I got this idea after watching the first few minutes of 'Retreat". And the Kelly torture just continues….
He's Ba-ack!
After the goat incident things were relatively quiet for a week or so. Eventually the monsters were temporarily forgotten. The crisis of hair, acne, and dating soon overshadowed the monsters in the lives of the majority of the teenage population at Bayville. The parents had calmed down from the hysteria, many of them insisting that it was all an elaborate hoax perpetrated by pranksters. Kelly thought the worst was behind him.
Until he came to school one day to find the window of the science lab smashed in.
Kelly had done the sensible thing, called the police for an investigation. He would have been better off ignoring it all together.
"Who could have done this?" He asked the two officers.
"Oh it was that big blue monster," One of them said casually. "The one that wrecked the lab in the first place a while back. That McCoy fellow."
"WHAT?" Kelly yelped.
"Yup it was him all right," The other nodded. "Big, blue and hairy. Couldn't miss it. We saw it hanging around the campus, chased it down an alley, it jumped on our car and escaped. You have any coffee?"
"THAT MANIAC HAS BEEN HANGING AROUND MY SCHOOL CAUSING DAMAGE AND YOU JUST CALMLY STAND THERE ASKING FOR COFFEE?" Kelly screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU ARREST HIM?"
"Well it kind of happened fast y'know," One of the cops looked at him. "Besides you should have seen what he did to our squad car! Gave me the creeps. I don't know if I'll ever get over it! Hey! Do I smell cookies?"
"Yeah how do you expect us to catch him? Tell him to pull over and lie down on the ground?" The other cop said. "The handcuffs probably wouldn't even fit him! Hey you're right there are cookies around here!"
"That's the home economics class down the hall," Kelly sighed. "I can't believe that monster came back! Why would he come back to the lab? And where are you going?"
"We just want to get some cookies," One of the cops said as they went down the hall. "I have a theory. Oh may I?" He asked the Home Ec. Teacher.
"Help yourself," She smiled as they took a cookie each.
"Hmm," One of the cops purred. "Now that is a good cookie."
"Reminds me of the cookies my grandma used to make," The other said.
"Oh you should taste my wife's cookies. She makes a chocolate chip and butterscotch that you wouldn't believe." The cop said.
"You want to talk about homemade recipes, my sister can make these wonderful peppermint topped cookies."
"Peppermint? That sounds weird."
"No they're great. You've had them before. Remember at the last Christmas party? You scarfed down six of those."
"Wait a minute are you talking about those ones with the white icing?"
"That's them."
"I loved those! Yeah those were…"
"WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT COOKIES AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR THEORY IS?" Kelly shouted.
"Geeze ya don't have to yell," The cop looked at him. "It's simple actually. Well the lab is where he turned into a monster right? Well maybe he's trying to find a way to change back subconsciously. I mean that's what I would do. It's not exactly rocket science here."
"Yeah it is pretty obvious," The second cop nodded. "I mean to the trained policeman it is. We are specially trained to think and be on high alert. Excuse me but do you have any coffee?" He asked the Home Ec teacher. She poured him some. "Oh thank you so very much. That's a good cup of Joe."
"You know that is a good cup of coffee," The first cop nodded. "It reminds me of the coffee they served…"
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Kelly screamed and started tearing at his hair. "THAT MANIAC MAY BE PROWLING THE GROUNDS TO GET BACK INTO THIS SCHOOL AND ENDANGER EVERYONE'S LIVES AND ALL YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IS FOOD? HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM? HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE STUFFING YOUR FACES WHILE THAT BLUE MONSTER IS OUT THERE TERRORIZING THE CITY?"
"Well what would you like us to do?" The first cop looked at him cynically. "Run around like chickens with their heads cut of screaming 'The monster is coming! The monster is coming! Run for your lives it the giant hairball of death?' No good is going to come of panicking."
"Or working on an empty stomach," The second cop nodded.
"I mean the monster doesn't show itself in daylight and it comes around when the school is deserted," The first cop said. "It follows a precise pattern of behavior. I mean it's not like it's going to simply walk up in broad daylight and say: 'Here I am!' now is it? Besides, now that I think about it, with all the things I've seen on this job, blue monsters are hardly the scariest thing I've seen."
"Oh I know," The second cop said. "I mean with a job like ours you have to take it all in stride or you'll go bonkers. Remember that shoot out two years ago on Mulholand Drive? Now that was hairy. Gave me nightmares for weeks."
"I know. What about that raid on that rave a year ago? Now that was scary!"
"Yeah and what about that drug bust that went sour three weeks ago? I tell you a friend of mine was lucky to get out of that alive!"
"Now don't get me wrong, having a huge blue hairy monster trash our squad car was frightening I'll give you that. But compared to some of the human characters we run across…"
"I know. Take that white supremacist who wanted to blow up that middle school. Now there's a real monster!"
"Remember the lady who ate her husbands? All eight of them?"
"Yeah and what about child pornographers? Remember that one in West Bayville…?
"I can't stand it," Kelly groaned. "I can't stand it…"