xix.
A monster.
Those words were the sword in his
heart, the sting that wouldn't go away…
She'd said he was a monster.
Of course, he knew that she wasn't
talking about him, but his kind in general. There were lots
of names for them, and most of them weren't anything nice. And honestly,
he supposed, it hadn't bothered him until she had said it –
Or maybe it's the way she'd said
it.
Soft. Almost – condescending.
Like she was telling him it was
okay, even if he could tell it scared her…
"What…I've ruined everything for
you…" He had, that was true. In the beginnings of his game,
he'd intended to do that, intended to bring all her dreams to a screeching
halt and…
Do…what they'd done to her.
He'd intended to do that.
"I…almost…killed you."
"No…" She shook her head, albeit
slowly, trying to keep the pain from becoming searing, stabbing – it felt
like that, still…and…
It was his fault.
"But…Bri…"
"No. This isn't your fault…you
didn't come in here and do this…"
"I ALMOST DID!" He didn't know
how she could do this, be still so gentle, so naïve, even when she'd
nearly been killed. He didn't know how she could lie there on her
bed, staring up at him, and…
Trust him.
Believe him.
"You didn't." He'd been yelling,
yes, but her voice only came out in a tiny whisper, and she wasn't sure
if he'd hear her at all over his own rage, his own guilt.
"You came here looking for me, didn't
you? You were going to try to stop them…"
"Maybe…"
He didn't know what he'd do, really.
Maybe he'd try to keep Brianna from getting hurt, or maybe he would have
just let her die – it'd certainly make things easier for him. All
this confusion.
The way he felt about her…
"You're here now." Reaching
up, Brianna let her fingers slowly trace his cheek, eyes watching his carefully.
"And…you haven't hurt me…"
"I…haven't…"
There was that tension again, the
nearly frightening feeling that came when he was too close to her, like
he was going to do something completely stupid, and…
It was an odd feeling, like he had…when
he'd once had a pulse.
"Bri…" He knew it was going
to happen, knew what it felt like…
He knew, but he wanted it anyway.
Even if in his mind, it would be
doomed, fated not to work.
"Hrm…?"
Innocent.
Naïve.
…everything he shouldn't have.
All he should have wanted to destroy.
He shouldn't…burn for her.
"I shouldn't…"
It was then he leaned in, lips brushing
hers just slightly, her breath warm against his face…
Gentle…
He'd never felt that. Never
felt…
He shouldn't feel. He shouldn't give in to her. Shouldn't.
He gave in.