Chapter 16: Where Your Loyalties May Lie
A/N: ~~*...*~~ Denotes dream sequence. Heh. Kinda looks like a weird-kind of face, don't it? Hehehe.
Leena shuffled into the common room much later that night, the fire a pile of glowing embers. Her father had decided that she would be helping him make a bunch of potions for Madam Pomfrey. "Sleeping potions and such, nothing big," he had promised. Well, whatever....was it consuming the potion or making the potion that was suppose to put you to sleep? Leena was too tired to try and figure it out. Eh. Whatever. She sat down in front of the fire and stared long and hard at it, thinking of her conversation with her new-found Muse.
...not to be afraid of me...afraid of me....of me...afraid....of me...they are afraid of me....and I am a monster...afraid of me...for what I am...because I am...am a monster...nothing but a monster....I miss my friends...for they were not afraid...of me...afraid of me...because of what I am...I am a monster...nothing but a monster...a monster...
The thoughts swirled around her head, faster and faster as she stared at the glowing coals and sighed. A cold gust of wind blew down the corridor straight to the dungeons and Snape shivered. He pulled his cloak around him and stepped outside. Pursing his lips, he walked purposefully towards the stable behind Hagrid's house, remembering. His father had made him and his sister Sylvia take riding lessons as a child because it was something every 'well-bred person ought to have some knowledge about'. Basics, dressage, Levels I, II, and III, Haute E'Cole*,...whatever you wanted to call it, that was what he had learned. Time to rehash all that and put it to good use. He entered the wooden building and paused before Renegade's stall. I hope you're up for a jaunt, old fellow...he thought, patting the horse's jet neck, ...you've got a pair of horse shoes to fill...
Leena sensed something different in the air above the embers; they were starting to take shapes. Her thoughts swam faster and faster still as she stared, unable to break her line of sight. Eyes, faces, hands, arms, twisting and dancing bodies took shape and vanished as voices whispered in forgotten languages, chanting and murmuring. Even though her eyes were open, she saw nothing but the shifting forms in her mind. Annika's face watching a sunrise, Kildare and her finding an old spell book in Kildare's attic. Rebo and her sparring. Mina and her flunkies giggling. Orianna and Gavin cuddling on the couch while Neva and Eslin cracked jokes about when the wedding was going to be. Necromancer galloping in the fields...
~~* Kildare and the rest of the group were gathered in Rebo's tree house, poring over a tattered, water-stained book; the leather binding peeling off. Kildare was excitedly pointing at the faded ink words scrawled across the page. Brock furrowed his brow, and set his jaw, determined. Gavin and Orianna were serious for once and they, too, seemed resolved. Neva's brown eyes held a nervous light and Eslin was chewing her nails. Rebo was leaning forward, looking excited and ready to fight because her hands were in fists by her sides. Kildare nodded and closed the book, rendering darkness.
A candle in the darkness lit up, illuminating nothing but the withered hand that held it. Red eyes gleamed a moment later and Voldemort's ashen face had a sinfully gleeful smirk on it. He was holding the candle as he walked through the fathomless black corridor, making nary a sound. "My precioussss..." he hissed, opening a door, walking in and closing it behind him, "The time is here..." A cloaked figure stood by the window, staring out at the moonless night. Voldemort placed a chilly hand on their shoulder and led them out of the room and back into the hallway and there was dark again.
Hoof beats thundered, labored breathing strained, coarse raven hair lashed back as the horse raced to escape the demon behind it. Frightened yet sure and graceful hands guided it through the twisted trees, giving strength and willpower. The horse leapt over a rotting log and the rider's hood flew back. Upon landing, the black horse stumbled, then reared up, shaking it's sculpted head with teeth bared, nostrils flared. Fine black hair mixed with the rough sable thatch of mane and the rider gave a vicious kick to its mount, spurring the horse onward. The face became visible as the rush of wind blew back the hair. She was surprised to see Severus' face; cheeks gaunt and obsidian eyes glittering strangely with unreadable emotion. The black horse swept away across the open grassland before it, charging like a warrior into battle. Small, fine hands and arms were wrapped around her father's middle, curly brown hair flying, Hermione's tear-streaked face pressed into his back. A void appeared before the horse and its riders. Severus goaded the steed towards the hole and darkness reigned once more.
Deep, bloody flames rose in a ring. She saw herself in the middle, hair pulled back tightly, cheekbones sticking out of her face sharply. Black ochre ringed her eyes, making them glow ominously, and her lips were the same deep red as the fire surrounding. Her pants were tight and ripped at the knees, her shirt more like a bathing suit top than anything else, showing her pale skin in the dark light. Arm and wrist bands wound around her toned arms like snakes and she held her daggers in the ready at her sides. The look upon her visage was one of perfect calm and deadly intent. She seemed to have ceased to exist as a human at all and was now tool; a machine to kill. But she didn't care anymore. Another figure appeared, facing her with the same type of expression and dress, wearing blue instead of black, blonde hair shining dark red in the flames. Face off... *~~
***
Snape looked out over Hogwarts grounds from his perch on Ren. The castle looked magnificent with the Hogwarts crest flying in the slight breeze on the Astronomy Tower's roof. He sighed, not really knowing why he had to ride tonight of all other nights and times he could have...Maybe it was a different way to escape. He had run out of room in his sketchbook and needed an outlet, he supposed. He pointed Ren in the direction of the path to Hogsmeade, signaling a canter. Ren snorted and took flight, mane rippling in the scarce moonlight. The air against his skin was cold and made his eyes water. He felt himself smiling as he hadn't done in years as he let himself slip into boy-hood memories.
~~* "Catch me if you can, Sylvia!" he laughed over his shoulder, turning his bay gelding around. His sister's prim little cob jogged slowly after his hunter. "SEV-er-UUUUS!! You KNOW I don't like to race!" she protested, tossing her luxurious black curls over her thin frame. "Whoever said anything about racing?" he grumbled, "I just wanted to play tag. And, by the way, you're IT!" With that, he slapped her lightly on the leg and spurred his mount into the forest on the edge of their property. "You are impossible!" she called after him, clicking to her cob. A peal of laughter was all that answered her. It rung in the air eerily, sending a shiver down her back. The white pony started jogging again.
Severus easily guided his horse through the trees, sunlight bouncing off the mahogany fur like golden drops. He sighed happily: this was the way life should be. Fun and games. Wind whipping through your hair as you raced Father Time himself. Not a care in the world about 'proper training'. He wound his fingers in the horse's satiny mane and allowed himself to forget about being a wizard. He was a normal boy at the moment, enjoying an activity Muggles found exciting and fun as well. He wasn't expected to learn his Creatures, recite incantations, perform spells and charms-the horse shied as a shadow fell across the ground.
"Severus," the flat, emotionless voice said.
"Father..." he replied dully, taking up his reins quickly.
"Get back to the stables. Herr Shultz is waiting for you and Sylvia in the Study."
Severus dropped his head slightly. "Yes sir..."
"There's a good lad. Be quick." And his father Disapparated, his heavy words still resonating in the Austrian woods. Severus grimaced and set off at a good clip to the yard. *~~
***
Leena woke from her trance at with a start. She focused again on the wavering air above the dying fire, straining to remember exactly what she had seen. Again it started to shimmy and take the form of something running smoothly in mid air, moving neither forward nor back. She narrowed her eyes, cocking her head to the side as she fought to recognise it...horse running, mane flowing....in her mind's eye, she saw Snape riding Renegade back to the stable behind Hagrid's. With a small gasp, she wrenched herself back into reality and dashed off to the dungeons for the second third time that day.
***
Snape looked at his watch before entering his chambers beyond his office. They should be here, he thought absentmindedly, lifting the latch. Sure enough, Dumbledore and a petite figure in a deep red robe with gold trim on the sleeves greeted him before a warm fire. "Ahhh, Severus! We were expecting you!" Dumbledore said kindly, spreading his hands out before the fire, "Do come and warm yourself; you look frozen to the bone." Snape raised an eyebrow at his superior and pulled his cloak off as he walked slowly towards the centre of the room. The tiny figure looked up at him as he swept past.
"Severus, I would like you to meet Erinlexi Goldwood. She's to be your colleague on this particular project..." The girl extended a thin hand towards him. She looked not a day older than sixteen, what with her eyes glowing brightly and thick dark hair left loose around her shapely face. He ignored it. "You're having me work with a teenager?" he snapped, disbelieving, "You assured me that this was to be practically an expert with YEARS of experience and training. A child doesn't fulfill those requirements, Albus..."
She snorted, pressing her hand to her mouth in order to stifle her laughter. Dumbledore himself was chuckling. "Severus...I think you'll find her to be 'old' enough, if you'll pardon the term, Grandma-ma..."
Snape shook his head as if to clear it; he could have sworn that he heard Albus call this slip of a girl 'Grandma-ma'...something wasn't right.
"Never you mind, Albus. I AM old! Why try to deny it?" a musical voice answered back, "And I suppose you are the highly revered Potions Master in Hogwarts, are you not, sir?"
"Albus, I think I'm hearing things..."
"Oh, let me assure you, you're not. He's my great-great-great-add another couple greats-grandson," Miss Goldwood informed him, "...or something like that. I don't know, I lose track of exactly how many 'great's get tacked on."
"I don't think-"
"I'm 212 years old, Mr. Snape, I think I would know my own flesh and blood!" she said indignantly. Snape felt his jaw drop. Dumbledore smiled gently at him. "Grandma-ma has an interesting story to tell," he said, enjoying the look on his younger friend's face.
"But not now, Albus! We have work to do!" she butt-in.
"Right...now all this business about the Repeller..."
***
Leena couldn't believe her ears. She just simply could NOT comprehend how....that he could even....ARGH! She couldn't even formulate a sentence, she was so angry. Crouched outside the door, wrapped in her robes, she could hear practically everything that was being said. What she couldn't hear, she probed with her mind and found out anyway. Her eyes burned black as the charred wood in the grate, rage giving them a frightening appeal. Air hissed angrily in and out between her clenched teeth, knuckles white as she dug her sharp nails into her bloodless palms. How dare he.
"...the Repeller....need to.....track down. She could.....be....treasure!"
"...good...evil? Can you-could you really..."
"...Lord Voldemort....fall of the Dark Order!"
Leena bared her teeth and growled inaudibly. They were talking about her father...her other father. And the one she held closer to her than anyone else had just betrayed them both. How could he? How dare he? Traitor, she thought viciously, condemning Snape in her mind. Voldemort was all she knew; all she had. He was a prime example of magical greatness! He was a great influence; how could he not be right? If Voldemort said that Mudbloods and Muggles were bad and evil, weren't they? If Voldemort said that they needed to be cleansed from their world, didn't they? How could Snape just rat on him like that? How could he just throw away her world like that...?
"...a saviour....need...to find the Repeller."
"It shall be done." The door flung open and three pairs of legs walked out into room. Leena was surprised nobody had noticed her crouched by the frame. "Until the next meeting, Albus. A pleasure meeting you, Erinlexi..." Snape's voice filtered out as he escorted the others out of his office and closed the door behind him. Leena stood up, knees popping from staying curled up so long. Erinlexi, huh? Since when were they on first-name basis? She made her way quietly to the chair behind the desk to wait. She didn't have long to wait.
***
"Why have you forsaken me?" a frighteningly harsh voice rent the air like glass breaking on a cold winter's day. Snape jumped a mile. "What?" he asked, turning to view the room. The chair behind his desk swiveled around to face him. Leena's face was carefully drain of any and all expression. "You heard me," she snapped icily. "I don't know what you're talking about..." he sighed, putting a tired hand to his forehead, closing his eyes and leaning against the door, "I haven't forsaken anything or anyone but myself."
Leena furrowed her brow. "This is no time to be cryptic," she hissed, "I heard you. You and your goodly, Godly friends." He gave her a quizzical look. "PLOTTING!" she yelled, standing up to her full height, "Plotting against my father!" Snape's eyes flew open. "You...heard?"
"Don't deny it," she snarled, "Oh, I heard all right...the fall of Voldemort and his Dark Order. What 'Dark Order'? Is there a 'Light' Order?"
"This isn't what you think, Leena!"
"Oh isn't it. Enlighten me. Before I rip your throat out."
"You wouldn't understand..."
"Why not? Is it because I'm too young? Too innocent? Too naive?" she said scathingly, voice rising up a notch in force with each poisonous question.
"Never mind. Just forget it."
"WHY. Just answer me WHY. You risk too much with your foolishness."
"Perhaps I'm not the foolish one...And I have much to pay for."
"And you'll have alot more to repay once I'm through with you... traitor..." She ran out the door and slammed it hard; potion bottles rattling in the aftermath. Snape sighed and rubbed his head again. Teenagers....
***
Leena paced the hallways, teeth bared and eyes black, face pale with rage and disbelief. She heard a whisper of cloth and quickly scanned the corridor, expecting Snape to follow her. She slipped her one of her daggers out of its sheath quietly as she peered through the gloom. A tapestry moved and she launched herself at it. "OOF!" said a disgruntled voice on the other side as they collided. Leena jumped to her feet, weapon hidden behind her back. "Get up," she spat.
"I'm gettin' up, I'm gettin' up! Hold on while I catch me breath!" a thick brogue told her indignantly. "Seamus...?" she asked suspiciously. "None other," he said, dusting himself off, "Seamus Finnegan, at yer service."
Leena relaxed a little bit, letting some of the tension go. Seamus looked at her, concerned. "You alright? You seem kinda...tense...Anything I kin do?" Leena shook her head. Seamus stepped close to her. "Seriously. What's wrong? Yer not yerself lately. And I...want t'help." He put a hand on her shoulder and she gave it a venomous look.
"Seamus, what-MPPHH!!"
Seamus had pushed her against the wall and pressed his lips to hers. She shoved him away violently. "WHAT are you DOING?!?" she shrieked. "Showin' you that I care..." he whispered huskily and leaned in for more. "Oh, will you GET off!" she yelled and pushed him away again, clutching at her dagger. Seamus backed away slightly. "So you like playin' hard-t'get, huh? Well, two can play tha' game..." Once more he leaned in, but this time she was ready. Jaw set, she clamped her free hand around his crotch and pointed the dagger straight in his face, forcing him against the opposite wall.
"Take your best shot....take your best fucking shot..." she hissed, tightening her grip. Seamus blanched as his circulation was cut off. He shook his head.
"No?" she asked innocently, widening her eyes, "You don't want to play with me?" Again he shook his head, frightened for the life of his...er...pride and joy, for lack of a better description. "Remember what happens to the mouse when the mouse wants to play with the cat, then..." she whispered icily, blowing cold air across his face and making him shiver. He nodded.
"Understood?"
No reply, so she squeezed again. "Understood?"
He squeaked a response. "Good....I'll see you in class tomorrow..." and she let go. He started to dash off down the hallway. "Oh, and Seamus...?" she said sweetly, making him stop, "This never happened. Right?" Leena let her tone turn deadly serious. "Oh, yeah! Right! What happened? When? I don't know anything abou' tonight; all I did was say 'hullo'-"
"You didn't even do that. You didn't see me. Keep that in mind, because if I ever hear the slightest inkling about you saying anything about this at all, you can kiss having any children later in life good-bye."
He nodded once more and ran off. Leena crumpled to the ground, dagger dropping with a clank on the marble flooring. She was so confused...half of her felt shock for what had just happened and half felt incredible empty from the previous argument with her mentor. Her eyes itched from the strain of holding back hot tears. She refused to let them fall. Crying was showed weakness. She was not weak. Far from it. She would not cry, she would not, she would not, she would not....One fell stubbornly from the corner of her eye and she wiped it away forcefully. She was. Not. Weak. Rage filled her chest and she cried out in frustration, ripping a banner off the wall. She broke down and wept, sobbing into her hands for all she was worth.
Gently, arms wrapped around her and she buried her face into the shoulder. The person ran their fingers through her hair soothingly and whispered, "Nothing in this world is black and white, Leena...nothing. There are only shades of grey." She looked up and saw her father's face drooping tiredly, raven eyes that held pain and suffering and infinite knowledge of what had happened and what was to come. "Tell me why. That's all I ask. You've got to tell me why," she said piteously, looking imploringly into the dark pools of his eyes. He gazed back steadily, sadly. "Would that I could, but no. I know my reasons and that is enough. Mayhaps you should think about it for a while," he said in a low voice.
"About which is the right Side to be on." It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes. And other things as well. Such as your history, your heritage and why you were taught certain things. I could tell you things to make your blood run cold."
"It already does, Da..." she pressed her white hand to his cheek and he covered it with his own, ice meeting ice. Snape lowered his eyes to his lap, ashamed.
"I did this...I brought you into this world for nothing but evil...and now it is my cross to bear." Leena watched a tear fall onto their combined hands and felt her heart break. "I have brought the apocalypse."
"How can you say so? What have I done?" she asked indignantly.
"You haven't done anything wrong because you are innocent. Innocent to the corruption in which you were born. Created. You were to be the Devil Reincarnate. And I, your teacher." Another tear landed on their hands, hot against the cold.
Leena blinked slowly, trying to process what she was being told. It was a lie. Everything Lucius, Voldemort, and even Severus had told her, was a lie. Normal wizarding children didn't learn how to throw curses designed for pain. They didn't learn how to command armies of demons. They didn't know the humiliation of being called weak and everything that was done to them was to make them 'strong'. Now she was doubly confused; she now hated Voldemort with a passion. But a small flicker of fire in her soul told her that she would always be connected to the Dark Side and she couldn't run from it. Stiffening her jaw with resolve, she raised her head arrogantly and looked straight into her father's dark eyes once more.
"I want to become a spy...just like you."
A/N: Yay, Leena!! She now has another piece of the puzzle! I'll try to get the next part up as soon as I can, but no promises...track is a heavy 'cross to bear', as Snape would say.
*haute e'cole is French for 'high school' literally and 'higher dressage' vaguely in the horse world...high school for the horse and rider, in other words.