Chapter 8 "Confessions"
Back in his dorm, Adam waved out the door as Amy drove away. He was glad she had convinced him to go to dinner. His talk with Scooter had really been helpful, but Julie was almost more so. She was the first Duck Adam had confessed his doubts to, and she wasn't disappointed or let down. This encouraged him greatly.
`I'm going to talk to Charlie,' he thought to himself resolutely. `I'm going to talk to Charlie,' he repeated as he climbed the steps to his floor, as he walked the length of his hallway, as he stood in front of his door. "Talk to Charlie," he said out loud. "He will understand."
Adam pushed open the door, and to his great dismay, Charlie was sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep. "You've got to be kidding me," Adam said softly.
Charlie was bundled in sweat clothes and huddled under his blanket. Beside the bed was a half full trash can and a half empty box of tissues. He was breathing with some noisy difficulty and Adam figured that the "pesky cough" Charlie had complained about the night before had now expanded into a full blown cold.
"Poor guy," Adam said under his breath. So much for talking to Charlie. Adam went over to his side of the room and tried to get ready for bed as quietly as possible. He was crawling into his bed, pulling the covers around him when the extremely loud and raucous strains of the Ramones filled the room. Adam shot up and heard a loud, heavy thump, followed by a stream of mumbled words that probably contained more explicatives than Adam would have liked to hear. He crossed the room in two long strides to see Charlie trying to pull himself out of a heap on the floor. From the looks of it, Charlie's alarm clock had gone off and he had fallen out of bed attempting to turn it off.
"You alright, Charlie?" Adam asked, moving forward to help him up.
Charlie tried to shake off assistance. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He crawled back on his bed, looking part angry, part humiliated.
"What's wrong with your clock?" Adam asked. "Why'd your alarm go off?"
"Cause I set it, you idiot," Charlie said indignantly.
"Why?"
"Cause we need to talk, buddy." Charlie waved his finger at Adam threateningly, but was cut off by a violent sneeze.
"Bless you," Adam said automatically.
"Thanks." Charlie took a moment or two to recover, then looked back accusatively. "You're hiding something, Banks, I know you are. There's something you're not telling me, and it's something important. I set my alarm so I would get up when you got home from dinner and...tie you to a chair or something until you told me what the hell was going on."
Adam pulled out Charlie's desk chair and said, "You're absolutely right."
Charlie looked just a little surprised. "I am? I mean, of course I am. So spill it Banksie. What's up with you lately?"
"Let me start by asking you something." Charlie nodded his consent and Adam continued. "Want do you want to do after high school?"
"Go to college?" He said this like it was the obvious response.
"And beyond that? What do you want to do with your life?"
"Whoa, getting deep here," Charlie protested.
"Just answer...try to answer the question. Please."
Charlie didn't answer for a bit, but eventually started speaking again. "I don't really know. It's kinda hazy, to tell you the truth. I figure that's what college is for, you know. Figuring things out."
"Good answer," Adam said. "Do you want to play in school?"
"Hell, Banks, playing hockey's probably the only way I'll be able to pay for college, let alone get into a good one." Charlie laughed through his sudden coughing fit.
"Don't sell yourself short, Charlie," was all Adam said at first. "Well, I've been thinking about the future a lot lately, or rather, hockey's place in it. You saw all those scouts that started showing up at our games. I started getting nervous, and worried for no reason really...and no one needs to feel that way."
Charlie was beginning to see where Adam was going. "So, you're thinking you might not want to play in college? Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes...and no. I don't know." Adam was silent for a while, deep in thought. "I think I was just scared that I was going to have to make some ultimate decision on the rest of my life, and I wasn't ready to do that. But, well you know Amy and I went out with Julie and Scooter, right?" Charlie nodded so he continued. "Scooter and I talked a bit, and he said something that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing."
"What'd he say?" Charlie asked in between two grumbling coughs.
"Something like, `you can always change your mind, change your life'. Really rings true, doesn't it? Just think about how much we've changed since we first met, especially me." Adam thought with a twang of remorse about the boy he used to be, mean and childish, before the Ducks came into his life. They had changed him, for the better.
"No kidding," Charlie agreed. "Just think, you used to be a sniveling, bratty, good-for-nothing, snobbish..."
"Thanks, Charlie, I get the picture," Adam cut in before Charlie could say another word. "You weren't so hot yourself, mind you. Bit of a wimpy, whiny, no talent coach's pet with a..."
"Alright, Banksie, that's enough. We were both dorks. But who isn't at that age?" Charlie asked, laughing. "The important thing is that we're both pretty hot property now."
Adam couldn't help laughing. "Well, I know I am, but I'm not so sure I'd say the same about you, Sniffles."
Charlie tactfully ignored this latest dig. He finally got around to asking the question that had been nagging at the back of his mind, throughout the entire conversation. "Why didn't you talk to me about this before? I mean, we're all feeling something along the same lines right now. Didn't you trust us?"
Adam lowered his head, unable to look his best friend in the eyes. Looking back, he should have talked to him and the other Ducks from the get go, but he had been so worried about upsetting them, he was forgetting why they were such good friends. If he had talked things over with Charlie or Julie before, he wouldn't have been fighting demons for the past several weeks. If he had talked to them, he might have been paying more attention that night driving home from dinner and been able to avoid the accident. If, if, if...
"I'm sorry, Charlie," he said finally. "I didn't tell you, tell any of you, because I didn't want to let you down." Adam barreled forward before Charlie could say anything. "I was afraid if I told you I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep playing, you and the Ducks would think I was abandoning you or something. And that is the last thing in the world I wanted. The Ducks have meant so much to me, I couldn't risk messing that up." With nothing left to say, Adam looked back at Charlie, who was shaking his head in disbelief.
"You really are an idiot, you know that right?"
Adam nodded sheepishly.
"You could never let us down, Adam, not after all you've done for us in the past. I mean, we're ducks, Adam. You know what that means." Charlie smiled at his friend.
"Ducks fly together," they said in unison.
_______________________
A/N Short and corny, I know, but I've been blocked a bit, and this was the best I could do.
Thanks for your reviews!!!
Back in his dorm, Adam waved out the door as Amy drove away. He was glad she had convinced him to go to dinner. His talk with Scooter had really been helpful, but Julie was almost more so. She was the first Duck Adam had confessed his doubts to, and she wasn't disappointed or let down. This encouraged him greatly.
`I'm going to talk to Charlie,' he thought to himself resolutely. `I'm going to talk to Charlie,' he repeated as he climbed the steps to his floor, as he walked the length of his hallway, as he stood in front of his door. "Talk to Charlie," he said out loud. "He will understand."
Adam pushed open the door, and to his great dismay, Charlie was sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep. "You've got to be kidding me," Adam said softly.
Charlie was bundled in sweat clothes and huddled under his blanket. Beside the bed was a half full trash can and a half empty box of tissues. He was breathing with some noisy difficulty and Adam figured that the "pesky cough" Charlie had complained about the night before had now expanded into a full blown cold.
"Poor guy," Adam said under his breath. So much for talking to Charlie. Adam went over to his side of the room and tried to get ready for bed as quietly as possible. He was crawling into his bed, pulling the covers around him when the extremely loud and raucous strains of the Ramones filled the room. Adam shot up and heard a loud, heavy thump, followed by a stream of mumbled words that probably contained more explicatives than Adam would have liked to hear. He crossed the room in two long strides to see Charlie trying to pull himself out of a heap on the floor. From the looks of it, Charlie's alarm clock had gone off and he had fallen out of bed attempting to turn it off.
"You alright, Charlie?" Adam asked, moving forward to help him up.
Charlie tried to shake off assistance. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He crawled back on his bed, looking part angry, part humiliated.
"What's wrong with your clock?" Adam asked. "Why'd your alarm go off?"
"Cause I set it, you idiot," Charlie said indignantly.
"Why?"
"Cause we need to talk, buddy." Charlie waved his finger at Adam threateningly, but was cut off by a violent sneeze.
"Bless you," Adam said automatically.
"Thanks." Charlie took a moment or two to recover, then looked back accusatively. "You're hiding something, Banks, I know you are. There's something you're not telling me, and it's something important. I set my alarm so I would get up when you got home from dinner and...tie you to a chair or something until you told me what the hell was going on."
Adam pulled out Charlie's desk chair and said, "You're absolutely right."
Charlie looked just a little surprised. "I am? I mean, of course I am. So spill it Banksie. What's up with you lately?"
"Let me start by asking you something." Charlie nodded his consent and Adam continued. "Want do you want to do after high school?"
"Go to college?" He said this like it was the obvious response.
"And beyond that? What do you want to do with your life?"
"Whoa, getting deep here," Charlie protested.
"Just answer...try to answer the question. Please."
Charlie didn't answer for a bit, but eventually started speaking again. "I don't really know. It's kinda hazy, to tell you the truth. I figure that's what college is for, you know. Figuring things out."
"Good answer," Adam said. "Do you want to play in school?"
"Hell, Banks, playing hockey's probably the only way I'll be able to pay for college, let alone get into a good one." Charlie laughed through his sudden coughing fit.
"Don't sell yourself short, Charlie," was all Adam said at first. "Well, I've been thinking about the future a lot lately, or rather, hockey's place in it. You saw all those scouts that started showing up at our games. I started getting nervous, and worried for no reason really...and no one needs to feel that way."
Charlie was beginning to see where Adam was going. "So, you're thinking you might not want to play in college? Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes...and no. I don't know." Adam was silent for a while, deep in thought. "I think I was just scared that I was going to have to make some ultimate decision on the rest of my life, and I wasn't ready to do that. But, well you know Amy and I went out with Julie and Scooter, right?" Charlie nodded so he continued. "Scooter and I talked a bit, and he said something that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing."
"What'd he say?" Charlie asked in between two grumbling coughs.
"Something like, `you can always change your mind, change your life'. Really rings true, doesn't it? Just think about how much we've changed since we first met, especially me." Adam thought with a twang of remorse about the boy he used to be, mean and childish, before the Ducks came into his life. They had changed him, for the better.
"No kidding," Charlie agreed. "Just think, you used to be a sniveling, bratty, good-for-nothing, snobbish..."
"Thanks, Charlie, I get the picture," Adam cut in before Charlie could say another word. "You weren't so hot yourself, mind you. Bit of a wimpy, whiny, no talent coach's pet with a..."
"Alright, Banksie, that's enough. We were both dorks. But who isn't at that age?" Charlie asked, laughing. "The important thing is that we're both pretty hot property now."
Adam couldn't help laughing. "Well, I know I am, but I'm not so sure I'd say the same about you, Sniffles."
Charlie tactfully ignored this latest dig. He finally got around to asking the question that had been nagging at the back of his mind, throughout the entire conversation. "Why didn't you talk to me about this before? I mean, we're all feeling something along the same lines right now. Didn't you trust us?"
Adam lowered his head, unable to look his best friend in the eyes. Looking back, he should have talked to him and the other Ducks from the get go, but he had been so worried about upsetting them, he was forgetting why they were such good friends. If he had talked things over with Charlie or Julie before, he wouldn't have been fighting demons for the past several weeks. If he had talked to them, he might have been paying more attention that night driving home from dinner and been able to avoid the accident. If, if, if...
"I'm sorry, Charlie," he said finally. "I didn't tell you, tell any of you, because I didn't want to let you down." Adam barreled forward before Charlie could say anything. "I was afraid if I told you I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep playing, you and the Ducks would think I was abandoning you or something. And that is the last thing in the world I wanted. The Ducks have meant so much to me, I couldn't risk messing that up." With nothing left to say, Adam looked back at Charlie, who was shaking his head in disbelief.
"You really are an idiot, you know that right?"
Adam nodded sheepishly.
"You could never let us down, Adam, not after all you've done for us in the past. I mean, we're ducks, Adam. You know what that means." Charlie smiled at his friend.
"Ducks fly together," they said in unison.
_______________________
A/N Short and corny, I know, but I've been blocked a bit, and this was the best I could do.
Thanks for your reviews!!!