YAY!!!!!!!!! THE NEXT CHAPTER, FROM ME!!!!!!!!! I'VE DECIDED THAT WORDINESS DOES NOT MAKE HUMOR, SO I JUST STARTED TYPING AND THREW UP ALL OVER MY SHOES AT WHAT CAME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Attack of the Mary Sues IV.
AS ALL MARY SUE STORIES BY EMERALD FIONA FLOURISH OR I MUST START, Dumbledore stood up (Hogwarts shuddered at the sight of his pointy hat) and made a loud announcement, his eyes twinkling like...er...twinkly things.
"After the tragic demises of the past...um...." (here he paused to count on his fingers, then brightened) "...FOUR Mary Sues, we've pretty much lost all hope for the American exchange program. Er....that's it, I guess."
But...
Without warning...
In a divine act of Heaven...
A huge, pearly-colored sea snail rolled into the room and coughed up Mary Gretchen Sue, who outshone everybody in the hall even when covered with snail mucus.
"Hello, all!" she yelled. "Sorry I'm late! I was just donating my vital organs to a little legless armless headless parentless goatless goatboy from Baklaliviatalaglooshen, but I brought some cheesy lasagna for everybody!"
"Ahh, Mary Gretchen Sue!" Dumbledore cried joyfully. "The rare Greenlandish Mary Sue!!!"
"Greenland?" Hermione said blankly, but nobody listened to here. "Didn't I live there once?"
"What, with three children named Mike, Rachael and Teresa and Voldemort?" Harry suggested, and they all cracked up BECAUSE WHY IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD HERMIONE WANT TO LIVE IN GREENLAND-NOT-SEALAND WITH THREE CHILDREN NAMED MIKE, RACHAEL AND TERESA AND REDECORATE AND BAKE COOKIES AND KNIT VOLDEMORT'S SOCKS ALL DAY???????????????? I DON'T KNOW, ASK EMERALD FIONA FLOURISH, SHE THINKS IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile the entire Wizarding World was sampling Mary Gretchen Sue's cheesy lasagna and dedicating the rest of their lives to forming religious sects cult-worshipping it because it was just SO DARNED GOOD.
In Baklaliviatalaglooshen one little boy was leaking tears of joy as he looked at his armful of vital organs—then he realized he had no idea what to do with them and gave it up and had some of Mary Gretchen's cheesy lasagna.
YAY!!
THAT'S THE END!!!
THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO GALADRIEL GAMGEE BAGGINS!!!!!!
CHEESY LASAGNA IS BETTER THAN PEAS!!!!
TAKE THAT, EMERALD!!!!!
IS IT SOME SORT OF CONSPIRACY THAT WE BOTH MENTIONED DUCKS IN OUR THREQUELS????????
THE SEA SNAILS ARE WATCHING US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boom.