"He's gone!" shouted Sam, a little unnecessarily.

"What are we going to do?" fretted Pippin.

"Ask Aragorn," answered Boromir cheerfully. "He always knows what to do!"'

"But Aragorn's not here!" retorted Gimli. "Dimwit," he added, to himself.

"Oh. Ask Legolas, then! He's nearly as wise!" Boromir nodded enthusiastically.

"Any minute now, and he'll suggest we get Gandalf to magick Legolas out," thought Gimli irritably.

"How about asking Gand – "

"Dig!" commanded Gimli, interrupting Boromir's inane question about the existentially-challenged wizard. Even as he spoke, Gimli saw the tears form in Frodo's huge blue-as-the-ocean, deep-as-the-sea, oops-is-that-my-contact-on-the-ground? eyes.

"Ai!" thought the dwarf to himself. "Everyone, DIG!" he roared, startling them all into obedience.

Having no shovels, the Fellowship knelt and used their hands, doggy-style. It was hard work, because no sooner would they make a dent in the sand, than more would flood in to fill the hole.

"He's…he's gone!" wailed Sam, lip trembling, fifteen minutes later when they had still not located the elf.

"Are you sure we're digging in the right place?" asked Frodo thoughtfully.

"Of course we are!" sniffled Sam. "I saw him go down myself…….Legolas, oh Legolas….you're too young to die!"

"Legolas wasn't exactly – aaaaaargh!" Merry's scream leap to their feet.

"What?" they asked.

"Th…that!" Merry pointed with a shaking finger at the apparition rising from the ground. Sand poured from it as it stalked toward the Fellowship, but plenty remained on its body. It stalked menacingly towards the huddled group.

Then recognition hit Sam. "Master Legolas! You're alive! Oh, Valar be…." His words trailed off to a squeak as he saw the expression on the Elf's face.

Sand crusted every inch of the Elf, and his face was strangely twisted in emotion. Sam noticed that a tic had started in the corner of Legolas' left eye.

"We are going to find Aragorn, now," said Legolas, his voice strangled with the effort of not screaming like a maniac. "We shall not detour into any more….'forests', and I shall be the one to lead you." The calmness of his voice sounded about as stable as a bull being harnessed with cobweb. "We are going, now."

And Legolas turned without waiting for an answer from the group, and made his way back to the plain, gingerly.

Sand had gotten into some very embarrassing and decidedly uncomfortable places.

It was a very subdued trip. Any who thought to ask the elf how he had freed himself from the quicksand were dissuaded by the wildly spasming twitch of his left eye, and the homicidal look on his face.

When they reach "civilized" land again – that is, land with solid green grass beneath them, and tall, leafy trees above them – the hobbits scraped up the courage to approach Legolas with one very important matter that the Elf had seemingly forgotten.

"Er….Master Legolas? It's…it's time for elevenses, Sir," Sam reminded him, torn between his terror of the elf in his current mood, and the disastrous event of missing elevenses.

"Elevenses," Legolas repeated, eye still twitching madly. "Yes, let the world skid to a halt and Sauron forget his plans of domination, while we all enjoy elevenses, shall we?"

Before he could take another step forward, the hobbits had unpacked their food, and were resting comfortably on their picnic blanket.

Boromir looked at Gimli, who shrugged. Then they both grinned and joined the feasting hobbits.

"I am going to climb this tree," announced Legolas. "If you need me….on second thoughts….if you disturb me, you can take the place of my quiver in holding my arrows." He patted his bow menacingly.

The four hobbits looked up at him silmutaneously, and gulped. Legolas was satisfied. At least he could still inspire fear in the hobbits!

The tree he had chosen was rather nice, Legolas thought as he wriggled around, trying to find a more comfortable position. He couldn't wait until they made camp that night, so he could wash and get rid of all that infuriating sand! But the tree was nice, Legolas thought firmly.

He felt his eyes drift closed. It was as good a time as any other to make up for lost sleep, he decided. He was about three seconds away from falling asleep, when a sound next to his ear disturbed him.

"Bzzz."

Sleepily, Legolas swatted in the general direction of the noise, without opening his eyes. But a few seconds later it was back.

"Bzzz."

Irritated, Legolas turned to face the other way, drawing his hood over his face. He didn't want to get up and kill the insect when he had finally gotten comfortable.

"Bzzz!"

Legolas clapped his hands over his ears, eyes still tightly shut.

"Shut UP!" he growled at the disembodied noise. There was quiet for a little longer, and Legolas fell asleep.

"Bzzz!"

This time the insect was so close that Legolas could actually feel its vibrations against his ear. He opened one eye, and nearly fell out of the tree when he saw the insect.

An ordinary observer might have seen that it was a bee. An extraordinary observer might have noted that it was a fat bumblebee, striped black and gold. However, Legolas was no mere ordinary or extraordinary observer – he was an Elf. He saw the wicked smile on the bumblebee's face, and evil glint in its eyes.

"I'm going to get you, Elf," hissed the bee as it flew by his ear.

Legolas jumped up in alarm, and back away along the branch. He fitted an arrow to his bow, and swung around wildly, aiming for the insect that that hovered before him. He missed, of course (even the best of Elven archers cannot hit a bee which is buzzing less than five inches from their face), and his arrow sped on to collect the apple in Sam's hand, and pin it to Boromir's cloak.

"What are you doing up there?" bellowed Boromir.

"The bee!" yelled Legolas frantically, trying to make his voice sound less like a shriek.

"What's wrong with the bee?" asked Gimli.

"I don't like bees!" said Legolas through gritted teeth.

"Well, come down from the tree, then!" suggested Boromir good-naturedly.

"Just…wait…." Legolas had notched another arrow to his bow, and was frowning in concentration at the humming insect.

The arrow sped from his bow, and smushed the bee against the tree trunk.

"Aha!" Legolas cried in satisfaction.

His joy was short-lived as the momentum put him off-balance, and he toppled from the branch.

He tumbled down and down, crashing through the leaves and bouncing off the occasional branch.

Suddenly Frodo's eyes, enhanced as they were with the power of the Ring, went wide.

"Isn't he about to hit that…."

Pippin gaped in shock. "He is!"

Boromir, Gimli, Merry and Sam winced in sympathy.

Thwack! Legolas connected with the lowest branch, and the beehive that rested on it. Suddenly the hum of a thousand angry bees filled the air, and only the anguished scream of the elf could be heard above the noise.

A streak of blond hair, trailed by a cloud of buzzing insects, could be seen tearing past the camp. Legolas leapt into the stream, sending the bees that were on him floating to the surface. The cloud above hovered menacingly, not willing to be cheated of their target. Legolas was an elf, however, and could hold his breath much longer than mortal prey could. Muttering angrily, the bees sped off in arrow formation, looking for another unlucky elf, or a building company.

The Fellowship, once they were sure that the bees had left, rushed over to the edge of the stream.

"Legolas!" called Frodo. "Are you hurt?"

"Of course I'm not hurt." Legolas' voice gurgled through the water. "I'm an elf!"

"Well," said Sam tentatively. "Would you like to come out, Master Legolas?"

"No!" came the emphatic reply.

"Why not?" asked Frodo.

There was silence for awhile, then a large splash as Legolas burst from the water, unable to hold his breath any longer.

"Don't say a thing," growled Legolas, fixing the Fellowship with another Elven death stare. This one did not have quite the effect he wanted, though.

After a stunned moment, the Fellowship broke out in helpless laughter.

It's hard to be intimidated by a blue-polka-dotted Elf.