**********DREAMS*************
Dreams.
I never had them as a child.
Nightmares? Visions? Memories?
Sure.
But dreams?
Not for the likes of me…
For a long time I thought that aliens simply weren't made to have them.
That we were above something as trivial as dreams.
But then I found out that Max and Izzy dreamt too and I realized that it was only me whose nights were really dark.
That it was only me who didn't deserve to dream.
But the day I first saw Maria, *really* saw her, it changed.
I started dreaming.
Now I wish I could dream all the time.
Because in my dreams Maria is still with me.
***********************************************
I remember the way Max looked when he noticed me lying on my bed with lifeless Maria in my arms.
It seemed like the light in his eyes somehow faded and then went away without saying goodbye. I've always thought that the hazel brightness of his orbs was permanent – that nothing would ever be able to make it fade away.
But then again I've also thought that the day I had to say goodbye to my wife would never come.
Seems to me I've been wrong about many things.
Too many…
-Am I too late? – I remember him asking quietly. Can you imagine it? Max, king Zan of Antar, the fearless leader of an entire race was speaking in trembling whisper. Unimaginable.
Carefully I let Maria out of my embrace and sat up on the bed.
- She's still alive – I whispered – I gave her some of my energy but it seems she needs more than that. And I'm not sure there's anything left inside of me that she would want to take. Guess I'm really worthless after all…
I could see that he wanted to say something, to tell me that I'm wrong – to lie, but there was no time for lies. Every second mattered. Every second made the distance between Maria and me longer and longer.
So I got up and did something that I always swore I wouldn't do.
I begged.
I begged Max to help her, to give her some of the energy, some of the power I knew he possessed. I told him I would do anything for him; give him anything he wanted as long as he agreed to help her. Hell, at that moment I was ready to sell my soul to the Devil if only he could bring Maria back.
I will never forget the look Max gave me then. The kind of look that spoke volumes – the look that was filled with so much hurt that it could kill.
I guess he really loved her that much.
He pushed past me and kneeled by the bed. The hand he laid on her stomach started to glow and for a second the whole room filled with light so bright that I could see nothing. Then everything went dark and I heard loud thump nearby. When I opened my eyes I saw Maria still lying motionless, still with almost no life inside of her.
But Max wasn't near her any longer. I turned around and I saw him on the floor few meters away from her bed.
- It didn't work – he answered my questioning glance – There's some kind of electric force that wants me nowhere near the baby. I'm sorry Michael, but there's nothing I can do now. – he whispered the last part of this sentence so quietly that I wasn't even sure if it wasn't just my imagination. But the look on his face told me that I heard him right. There was no way to save my wife.
- Are you sure? - I asked – Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?! – I could hear my voice rising and I felt bad for shouting at Max but I couldn't control myself at that point.
And then I saw something in his eyes. Something that told me that Max wasn't completely honest with me.
- There's something more! – I stated – there's SOMETHING more!!! What are you not telling me Max? – by that time I was pinning him to the wall ready to punch the truth out of him if necessary. I guess he knew me too well to feel afraid because he kept quiet. I let go of him, stood up, and turned to face the bed.
- I need to know Max. I need to. Don't you know that? Don't you know that I can't live without her? – my voice cracked at this point and I had to clench my jaw real hard not to let out the sobs I felt coming.
- It's nothing NOW – I heard Max whisper.
- Now? – I asked without turning around. I didn't want him to see the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks.
After several seconds of silence Max started speaking. His voice seemed to be getting closer to me so I guessed he had stood up by then.
- When I healed Maria that night at your place I got the visions that shown the baby dying and...and I could see Maria dying with her. I saw Maria willing herself to give some strength to her daughter and I could sense the connection being formed. It was Maria who agreed to give herself up for the baby's sake. I knew that she would die if she kept giving her life force away and I knew that it could be fixed if the child would be…removed. I tried to persuade Maria to break that connection but she would hear nothing of it. She told me that if the baby would die, there's no guarantee that she would stay alive. She kept saying that even if her body would survive she wouldn't be able to live with the knowledge that she didn't do everything she could to help her baby. Michael…she said that she would die inside, and that she didn't want you to live without at least a part of real her...Michael…she did it to be with you…
At that moment tears were streaming wildly down my face. I wanted to be angry with Max for keeping that away from me. I wanted to be angry with Maria for making that decision by herself. I wanted to be angry with both of them but I just couldn't. All they did was love me too much….
I guess they were naive enough to think that this love would be enough…
I felt Max's hand on my shoulder and heard those words that I've been dreading so much come from his mouth.
- I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...
*************************************
Dreams.
I never had them as a child.
Nightmares? Visions? Memories?
Sure.
But dreams?
Not for the likes of me…
For a long time I thought that aliens simply weren't made to have them.
That we were above something as trivial as dreams.
But then I found out that Max and Izzy dreamt too and I realized that it was only me whose nights were really dark.
That it was only me who didn't deserve to dream.
But the day I first saw Maria, *really* saw her, it changed.
I started dreaming.
Now I wish I could dream all the time.
Because in my dreams Maria is still with me.
***********************************************
I remember the way Max looked when he noticed me lying on my bed with lifeless Maria in my arms.
It seemed like the light in his eyes somehow faded and then went away without saying goodbye. I've always thought that the hazel brightness of his orbs was permanent – that nothing would ever be able to make it fade away.
But then again I've also thought that the day I had to say goodbye to my wife would never come.
Seems to me I've been wrong about many things.
Too many…
-Am I too late? – I remember him asking quietly. Can you imagine it? Max, king Zan of Antar, the fearless leader of an entire race was speaking in trembling whisper. Unimaginable.
Carefully I let Maria out of my embrace and sat up on the bed.
- She's still alive – I whispered – I gave her some of my energy but it seems she needs more than that. And I'm not sure there's anything left inside of me that she would want to take. Guess I'm really worthless after all…
I could see that he wanted to say something, to tell me that I'm wrong – to lie, but there was no time for lies. Every second mattered. Every second made the distance between Maria and me longer and longer.
So I got up and did something that I always swore I wouldn't do.
I begged.
I begged Max to help her, to give her some of the energy, some of the power I knew he possessed. I told him I would do anything for him; give him anything he wanted as long as he agreed to help her. Hell, at that moment I was ready to sell my soul to the Devil if only he could bring Maria back.
I will never forget the look Max gave me then. The kind of look that spoke volumes – the look that was filled with so much hurt that it could kill.
I guess he really loved her that much.
He pushed past me and kneeled by the bed. The hand he laid on her stomach started to glow and for a second the whole room filled with light so bright that I could see nothing. Then everything went dark and I heard loud thump nearby. When I opened my eyes I saw Maria still lying motionless, still with almost no life inside of her.
But Max wasn't near her any longer. I turned around and I saw him on the floor few meters away from her bed.
- It didn't work – he answered my questioning glance – There's some kind of electric force that wants me nowhere near the baby. I'm sorry Michael, but there's nothing I can do now. – he whispered the last part of this sentence so quietly that I wasn't even sure if it wasn't just my imagination. But the look on his face told me that I heard him right. There was no way to save my wife.
- Are you sure? - I asked – Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?! – I could hear my voice rising and I felt bad for shouting at Max but I couldn't control myself at that point.
And then I saw something in his eyes. Something that told me that Max wasn't completely honest with me.
- There's something more! – I stated – there's SOMETHING more!!! What are you not telling me Max? – by that time I was pinning him to the wall ready to punch the truth out of him if necessary. I guess he knew me too well to feel afraid because he kept quiet. I let go of him, stood up, and turned to face the bed.
- I need to know Max. I need to. Don't you know that? Don't you know that I can't live without her? – my voice cracked at this point and I had to clench my jaw real hard not to let out the sobs I felt coming.
- It's nothing NOW – I heard Max whisper.
- Now? – I asked without turning around. I didn't want him to see the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks.
After several seconds of silence Max started speaking. His voice seemed to be getting closer to me so I guessed he had stood up by then.
- When I healed Maria that night at your place I got the visions that shown the baby dying and...and I could see Maria dying with her. I saw Maria willing herself to give some strength to her daughter and I could sense the connection being formed. It was Maria who agreed to give herself up for the baby's sake. I knew that she would die if she kept giving her life force away and I knew that it could be fixed if the child would be…removed. I tried to persuade Maria to break that connection but she would hear nothing of it. She told me that if the baby would die, there's no guarantee that she would stay alive. She kept saying that even if her body would survive she wouldn't be able to live with the knowledge that she didn't do everything she could to help her baby. Michael…she said that she would die inside, and that she didn't want you to live without at least a part of real her...Michael…she did it to be with you…
At that moment tears were streaming wildly down my face. I wanted to be angry with Max for keeping that away from me. I wanted to be angry with Maria for making that decision by herself. I wanted to be angry with both of them but I just couldn't. All they did was love me too much….
I guess they were naive enough to think that this love would be enough…
I felt Max's hand on my shoulder and heard those words that I've been dreading so much come from his mouth.
- I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...
*************************************