The reason this is updated so often is because it is written for someone else. Therefore I like to get the chapters up so they don't build up like my story, "For the Love of a Madman" *Hint* lemon *hint* go read.

Ffffssshhhhhhh.............

Anyways, here's the next chapter. heheh, enjoy.

The dagger-headed moron is next....

In the morning Cagney's body had mysteriously disappeared. Cloud was busily washing his hair when Sephiroth woke up.

"Cloud, did you see the kid anywhere while you were awake?" Seph demanded.

Cloud got up, and, amazingly, his hair was still spiky and sharp despite the fact that he had just washed hit. "Did I see who in the what now?"

Sephiroth shook his head. "Gah, forget it! Jeez Cloud, you seem to be getting dumber every day..."

Zell hopped up. "Well, it's those hairspray fumes." He poked Vincent in the ribs with his toe. "Up Vinny."

Vincent jumped up, screaming in an Australian accent, "Crikey! That dingo stole mah moomba!"

"What?" Everyone demanded.

Vincent replied. "Just bear with me."

Suddenly the kid from before walked out. "That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"HEY!" Zell cheered. "We finally found you!"

"Well, technically, I'm the one who found you." He replied.

Vincent blinked a few times. "Well, that's true...."

"JUST BEAR WITH ME?" The boy demanded.

"Who are you? What is your name?" Sephiroth asked.

"I am called many things." The boy answered mysteriously.

Cloud stepped forward. "What a weird name. Well Many. Or should we call you Mr. Things?"

Ffffffssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................

Antoine went on, unphased. "You may refer to me as Antoine. And this is my little buddy Pikachu."

"Well, maybe you should stick with us for a while. There's a creature in the woods mauling people." Sephiroth said.

Antoine gave him a funny look. "That would be me."

"What would be you?" Seph asked.

"I'm the one who did it!"

"Did what?" Cloud asked.

"I'M THE MAULER!" Antoine yelled.

"Noooooo you're not! It's not your fault our friends died. We just wanted to hunt you down to make sure you were ok!" Cloud said.

"I didn't want to do this, but...." Antoine pulls out silver 45 and shoots Cloud in the head, but since Clouds hair was so hard the bullets bounced off.

"Hahahahahaha!" Cloud snickered.

"Damn it!" Antoine yelled. "Well then, come to me, my little shalaky..." He waved his hand.

Sephiroth, confused, said, "You don't have super powers!"

Antoine, realizing this fact, stated mysteriously, "Yet..."

Ffffffssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh............................

"This press conference is done with! Move it! Move it!" Antoine said angrily.

Sephiroth suddenly asked excitedly, "Who did you not get mauled?"

Antoine has a smile on his face as he speaks. "Well, that's a good story... everyone likes this......... but no on likes the ending. RRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Antoine is suddenly interrupted in mid-roar as a girl jumps out and begins to maul Sephiroth.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Antoine said. "You're not even hurting him! You're just ripping his clothes off!"

Sephiroth looked up from his position on the ground. "She's supposed to hurt me?"

"Well, YES!" Antoine said.

Sephiroth looked dazed, lying half naked on the ground with a girl sitting on his stomach. "Who are you anyways?"

"I'm the writer!" Goes back to clawing at his shredded clothing, "biting" him on the neck.

"I like this mauling!" Sephiroth stated happily.

"Woah, woah, WOAH! Wait a second! You said you're the author?" Antoine demanded.

The girl looks up. "Yep! Name's Hitomi!"

Antoine glares. "Then git yer ass back up to your desk and write!"

Hitomi looks around. "Um, isn't there usually suppose to be a breeze?"

Seifer suddenly curses. "Damn, I knew I forgot something. Hold on, I'll write it in."

Fffffssssshhhhhhhhh..................

Hitomi smiled. "There we go. Now back to you!" Begins mauling Seph again.

Vincent and the others walked off a little ways, leaving Seph and his "Attacker" alone. The sound of moans can be heard, and Antoine looks to Pikachu. "Writers these days.... Can't seem to keep themselves out of the story."

Hitomi walks back to the group, smiling and straightening her shirt. "Well, I'm off."

"Hold it little missy! You git yer arse back here or I'll give you such a mauling!" Antoine threatened.

Hitomi walked over. "Yes sir..."

"Now look. You may be the writer, but I am the mauler around here. You can't just run up to random people and maul them! Now you apologize to that guy!" Antoine ordered.

"But you don't!" Hitomi said accusingly.

Fffffssssssssshhhhhhhhh.............

"That's it! I'm out of here. Come, Pikachu!" Antoine turned and started to walk off.

Hitomi wandered off the set, feeling pretty damn good.

Cloud ran after Antoine. "Come back with the fuzzy yellow rat!" He cried.

Antoine turned. "NO ONE calls Pikachu a rat! Pikachu, get him!"

Pikachu jumped down off of Antoine's shoulder.

"Ahhhhhh! Mr. Gibblets! Help!" Cloud cried.

A chocobo suddenly appears out of nowhere. "WARK!"

Antoine laughs. "Pikachu! THUNDERBOLT!"

"PIIIIKAAAAA CHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" Pikachu zaps Mr. Gibblets with a thunderbolt, and the bird flies into the air. A few seconds later it falls back down on a giant platter, covered in gravy.

"MR. GIIIIBBBLEEEEETSSSSS!!!!!!!" Cloud yelled. He started crying and picked up a fork and knife. "My poor Mr. Giblets." He sniffled and took a big bite out of the roasted bird. "Mmmm, this is soo good. I wish Mr. Giblets was here to enjoy this!" He chomps another bite.

Antoine cries too. "Yeah, and I wish Cloud was here to enjoy this too...." He, too, takes a big bite.

Cloud looks up. "Wait a second, I am here." He said, looking lost and disoriented.

"Oh yeah..." Antoine said. "RRRRRRAGGHHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAAHGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!"

He begins to maul Cloud, and then takes a drumstick and walk off calmly.

Sephiroth heard the familiar roar and went running towards the source. Cloud lay dead in the dirt next to Mr. Giblets.

Suddenly Tifa ran out. "OHHHH MY GAWD!!!!! NOOOOO! THE CREATURE KILLED CLOUD!" She begins to cry, then starts to eat Mr. Giblets. "And poor Mr. Giblets..."

Zell and the others looked at each other. Zell spoke up. "Tifa, where did you come from?"

Fffffsssshhhhhhhhh.....................

Tifa got up and walked away, heading back the their camp. "I'm staying with you guys! I have to see what kind of horrible being would kill Cloud!"

Vincent got up and tripped over a rock. His face landed right between her breasts. "Mmmmmmmhhhhpph Meph meee! Ummmm cccmmmt mmetthhhh!" The said loudly, though every word was muffled.

Zell pulled his face out of her chest. "What did you say Vinny?"

"Her chest was smothering me!" He replied, gasping for air. "Where's Cloud?"

"He was MAULED!!!!" Tifa yelled, crying again. "I will find his killer! I won't rest until he is dead! And I will...." She trailed off as Vincent shot her in the ass with a tranquilizer.

"Hehehe, hysterics won't help her on that one." Vinny said. Thankfully there was no blood, so he didn't pass out.

Everyone began to laugh as well. "Good job Vinny. Now, let's see if we can't figure out this mystery." Sephiroth said.