Seph's up!

Tifa bunked down with the guys that night back at their camp. Now that Cloud was gone, the camp was a lot more peaceful. Vincent spent most of his time checking over his guns, Sephiroth practiced with his sword, Zell shadow boxed, and Tifa spent all her waking hours trying to figure out who would want to go around mauling everyone.

"Give it a rest, Tifa." Zell said. "There's no way we can figure this out until we find the creature responsible."

"He's right, Tifa. We will go out in search of it again soon. We need some time to rest though. Not only do we have to track down this monster, we also have to find that kid." Vincent said while cleaning the muzzle of the Death Penalty.

Tifa paced around while the guys watched her breasts bounce up and down like overfilled water balloons. "But I have to know! How could something do that to poor little Cloud? He was so sweet and kind and...." She looks up, furious, and yells, "Would you stop looking at my chest?"

A familiar voice floats over to them. "Does that go for me too?"

Everyone looked around. Zell scratched his head. "I could have sworn I just heard Antoine..."

Antoine cringed. "No, you didn't!"

Zell turned around. "Oh, well then I guess... Wait a second, yes I did!"

Antoine tented his fingers like Mr. Burns. "Well played.................................. Zell."

"Who's Antoine?" Tifa asked.

Antoine jumped out. "I'm Antoine! And This is my little buddy Pikachu!"

Tifa looked at him strangely. "Just what are you doing out here in the forest? It's dangerous out here."

"Well, that's a funny story. It goes like this:" He began. "RRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHGGGGG!" He begins to "maul" Tifa in the same fashion Hitomi had mauled Sephiroth.

Ffffsssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........................

Hitomi suddenly leaped out of the bushes again and began to really maul Tifa, leaving her a mess on the ground.

Antoine looked angry. "Why did you do that???"

Hitomi yelled back. "You weren't mauling her! You were just ripping off all her clothing in an attempt to see those freaks of nature!" She points at Tifas chest.

Antoine's eyes got dark. "THAT........................... was uncalled for. But, despite your lashing out at me, I'll offer you a job."

Hitomi brightened. "Really? I'll take it!"

"OKAY! You're fired!" he said, eyes wide.

Zell finally decided to speak up. "Ummm ... you never hired her."

Fffffffffsssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................

Everyone looks back to Tifa, and Antoine stomps his foot. "Now who am I going to watch get undressed through my dressing room window? Huh? ANSWER THAT, missy!"

Tifa suddenly sat up. "You watch me undress??"

Antoine looked around. "Who said that I did that?"

"YOU DID!" Everyone said at once.

Ffffssssssssssshhhhhhhhh..........

"Well, listen here, you busty little shalaky. I have to occupy my time with something when I'm not mauling people, so either you sit there and let me watch you strip, or get mauled. Now wave your last statement. Waaaaavee iiiit!" He shook his fist at Tifa menacingly.

She looked down at the ground. "Yessir......"

"Wait a second, aren't you supposed to be dead?" Antoine asked.

Tifa looked around. "Oh yeah....." She fell back on the ground.

"Now you listen here little shalaky!" Antoine grabbed Hitomi's collar. "You bring that one back! She wasn't supposed to be mauled yet!"

Hitomi sighed. "Fine..... Seifer, bring her back....."

"Can do." Seifer said from somewhere off stage.

Tifa suddenly stood up as if nothing happened, and then began to do jumping jacks. everyone but Hitomi stared at Tifa.

"SEIFER DAMN IT!? STOP THAT!" Hitomi screamed.

Antoine shook his fist. "If you make her stop I will maul you so bad Seifer....." he threatened.

"You already did!" Seifer said angrily.

Fffsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................

"That's it! This interview is over! Let's get out of here Pikachu." Antoine said.

Hitomi went back to her writing chair, and Antoine started to leave. But while he was walking away he noticed that Seph was still watching the Tifa bounce. He ran up to him.

"RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!"

"PPPPPPIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

Pikachu and Antoine mauled Sephiroth, then walked off.

Tifa finally stopped bouncing around and saw Seph lying dead in the leaves. Aeris suddenly ran out. "NOOOOOOO! THEY KILLED SEPHIROTH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Vincent looked oddly at Aeris. "Sephiroth killed you before, Aeris. Why would you care that he was dead?"

Aeris looked around. "Well, cuz before he died we kinda.... Weeeelllll... got to know each other better......"

Vincent turned a bit red. "OH DEAR GAWD!" He looked to everyone else, saw that there was blood, and passed out again.

Aeris now looked at Vincent. "He's squeamish? Man, never would have guessed that...."

Zell grabbed Vincent. "Let's go back to camp. Maybe we will think more clearly one we are out of here." He looked around. "Damn it! That kid got a way again!"

Tifa shrugged. "Oh well, we need to take care of Vinny first. Something about that kid is weird. I don't think he is who he seems. I think he's the...."

Zell cut her off. "We have to find this monster! He's killed our leader! That means I have to take over from here."

Tifa wandered off into the wood while the others slept. She was curious to see if she could actually find Antoine again. She ran into him while he was camping with Pikachu in a cave.

"So I found you!" Tifa said.

"Oh no Pikachu! Tifa's here to nark on our stash!" Antoine said quickly.

"Pika Pikachu pi!" *Translation* "But we don't have a stash!"

Antoine looked around nervously. "Hehehe, no, of course we don't....."

Fffffsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................

Tifa looked around. "Where did a breeze come from inside a cave?"

Ffffssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh................

Tifa looked more confused than ever, as the boy just stared silently at her. She looked from him, to Pikachu, then asked. "Are you the one that's mauling people?"

Ffffffffffssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................

"Answer me!" She cried.

Ffffffffffssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................

"Is that all you can do? Sit there silently?" She demanded angrily.

"No." Was all he said in return.

"Then tell me if you are the mauler."

"Yes," He said, still staring.

"But why? Why would you maul my friends? What makes you want to maul people?"

"Well, that's a funny story..." He began.

"AND DON'T MAUL ME!" She yelled before he got too far.

"Ah, well then what's the point?" He asked. "Go away, I'm trying to decide who to maul next."

"You still haven't answered my question!"

Antoine jumped up and reached into his trench coat. "My dear bitch, I am going to have to ask you to take a bit of this apple." He held out his empty hand, curved around an imaginary apple.

"There is no apple." Tifa stated.

Ffffffffssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

"THAT'S IT! THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!" Antoine slapped Tifa, knocking her out, contemplated mauling her, then just decided to get up a walk off calmly, carrying a hunk of Mr. Gibblets with him.

Tifa woke up a few hours later with a scratch mark on her cheek. She ran back to the others, who were all awake but not looking for her. Vincent looked at her calmly. "Oh, hey."

Tifa looked shocked. "You guys weren't looking for me?"

"We didn't even notice you were gone...." Zell said.

Vincent got up. Thankfully Tifa's cut stopped bleeding, so Vinny didn't pass out. "how did you get that scratch?"

"I know who the....." She began to say.

"It must have been the creature! It attacked her too! It's a wonder she isn't dead like the rest of em." Zell stated.

"Yes, but I know....." She tried again.

Vincent cleared his throat. "Tifa, calm down. We'll get this creature, whatever it is."

Tifa stomped her foot. "I'm trying to tell you that it isn't a crea......" She trails off as Vincent once again shot her in the ass with a tranquilizer dart.

Zell looked at Vincent and nodded. "last thing we need is a hysterical chick on our hands. Now, let's go look for this beast."