I log off from the computer, pushing my chair back and standing up slowly.
"Finally!" I hear Duo's exasperated comment, from where he lies on the couch. He has spent the evening since the bitch left alternating between glaring at me, thumbing idly through a magazine, glaring at me, humming away to his music - which I could hear quite distinctly even from the headphones - generally fidgeting all over the room, and glaring at me some more.
He thinks I haven't noticed his attention. I snort at the thought. How could I not notice him? His very presence fills the room with his vitality; somewhat ironic for someone who considers himself to be Death. The name ill-suits him, except when on the battlefield; but then, I suppose that it takes one who truly knows the value of life to be able to reap it for all that it's worth…
I have seen him living his life to the fullest. I have watched him for far longer than he has watched me.
"You didn't have to stay," I tell him emotionlessly as I stretch my muscles after sitting still for so long. He didn't have to; but he did.
He snorts derisively, dropping the magazine and swinging his legs off of the couch and onto the floor. His body swiftly follows.
"Ow," he says, blinking owlishly up at me. I narrow my eyes as I look down upon him.
"How much have you had to drink?"
"Obviously not enough."
I raise my eyebrows questioningly.
"I'm still co- cohe- " he frowned, his brow furrowing as he concentrated. "I can still talk sense, can't I?"
"Pure coincidence," I inform him as I grab him by his collar, careful not to touch his skin, and dump him back on the couch. "You're staying there tonight." I start to leave the room, but he has my arm firmly in his grasp. I could break the grip, but not without hurting him…
"Nani?" I demand, a little harshly, a little hoarsely. He has no idea of just how much a simple touch of his hand can affect me. Anyone else who dared to touch me would most probably end up dead.
"Why do you do that to her?"
The question startles me. 'Her'? It had to be that bitch he was talking about - but why would he concern himself with her?
"What are you talking about?" I snap at him. He blinks a couple of times before scowling at me.
"Why do you always hurt her like that?" He clarifies. "You could at least have looked at her!"
"Why would I want to do that?" I ask tonelessly, confused, but unwilling to show it. Why should I give her any sign of encouragement? She already follows me around like a dog - I should have shot her like one when we first met. Now, however, she lives as a reminder of how I met Duo. In a strange way she almost brought us together…
"Do you have to be so blind, Heero?" He cries out, pulling me towards him until I am on my knees next to the couch, our faces almost touching. "Can't you see how much she loves you?!"
My heart almost skips a beat as he breathes his words across my lips, his violet eyes gazing almost desperately into mine.
Is he really talking about her? Or dare I hope? Dare I believe that he has seen what I have tried to conceal - what I long for and what I fear.
Fear. I tremble before him, incapable of so much as saying a single word, lost in those deep eyes, that are showing signs of pain…
Pain? No…
I open my mouth, uncertain what I will say, only aware that I must say something! This one moment would decide my fate…
"I love you."
He stares at me. I stare back, unable to believe that I have actually just said -
"You what?" He repeats blankly.
I can do no more than stare, openmouthed at my own audacity. My mindless mouth had accepted the mission proclaimed by my battered heart.
He knows.
What will he do? What will he say? What will he think of me now?
He knows.
Does he - can he - return my feelings?
He knows.
He starts to laugh hysterically, eyes glistening, overflowing with salty tears. It is obvious that he hadn't considered the possibility that I could actually care for him. Does he really think that I truly am the heartless monster that Dr J tried to make of me? I had hoped that he would be able to see past that, past the mountainous walls that he alone has managed to undermine… Convincing him of the truth will not be so bad a task - indeed it could be very pleasurable, for both of us…
I reach out with both hands to stroke his cheeks, brushing away the tear trails. They quiver beneath my touch as his fit of giggling continues, his eyes dancing wildly. He starts to turn his head, but my hold firms and I lean forward to capture his laughing lips with my own.
To kiss Death…
He is frozen against me for a moment before jerking back violently. My mouth tingles, my chest aches at the sudden separation. Did I do it wrong? I haven't exactly had a chance to practice… Only he has ever wormed his way through my defenses and into my heart - no, into my very soul. He is half of me in a way that makes me want to die so that I may purge my stain from his purity.
He looks at me, his face for once an unreadable mask, completely serious - not at all the Duo I know, and love... I turn away; it rocks me to my core as I realize that I know the expression he now wears. I have seen it in the mirror for too many years, now.
Has my angel, too, been lost to the madness of this war? I can only pray that he is still there, that my admission this night will have meaning to him, somehow, some way…
I look up to face the future of my life with Duo - to find it staring at me down the barrel of a gun.
Bang, bang - you're dead - fifty bullets in your head!
[MirrorForest - http://www.geocities.com/rhionae/ ][rhionae@hotmail.com]