SG1: You know what? I think I'll confess too!
D: All right. Wait your turn in there, okay?
SG1: Okay! [runs through same confession booth door as Trigger]
[5 minutes later]
D: I wonder what's taking so long? It shouldn't take this long to confess.
Priest: [just arriving] Sorry I'm late. I had an appointment with a sick person in the hospital. [enters the OTHER confession booth door]
D: Wait a minute...
Priest: [from inside] ALMIGHTY HOLY SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!! O_O
[Trigger, SG1, and Tron all race out the door, in their underwear and sticky. Ewwwwwwwww... They stop in front of the director.]
D: JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST!
[100 lashes and a crucifixion later]
D: I REALLY LOVE THIS WHIP!
T: AAAAAH! GET THESE NAILS OUT OF MY HANDS! IT HURTS! X_X
[Data emerges from that same booth, holding his camera. There is a hole through the booth's ceiling.]
D: Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
[The Director grabs Data and rips his tail off. He also takes the camera footage and tosses it out the window, hoping the snow will destroy it. That's where I found it.]
[Inside the dungeon]
[Room with big pillars]
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.
MM: Even I never had boners this big!
D: CUT!
[Take 2]
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.
MM: I pity the people who make condoms for...
D: CUT DAMMIT! ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL LASH YOU!
[Across the frozen lake with the keys]
R: There's a really big reaverbot in the middle of that lake! Watch out, Trigger!
MM: Got it!
[After defeating the big missile-bird and grabbing the keys]
D: Good take. Let's get to the blob shoot before we all freeze to death.
SG1: Hey? There's something moving out on the ice patch.
D: I can't see it too well. [It's Teisel and Roll doing a figure-skating routine] What the hell are they doing?
SG1: Should I get the whip, sir?
D: [Suddenly very infuriated, then is back to normal, with an evil grin] No. I've got a better idea.
[The director picks up a spare Servbot bomb and throws into the middle of the lake. It explodes, revealing the cold, icy water that Teisel and Roll fall into.]
SG1: DIRECTOR!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
D: I'll get them out of there on our way out. Let's keep going.
SG1: BUT WHAT IF THEY DIE!?
D: Then screw them! I'll get another Roll and Teisel.
[Tron and Trigger are laughing at the drowning victims]
[Showing Trigger to the Blob]
SG1: This is the blob you'll be fighting. Think of it as a big blob of...
J: JELL-O! ^______________^
SG1: HELL NO, JUNO! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I SLAP YOU.
J: Eeek! I don't wanna be slapped!
SG1: Bad Juno! Bad Juno! Get over here!
J: No! I won't let you! [flees off-screen]
SG1: And don't come back! Anyway, Trigger, think of this blob as a big hunk of ESTROGEN. If it engulfs you, you'll become a woman and lose your...um...woody.
MM: [trembling] And Tron won't love me?
SG1: Nope. And our group sex sessions won't be fun anymore. Although I will have my own hoe train...
MM: [like a macho man] SAY NO MORE! I WILL DEFEAT THIS MENACE!
SG1: That's the spirit! Now get out there and KILL THAT BLOB!
MM: YES! :) [runs out to the ice field and starts battling the blob]
D: [to SG1] You didn't tell him that the blob was really made of toxic industrial sludge did you?
SG1: Of course not. He'd be trembling in fear if I did.
D: [sigh of relief] Thank God. At least he's being careful.
[Suddenly...]
MM: AAAAGH! HELP! IT'S GOT ME!
D: SHIT! WE HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
MM: I DON'T WANNA BE A WOMAN! X(
D: STAGE GUY?! WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM THE BLOB WAS MADE OF?!
SG2: Um...Stage Guy 1 isn't here sir. He fled when he saw Trigger panicking.
MM: HELP ME! [is swallowed into the blob]
D: I'm not helping him!
[End of Reel 6]
[Watch out for our final reel, DreamTime Disaster!]
"We hold the rights until Nova forces us to give them back to her."
Calinca Chaos Reel 2
Bud: Before we begin, we'll explain why we won't take the series to Elysium. It's because the fucking monkey is charging us TRIPLE for every minute of film there. And NASA won't grant us permission to tag along. It's also because the director, a close friend of mine, is...um...resigning. Now, let's get to the show!
Disclaimer: All brands and names copyrighted to their respective companies, all rights reserved. Except for the Crew, they're under my command. SUE ME AND I WILL CAP YOU BIOTCH.
[filmed on location near Vladivostok, Russia]
[aboard the flutter]
[Take 1]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! X(
MM: Watching you practice your goddamn KarmaSutra by yourself! You look like you're masturbating!
D: CUT! TRIGGER! IT'S THE WHIP FOR YOU!
[Take 2, 20 painful lashes later]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! I was getting ready for my date with Teisel!
D: CUT! YOU TOO, ROLL!
[Take 3, 20 VERY PAINFUL lashes later]
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing!
MM: Oops! You mean you're not Tron?
D: TRIGGER! COME HERE! NOW!
[Break at the Post Office, FIFTY lashes later]
MM: Hey, there!
PM: [PostMaster] Yo, Trigger! You got mail!
MM: Anthrax again?
PM: Hell no. This time, you've got some mail from Appo and Dah!
MM: DAMN! Those retards have been mailing me constantly about how their spelling is improving. And they still can't spell the F word right either.
PM: So...
MM: Just return it to the sender. They can't even read their own addresses.
PM: Alrighty...Oh! You also got one from Tron!
MM: ^_____^ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Lemme see it!
PM: Here ya go!
[You got: Tron Letter 2!]
MM: It reads - Dear Trigger, Mistress Tron is always happy these days. Whenever any of us asks why, she says its because you copulated with her, whatever that means. But Master Teisel is very angry. He wants us to get rid of you. We're using a different method than anthrax this time.
PM: Thank God. What can a little Lego Man do? Hit us with his plastic hand?!
MM: [reading] We're using a voice bomb. This letter will self-destruct in 2 seconds from the time you read this sentence out loud.
PM: Voice bomb my...
[The post office explodes in a ball of flame that also consumes nearby buildings.]
D: I love this whip!
[Meeting Joe...again...after 3 months of burn treatment and rehab]
Joe: Here...take this. These are the keys to the train.
MM: Yes! I get to take the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE TRAIN!!
D: Cut. Trigger! You know the drill.
MM: Hell no! I ain't gonna get whipped again! [makes a run for the hotel exit]
D: [to SG1] You know, this whip also doubles as a lasso.
[10 searingly painful lashes later]
[Train chase]
[Fighting Glyde's car]
[Take 1]
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!
MM: As easily as I did to you at the DANCE CLUB?!
G: NOOOOOOOO! DON'T REMIND ME!
D: CUT DAMMIT! Bringing up other shows is copyright infringement!
[NOTE: SEE MY OFF THE SET FIC EPISODE 2 PART 1 FOR MORE DETAILS.]
[Take 2]
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!
MM: Oh yes I will!
G: Oh no you won't!
MM: Oh yes I will!
D: Cut the scene! Didn't I tell you about copyright infringement already?!
G: Oh no you won't!
MM: Oh yes I will!
SG1: Word up, doc!
[Take 3]
G: After I defeat you, Tron will be ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!
MM: NOOOOO! I WON'T LET YOU!
T: [through megaphone] YEAH! DON'T LET HIM, TRIGGER!
D: CUT! I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
[Uncoupling Glyde's car]
G: What are you doing!
Teisel: So long, sucker! MWAHAHA Ha ha ha...ha... [can't push the button] I CAN'T DO IT! I JUST CAN'T!
T: If you don't uncouple the car, Glyde's will explode taking us with him!
Teisel: BUT WHO WILL I DRINK BEER WITH! X(
G: And how will I ever give Tron a blow-job if I'm dead!
T: [suddenly infuriated] HEY! ONLY TRIGGER AND THE STAGE GUY CAN SCREW ME! [pushes da button]
G and Teisel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T, MM, SG1: YEEEEEESSSS!
D: CUT! ALL OF YOU THERE SEE ME AFTER FILMING!
[Battling Teisel's car]
[Servbot missiles are being fired at Trigger]
R: Maybe you can send the missiles back the way they came from!
MM: Okay! I'll do that!
[Servbot missile heads towards Trigger, Trigger catches it]
Servbot: Hello, Trigger! Did you like my voicebomb? I made it myself!
MM: SO IT WAS YOU! DIE LEGO BOY!
[MM drops the Servbot in front of his train. It gets ground underneath the wheels, screaming.]
Servbot: [pitifully] Cold...so cold...
MM: AAAAAAHAHHAH! I LOVE THIS GAME!
[Director slaps himself]
SG1: [pats Director's shoulder] Don't worry, man. At least we don't have to pay for their insurance.
[Shooting up Servbots on an exposed, burning train]
R: There are too many of them! Aim for the laser!
MM: I can't! They're throwing bombs at me!
R: Throw the bombs back!
MM: Got it!
[Trigger throws a bomb back at a servbot, blowing it off the train and landing it under the wheels]
MM: HA HA HA! DID YOU SEE THAT! HE GOT GROUND UP REALLY BAD!
D: [Through Megaphone] Do you know how Christ felt being lashed? You'll find out real soon.
Priest: Hey! No religious references! Think of the children!
SG1: Hey, director, can I make him wear the crown of thorns now?
[After the train scene, and 50 lashes to each of the cast members...]
[Preparing for the icy dungeon sequence in the church]
[Think Detroit Rock City.]
MM: Ummm...director? Can I warm myself up before I enter the dungeon? It's cold in there, you know.
D: Ehh...fine. Don't take too long. Maybe you can ask the priest to bless you before you go in, too.
MM: Thanks! I'll do that! [runs into nearby confession booth]
D: They'll need all the blessings they can get.
SG1: You know what? I think I'll confess too!
D: All right. Wait your turn in there, okay?
SG1: Okay! [runs through same confession booth door as Trigger]
[5 minutes later]
D: I wonder what's taking so long? It shouldn't take this long to confess.
Priest: [just arriving] Sorry I'm late. I had an appointment with a sick person in the hospital. [enters the OTHER confession booth door]
D: Wait a minute...
Priest: [from inside] ALMIGHTY HOLY SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!! O_O
[Trigger, SG1, and Tron all race out the door, in their underwear and sticky. Ewwwwwwwww... They stop in front of the director.]
D: JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST!
[100 lashes and a crucifixion later]
D: I REALLY LOVE THIS WHIP!
T: AAAAAH! GET THESE NAILS OUT OF MY HANDS! IT HURTS! X_X
[Data emerges from that same booth, holding his camera. There is a hole through the booth's ceiling.]
D: Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
[The Director grabs Data and rips his tail off. He also takes the camera footage and tosses it out the window, hoping the snow will destroy it. That's where I found it.]
[Inside the dungeon]
[Room with big pillars]
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.
MM: Even I never had boners this big!
D: CUT!
[Take 2]
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.
MM: I pity the people who make condoms for...
D: CUT DAMMIT! ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL LASH YOU!
[Across the frozen lake with the keys]
R: There's a really big reaverbot in the middle of that lake! Watch out, Trigger!
MM: Got it!
[After defeating the big missile-bird and grabbing the keys]
D: Good take. Let's get to the blob shoot before we all freeze to death.
SG1: Hey? There's something moving out on the ice patch.
D: I can't see it too well. [It's Teisel and Roll doing a figure-skating routine] What the hell are they doing?
SG1: Should I get the whip, sir?
D: [Suddenly very infuriated, then is back to normal, with an evil grin] No. I've got a better idea.
[The director picks up a spare Servbot bomb and throws into the middle of the lake. It explodes, revealing the cold, icy water that Teisel and Roll fall into.]
SG1: DIRECTOR!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
D: I'll get them out of there on our way out. Let's keep going.
SG1: BUT WHAT IF THEY DIE!?
D: Then screw them! I'll get another Roll and Teisel.
[Tron and Trigger are laughing at the drowning victims]
[Showing Trigger to the Blob]
SG1: This is the blob you'll be fighting. Think of it as a big blob of...
J: JELL-O! ^______________^
SG1: HELL NO, JUNO! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I SLAP YOU.
J: Eeek! I don't wanna be slapped!
SG1: Bad Juno! Bad Juno! Get over here!
J: No! I won't let you! [flees off-screen]
SG1: And don't come back! Anyway, Trigger, think of this blob as a big hunk of ESTROGEN. If it engulfs you, you'll become a woman and lose your...um...woody.
MM: [trembling] And Tron won't love me?
SG1: Nope. And our group sex sessions won't be fun anymore. Although I will have my own hoe train...
MM: [like a macho man] SAY NO MORE! I WILL DEFEAT THIS MENACE!
SG1: That's the spirit! Now get out there and KILL THAT BLOB!
MM: YES! :) [runs out to the ice field and starts battling the blob]
D: [to SG1] You didn't tell him that the blob was really made of toxic industrial sludge did you?
SG1: Of course not. He'd be trembling in fear if I did.
D: [sigh of relief] Thank God. At least he's being careful.
[Suddenly...]
MM: AAAAGH! HELP! IT'S GOT ME!
D: SHIT! WE HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
MM: I DON'T WANNA BE A WOMAN! X(
D: STAGE GUY?! WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM THE BLOB WAS MADE OF?!
SG2: Um...Stage Guy 1 isn't here sir. He fled when he saw Trigger panicking.
MM: HELP ME! [is swallowed into the blob]
D: I'm not helping him!
[End of Reel 6]
[Watch out for our final reel, DreamTime Disaster!]