The worm turns2
By Indus
Chapter 2
Summary: Everyone has done one of these- why did Peter Pettigrew betray his friends? If someone hasn't written about it they've at least hinted at it and now I want to make a Sirius/Remus story that explains it as well as I can, not being J.K Rowling
Disclaimer: I have no ties to J. K. Rowling or Warner Bros, who own all the familiar people in this story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money will be paid for it. Any original characters are there to be shared.
Rating: R for earlier chapters.
Warning: Remus/ Sirius slash and some James/Lily.
Peter woke up, sweating profusely. That was some dream he had had. Death Eaters at his house… brrr!
Looking around the room, Peter smiled at the familiar moving pictures that captured years of friendship. There was Lily, emptying a vase over the tussling forms of Sirius and James. That was in third year, after a wrestling match had gone on a little too long for Peace Evans liking. Well, it was the seventies, and the perfect time for people like Lily and Remus. Ah, there was one of Peter's favorite pictures of the fifth year, right after he and James had pushed their roommates into each other's arms. The famous first kiss… all the Marauders had a copy, although Remus and Sirius had originally wanted to kill Peter for daring to take a picture of such a private moment. Peter laughed out loud, remembering their faces the next day when he had confronted them with the picture.
Getting out of bed, Peter stumbled to the kitchen to make himself a hot cup of coffee. He was reaching for a mug when he saw it… "Oh God. Oh God no, please!" But despite his pleas to the various deities, it remained in the middle of the counter in front of him.
He was looking at the black mark. Innocuous black objects from around the house had been arranged into a very dangerous pattern that meant only one thing. It had not been a dream; Death Eaters had come to visit Peter the night before.
He gasped, and stumbled back from the counter. His thoughts whirling, he didn't even notice falling to the floor. He tried to remember what had been said, what had been done. Checking his arm, he looked for it. No black mark, no black mark! Then he wasn't a Death Eater. He forced himself to calm down. Remember!
*
He had come home and opened a bottle of scotch. Lily had always warned them not to drink when they were angry or depressed, but as usual Remus and James were the only ones to listen. Perhaps that was why they were closest to her.
Suddenly, through a drunken haze, he saw a group of people in black capes, with their hoods drawn over their faces. Peter never found out who had done the initial recruitment. He couldn't remember all that was said, just bits and pieces of a long conversation.
"We can help you, Pettigrew. We can make all your dreams come true."
"What do you want?"
"We can protect your friends." And that was the key. He had not reacted to anything they said before, and kept ordering them to leave. Peter's mouth poured out the entire story of what had occurred to Remus, and the people responsible. But he hadn't talked about anything involving Sirius or James, or anything about the Order. All he had mentioned were Kier and Penman, and then the disgusting and humiliating crime against humanity committed by Verne and Loper.
They had left soon after.
*
He didn't know how many hours later he forced himself to get off the floor and go for a shower. "It's all right. You didn't tell them anything important. Nothing important…"
But after his shower he opened his newspaper and read the headline. Kier was dead, and he had been murdered by a curse.
The Marauders met the next day at the Leaky Cauldron for some drinks, as they had done on a weekly basis since their graduation. Despite the fact that they all loved her dearly, Lily was never invited to this gathering; it was for Marauders only. By tacit agreement, no one mentioned the incident with the registry, but they all exclaimed over Kier's murder. Moreover, everyone was careful not to mention the popular theory that Kier was killed by one of the Dark Creatures he had abused. Remus tended to be a little touchy about discrimination against Dark Creatures.
Peter was going to tell them. While preparing himself for the journey via his fireplace, he swore that he would tell his friends everything as soon as he arrived at the Cauldron. But their outright condemnation of the incident kept him quiet. What if they condemned him too? It was one thing to help someone with tests and homework, but a completely different matter to help a friend get away with murder!
And so he kept his secret, and all around him the world went to hell. The other three wizards whose names Peter gave the Death Eaters were all killed, and a Dark Mark rose over the houses of the last two. Immediately, the Ministry came to the conclusion that Dark Creatures were becoming Death Eaters, and began to round up werewolves, vampires and hags, among others, for questioning. Hate crimes abounded and everything came to a head in May of 1981.
Remus had long since begun to spend more time helping the cause of werewolves and other Dark Creatures than he did with the Order. This caused a great deal of friction between himself and Sirius, exacerbated by the fact that Black had become slightly paranoid. It seemed as if Voldemort had a spy on the inside, telling him when the next Auror raids would take place. No one close to them had been killed yet but it was only a matter of time before someone in the Order fell. Of course, Peter was the mole. He began giving small, less important information to keep the Death Eaters from spilling the secret of his involvement in the murders.
Moreover, the killings were done by a Dark Creature, everyone assumed, with excellent wizard training, which left the choices down to someone cursed after their schooling, or the only wizard Sirius knew to have been given a magical education after being affected, Remus. Despite his certainty that it was one of the former, Sirius couldn't stop that one minute of speculation, of doubt, and as always Remus could read him like a book. That one moment, a fraction of time, damaged their relationship as a thousand arguments could not.
Instead of trying to stay and solve the problem, Sirius escaped the tense atmosphere of his home more and more by throwing himself into his work for the Order. He came home later and later, and began to sleep on the couch, ostensibly to give Moony his much needed sleep.
While he recognized that their relationship was in trouble, Sirius could not forecast what would happen in May.
The Werewolf Organization for Equality (WOE), together with similar organizations for other Dark Creatures, had gathered to protest their harsh treatment at the hands of the magical community. As Remus often said, despite being classified as Dark they were peaceful protestors, but this time they were very angry and volatile. Unfortunately, the Minister officials trying to disperse the crowd had just returned from the Bones' house, where an entire family save their youngest daughter had been killed by Death Eaters. Tired and traumatized, these officials were the worse wizards to be handling the protest, and it was not long until one said something rude and a fight broke out.
Panicking, the Ministry officials called for help and threw Cruciatus Curse at random, hitting some people, including children, repeatedly. Their bodies could not take the strain and many died. Remus, as Chair of WOE, was only hit once before he was thrown to the ground and blocked by other members. The impact of his head on the ground stunned him slightly so that he could not push off the werewolf blocking him, but he was completely conscious and able to see what was happening.
Remus lost many friends that day. None were as close to him as the Marauders, but still they were people he cared for.
Being hit by the Cruciatus Curse did not make the Dark Creatures very happy, and they began to fight back. Those who were magical whipped out their wands and gave as good as they got, while those who had been Muggles before being cursed used their hands and fists.
Once cursed, the Ministry usually removed the children from their families, faking their deaths, leaving them with wizards and witches trained in the Dark Arts, and put spells on them so that they would be able to see what magical people could see. Cursed adults were given the same spells, and a crash course in the magical world, but they were allowed to meet with their families if they could control their curse. It was important for Dark Creatures to be able to see magic since the Muggle community could not control what it did not recognize as real.
So even those who weren't wizards and witches were affected greatly by the Ministry, and they took pleasure in exacting some form of revenge. Of course they were losing horribly, and risking their reputation, but they were a mob rioting against generations of humiliation and torture. Like all such mobs, the thirst for blood and the need to destroy raged.
It was not long before enough Aurors had arrived to control the mob, but the casualties were horrendous. Eight wizards and two witches had been brutally killed and dozens more had to spend time in the infirmary, but that was nothing compared to the damage done on the other side. It had been a rally of Dark Creatures from all over Europe for the improvement of their status, and there were hundreds of them present. At least two thirds were hit by a Cruciatus Curse at least once that night, and half at least twice. There were roughly thirty vampires, twenty hags and eighty miscellaneous Creatures killed. However, the greatest damage had been done to the werewolf division since it was close to the full moon and they had fought aggressively. There were about a hundred werewolves who had not survived to see that full moon. Remus himself was hit by the Curse three times, but he recovered and was officiating at all the funerals for his members over the next several days.
About a week later, he stormed into a meeting of the Order. Avoiding his friends' surprised gazes and ignoring Fletcher's questions about his lateness and his health, he faced Dumbledore across the table. "What is going on?"
The Headmaster sighed and looked down at his hands, not wasting any time by pretending to misunderstand his former student. "We have to…"
"No, you don't!"
"Remus, I don't make the decisions. This one is out of my hands."
"Professor Dumbledore, you have a great deal of influence. I know that better than most. I'm sure you can use it in this case."
Sirius interrupted the escalating argument. "Remus, what happened?"
His lover, though they had not consummated their relationship for months now, ignored him and kept his gaze on Dumbledore. "You must know that it is not their fault! We were all provoked and are as responsible as they are. Everyone in this room, in the community, is as responsible as they are."
Dumbledore looked at him through eyes that were, for once, very serious. "I do know that, my boy, but I also know that there are some battles we cannot win; we have to ensure that we do not loose too badly. This is one of those times. The good of the Order demands that we make certain sacrifices."
"Sacrifice us, you mean?" Remus whispered. He looked into the eyes of his Headmaster and saw genuine regret pooling with sorrow at the knowledge of Remus' next step. Dumbledore had always been able to read Remus well, and the only secret he'd ever been able to keep from the older man was the Animagi project. Lupin's temper softened. He couldn't hate him, just as he couldn't hate Sirius and the dear, beloved friends he would leave behind. He only hoped they would find some common ground.
Squaring his shoulders, he raised his chin and spoke without a tremble in his voice. "Then I am afraid I will have to resign from the Order. I hope you all the greatest of success." The room was absolutely silent as Remus turned and walked out of the room.
He was almost out of the Hogwarts gate before they caught up with him.
"Moony! Moony! Wait!" Sirius grabbed on to his arm, panting hard as he dragged the smaller man to a stop. James and Peter gathered around as they waited for an explanation."
Closing his eyes, Remus recited the news he had recently heard in a flat voice. "The Ministry has decided to sentence the nine werewolves and one hag who killed those officials last week to be kissed for their crimes."
Peter gasped, and cringed at the thought of that punishment. A part of him wondered if he too deserved such a punishment, but then he pushed that thought aside. Voldemort's followers were too powerful to allow that to happen. They had promised him safety from their Death Eaters and their support should he be caught, which they would most likely prevent from happening in the first place, in exchange for his small bits of information.
James looked down. Young Mr. Potter did not like that way of dealing with criminals, and werewolves had his sympathy anyway. Their side had lost over two hundred people; they were the victims. The Ministry officials hid behind shields and defensive mechanisms built into the Ministry and had only lost ten people.
But Sirius continued to press the issue. "That's rotten, Remus, but…"
"No but, Sirius!" The werewolf countered passionately. "I have to help them; they are my people first. And by helping them I most certainly help myself. We have been victimized enough, and I think it ends here, at this time. There is a war on and we have to choose which side we will fit in. I won't ever join Voldemort, but I don't think I can be with the Order if we support the Ministry and allow this to go on."
"You said it yourself, Remus!" Sirius snapped. "There is a war on and we have to choose sides. So choose one: Voldemort or us?"
"It isn't that simple!" Remus shouted, waving his hands in the air and looking at the sky for some divine assistance.
"It's exactly that simple," James continued in a quiet voice. "We're all dying here. I have a son to raise, so I know Moony that this war needs to end. I want my son to have a childhood free from fear of Voldemort. Harry doesn't speak yet, but Longbottom's son Neville just started to talk. He's only a few months older than Harry and he said his first word just two days ago. Do you know what it was? Dark. Dark, Moony. All I want to do is make sure that Harry's life is about light and happiness. You have to choose sides Moony, or you're letting this happen."
Remus sighed and looked at his feet for a few minutes. It was going to be a chilly evening, and the cool wind caused Sirius to shudder and shiver. "You forgot your coat inside again, Padfoot," Lupin noted with a laugh, handing his own to his friend.
Laughing back at him, Sirius forgot all the suspicion and enjoyed the moment. After ten years of friendship he knew when Moony had given in. And so Remus rejoined the Order, but it was on the condition that he would work very little on practical issues and work a bit as a liaison between Dark Creatures and the Order. Since the Ministry had pretty much destroyed any chances of Dark Creatures forming an alliance against Voldemort, Remus would still expend most of his energy with his own organization. So he would not work with his friends on catching Death Eaters anymore, but he would remain a member of the Order. It was a compromise that left no one happy.
Peter walked into his office the next day with every intention of putting a stop to the Death Eaters' using him to get information. His friends' discussion the day before had made him realize that he did want to be a part of the world James dreamed of for his son. But Death Eaters chose that day to use their influence and grant Peter a small promotion, with promises of things to come.
Peter had never been complimented as he was the day he was promoted. Since Death Eaters made sure he knew that his information prompted this gift, he was able to tell himself that he did deserve it. And so Peter began to rise in importance at the Ministry. It was never enough to cause suspicion, but it did tickle his pride and make him wonder at the power of Voldemort.
Around him, his friends began to show the effects of his relationship with the Dark Lord. Remus' new status with the Order still gave him clearance for high levels of information, but left him vulnerable to attacks as a non- committed member who did not take part in the dangerous raids. Although he still gained a high level of information at the meetings, the Members decided to stop telling him about their raids to limit what they were sure he was telling Voldemort. Sirius and James began to lose good friends, and instead of focusing on their pain they looked for someone to blame. Remus was the most likely target.
Remus was not an idiot. Able to read Sirius' burgeoning feelings, his resentment grew and exploded in one giant blow-up. Years of friendship and love were destroyed in moments of anger and hatred, and words were used that could never be called back. Their relationship was over and Remus moved into a tiny apartment of his own.
James was torn by their split. Despite his pain and a natural need to blame someone, he never honestly felt that it could be Remus at fault. However, Sirius was his oldest and best friend, so he had to take Sirius' side, while Peter always sided with James. While Lily lost no opportunity to tell them they were being fools, she had already become a risk and was staying at home to protect her baby son. Feeling betrayed and alone, Remus took a trip to the continent to communicate with Dark Creatures there and see how tolerant their governments were. On behalf of the Order he was also looking for support for the Order, but he mostly wanted to get away. He wasn't planning to return to England until the end of the year, but he would return on November 1st.
Peter, meanwhile, began to enjoy his new power. For someone who had always been considered the weak one of his group, he began to enjoy hearing people underestimate him. None of them knew what he really was! And when he went to meet Voldemort he was so frightened he was ready to tell the Lord anything he wanted. When the Dark Lord actually complimented him, Peter was stunned and pleased beyond belief. No one, not even Dumbledore, ever looked at him with so much respect. And at that moment, James and Lily's fates were set.
*
"Well, Mr. Lupin, are you ready?"
Remus turned and smiled at his old Headmaster. But there was too much grief in his heart for the smile to look anything better than a twisted and rather frightening grimace. "Yes, sir, as ready as I'll ever be."
He locked his front door and automatically set his wards. The hand on his wand trembled; he was fighting exhaustion. After receiving the information in Romania at the Dragon Preserve late the previous night via an owl from Dumbledore, he had immediately left for England. Arriving this early, he had officiated at both the Potter's wizarding services; the last surviving Marauder was also the closest wizard to a living family member. It somehow did not strike the right note to have James' poltergeist Great-Uncle officiating. Then he had officiated for the Pettigrew service too as Peter's mother was too old and grief-stricken to handle the affair. But he was glad for not having any free time. Free time meant that he would be able to think. And he did not want to think. He would rather breathe the air that resounded with the sounds of wizards worldwide celebrating the destruction of Voldemort.
Closing his eyes, Remus let Professor Dumbledore explain the address of their destination. He smiled slightly, remembering his one and only visit to Privet Drive. The Marauders had been waiting for Lily to get something of her parents. How James and Sirius had made fun of Vernon Dursley… Remus opened his eyes with a start. He could not allow himself to think of Sirius or James, or the Marauders, or he would fall apart. And there was still too much to get done.
Arriving at the house, Remus was surprised to see the Dursley's outside trying to teach their son how to ride a brand new and very expensive- looking toddler's car. Harry seemed to be overlooked as he sat quietly on a picnic rug. Remus and Dumbledore were under a familiar invisible cloak, but Moony could swear he saw Harry stare right at him. He staggered under the physical pain of feeling that stare from those beautiful eyes. Lily's eyes, he thought as he had thought little more than a year ago at the birth of this beautiful boy. What a fall for Harry to come from a home where he was loved so much to one where he was an afterthought.
"Why did you bring me here?" He hissed at his former Headmaster.
"I need you to set some wards," the elderly man replied calmly.
"You are far more powerful than I am…"
"Yes," Dumbledore answered without any modesty, but honestly. "However, some wards need to be set by loving wands, and you are the only wizard alive who really loves Harry."
Remus winced at the harsh reminder of the events of the previous few days. He straightened and quickly placed the appropriate wards around the house. Then he paused once more to look at the baby who was still staring straight at him. Harry's face suddenly broke out in a wide grin and he waved his arms, crying "Moony! Moony!"
Remus looked at Dumbledore in shock. They were still protected by the cloak. The only time Remus left the protection was to set the wards, which he did from behind a parked car so he still should not have been seen. "How…?"
Dumbledore smiled. "It is said that the cloak is no protection from animals and very small children. Animals can smell and sense people, but children can feel the presence of those they love. And Harry certainly loved you. Lily once told me she was still telling Harry about you and showing him your picture so that the boy would always know and care for you."
Remus smiled mistily. He had always been sure of Lily's love, but it had not been enough to keep him in London. He wondered if he had stayed could Sirius have still have been able to kill their friends? Moreover, Peter would certainly not have faced his old friend alone. He would have called Remus for help, and together they would have killed their former friend before he could cause a massacre in a crowded street. Oh, poor, poor brave Peter!
Looking again at Harry's smiling eyes, Remus was lost in the memories of the last time he had seen them. He had come to James and Lily's house to say his goodbyes just a few weeks before Harry's first birthday. He had been hugged by Prongs so hard he thought their bones would break, but they were both a little afraid for each other. Nevertheless, neither of them had ever thought seriously that they would not meet again. Then he had turned to Lily and kissed her gently, before laying his head upon her shoulder. She had rubbed his back like his mother had been wont to do, and then kissed his cheek. Some inner knowledge must have given her some inkling of the truth because she whispered gently to him that he needed to learn to forgive himself. Those beautiful eyes had been crying gently since he arrived, and now the tears streamed down faster. Remus had turned hurriedly to the little boy he adored so much, and who was too little to understand the calm sadness in the air. Harry had giggled up at the uncle he adored for giving the most interestingly educational gifts, and who visited rarely enough for him to be a little more special than the more often seen Uncles Pawfoo' and Wowmtai'. How difficult it had been to leave, but if Remus had had any idea of the heartache he would suffer on returning, he would have planted himself in that home and faced Voldemort himself.
Sighing, Remus forced himself to leave the smiling baby to the cold and unwelcome house, knowing he was betraying his best friend. He was not the only wizard left who truly loved Harry for who he was as a person, unlike the others who either cared for him because they had known and loved his parents (Hogwarts staff and friends) or the rest of the community who only knew of what he had just given them. But Remus knew that Harry hated to drink anything warm in the summer, and had loved the taste of butterbeer that his father had introduced him to one winter evening. Who would tell the Dursleys these things?
But he had to leave. He knew that Dumbledore was right about the effects of hero-worship on a young boy. Like his Headmaster, Remus was sure that Voldemort was not dead, and he was afraid that if a baby Harry could take him away, a corrupted older version could certainly bring the Dark Lord back. And so he turned around and ignored the sounds of the baby pleading with him to return, and the sharp aunt's orders for the child to "shut up," but he carried the picture of the baby in his heart, to be taken out and savored on cold days when he wondered if he could go on. And always the memory of the perfection of that innocence and beauty helped him continue for a few more days.
Until one day almost twelve years later when he woke up in a train and saved James' son from Dementors. He doubted that even the wild imaginations of Prongs and Padfoot could have anticipated such a meeting.
And then little over a year later he would uncover his relationship to Harry, and free himself to love the child as he had once done. More than that, he would embrace again the one man Remus had never been able to forget or stop mourning. He would only be able to hold Sirius for a minute in the crowded remnants of his childhood cage, but in that moment love was once again rekindled in two hearts. So much was said then, and later in a cottage in Scotland, but Remus finally found the place he lost to suspicion more than a decade before. Perhaps he could have hated Sirius for falling into the trap of prejudice and suspecting the werewolf, but it was hard to hate someone who had suffered as much as his lover.
Finally, that night Remus met the true person responsible for the Potters' death, and was forced to ask a new question. Instead of asking why James' best friend had killed Prongs and his wife, Remus now wondered what could have made little Peter Pettigrew, the one they had always cared for and protected, turn against his best friends? He never discovered that he had been the catalyst, which was fortunate since he would have felt guilty, but it did not matter. The truth of the matter was that Wormtail turned for his own betterment, and no one else's.
By Indus
Chapter 2
Summary: Everyone has done one of these- why did Peter Pettigrew betray his friends? If someone hasn't written about it they've at least hinted at it and now I want to make a Sirius/Remus story that explains it as well as I can, not being J.K Rowling
Disclaimer: I have no ties to J. K. Rowling or Warner Bros, who own all the familiar people in this story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money will be paid for it. Any original characters are there to be shared.
Rating: R for earlier chapters.
Warning: Remus/ Sirius slash and some James/Lily.
Peter woke up, sweating profusely. That was some dream he had had. Death Eaters at his house… brrr!
Looking around the room, Peter smiled at the familiar moving pictures that captured years of friendship. There was Lily, emptying a vase over the tussling forms of Sirius and James. That was in third year, after a wrestling match had gone on a little too long for Peace Evans liking. Well, it was the seventies, and the perfect time for people like Lily and Remus. Ah, there was one of Peter's favorite pictures of the fifth year, right after he and James had pushed their roommates into each other's arms. The famous first kiss… all the Marauders had a copy, although Remus and Sirius had originally wanted to kill Peter for daring to take a picture of such a private moment. Peter laughed out loud, remembering their faces the next day when he had confronted them with the picture.
Getting out of bed, Peter stumbled to the kitchen to make himself a hot cup of coffee. He was reaching for a mug when he saw it… "Oh God. Oh God no, please!" But despite his pleas to the various deities, it remained in the middle of the counter in front of him.
He was looking at the black mark. Innocuous black objects from around the house had been arranged into a very dangerous pattern that meant only one thing. It had not been a dream; Death Eaters had come to visit Peter the night before.
He gasped, and stumbled back from the counter. His thoughts whirling, he didn't even notice falling to the floor. He tried to remember what had been said, what had been done. Checking his arm, he looked for it. No black mark, no black mark! Then he wasn't a Death Eater. He forced himself to calm down. Remember!
*
He had come home and opened a bottle of scotch. Lily had always warned them not to drink when they were angry or depressed, but as usual Remus and James were the only ones to listen. Perhaps that was why they were closest to her.
Suddenly, through a drunken haze, he saw a group of people in black capes, with their hoods drawn over their faces. Peter never found out who had done the initial recruitment. He couldn't remember all that was said, just bits and pieces of a long conversation.
"We can help you, Pettigrew. We can make all your dreams come true."
"What do you want?"
"We can protect your friends." And that was the key. He had not reacted to anything they said before, and kept ordering them to leave. Peter's mouth poured out the entire story of what had occurred to Remus, and the people responsible. But he hadn't talked about anything involving Sirius or James, or anything about the Order. All he had mentioned were Kier and Penman, and then the disgusting and humiliating crime against humanity committed by Verne and Loper.
They had left soon after.
*
He didn't know how many hours later he forced himself to get off the floor and go for a shower. "It's all right. You didn't tell them anything important. Nothing important…"
But after his shower he opened his newspaper and read the headline. Kier was dead, and he had been murdered by a curse.
The Marauders met the next day at the Leaky Cauldron for some drinks, as they had done on a weekly basis since their graduation. Despite the fact that they all loved her dearly, Lily was never invited to this gathering; it was for Marauders only. By tacit agreement, no one mentioned the incident with the registry, but they all exclaimed over Kier's murder. Moreover, everyone was careful not to mention the popular theory that Kier was killed by one of the Dark Creatures he had abused. Remus tended to be a little touchy about discrimination against Dark Creatures.
Peter was going to tell them. While preparing himself for the journey via his fireplace, he swore that he would tell his friends everything as soon as he arrived at the Cauldron. But their outright condemnation of the incident kept him quiet. What if they condemned him too? It was one thing to help someone with tests and homework, but a completely different matter to help a friend get away with murder!
And so he kept his secret, and all around him the world went to hell. The other three wizards whose names Peter gave the Death Eaters were all killed, and a Dark Mark rose over the houses of the last two. Immediately, the Ministry came to the conclusion that Dark Creatures were becoming Death Eaters, and began to round up werewolves, vampires and hags, among others, for questioning. Hate crimes abounded and everything came to a head in May of 1981.
Remus had long since begun to spend more time helping the cause of werewolves and other Dark Creatures than he did with the Order. This caused a great deal of friction between himself and Sirius, exacerbated by the fact that Black had become slightly paranoid. It seemed as if Voldemort had a spy on the inside, telling him when the next Auror raids would take place. No one close to them had been killed yet but it was only a matter of time before someone in the Order fell. Of course, Peter was the mole. He began giving small, less important information to keep the Death Eaters from spilling the secret of his involvement in the murders.
Moreover, the killings were done by a Dark Creature, everyone assumed, with excellent wizard training, which left the choices down to someone cursed after their schooling, or the only wizard Sirius knew to have been given a magical education after being affected, Remus. Despite his certainty that it was one of the former, Sirius couldn't stop that one minute of speculation, of doubt, and as always Remus could read him like a book. That one moment, a fraction of time, damaged their relationship as a thousand arguments could not.
Instead of trying to stay and solve the problem, Sirius escaped the tense atmosphere of his home more and more by throwing himself into his work for the Order. He came home later and later, and began to sleep on the couch, ostensibly to give Moony his much needed sleep.
While he recognized that their relationship was in trouble, Sirius could not forecast what would happen in May.
The Werewolf Organization for Equality (WOE), together with similar organizations for other Dark Creatures, had gathered to protest their harsh treatment at the hands of the magical community. As Remus often said, despite being classified as Dark they were peaceful protestors, but this time they were very angry and volatile. Unfortunately, the Minister officials trying to disperse the crowd had just returned from the Bones' house, where an entire family save their youngest daughter had been killed by Death Eaters. Tired and traumatized, these officials were the worse wizards to be handling the protest, and it was not long until one said something rude and a fight broke out.
Panicking, the Ministry officials called for help and threw Cruciatus Curse at random, hitting some people, including children, repeatedly. Their bodies could not take the strain and many died. Remus, as Chair of WOE, was only hit once before he was thrown to the ground and blocked by other members. The impact of his head on the ground stunned him slightly so that he could not push off the werewolf blocking him, but he was completely conscious and able to see what was happening.
Remus lost many friends that day. None were as close to him as the Marauders, but still they were people he cared for.
Being hit by the Cruciatus Curse did not make the Dark Creatures very happy, and they began to fight back. Those who were magical whipped out their wands and gave as good as they got, while those who had been Muggles before being cursed used their hands and fists.
Once cursed, the Ministry usually removed the children from their families, faking their deaths, leaving them with wizards and witches trained in the Dark Arts, and put spells on them so that they would be able to see what magical people could see. Cursed adults were given the same spells, and a crash course in the magical world, but they were allowed to meet with their families if they could control their curse. It was important for Dark Creatures to be able to see magic since the Muggle community could not control what it did not recognize as real.
So even those who weren't wizards and witches were affected greatly by the Ministry, and they took pleasure in exacting some form of revenge. Of course they were losing horribly, and risking their reputation, but they were a mob rioting against generations of humiliation and torture. Like all such mobs, the thirst for blood and the need to destroy raged.
It was not long before enough Aurors had arrived to control the mob, but the casualties were horrendous. Eight wizards and two witches had been brutally killed and dozens more had to spend time in the infirmary, but that was nothing compared to the damage done on the other side. It had been a rally of Dark Creatures from all over Europe for the improvement of their status, and there were hundreds of them present. At least two thirds were hit by a Cruciatus Curse at least once that night, and half at least twice. There were roughly thirty vampires, twenty hags and eighty miscellaneous Creatures killed. However, the greatest damage had been done to the werewolf division since it was close to the full moon and they had fought aggressively. There were about a hundred werewolves who had not survived to see that full moon. Remus himself was hit by the Curse three times, but he recovered and was officiating at all the funerals for his members over the next several days.
About a week later, he stormed into a meeting of the Order. Avoiding his friends' surprised gazes and ignoring Fletcher's questions about his lateness and his health, he faced Dumbledore across the table. "What is going on?"
The Headmaster sighed and looked down at his hands, not wasting any time by pretending to misunderstand his former student. "We have to…"
"No, you don't!"
"Remus, I don't make the decisions. This one is out of my hands."
"Professor Dumbledore, you have a great deal of influence. I know that better than most. I'm sure you can use it in this case."
Sirius interrupted the escalating argument. "Remus, what happened?"
His lover, though they had not consummated their relationship for months now, ignored him and kept his gaze on Dumbledore. "You must know that it is not their fault! We were all provoked and are as responsible as they are. Everyone in this room, in the community, is as responsible as they are."
Dumbledore looked at him through eyes that were, for once, very serious. "I do know that, my boy, but I also know that there are some battles we cannot win; we have to ensure that we do not loose too badly. This is one of those times. The good of the Order demands that we make certain sacrifices."
"Sacrifice us, you mean?" Remus whispered. He looked into the eyes of his Headmaster and saw genuine regret pooling with sorrow at the knowledge of Remus' next step. Dumbledore had always been able to read Remus well, and the only secret he'd ever been able to keep from the older man was the Animagi project. Lupin's temper softened. He couldn't hate him, just as he couldn't hate Sirius and the dear, beloved friends he would leave behind. He only hoped they would find some common ground.
Squaring his shoulders, he raised his chin and spoke without a tremble in his voice. "Then I am afraid I will have to resign from the Order. I hope you all the greatest of success." The room was absolutely silent as Remus turned and walked out of the room.
He was almost out of the Hogwarts gate before they caught up with him.
"Moony! Moony! Wait!" Sirius grabbed on to his arm, panting hard as he dragged the smaller man to a stop. James and Peter gathered around as they waited for an explanation."
Closing his eyes, Remus recited the news he had recently heard in a flat voice. "The Ministry has decided to sentence the nine werewolves and one hag who killed those officials last week to be kissed for their crimes."
Peter gasped, and cringed at the thought of that punishment. A part of him wondered if he too deserved such a punishment, but then he pushed that thought aside. Voldemort's followers were too powerful to allow that to happen. They had promised him safety from their Death Eaters and their support should he be caught, which they would most likely prevent from happening in the first place, in exchange for his small bits of information.
James looked down. Young Mr. Potter did not like that way of dealing with criminals, and werewolves had his sympathy anyway. Their side had lost over two hundred people; they were the victims. The Ministry officials hid behind shields and defensive mechanisms built into the Ministry and had only lost ten people.
But Sirius continued to press the issue. "That's rotten, Remus, but…"
"No but, Sirius!" The werewolf countered passionately. "I have to help them; they are my people first. And by helping them I most certainly help myself. We have been victimized enough, and I think it ends here, at this time. There is a war on and we have to choose which side we will fit in. I won't ever join Voldemort, but I don't think I can be with the Order if we support the Ministry and allow this to go on."
"You said it yourself, Remus!" Sirius snapped. "There is a war on and we have to choose sides. So choose one: Voldemort or us?"
"It isn't that simple!" Remus shouted, waving his hands in the air and looking at the sky for some divine assistance.
"It's exactly that simple," James continued in a quiet voice. "We're all dying here. I have a son to raise, so I know Moony that this war needs to end. I want my son to have a childhood free from fear of Voldemort. Harry doesn't speak yet, but Longbottom's son Neville just started to talk. He's only a few months older than Harry and he said his first word just two days ago. Do you know what it was? Dark. Dark, Moony. All I want to do is make sure that Harry's life is about light and happiness. You have to choose sides Moony, or you're letting this happen."
Remus sighed and looked at his feet for a few minutes. It was going to be a chilly evening, and the cool wind caused Sirius to shudder and shiver. "You forgot your coat inside again, Padfoot," Lupin noted with a laugh, handing his own to his friend.
Laughing back at him, Sirius forgot all the suspicion and enjoyed the moment. After ten years of friendship he knew when Moony had given in. And so Remus rejoined the Order, but it was on the condition that he would work very little on practical issues and work a bit as a liaison between Dark Creatures and the Order. Since the Ministry had pretty much destroyed any chances of Dark Creatures forming an alliance against Voldemort, Remus would still expend most of his energy with his own organization. So he would not work with his friends on catching Death Eaters anymore, but he would remain a member of the Order. It was a compromise that left no one happy.
Peter walked into his office the next day with every intention of putting a stop to the Death Eaters' using him to get information. His friends' discussion the day before had made him realize that he did want to be a part of the world James dreamed of for his son. But Death Eaters chose that day to use their influence and grant Peter a small promotion, with promises of things to come.
Peter had never been complimented as he was the day he was promoted. Since Death Eaters made sure he knew that his information prompted this gift, he was able to tell himself that he did deserve it. And so Peter began to rise in importance at the Ministry. It was never enough to cause suspicion, but it did tickle his pride and make him wonder at the power of Voldemort.
Around him, his friends began to show the effects of his relationship with the Dark Lord. Remus' new status with the Order still gave him clearance for high levels of information, but left him vulnerable to attacks as a non- committed member who did not take part in the dangerous raids. Although he still gained a high level of information at the meetings, the Members decided to stop telling him about their raids to limit what they were sure he was telling Voldemort. Sirius and James began to lose good friends, and instead of focusing on their pain they looked for someone to blame. Remus was the most likely target.
Remus was not an idiot. Able to read Sirius' burgeoning feelings, his resentment grew and exploded in one giant blow-up. Years of friendship and love were destroyed in moments of anger and hatred, and words were used that could never be called back. Their relationship was over and Remus moved into a tiny apartment of his own.
James was torn by their split. Despite his pain and a natural need to blame someone, he never honestly felt that it could be Remus at fault. However, Sirius was his oldest and best friend, so he had to take Sirius' side, while Peter always sided with James. While Lily lost no opportunity to tell them they were being fools, she had already become a risk and was staying at home to protect her baby son. Feeling betrayed and alone, Remus took a trip to the continent to communicate with Dark Creatures there and see how tolerant their governments were. On behalf of the Order he was also looking for support for the Order, but he mostly wanted to get away. He wasn't planning to return to England until the end of the year, but he would return on November 1st.
Peter, meanwhile, began to enjoy his new power. For someone who had always been considered the weak one of his group, he began to enjoy hearing people underestimate him. None of them knew what he really was! And when he went to meet Voldemort he was so frightened he was ready to tell the Lord anything he wanted. When the Dark Lord actually complimented him, Peter was stunned and pleased beyond belief. No one, not even Dumbledore, ever looked at him with so much respect. And at that moment, James and Lily's fates were set.
*
"Well, Mr. Lupin, are you ready?"
Remus turned and smiled at his old Headmaster. But there was too much grief in his heart for the smile to look anything better than a twisted and rather frightening grimace. "Yes, sir, as ready as I'll ever be."
He locked his front door and automatically set his wards. The hand on his wand trembled; he was fighting exhaustion. After receiving the information in Romania at the Dragon Preserve late the previous night via an owl from Dumbledore, he had immediately left for England. Arriving this early, he had officiated at both the Potter's wizarding services; the last surviving Marauder was also the closest wizard to a living family member. It somehow did not strike the right note to have James' poltergeist Great-Uncle officiating. Then he had officiated for the Pettigrew service too as Peter's mother was too old and grief-stricken to handle the affair. But he was glad for not having any free time. Free time meant that he would be able to think. And he did not want to think. He would rather breathe the air that resounded with the sounds of wizards worldwide celebrating the destruction of Voldemort.
Closing his eyes, Remus let Professor Dumbledore explain the address of their destination. He smiled slightly, remembering his one and only visit to Privet Drive. The Marauders had been waiting for Lily to get something of her parents. How James and Sirius had made fun of Vernon Dursley… Remus opened his eyes with a start. He could not allow himself to think of Sirius or James, or the Marauders, or he would fall apart. And there was still too much to get done.
Arriving at the house, Remus was surprised to see the Dursley's outside trying to teach their son how to ride a brand new and very expensive- looking toddler's car. Harry seemed to be overlooked as he sat quietly on a picnic rug. Remus and Dumbledore were under a familiar invisible cloak, but Moony could swear he saw Harry stare right at him. He staggered under the physical pain of feeling that stare from those beautiful eyes. Lily's eyes, he thought as he had thought little more than a year ago at the birth of this beautiful boy. What a fall for Harry to come from a home where he was loved so much to one where he was an afterthought.
"Why did you bring me here?" He hissed at his former Headmaster.
"I need you to set some wards," the elderly man replied calmly.
"You are far more powerful than I am…"
"Yes," Dumbledore answered without any modesty, but honestly. "However, some wards need to be set by loving wands, and you are the only wizard alive who really loves Harry."
Remus winced at the harsh reminder of the events of the previous few days. He straightened and quickly placed the appropriate wards around the house. Then he paused once more to look at the baby who was still staring straight at him. Harry's face suddenly broke out in a wide grin and he waved his arms, crying "Moony! Moony!"
Remus looked at Dumbledore in shock. They were still protected by the cloak. The only time Remus left the protection was to set the wards, which he did from behind a parked car so he still should not have been seen. "How…?"
Dumbledore smiled. "It is said that the cloak is no protection from animals and very small children. Animals can smell and sense people, but children can feel the presence of those they love. And Harry certainly loved you. Lily once told me she was still telling Harry about you and showing him your picture so that the boy would always know and care for you."
Remus smiled mistily. He had always been sure of Lily's love, but it had not been enough to keep him in London. He wondered if he had stayed could Sirius have still have been able to kill their friends? Moreover, Peter would certainly not have faced his old friend alone. He would have called Remus for help, and together they would have killed their former friend before he could cause a massacre in a crowded street. Oh, poor, poor brave Peter!
Looking again at Harry's smiling eyes, Remus was lost in the memories of the last time he had seen them. He had come to James and Lily's house to say his goodbyes just a few weeks before Harry's first birthday. He had been hugged by Prongs so hard he thought their bones would break, but they were both a little afraid for each other. Nevertheless, neither of them had ever thought seriously that they would not meet again. Then he had turned to Lily and kissed her gently, before laying his head upon her shoulder. She had rubbed his back like his mother had been wont to do, and then kissed his cheek. Some inner knowledge must have given her some inkling of the truth because she whispered gently to him that he needed to learn to forgive himself. Those beautiful eyes had been crying gently since he arrived, and now the tears streamed down faster. Remus had turned hurriedly to the little boy he adored so much, and who was too little to understand the calm sadness in the air. Harry had giggled up at the uncle he adored for giving the most interestingly educational gifts, and who visited rarely enough for him to be a little more special than the more often seen Uncles Pawfoo' and Wowmtai'. How difficult it had been to leave, but if Remus had had any idea of the heartache he would suffer on returning, he would have planted himself in that home and faced Voldemort himself.
Sighing, Remus forced himself to leave the smiling baby to the cold and unwelcome house, knowing he was betraying his best friend. He was not the only wizard left who truly loved Harry for who he was as a person, unlike the others who either cared for him because they had known and loved his parents (Hogwarts staff and friends) or the rest of the community who only knew of what he had just given them. But Remus knew that Harry hated to drink anything warm in the summer, and had loved the taste of butterbeer that his father had introduced him to one winter evening. Who would tell the Dursleys these things?
But he had to leave. He knew that Dumbledore was right about the effects of hero-worship on a young boy. Like his Headmaster, Remus was sure that Voldemort was not dead, and he was afraid that if a baby Harry could take him away, a corrupted older version could certainly bring the Dark Lord back. And so he turned around and ignored the sounds of the baby pleading with him to return, and the sharp aunt's orders for the child to "shut up," but he carried the picture of the baby in his heart, to be taken out and savored on cold days when he wondered if he could go on. And always the memory of the perfection of that innocence and beauty helped him continue for a few more days.
Until one day almost twelve years later when he woke up in a train and saved James' son from Dementors. He doubted that even the wild imaginations of Prongs and Padfoot could have anticipated such a meeting.
And then little over a year later he would uncover his relationship to Harry, and free himself to love the child as he had once done. More than that, he would embrace again the one man Remus had never been able to forget or stop mourning. He would only be able to hold Sirius for a minute in the crowded remnants of his childhood cage, but in that moment love was once again rekindled in two hearts. So much was said then, and later in a cottage in Scotland, but Remus finally found the place he lost to suspicion more than a decade before. Perhaps he could have hated Sirius for falling into the trap of prejudice and suspecting the werewolf, but it was hard to hate someone who had suffered as much as his lover.
Finally, that night Remus met the true person responsible for the Potters' death, and was forced to ask a new question. Instead of asking why James' best friend had killed Prongs and his wife, Remus now wondered what could have made little Peter Pettigrew, the one they had always cared for and protected, turn against his best friends? He never discovered that he had been the catalyst, which was fortunate since he would have felt guilty, but it did not matter. The truth of the matter was that Wormtail turned for his own betterment, and no one else's.