THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this story, only the plot. The characters belong to Lifetime Television and Whoopi Goldberg.
SETTING: This story takes place between the episodes "Trauma" and "Recovery Time."
SUMMARY: Lu insists that she is ok in the days following her rape and Dr. Kilner's release from jail. But as the trial gets closer, her friends can see that she is not ok.
"Lana, have you seen Lu?" Dr. Dana Stowe handed her a file folder. The woman nodded her head towards an office down the hall. "She was headed towards her office the last time I saw her." Lana Hawkins answered.
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Dana said with a sigh. Dana turned towards her own office, then paused, turning slowly around. "I think I'll go check on Lu," she said softly.
Dr. Luisa Delgado sat at her desk, elbows propped on the desk, head in her hands. She jumped slightly at the sudden knock on the door. "Yeah?" The door opened and Dana stuck her head in. "You okay, Lu?" Lu stood up, pushing her chair back. "I'm fine, Dana. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Don't you have something better to do around here?" Dana watched in silence as Lu pushed past her. Lu stopped halfway down the hallway and turned around. "Sorry, Dana."
"Look Lu, do you need….?"
"No, Dana. I don't need anything. What part of no don't you people understand?"
"Lu…" Lu turned and walked away, indicating that the conversation was over. Dana sighed, shaking her head.
"What was that all about?" Dana glanced up to see Nurse Peter Riggs standing there.
"I'm not sure. She says she's fine."
"You believe her?" Peter asked. Dana shook her head.
"No, Peter. I don't. But what can we do? We can't help someone who won't let us."
"There must be something. I think she should take some time off." Dana raised her eyebrows.
"Dr. Lu Delgado? Take time off?"
"She needs to take time to work through this. Why won't she take time off?" Peter questioned.
"She won't even admit that anything is wrong." Dana answered. "And until she does, there is nothing we can do for her."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"I'll talk to you later, Peter. I have a patient coming in a few minutes." As Dana walked down the hall towards her own office, she thought about the night almost two weeks before, when she had been called to the emergency room to care for a rape victim….Dr. Luisa Delgado.
It had been a pleasant evening, as she had hosted a party in her office for Dr. Randolph Kilner, a man she knew well and respected, as he had recently been appointed Chief of Surgery at the Rittenhouse Women's Health Center.
During the party, Lu had come in to get a patient's file. Dr. Kilner had smiled and invited Lu to join the party. Her partner had declined the offer, saying that she needed to get home before her son.
A short time later in the hospital parking garage, Lu's car wouldn't start. Dr. Kilner had offered her a ride home, which Lu accepted.
It had been shortly after 9pm that night when Lu arrived in the emergency room, announcing to Dr. Nick Biancavilla that she had been raped. Nick had immediately paged Dana to examine their friend and co-worker.
When Dana had arrived in the examining room, she found Lu sitting on the examination table, her hair messed and her dark eyes frightened as she said in a low voice,
"I need you to do a rape exam on me."
"All right," Dana had answered softly as she went to the cabinet to remove a sex crime kit. After she had signed the form giving her consent for the exam, Lu began answering the questions even before Dana could ask them.
"Relationship to victim…acquaintance."
"What?" Dana had asked softly.
"Acquaintance." Lu had repeated. Then she had slowly turned to face Dana, making eye contact for the first time as she gave the name of her assailant. "Dr. Randolph Kilner."
Dana stopped at the reception desk. "Who do you have for me now, Lana?" Lana picked up a file and handed it to Dana. "Kassidy Windsor. Did you talk to Lu?"
"Kind of. But I didn't get anywhere. She walked out on me." Dana replied.
"She's been doing that a lot lately. Why won't she let us help her?" Lana asked.
"Because I don't need any help." Lu said as she approached them. "I am okay. Why can't you believe that?"
"I'll see you guys later. I've got a patient." Dana said as she walked away. Lana glanced up at her friend.
"Come on, Lu. You need to be honest with us. And with yourself. You…"
"Lana, please. Give it a rest. Who's my next patient?"
"Mckenzie Rhodes." Lana handed her the file. Without another word, Lu went to the lobby to call her patient into the examination room. Lana stared after her, whispering softly "Please let us help you, Lu."
Lu poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at a table in the RWHC cafeteria later that afternoon. It had been a busy day, and she was tired.
"Mind if I join you?" Lu glanced up.
"Hi Dr. Jackson." Dr. Robert Jackson, Chief of Staff at RWHC, sat down across the table from her.
"So how are you doing, Dr. Delgado?" Lu rolled her eyes.
"I'm fine, Dr. Jackson."
"You look a little tired."
"It's just been a long day, that's all."
"Lu, I've been wanting to talk to you about something."
"Yeah?"
"I just want you to understand why I had to allow Dr. Kilner to return to work. I really had no choice in the matter. According to the law, he is innocent until proven guilty. If I fired him before the trial, he could sue RWHC for wrongful termination."
"Yeah, Dana told me. Why is it that he did the crime and I'm paying for it?" Lu questioned with a hint of anger in her voice. "He walks around here and acts like nothing happened, with a stupid smirk on his face." Lu leaned closer to Robert and said quietly, but in an angry tone "He violated my body and got away with it. What if he does it to someone else?"
"Dr. Delgado, have you considered taking a few days off?" Lu shook her head. "No. And I'm not going to, either. I'll tell you the same thing I told everyone else. I don't need to take time off. I am not going to run and hide. I didn't do anything. HE is the one that should run and hide. "
"But I am wondering if you and Dr. Kilner will be able to work in the same hospital." Dr. Jackson said slowly. Lu stared at him. "What exactly are you trying to say? You plan on getting rid of one of us?"
"I didn't say that, Lu."
"Maybe not, but you certainly implied it." She replied.
"I did no such thing. I just think that…" Lu interrupted, angry. "Dr. Jackson, I have a feeling that no matter what I say, you will do what you want anyway. So why do I even bother?" Lu stood to go.
"Dr. Delgado….Lu, I didn't mean that at all." Lu stormed out of the cafeteria, almost running into Dana as she bolted through the door.
"Hi Lu. What's going on?"
"Why don't you ask Dr. Jackson?" Lu said as she pushed past her and hurried down the hall. Dana looked to where Dr. Jackson was sitting, then hurried over. "Hi Bob. What's with Lu?" Dr. Jackson told Dana about his conversation with Lu. Dana took a sip of her coffee.
"Bob, if I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?"
"If I can, yes. What's the question?"
"You don't plan on getting rid of Lu, do you?"
"Of course not."
"What about Kilner?"
"Dana, he is a top notch surgeon. Do I need to remind you that you are the one who recommended him for the position of Chief of Surgery?"
"Yes, I did. But how did I know that he would rape my partner?"
"He insists that it was consensual."
"And you believe him? Bob, he told me that same thing the night it happened, while Lu was in the emergency room. I even questioned Lu about it, asking her if she was sure that it happened the way she said it did. The look in her eyes and the hurt and anger in her voice….she was scared, Bob. I knew right then that Lu would never lie about something like this. You should have seen her. She reminded me of a frightened rabbit." Dana once again thought back to that awful night. "And you know what else really hurt that night?"
"What's that, Dana?"
"One of her patients was brought into the emergency room. She was in a great deal of pain, and she was crying for Lu. Nick was caring for her, but she died. You should have seen the look on Lu's face. I practically had to hold her down. She was ready to get off the exam table to go help her patient. The worst night of her life, and she was more concerned about her patient."
"I understand why you are taking her side, Dana. But…"
"Bob, this is not about taking sides. This is about the truth. And I strongly believe that Lu is telling the truth. And if she is telling the truth, then Kilner is not telling the truth. Why should Lu have to pay for what he did to her?" Without realizing it, Dana's voice was rising.
"Dana, calm down. You are beginning to sound like Lu." Bob leaned towards her. "Right now, I don't plan on getting rid of either of them. But I am concerned about whether or not they can both remain here without allowing it to interfere with their job performance. Our first priority here is our patients. Both Dr. Kilner and Dr. Delgado are excellent doctors. It would be a shame to lose either of them."
" After what he did to Lu, it would be a pleasure to lose him." Dana finished her coffee, than stood to leave. "I'm done for the day. See you tomorrow."
"Good night, Dana."
Lu glanced at the clock on the nightstand beside the bed. 1:10am. She was tired, and needed to sleep. She wanted to sleep. But she was afraid to close her eyes, knowing that she would be awakened once again by the nightmare that had haunted her for the past two weeks, the nightmare that had awakened her every night, causing her to break out in a cold sweat.
Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, Lu drifted off into a troubled sleep. And immediately the nightmare began. Dr. Rand Kilner holding her down on the couch, her trying to push him off. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. He was strong….much stronger than her.
"NO!" Lu sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat, her breathing labored. The door to her room flew open and her son hurried over to the bed. Marc sat down on the edge of the bed and gently touched his mother's shoulder, not wanting to startle her.
"Mom…it's okay. It was just a bad dream. Everything is okay. I'm here with you." Lu looked at her son with terror filled eyes. "Marc…" her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Mom, you need to try to get some more sleep. It's 2:00 in the morning. I'll be right in the next room if you need me." Unable to answer him through her fear, Lu nodded. Marc gave her a hug, then kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."
"Hey Lu." Lana greeted Lu the next morning. Lu forced a smile. "Morning, Lana."
"You okay? You look tired."
"I just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all. I'll be fine. Who is my first patient?" Lana glanced at the file on top of the pile. "Lisa McGwen."
"Great. Send her in."
Lana watched after Lu, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Morning, Lana." Lana looked up to see Dana standing there. "Morning, Dr. Stowe." Dana smiled.
"You seem to be deep in thought this morning."
"Lu seems to be tired this morning. She said it's because she didn't get much sleep last night, but I'm not sure I totally buy that."
"Come on, Lana. It could be true."
"Yeah, maybe. But think about it, Dr. Stowe. Has she seemed more tired lately?"
"She did tell me the other day that sometimes she has a hard time going to sleep at night." Dana answered.
"How much longer can she keep this up? She can't keep working these long days with no sleep." Dana sighed.
"I know, Lana. But there's not much we can do."
"There must be something."
"Lana, I know you want to help her. We all do. But until she tells us how, we can't. Now, who's my first patient?"
"Gabby Waters."
"Okay. I'll talk to you later. And if I get a chance, I will try to talk to Lu again. But I don't think it will do much good. You know how she is. She won't admit she needs help, and she won't ask for help either."
"What are we supposed to do? Wait for her to break?" Lana asked. Dana shrugged.
"I don't know, Lana. I need to get started with my patients. See you later." Lana nodded as Dana hurried down the hall towards her office.
Lu sighed as she sat down at her desk much later that afternoon. It had been a very busy day, and she hadn't had a chance to sit down or even grab a cup of coffee. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, wishing the headache would go away.
"Hi Lana." Marc approached the reception desk after school that afternoon. Lana smiled.
"Hi Kid. How was school?" Marc shrugged.
"Okay, I guess. Where's Mom?"
"Now that is a good question. She's been busy with patients all day. You might check her office."
"Okay, thanks." Marc tapped the counter as he started to walk away.
"Hey, Marc. Can you do us a favor?" Marc walked back to the desk. "Yeah?"
"Can you try to get your mom to go to bed earlier at night? From the looks of her, I'd say she is burning the midnight oil much to often these days."
"Lana, it's not because she doesn't go to bed early enough." Marc stated. Lana suddenly noticed the sad look in the young boy's eyes. "Marc, maybe you and I should have a talk. Is there something you'd like to tell Lana?"
"Lana, it's true. She hasn't been getting much sleep lately. She goes to bed by 11 every night, but she doesn't go to sleep until much later….because every time she goes to sleep, she wakes up screaming. It happens every night."
"She wakes up screaming?" Marc nodded.
"Yeah…screaming, cold sweat, labored breathing." Lana stared at him in disbelief. "Marc, how long has this been going on?"
"About two weeks, I guess. When they first started, she would just tell me that it was just a bad dream. She wouldn't tell me about them, though. But after she told me that she had been raped, I figured that the nightmares were about the rape. She never talks about the dreams….or the rape."
"Well now at least I know a little more about what's going on. She won't tell us anything. She just says she's ok, and she doesn't need anything." Marc nodded.
"Yeah, that's just how she is. But Lana, I'm worried about her. She won't talk to me about it at all. I don't know how to help her." Lana noticed the tears well up in the boy's eyes. She walked around the desk and put her arm around him.
"Marc, I promise you that we will do whatever it takes to help your mom through this. And we will be here for you too. All of us…me, Dr. Stowe, Peter. You are not alone. And neither is Lu. But we have to convince her of that, though."
"Thanks, Lana. When you see her, tell her I went up to the cafeteria to grab a snack."
"Will do, Kid."
Lana knocked on the door to Dana's office, then opened the door without waiting for an answer. Dana glanced up from the file she was reading. "Lana, hi. What's up?"
"I just had a talk with Marc." Dana closed the folder, and folded her hands on her desk. "And?"
"She needs help, Dr. Stowe." Lana told Dana all that Marc had told her. When she finished, Dana took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair.
"Well, that certainly explains why she is so tired all the time. I think I'll go talk to Marc. Where is he?"
"Cafeteria. Dr. Stowe, you should have seen the look on that boy's face. He is really worried about his mother." Dana pushed back her chair and stood up. "And he should be. She's just not herself now." Dana excused herself and hurried from her office.
Marc sat down at a table and opened his can of pop. There were only a few people in the cafeteria at this time of the day. As he glanced around the room, he suddenly spotted Dr. Randolph Kilner seated at a table across the room. Seated with Dr. Kilner was Dr. Robert Jackson. The two men were laughing. Marc felt the anger rising within him. His first thought was to punch Dr. Kilner. But then thought better of it as he remembered what had happened a week earlier, when he had attacked the doctor. Dr. Kilner had said then that if it happened again, he would press charges. And Marc knew that if he got arrested, it would only hurt his mom even more.
Marc walked over to the table where the two men were seated. "Hi Marc." Robert Jackson greeted him. Marc nodded at Dr. Jackson, then glared at Dr. Kilner in silence.
"Is there there something you want here, kid?"
"Yeah. I want you to admit what you did to my mom."
"You are crazy, kid. I don't know what kind of stories your mother is telling you, but…"
"My mother is telling the truth, you bastard."
"Now Marc…" Dr. Jackson touched Marc's arm, but Marc shrugged away from him.
"How could you do something like that? What kind of an animal are you?" Rand looked at Bob.
"Can't you do something about this kid? Isn't there a rule or something about not bringing kids to work?"
"Marc, you need to calm down. I think you need to go find your mom."
"I'm not going anywhere until I say what I have to say."
Dana entered the cafeteria, glancing around the room for 15 year old Marc Delgado. She spotted him at a table with Dr. Kilner and Dr. Jackson. Right away she knew there could be trouble. "Oh no, Marc." Dana hurried over to the table. "Hey, Marc. I need to talk to you for a minute."
"In a minute, Dr. Stowe."
"Dana, you really need to do something with this kid." Rand said with his usual smirk. Marc glared at Kilner. "How do you sleep at night, knowing that you hurt someone the way you did? Because of what you did, my mom doesn't sleep at night. How could you hurt someone like that? You destroyed my mom's life, you good for nothing jerk." Kilner pointed his finger at Marc. "I don't know what your mother told you, but I didn't do anything wrong. I did not force her to have sex with me. She consented all the way." Unable to control himself any longer, Marc lunged at Kilner. Dr. Jackson and Dana were able to grab him before he grabbed Kilner. Kilner stood to go. "I told your mother that if this happened again, I would press charges."
"Dr. Stowe, I want you to take care of Marc. Dr. Kilner, I would like to talk to you in my office." Bob told them both.
"But Bob…"Kilner started to protest, but Bob held up his hand. "My office in 10 minutes, Dr. Kilner." Noone else spoke until Dr. Jackson had left the cafeteria. Dr. Kilner looked at Dana, who stood with her arm around Marc.
"Dana, I told you what happened. If you ask me, she is just looking for attention." Dana tightened her grip on Marc as she felt him start to move forward.
"What's going on?" None of them had seen Peter approach until he had spoken.
"I was just telling them the truth about what happened." Kilner said.
"You mean you finally admit that you raped Lu?" Peter said with unmistaken sarcasm in his voice.
"I am telling you all for the last time…I did not rape her."
"If you didn't, then who did?" Marc asked. "You gave her a ride home. You went into the apartment. You were the only one there. And she said you raped her. She wouldn't say that if it weren't true." Kilner chuckled.
"Well, Kid. Looks like you are finally learning the truth about your mother."
"You…"Marc started, but Dana interrupted.
"Kilner, don't you have a meeting with Dr. Jackson? I would sure hate for you to be late." Kilner glared at her for a moment, then walked out of the cafeteria.
"Marc, lets go sit down. I'd like to talk to you. Peter, you can join us if you'd like." Peter nodded as Dana led them to a table. Dana sat across from Marc.
"Marc, can you tell us what has been going on at home? Your mom insists that she is okay."
"But she's not okay, Dr. Stowe. She can't sleep at night. She has nightmares every night. She hardly eats at all. You believe her, don't you? You believe that Dr. Kilner raped her?"
"Yes, Marc. I do. That night in the emergency room while I was doing the rape exam, I needed to step out for a minute. I bumped into Kilner, and he told me that it was consensual, and not rape. I asked your mom if she was sure it happened the way she said it did, because Kilner was saying that it hadn't happened that way. I guess I didn't want to believe that someone I knew could do something so horrible. But after talking to Lu again, I knew that she would never lie about something like this. I believe her with my whole heart."
"How could Dr. Jackson let him stay here after what he did?" Marc questioned.
"The law says he is innocent until proven guilty." Peter answered. "He will be here at least until the trial."
"Mom shouldn't have to face him every day."
"Marc, we all want to help her. We don't like the fact that Kilner is here." Peter said. "But there's nothing we can do about that. If Jackson fires him, he can sue for wrongful termination. We think your mom should take some time off so she can get some rest. But she refuses."
"Marc, is she still going to the support group?" Dana asked.
"She only went to it once. I think she needs to go. She needs to talk to someone. She won't talk to me about it."
"She won't talk to any of us either." Dana replied.
"Marc, I need to get back to work. Please feel free to call if you need anything."
"Okay. Thanks, Dr. Stowe." After Dana had gone, Peter gently touched Marc on the shoulder. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I just wish I knew how to help Mom. Why won't she talk to me? I'm not a little kid anymore."
"Of course you're not. And she knows that too. But rape is a very difficult thing to talk about at any time. And when a woman has been raped, it is even more difficult. She just needs time. And she needs to know that you are there for her. It won't be easy, Marc. But you can do it. Just let her know that you are there for her and that you love her." Peter took a deep breath.
"I'll do my best, Peter."
"That's all you can do, Marc. Just do your best."
"I'd better get downstairs before Mom comes looking for me. See you later." Marc got up and hurried from the cafeteria. Peter watched as the boy walked away.
"Lana, have you seen Marc?" Lu approached the reception desk. Lana noticed right away that her eyes were blood shot, and she looked more tired now than she had that morning.
"He said he was going up to the cafeteria to grab a snack. You done for the day?" Lu sighed as she shook her head.
"I still have a few more patients to see. I should be done by 5:00. Tell Marc when you see him to hang around until I'm done, will ya?"
"Sure thing, Lu." As Lu started to walk away, Dr. Kilner approached the reception desk. Immediately, Lu found it hard to breath, and her knees felt weak. She grabbed onto the desk for support. Lana, sensing her friend's need for support, rushed to her side.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Hawkins, Dr. Delgado." Dana, having seen what had happened as she was coming down the hall, rushed to Lu's side also.
"Lu, let's go into my office. You need to sit down." Lu pushed them away, and started to walk away, but quickly grabbed the desk again as her knees began to buckle.
"Lana, help me get her to my office." This time, Lu didn't fight it. Dana and Lana helped her to Dana's office, than Lana went back to the reception desk. Dana handed Lu a glass of water. "I…I don't…I don't know what happened." Lu said softly.
"Well, I do." Dana said firmly. "You came face to face with the man who raped you. And he had the nerve to speak to you, with that stupid smirk on his face. But I don't think he will be smirking for very long." Lu couldn't help but notice the sly grin on her partner's face.
"Why not? Is something going on that I should know about?"
"Kilner is on his way to Bob's office. You see, there was a little problem in the cafeteria." Lu took a sip of her water.
"Wait a minute. Lana said that Marc went to the cafeteria to get a snack. Does this have anything to do with him?"
"Actually, it does." Dana answered. Lu groaned.
"Oh no. Please don't tell me he attacked Kilner again."
"Well, he tried to. But Bob and I stopped him. He did, however, attack him verbally." Lu groaned again.
"Oh Marc. So what happened?"
"After Marc lunged at Kilner, Kilner said that he had told you that if it happened again, he would press charges. That's when Bob told Kilner that he wanted to see him in his office." Dana told Lu about the conversations that had taken place in the cafeteria, concluding with what Peter had said to Kilner.
"Peter actually said that?" Lu asked, her eyes wide. Dana nodded. "He sure did. I had to really hold my tongue there. Marc did call Kilner a few choice names. And Kilner still insists that it was consensual. But noone believes him, Lu. You know that, don't you?"
"I know that you, Lana, Peter and Nick believe me. But I'm not so sure about Dr. Jackson. Kilner comes back to work, and Jackson wants me to take time off."
"Lu, we all would like to see you take some time off. You came back to work the day after it happened. Why?"
"Because if I didn't, Marc would have known that something was wrong. I…I couldn't tell him. So I had to come back. Besides, I couldn't let my patients down. I had already let Teresa down. And she died."
"Lu, that wasn't your fault and you know it. You had just been raped. I know you care about your patients. But you also need to care for yourself. And for your son. Marc is worried about you too. Look at yourself, Lu. You are exhausted. You can't continue like this. Marc told us about the nightmares. I saw what happened when you came face to face with Kilner. If Lana hadn't been there, you would have collapsed. What will happen the next time you see him? And you will see him again, Lu."
"I know that," Lu said softly. "But I told you before. I am not going into hiding. He is not going to make me run." Dana sighed. "Lu, just a couple of days. Please."
"No, Dana. I can't. I'll be okay. Really."
"Marc said you're not going to the support group."
"I don't need to sit in a room full of strangers and tell them my story. They don't need to hear it."
"But you need to talk about it. And they've all been through it, Lu. They can help you deal with your feelings."
"Dana, I know you want to help. And I really do appreciate it. Look, I gotta go. I have a few more patients. And Marc is waiting for me. I'll see you tomorrow." Dana watched in silence as her partner left the office.
Lu and Marc rode home in silence that afternoon, each lost in their own thoughts. When they reached their apartment, Marc headed for his room, but Lu stopped him.
"Dana told me you had a chat with Dr. Kilner in the cafeteria today."
"Yeah."
"Would you like to talk about it?" Lu asked.
"Not really." Marc replied.
"Well, I would like to talk about it. Marc, we already talked about what would happen if you attacked him again."
"I didn't attack him. Dr. Jackson and Dr. Stowe wouldn't let me. But I wanted to, though." Marc turned to face his mother with tears streaming down his cheeks. "You should have heard what he said, Mom. He said that he didn't force you to have sex with him. It was consensual. He said you were lying to me. But I know you're not. He just made me so angry." Lu put her arms around her son.
"I know, Marc. I'm angry too."
"Mom, how can you face him at work every day after what he did to you?"
"It won't be easy, Marc." Lu told him what had happened that afternoon when she had seen Dr. Kilner. Marc shook his head. "Mom, what if that happens every time you see him?"
"I don't know, Marc. Hopefully it won't. I'll just have to accept the fact that we will still be working in the same hospital. At least until the trial." Marc knew that his mother was only putting on a brave front for his sake.
"Can I go to my room now?" He asked.
"Sure. I'll get supper ready." As Marc went into his bedroom, Lu went into the kitchen to begin fixing supper.
Marc glanced at Lu, who only picked at her food. This had become a regular occurance during the past couple of weeks. "Mom, aren't you going to eat something?"
"I guess I'm not very hungry tonight."
"But you say that every night. Can't you try to at least eat something?" Lu closed her eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.
"When you're done, just pile your dishes in the sink. I'll do them later. I need to lie down for a few minutes. Just 5 minutes. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure." As Lu headed towards the bedroom, she patted her son on the shoulder. "Don't forget to do your homework when you're done eating."
"Okay." When Lu got to her bedroom doorway, she stopped and turned around. "Marc?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. And we'll be okay."
"Yeah, whatever." Lu immediately noticed the doubt in his voice. Marc turned to look at his mother, and saw the pain in her eyes. "I love you too, Mom."
"Remember what I told you, Marc. As long as you are okay, part of me is happy. That is the most important to me."
"I know, Mom." Marc said softly.
Lu poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. It was early Friday morning, and it had been a very long week. Yesterday she had spent much of her day in the fast pace of the emergency room, and when she wasn't in the ER, she was seeing her own patients. She had worked late last night, not getting home until after 9:00pm. Totally exhausted, she had gone to bed a short time later. But once again was awakened by the nightmare. Unable to go back to sleep, she had remained awake until the alarm had gone off at 6:00am.
"Morning, Mom." Marc poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table across from Lu. "You going in today?"
"Yeah. I have a full day today."
"You're not gonna work late again, are you?" He asked.
"I don't think so. Not unless there's a big emergency or somethin'."
"I wish I weren't going to Dad's this weekend."
"How come? I thought you liked going to your Dad's."
"I do. But I don't want to leave you alone this weekend." Lu smiled. "Thanks, Marc. But I'll be okay. Really."
"Are you sure, Mom? Everyone is worried about you."
"Marc, I told them the same thing I am telling you. I am fine. Yes, I'm tired. But I have the weekend off. I'll be able to rest."
"Mom, are you going back to the support group?"
"You been talking to Dana?" Marc nodded.
"Yeah. She thinks you should keep going."
"And she should mind her own business." Lu said under her breath
"Will you at least think about going back? For me?" Lu forced a smile. "Yeah, I'll think about it."
"Morning, Lana. Is Lu here yet?" Dana approached the reception desk. Lana shook her head.
"Nope. She seems to be a little late this morning."
"Good. There's something I would like you to do before she gets here." Dana told the receptionist.
"And what might that be, Dr. Stowe?"
"I would like you to cancel all of Lu's appointments for all day Monday and Tuesday morning."
"Are you crazy, Dr. Stowe? You know what that woman will do when she finds out?"
"Lana, I know she won't like it. But we've got to do something, even if it means forcing her to take time off. And don't worry. I will take full responsibility."
"You know you're risking your own life, don't you?"
"Listen, Lana. Lu has to go before the grand jury on Tuesday morning. And she needs to get some rest before she does it. You've seen her these past couple of weeks. She can barely make it until 5:00 these days." Dana stated.
"Dr. Biancavilla said she was here until 9 last night." Lana replied. "He said she looked totally exhausted when she finally left."
"See, Lana. If she won't do something, then we have to do it for her. And I don't care if she gets mad at me. I know we're doing the right thing. Now, will you do it?" Dana asked.
"Yes, Dr. Stowe. Lana will do as you requested. But when Lu comes looking for you, don't say I didn't warn you." Dana smiled. "I knew I could count on you, Lana." Lana opened Lu's appointment book. "I'd better get started before Lu walks in and catches me in the act. It's not like her to be late, so I expect that she will be rushing in here any minute."
"And I'd better get started with my own patients. Who do I have first?" Lana handed her a file folder.
"Marian Kambridge." Dana went to the lobby to call her first patient.
Lu glanced at her watch as she approached the reception desk. "Morning, Lana. I can't believe I'm late."
"What'd you do? Oversleep?" Lana asked.
"How could I oversleep? I never sleep." Lu stated. "I just couldn't get moving this morning." Lana was just about to answer, but then thought better of it when she took a closer look at Lu. Her eyes were bloodshot, with circles under them. She had never known Lu to look so tired and run down.
"Lu, are you sure you should be here today? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"
"Lana, don't start with me. I'm not in the mood."
"Lu…" Lana started, but Lu interrupted.
"Lana, please. I have a full load today, and I'm already late."
"Hey Lu, I'm glad I caught you." Lu turned to see Peter standing behind her. "Hi Peter. What's up?""
"I need you to sign these labs for Tamera Rayes." He handed her the clipboard. Lu took the pen and clipboard from him. As she was signing the bottom of the paper, the words suddenly became blurry. Handing the clipboard back to Peter, she dropped it and it fell to the floor. "Sorry, Peter." Lu reached down and picked it up. As she handed it back to Peter, he noticed that her hands were shaking. He gently touched her hand. "You okay, Lu?"
"Uh…yeah. Thanks." Peter glanced at Lana, who shrugged her shoulders. "Thanks, Lu." After Peter had gone, Lu turned to Lana. "I'll be in my office." As Lu started to walk away, her eyes once again began to blur. She paused and rubbed her eyes, waiting for her vision to clear. Lana watched her, concerned. "Lu…" Lu held up her hand.
"Lana, don't even say it. I've got to get started with the day."
"Whatever you say, Doc." Lana shook her head as Lu walked down the hall towards her own office. Lana knew that they needed to do something. And they needed to do it fast.
"Lana, who's my next patient?" Dana handed Lana the file from her previous patient. Lana picked up the next file, then paused. "Lu Delgado."
"What?" Dana asked.
"Dr. Stowe, I think you need to talk to Lu."
"Yes, Lana, I plan on talking to Lu. First chance I get."
"I mean now, Dr. Stowe. I know she insists that she is okay, but she is clearly not. We can all see it. Have you seen her yet this morning?" Lana questioned.
"Well, no. But…" Lana interrupted.
"Her eyes are bloodshot, she has dark circles under her eyes. Peter asked her to sign a lab report, and her hands were shaking. Dr. Stowe…" Dana held up her hand, sighing.
"Okay, Lana. I'll go talk to her right now."
Lu closed the door to her office and sat down at her desk. She had just finished with her first patient, and needed a few minutes to sit down before attending to another one. For a brief moment she had considered canceling her appointments for the remainder of the day, but dismissed the thought almost immediately, not wanting to let her patients down.
Lu glanced at her watch. Another patient is waiting, she told herself. But as she stood up, she suddenly felt dizzy and immediately sat down again. Once again, her vision became blurred. "What is wrong with me?" she whispered.
She closed her eyes and rested her head in her hands, hoping her vision would clear. She jumped slightly at a sudden knock on the door, but didn't raise her head.
"Yeah?" The door opened and Dana stepped into the office. She was startled to find Lu at her desk with her head in her hands. "Lu?" Lu raised her head. For a moment, Dana was taken aback by her appearance. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
"I was hoping you could tell me." Dana answered.
"Huh?"
"Listen, Lu. You shouldn't be here today."
"Dana, I have patients. Same as you. I can't just leave them out there."
"I know that, Lu. But look at yourself. And Lana told me about your shaking hands and blurred vision. You can't care for your patients like that. You need to get some rest. When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?" Dana questioned.
"I guess the night before…the night before it happened." Lu answered, not sure where this conversation was going.
"It's been two weeks, and you've still been putting in long hours here. Nick said you were here until 9 last night."
"There were a lot of emergencies." Lu replied.
"So what are your plans for the weekend?" Dana asked, changing the subject.
"Not much. Marc is spending the weekend with his dad."
"I thought maybe you would consider spending the weekend at my place."
"How come?" Lu asked.
"I don't think you should be home alone. You can stay at my place and get some rest. It's obvious you're not getting any rest at home."
"So I'm a little tired. What's the big deal?" Lu questioned.
"A little tired? Come on, Lu." Lu sighed.
"Okay, so I'm a lot tired. I'm sure that once this grand jury thing is over, I'll be fine."
"But that's not until Tuesday. I think you need to rest up this weekend so you'll be ready for it."
"Ya know, Dana. I am really getting a bit tired of you and everyone else around here telling me what to do. I know you're all trying to help, but really. I don't need it."
"Lu, there's something you need to know."
"Yeah?" Lu raised her eyebrows. Dana took a deep breath. She knew her partner was not going to like what she was going to say. "I've taken the liberty of asking Lana to cancel all of your appointments for all day Monday and Tuesday morning." Lu stared at her.
"You did what? Dana, what right do you have to cancel my appointments? And without even consulting me first. I have a full schedule on Monday."
"I realize that, Lu." Dana answered. "You always put your patients first. But this time, I think you need to put yourself first. You can't do your best for them when you're like this" Lu stood and walked slowly around her desk, ignoring the wave of dizziness and the blurred vision.
"Dana, I'm telling you for the last time. I am fine. Why won't you believe me?" Dana sighed, feeling exasperated.
"Lu…" Lu held up her hand to stop her.
"I've got patients waiting." As Lu started to walk towards the door, Dana immediately noticed how unsteady she was and reached out to touch her arm. Lu stopped, turned around, then suddenly sank to the floor.
"Oh god, Lu." Dana knelt beside her, checking her breathing and pulse, then she picked up the phone, speaking quickly. "I need a gurney in Dr. Delgado's office." At that moment, the door flew open and Lana rushed in.
"I just heard the page…." Lana gasped when she saw her friend lying on the floor. "What happened?"
"She just collapsed." The door opened and an orderly came in with the gurney. Together he and Dana got Lu on the gurney. "Take her to room 232. Lana, cancel her patients for the remainder of the day."
"Sure, Dr. Stowe.
Lu slowly opened her eyes and glanced around the room. Dana was standing beside the bed.
"W…what happened?" Lu asked softly.
"You collapsed in your office." Lu started to sit up, but immediately fell back as she was overcome by dizziness.
"My patients.."
"Let's just worry about you right now. I asked Lana to cancel your appointments for the rest of the day." Dana was expecting an argument, and was relieved when Lu just nodded. After a few moments of silence, Lu whispered.
"So what's wrong with me? What caused me to collapse?"
"Lu, you are totally exhausted. Your blood pressure is elevated as well. And I'm not surprised. The way you've been practically working yourself to death these past two weeks. We've been telling you for days that you need to slow down and get some rest." Lu closed her eyes.
"I suppose now you're going to say I told you so."
"No, because there's no need for it. You already know that we were right. We could all see it." Dana answered.
"How long do I have to stay here? Can I go home now?" Dana sighed, then shook her head.
"Lu, I will release you this afternoon on one condition." Lu looked up at her partner. "And what is that, Dr. Stowe?"
"That you stay at my house for the next several days, until Tuesday, so that I can monitor you."
"You mean baby sit me." Lu said with a note of sarcasm in her voice.
"Lu, I don't mean that at all. I just don't want you staying by yourself, that's all. And I am going to give you a prescription for something that will help you sleep." Lu closed her eyes. "Fine." Dana smiled.
"Good. I'll be back in a few minutes. You try to rest now."
"Whatever."
"Dr. Stowe, how's Lu?" Lana asked as Dana approached the reception desk.
"Totally exhausted, and her blood pressure is a bit high."
"I knew something was wrong when she came in this morning. But she said she was fine." Dana nodded.
"You know it's not easy for Lu to admit defeat. She never thinks about how she feels, only her patients."
"Are you going to keep her here for a few days?" Lana asked.
"I told her that I would release her this afternoon on the condition that she agrees to stay at my place until Tuesday. I'm going to prescribe her something to help her sleep.
"Hey, Dr. Stowe. I heard the page for a gurney to be brought to Dr. Delgado's office." Dana turned as Dr. Rand Kilner spoke. "Is she okay?"
"Sometimes you amaze me, Kilner. " Dana turned and walked away. Kilner glanced at Lana, smiling.
"Well, if you ask me, Dr. Delgado hasn't been very stable lately."
"First of all, no one asked you. But can I ask you something?"
"Of course." Lana stood up and looked him in the eye.
"How does it feel knowing that you are responsible for destroying a young woman's life?" Lana walked away.
Lu followed Dana into her house later that afternoon, after they had stopped at her apartment so she could pick up enough clothes for the next few days. "You can go ahead and put your stuff in the spare room…down the hall on the left. I'll make us some coffee." Dana said as she went into the kitchen." Lu nodded and headed down the hall, returning seconds later. "Dana, you shouldn't have to give up your whole weekend on my account. I could have just as easily stayed at home." Lu sat down at the table.
"Lu, if you weren't staying here, you'd be staying in the hospital. You know that. I wasn't going to let you stay at home alone."
"Gee, Dana. I'm a big girl now. I can take care of myself." Lu said in a mock whine. Dana turned to face her.
"You do so much for everyone else. It's time you let someone do something for you for a change." Lu sighed.
"Well, I can honestly say that I have never taken a patient home with me for a weekend."
"I never have either." Dana answered. "But you're not just my patient. You're a friend. And my co-worker. And you're going through a rough time. I don't want you to have to go through it alone. Lu, I know it's not easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or to even admit when something is wrong. But you have to let us help you…me, Lana, Peter, Nick. And Dr. Jackson. And Marc. Your son wants to help you, but he doesn't know how because you won't talk to him about it. That boy is hurting, Lu." Dana poured them each a cup of coffee, then sat down at the table across from her. Lu took a sip of her coffee, staring into the cup. "Marc blames himself for it." She said softly, remembering the conversation she had had with her son several nights earlier, the day he had physically attacked Dr. Rand Kilner.
"What?" Dana questioned.
"Yeah, he blames himself that I was raped. He said that he was supposed to be home from his friend's by 9, but he wasn't because he knew that I would be late, because I'm always late. He said that if he had been home, he could have done something, like getting his bat or calling the cops. I told him that it wasn't his fault, but I'm not so sure he believed me. He said that he is the man of our house, and it is his job to protect me." Dana smiled.
"That's quite a kid you got there, Lu. And he is very lucky to have you for a mother."
"I'm very lucky to have him for a son." Lu answered softly.
"I thought we'd order Chinese tonight. Is that okay with you?"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever."
"Now, as your doctor, I suggest you go lie down and get some rest until supper arrives." Suddenly feeling very tired, Lu didn't argue. She excused herself and went to her room.
Dana was awakened late that night by loud screams coming from the bedroom down the hall. She got up and hurried into Lu's room. Lu was sitting bolt upright in bed, her face drenched with sweat, her breathing labored. Dana sat down on the edge of the bed, gently touching her shoulder and speaking softly to her. "Lu…it's Dana. Everything is okay. It was just a bad dream. You're okay now." Lu stared at her with terror filled eyes. "D…Dana?"
"Yeah. Lie back down and try to go back to sleep." Lu shook her head. She knew that once awakened by the terrible nightmare, she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.
"I…I can't, Dana. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I feel him. I hear him. It won't go away."
"It will take time, Lu. It's only been two weeks. It will take a long time to heal from this. But please let me help you. You can't do it alone. Lu, it's eating you up inside. What Kilner did to you was atrocious, and unforgiveable. And I wish we didn't have to see him at work every day. But please don't bottle everything up inside. Look where it got you? You need to talk about it. I know it's not easy for you, Lu. In the two years that we have worked together…" Lu looked up at her with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I don't like the way I've been feeling lately. I have just been feeling so tired lately. I haven't been able to sleep or eat."
"Yeah, I saw that at supper tonight." Dana answered. "Sometimes when we can't deal with something, we throw ourselves into an activity to keep us from thinking about the thing we are trying to avoid. In your case, you threw yourself into your job to keep from dealing with your feelings and emotions. And your pain. You have been working very long hours, longer than usual. We've all seen it, Lu. When you collapsed today, it was your body telling you that you need to slow down and take it easy for a few days." Lu couldn't help but smile at Dana's words. She herself had told that very thing to her patients several times. "Thank you, Dr. Stowe." Dana stood up, smiling.
"My pleasure, Dr. Delgado. Now you lie back down and try to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
"Night, Dana. And thanks." Dana smiled at her friend, then she left the room. Lu sighed as she closed her eyes, hoping to go back to sleep. For the first time in two weeks, she felt slightly relaxed, and not so tense. Talking to Dana had helped, she realized. She closed her eyes and soon drifted into a restful sleep.
"Morning, Dana." Lu entered the kitchen Tuesday morning, ready for the day.
"Morning, Lu. Breakfast is just about ready." Lu poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.
"I'm not so sure I can eat anything this morning, Dana."
"Nervous?" Lu nodded.
"Yeah. I don't know which is worse. Facing the grand jury or Kilner." Lu answered.
"You'll do fine, Lu. Just tell everything you told me in the ER that night."
"Kilner's been doing a good job of telling everyone at work that he didn't rape me, that it was consensual. I know everyone at work believes me, but what if the grand jury doesn't?" Lu questioned.
"They will believe you, Lu. And you've got me there on your side. It will be okay." Lu took a sip of her coffee, wishing she could feel as confident as Dana seemed to be.
A short time later, Lu and Dana arrived at the courthouse. Lu's attorney, Jules Sorenson, met them outside the courtroom "Ready Lu?" Lu nodded slowly.
"Yeah. Lets get this over with." Lu glanced down the hall and saw Rand Kilner coming towards them. Dana saw him also, and put her arm around Lu.
"Lets go, Lu." Lu glared at him for a moment, then held her head high. "I'm ready, Dana." Together, the three women walked into the courtroom.
.