Part 4 I hope
*********************************************************
Ok, before I start on anything, there are some mega-disclaimers
that I forgot to mention. I don't own the following: Goshin and
Ramsey Halls are the property of West Chester University. I don't
own Hi-Liters, Febreeze, Pop-Tarts, J. Crew, Delta Zeta, Chevrolet
Blazer, Ford Focus, Subaru Outback, Pepto-Bismol, A1 steak sauce,
Sega Playstation, Sony Dreamcast, "Days of Our Lives," "Sex
and the City," "Friends," "NYPD Blue," UPS, Natural Ice,
Miller Genuine Draft, "The Ladies Man," Saturday Night Live,
Katie Holmes and Sailor Moon. Bryce University is my creation.
If there is an actual college with this name, then it is
purely coincidental. I will add more as I think of it.
* * * * * * * * * *
A new roommate had been added to apartment 2C. Somewhere
in the course of the day, Jay had asked her to move in with the
four of them, and she had graciously accepted. Since then she had
been waiting patiently in the truck of Kevin's car, until Jay
remembered that she was there and brought her into the house,
where she took her place directly above the TV.
"Hello, beautiful," Jay hugged the wall and kissed Katie
Holmes's feet. "Dump Pacey, baby, you need a real man." There
had been an elaborate ceremony before the actual hanging of the
poster occurred, containing discussion of where the new roommate
should be placed, taking into consideration areas of heavy
condensation (the bathroom) and glare (across from the window.)
"And you need a real woman," Matt said calmly, taking the last
drag off his Camel and stubbing it out.
Jay dislodged himself from Katie Holmes and threw a nearby golf
ball at him. "F*** you, dude. When's the last time you got some?"
Matt smiled evilly, and Kevin knew what was coming. "Off of
Crazy Kristen. Got your sloppy seconds."
Jay jumped on Matt and they started wrestling on the floor.
Zach stepped over them and stood in front of Katie. "Maybe if we
got her laminated, we could put her in the bathroom," he suggested.
Darien, who had been sitting on the couch next to Kevin, spoke
for probably the first time that evening. "Why? So she can see you
naked?"
Everyone but Zach burst out laughing. "Wa-bang! Points to
Darien!" Jay yelled with Matt's arm around his neck. He started
giggling and lost his breath.
"Britney Spears has to put up with enough of that in your
bedroom!" Matt added between fits of laughter.
Zach's face was maroon. "Britney likes seeing me naked."
"Yeah, well, Katie won't like seeing you take a s***," Kevin
gasped while he repeatedly pounded Darien on the back with enough
force to rupture a vital organ. "Good one Darien, good one."
Zach flipped everyone off with both hands and headed to the
fridge. "Are we going to play or what? Who wants a beer?"
"I'm going to start studying," Kevin said, plugging in the
Playstation. "Give me one."
Everyone else settled at the table while Kevin plunked down on
the couch with a controller in hand. "We'll deal for partners,"
Zach said, shuffling the deck. He dealt out preliminary cards.
"OK, Darien, you're with me."
"OK," he said, accepting his hand. I hope I don't make an
ass of myself.
"Darien, before we start, if you see Melman or the H-man rubbing
their ring fingers or pointing to their chest, punch them in the face.
That means they're trying to cheat."
Jay rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever! You invented those!"
"OK, Darien, if you get stuck, you can ask Kevin. OK, Kevin?"
"Yep," he replied, never taking his eyes off the TV.
Darien picked up pitch with as much ease as Raye had the
previous night. Wow. It's like I've played this before a million
times. "Two bid, Kevin?" he asked, holding out his hand for Kevin
to see.
Kevin paused his game. "Yeah, def two. Possible three but
you're just a beginner."
"Two," Darien said, throwing out the ace of clubs. Zach threw
out the two of clubs, Jay the seven, and Matt, with a disgusted look
one his face, threw out the jack.
"F***ing take it," he grumbled, while Zach yelled, "YES!" and
shoved the hand towards Darien.
Darien smiled; his amazing three-point capture enhanced the
feeling of complete acceptance in the circle of friends. At
the same time, something long asleep was tugging at him. It
was more than déjà vu, he felt suddenly like he had been with
these four guys his entire life, and had known no one else than
them. His life back in Japan seemed farther away than ever: he
felt like he had been born here, and had gone to school and
camping and Little League practice with the four of them, and
known nothing else. Even the pitch game was familiar: Matt and
Jay always trying to cheat, Kevin "studying" in the next room,
Zach throwing fits whenever he lost a hand. Darien himself felt
he was the puzzle piece that brought the scene to completeness;
the missing link in the somewhat twisted Norman Rockwell portrait
of college buddies.
"Got three in one trick," Kevin said from the couch. "Good job,
Darien."
Matt pulled out a fresh cigarette. "Hey Kevin, aren't you
supposed to be studying or something?"
"I am studying." His skateboarder fell attempting a Christ Air.
"Damn."
"No you're not, you're playing Tony Hawk and drinking all the
beer."
Kevin killed his second can. "I'll kick your ass."
They dealt another hand. "So how's Amy?" Zach burst out eagerly,
like he had been waiting to ask it all night. Suddenly, his face
darkened and he reeled off and punched Jay as hard as he could in the
arm. "Melman! Quit trying to cheat!"
Jay feigned innocence. "What the f***, dude! I was just scratch
ing my hand!"
"Bulls*** you were! You're up two for that!"
"Don't put us up!" Matt protested.
Darien arranged his hand and waited for everyone to calm down.
"Good," he said slowly, wondering what else he could say about Amy.
"Yeah, how's Amy? Zach mentioned her like fifty times today."
Matt exhaled a cloud. "Pass."
"Is she the girl from cell bio? Pass." Jay said.
"Yeah. I think she's studying with Lita tonight," Darien said.
"Pass."
Zach swore softly. "Why don't you just stick me, a-hole?
Friggin' two. Who's Lita?"
"Like, WWF Lita?" Matt asked. "That's my type of woman."
"Your type of woman is taped above the TV," came from the living
room.
"Belles, don't make me kick your ass."
"Bring it."
"Well, she's kind of like both," Darien explained. "She's my
girlfriend's roommate. She's ripped, for a girl, and tall, and could
probably kick my ass, but she kind of looks like Katie Holmes with
green eyes."
Matt was all ears. "Well, bring her down."
"Now?"
"Yeah now, call her up," he ordered, shoving the phone at Darien.
"See if she wants to drink a few beers with us. Ask your woman, too."
"See if Amy wants to come," Zach spouted.
"And Raye."
"I think Raye and Mina have a DZ meeting tonight." Darien dialed
Serena and Lita's dorm room.
"Hello?" Serena answered on the first ring. The sound of sitcom
laughter in the background testified that Lita was in the room and
not studying with Amy as previously imagined.
Darien gave Serena and Lita directions to the apartment. "Where's
Amy?" he asked for Zach's benefit, knowing full well that Amy would
never abandon a night of scholarly exercise for beer and pitch.
"Well, DUH Darien where else? She has a test sometime next month
and practically locked herself in her room to study. I couldn't even
get her to go to dinner. We'll be there in fifteen."
"Don't you have a test tomorrow too?"
"Oh, uh, -yeah I'll get to that later." She hung up quickly.
They finished the game, Matt and Jay winning by a small margin.
"You cheated somehow, I know it," Zach grumbled, a little pissy since
Amy wasn't coming down. Suddenly, he brightened. "Does Amy have a
screen name?" he asked Darien.
"Yeah, you want it?"
"I'm going to see if she's online," Zach said, heading towards
the bedroom that he and Kevin shared.
They settled on various points on the couch. Darien sat next
to Kevin, who instantly held out the second controller and asked,
"Want to play tag?"
"Sure," he accepted. They played (Kevin winning the majority
of the time) and threw back a few until they heard a light knock on
the front door, like the person who was knocking didn't want to hurt
his/her knuckles.
"Girl knock!" Jay shouted, leaping agilely over the coffee table
and sloshing a wave of Keystone Light onto Kevin's lap. He sprinted
towards the door and threw it open, his mojo smile already plastered
on his face. "Hello, ladies!" he bellowed to a very surprised yet
equally amused Serena. "Welcome to the Dawg House!"
"Yo a**hole you spilled beer on me!" a very irate Kevin yelled
in the next room. "Dammit I need these pants for tomorrow!"
Darien stood up from the couch felt the room tilt. Squinting
at the coffee table, he was blown away by the amount of empties
covering the surface. Holy…did I drink that much? Serena's going
to have my ass in a handbasket…or whatever. He joined Jay at the
door. "Hi Serena."
Serena stepped up next to him, totally bewildered. "Darien,
are you drunk?" she asked gently in the most non-bitchy voice she
could muster, even though she was up and ready to go postal on him.
"No, not really. Just buzzed," he assured her. Serena looked
a little skeptical, but nodded nonetheless.
Lita popped in the apartment right behind her. She was eye
level with Jay, who promptly hugged her from behind.
"LITA! I've heard so much about you!" he shouted, squeezing
her tighter. She started laughing with her entire body, her whole
face smiling. Matt stared at the face-smile, and had the sudden urge
to beat the piss out of Jay.
"Have you?" she asked, trying to balance the arm that was
gripping the potentially spilling beer.
"YES! Darien told me what a hot chick you are! Wanna have a
beer and go at it?" He raised his eyebrows and tried the Ladies' Man
grin again, but this time it came out drunken and lopsided.
She shrugged him off and headed for the couch. "No thanks,
I'm the DD tonight," she said, sitting next to Matt, who frantically
tried to rearrange himself into a more alluring position. Lita noticed
his movement, and quickly ran a hand through her ponytail, cursing
herself for not brushing her hair before she came. But how was I
to know that this guy would be here? He looks like, well, he looks
like Nephlite, obviously, OK, and that's more than a little freaky!
But he's cute!
"What, don't you like beer?" Jay howled, himself the only one
that found it funny. He turned to Serena and hugged her too.
"Hello, Serena. I'm Jay."
"Hello, Jay," she giggled, looking to Darien for an explanation.
"Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
"You're Darien's woman, aren't you?" he said seriously, staring
directly into her eyes.
"Yep, you bet!"
"Oh, Serena," he sighed. "You were supposed to save yourself
for me!"
"I was?"
"Yeah! Dump Darien, he sucks at pitch and I can beat his ass.
I'll take you to Vegas, baby, we'll have one hell of a time."
"I do not suck at pitch," Darien pulled Jay off of Serena and
tried to lift him in the air, but Jay twisted and got Darien down on
the ground and attempted a Walls of Jericho. Matt jumped from the
couch and joined in the melee, and executed a real submission move on
both Jay and Darien.
"OW! F***er bit me!" Jay yelped.
"OK, kids," Kevin put down his controller and easily pulled
everyone apart, despite his semi-inebriated state. "Hi, I'm Kevin,"
he said, trying to look as dignified as he could with a giant beer
spill on his crotch. "This loser is Matt," He pulled Matt up by one
arm. "That's Zach," he pointed to Zach, who had just emerged from
the hallway. He waved, as if on command. "And this is Jay," he said,
stepping on Jay's neck.
"Ughhh! Ass!" Jay grunted, grabbing Kevin's leg and tried to
pull him down.
"Hi, I'm Serena!" she chirped, flashing her sweetest smile.
Kevin smiled back, and Jay knew that he was getting drunk. Kevin
avoided smiling, for the most part, unless his rising blood alcohol
level allowed him such extravagance.
"We must drink!" Jay proclaimed once Kevin's New Balance had
been removed from his neck. He ran to the fridge and came out with
an armful of cans. "Serena?" He offered one out to her.
"Thanks!" she said, popping it open and sitting down on the
couch. Darien settled next to her, and wrapped his arm around her
shoulders.
"Uh, hon, should you really be drinking tonight? It is Tuesday,"
he proposed mildly, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world.
"Don't worry, Darien, I'm not going to get drunk!" He sighed
and took another gulp of Keystone. How many times have I heard
that before?
* * * * * * * * * * *
Oh, HECK! Amy swore mentally in the nicest way possible.
The room down the hall was throwing a party, for no particular reason
other than it was Tuesday, in January, and nighttime. Music was
blasting through the concrete walls, and someone knocked on her door
loudly.
"AAMYY!" someone yelled, and Amy smiled and opened the door.
"Hi, Erin," she said, letting the other girl in.
"AMES!" the tall brunette screamed, embracing Amy and jumping
up and down simultaneously. "C'mon, you're going to party with us
tonight. We've got a bottle of Jack we have to finish, and then
we're going to outside to play Ultimate Frisbee! Well, only if
everyone doesn't pass out first."
Amy bit back the lecture of how playing Frisbee while under the
influence in front of security guards could in some infinitesimal way
lead to arrest, and instead pacified Erin by saying, "Oh, OK, I'll be
down later. Just let me finish studying."
"ALL RIGHT! YOU GUYS!! WE GOT AMY!!" Erin bolted out of the
room and into the hallway, pleased by her new acquisition.
Amy quickly shut the door and locked it the second Erin had run
from the room. Oh my lord, they actually think I'm going to join
them later! Oh well, they'll probably all pass out in an hour so I
have nothing to worry about. Now, to get down to business… She
fired up her computer and signed on. For the next hour, she delved
into the functions of algae and fungus in medicine while the party
down the hall moved into the elevator and then outside. Two minutes
and counting until multiple arrests.
She was in the middle of reading a very boring article when a
box popped up in the corner of her screen. It was a message from
someone named, "ZamboniS007."
"What?" She clicked on it, curious, since it wasn't "Hot Slut,"
or any of the usual sicko names that perverts used. It could very
well be someone she knew, like the time she ignored messages from
"TM KickA," for a week before she discovered that it was just Darien.
The box expanded. "ZamboniS007: hi amy its zach from cell bio."
"Oh," she exclaimed, heaving a sigh of relief a second before
she was hit with nerves. What do I say to him? I HATE meeting new
people.
ZamboniS007: "whats up?"
She typed: Aquamarine3: "Nothing much, just studying."
ZamboniS007: "anything I can help you w/?"
Aquamarine3: "Do you know anything about fungus?"
ZamboniS007: "uh it grows in our shower"
Amy let a small laugh slip out, and didn't bother to catch it.
ZamboniS007: "are you starting that paper already? that's not
due for awhile"
Aquamarine3: "Yes, I know. I just want to get a head start on
it."
ZamboniS007: "I should really start it too aoi4wy5ytya859345"
OK, what's going on? Is he schizophrenic or something?
ZamboniS007: "sorry that was my a**hole roommate jay hes a little
drunk"
Aquamarine3: "That's OK."
ZamboniS007: "dariens here too and so is serena and lita"
Aquamarine3: "Really? What's going on?"
ZamboniS007: "ok I think that serenas cut off for the night
b/c she cant stop laughing, and Kevin my other roommate is supposed
to be studying but hes on his eighth beer, and everyone else is
playing drunkin Twister"
ZamboniS007: "do you want to go the library or something and
work on that paper? It sux when youre the only one whos not drunk…I
need to study for my calc test anyway…do you know any calc? Could
you help me?"
Amy's stomach tightened as she weighed the pros and cons of
meeting a Zoycite look-alike by her lonesome. Raye would definitely
chew her out, that was for sure, but then again…
"Raye isn't here," she smugly said to herself. Aquamarine3:
"OK, why don't I meet you there in 10 minutes? Is that OK?"
Back in the rather noisy apartment 2C, Zach was practically
soiling himself with excitement. Holy crap THE beautiful Amy is
going to meet up with me! ME! I suck! How did I pull this off? Damn!
I can't wait! Where are my keys! OK, OK, so it's not like you can get
really busy in a library, well, maybe you could…no! You can't! Stop
thinking like Jay! He gave his shirt a preliminary sniff. Oh
God, Straub, change your shirt! You smell like Matt's GD Camels. He skidded out of his chair and threw the closet door open, and began sifting through the hangers in a frenzy. "Kevin's, Kevin's, Kevin's, dammit!" he mumbled, throwing each shirt on the closet floor on top of already dirty laundry. GD! When is the last time I did laundry! Uhhh, wait! I did some yesterday!
He hoisted the clean laundry basket over his head and dumped
its contents on the bed, and began sifting through it with the
intensity of a groundhog on crack. "F***ing A!" he screamed,
wondering what the hell made him decide to wash sheets and towels
yesterday instead of essential coverings for his body. They weren't
even his sheets, either; they were Kevin's.
"Unreal," he muttered, darting into the living room while
ripping his dirty shirt off of his back. Jay, Serena, Lita and Matt
were twisted into compromising positions on the Twister board, and
Serena was giggling like mad. Darien was the caller, and Kevin had
finally gotten around to history; he was using the book as a coaster
while he played Playstation.
"OOH! Yeah b**ch take it OFF!" Jay shouted from somewhere under
Serena. "Where am I supposed to put my hand again?"
"On my butt," said Matt, who had been strategically placing his
hands and feet as close as Lita as possible.
"Jay, do you have any clean shirts?" Zach asked, dashing back
into the bathroom and shoving his head under the faucet.
"Right foot green," Darien announced. Serena, who hadn't
stopped giggling for the last hour, tried to move her leg and accidentally
kicked Matt in the face. He slid sideways, crashing into Jay and
collapsing the people pile, and ended lying on his back on top of
Lita.
"I'm so sorry!" Matt, suddenly sober, jumped up with a speed
that would have rivaled Superman. Knocking Jay aside, ("OOF! A**hole!")
he helped Lita to her feet. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah I'm fine," she replied, locking eyes with him. Oh my
GOSH!
"A SHIRT! A SHIRT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A SHIRT THAT
DOESN'T SMELL LIKE ASS!" Zach bellowed, whipping around the towel
that he had been using to dry his hair off.
"You can wear one of mine," Kevin yawned, stretching out on
the couch.
Zach almost spontaneously combusted. "Yeah thanks, dips***!
You're only like three sizes bigger than me! Amy will think I'm
retarded or something!"
The Twister contestants and their host stopped laughing and
stared at him like he had just announced that he needed a tuxedo to
attend the Presidential inaugural ball. Kevin, who had been halfway
to REM, lazily rolled over and murmured, "Yeah right."
"No really! I told her I needed help with calculus and she's
going to meet me in the library in ten minutes! And…. OH S***!"
Halfway through his explanation, he had forgotten she was still
waiting online for his answer. They watched as he ran into his
bedroom, then seconds later ran into Jay and Matt's bedroom, and
then emerged wearing a white American Eagle long sleeve T-shirt and
ran into the bathroom. After a few seconds, he ran into the living
room wearing a gray fleece vest and bearing a set of keys. "Kevin,
I'm taking your car, OK? Thanks," he said as he ran out the front
door.
There was a few seconds of silence. "Sure, it has no gas,"
Kevin said to the closed door.
"Wait for it!" Jay said, and sure enough, they heard someone
thumping up the stairs. Zach burst through the door in a fury.
"KEVIN you're P.O.S. car has no GD gas in it!" Zach ran back
into his bedroom and suddenly ran back out with a thick textbook
under his arm. "Almost forgot my cover! Later!"
"His what?" Lita asked after Zach slammed the door again and
ran down the stairs.
"Zach's full of it; he has a 98 average in calc," Matt
explained, folding up the plastic Twister board and wondering what it
would feel like to run his fingers through Lita's brown curls. "He
probably just wants to get to know Amy better, and the easiest way to
do that is to fake stupidity and play helpless."
"AAAWW! That's so CUTE! And romantic!" Serena gushed, starry-eyed. "Oh, he KNEW that Amy would help him with math and then she'll fall for him and they'll be soooo happy!!!"
"Hey big boy, can you help me with calc?" Jay breathed, sidling up
to Darien and rubbing his chest with both hands. Darien swung at
him and missed, the momentum throwing him off balance and pitching
him forward. Jay caught him before he began to fall.
"Whoa, Dar, why don't you stay here tonight? I don't think you
can drive home." Jay offered. "You can have Kevin's bed, I think he's
crashing on the couch tonight." Kevin was sprawled out on the couch,
his eyes shut and his mouth hanging open and the history book stuck
under one foot.
"Stay here Mamo-chan! I don't want you getting in an accident,"
Serena pleaded, her eyes glassy with alcohol and emotion. She hugged
him tightly, and Darien hugged her back, trying not to look like she
was supporting him, when in fact she was.
"Sure, Serena. Could you and Lita stop by and feed the cats
tomorrow morning?"
"Of course."
Matt turned to Lita, who was pulling on her coat. "You, uh,
OK to drive? You can stay here too if you want." Please please
stay here. You can use my toothbrush.
"No, I'm OK," she said, throwing him another full-face smile.
"I've got class really early, and if I stay over I'll probably end
up skipping."
"Why don't you come by on Friday? 4C's having a party and we're
all going. You can crash here if you don't want to go home."
Lita looked directly into his eyes, unintentionally giving Matt
a near coronary. "Boy, you really want me to sleep over, don't you?"
He blanched. "No, I didn't mean…I wasn't, um…" I am a dumbass.
I am the King of Dumbasses. I make Kevin look like Rico Suave.
She broke into easy laughter. "I'm just kidding. We'll be
there."
"Make sure you tell Raye," Jay interrupted. "See if she wants
to come."
"I'll make sure," Lita assured him. "Ready to go, Serena?"
"Yep, just one second." She stood on her toes and planted one
right on Darien. He broke it off after a moment.
"See you tomorrow, hon," he said. Serena nodded silently and
followed Lita out the door.
They were halfway back to the dorms when Serena spoke. "What was
wrong with Darien, Lita? He didn't kiss me as long as he
usually does! Oh no do you think he's bored with me? Do you
think he met someone else? Ohhhh, what if he doesn't like me
anymooooore? Lita, what am I going to do I can't live…"
"Serena! You're screaming!" Lita screamed. "Jeez, I need that
ear…listen, hon, he was in front of all those guys, and, well,
you know how they are."
"How?" Serena threw optical darts out the window.
"You know! Like, he didn't want to seem totally whipped. Then
everyone would make fun of him. Honestly, you're making a
mountain out of a molehill."
"You think?" Serena sniffed. Lita smiled softly and touched
her on the shoulder.
"Of course I'm sure. I've been around guys long enough to know
how they act when there's more than one Y chromosome in a room.
Darien wants to be friends with those guys and he wants to
impress them in stupid, masculine ways. Can you think of any
other guys that he hangs out with?"
"Well, no."
"See? This is kind of a new experience for him, and you can tell
he wants to have guy friends so they can watch football and
drink beer or grunt a lot or whatever boys do for fun. I'm
positive that he still loves you, he's just trying to make
friends."
Serena shut her eyes and tilted her head back. "Thanks Lita.
You're the best."
"Hey, I know."
*********************************************************
Ok, before I start on anything, there are some mega-disclaimers
that I forgot to mention. I don't own the following: Goshin and
Ramsey Halls are the property of West Chester University. I don't
own Hi-Liters, Febreeze, Pop-Tarts, J. Crew, Delta Zeta, Chevrolet
Blazer, Ford Focus, Subaru Outback, Pepto-Bismol, A1 steak sauce,
Sega Playstation, Sony Dreamcast, "Days of Our Lives," "Sex
and the City," "Friends," "NYPD Blue," UPS, Natural Ice,
Miller Genuine Draft, "The Ladies Man," Saturday Night Live,
Katie Holmes and Sailor Moon. Bryce University is my creation.
If there is an actual college with this name, then it is
purely coincidental. I will add more as I think of it.
* * * * * * * * * *
A new roommate had been added to apartment 2C. Somewhere
in the course of the day, Jay had asked her to move in with the
four of them, and she had graciously accepted. Since then she had
been waiting patiently in the truck of Kevin's car, until Jay
remembered that she was there and brought her into the house,
where she took her place directly above the TV.
"Hello, beautiful," Jay hugged the wall and kissed Katie
Holmes's feet. "Dump Pacey, baby, you need a real man." There
had been an elaborate ceremony before the actual hanging of the
poster occurred, containing discussion of where the new roommate
should be placed, taking into consideration areas of heavy
condensation (the bathroom) and glare (across from the window.)
"And you need a real woman," Matt said calmly, taking the last
drag off his Camel and stubbing it out.
Jay dislodged himself from Katie Holmes and threw a nearby golf
ball at him. "F*** you, dude. When's the last time you got some?"
Matt smiled evilly, and Kevin knew what was coming. "Off of
Crazy Kristen. Got your sloppy seconds."
Jay jumped on Matt and they started wrestling on the floor.
Zach stepped over them and stood in front of Katie. "Maybe if we
got her laminated, we could put her in the bathroom," he suggested.
Darien, who had been sitting on the couch next to Kevin, spoke
for probably the first time that evening. "Why? So she can see you
naked?"
Everyone but Zach burst out laughing. "Wa-bang! Points to
Darien!" Jay yelled with Matt's arm around his neck. He started
giggling and lost his breath.
"Britney Spears has to put up with enough of that in your
bedroom!" Matt added between fits of laughter.
Zach's face was maroon. "Britney likes seeing me naked."
"Yeah, well, Katie won't like seeing you take a s***," Kevin
gasped while he repeatedly pounded Darien on the back with enough
force to rupture a vital organ. "Good one Darien, good one."
Zach flipped everyone off with both hands and headed to the
fridge. "Are we going to play or what? Who wants a beer?"
"I'm going to start studying," Kevin said, plugging in the
Playstation. "Give me one."
Everyone else settled at the table while Kevin plunked down on
the couch with a controller in hand. "We'll deal for partners,"
Zach said, shuffling the deck. He dealt out preliminary cards.
"OK, Darien, you're with me."
"OK," he said, accepting his hand. I hope I don't make an
ass of myself.
"Darien, before we start, if you see Melman or the H-man rubbing
their ring fingers or pointing to their chest, punch them in the face.
That means they're trying to cheat."
Jay rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever! You invented those!"
"OK, Darien, if you get stuck, you can ask Kevin. OK, Kevin?"
"Yep," he replied, never taking his eyes off the TV.
Darien picked up pitch with as much ease as Raye had the
previous night. Wow. It's like I've played this before a million
times. "Two bid, Kevin?" he asked, holding out his hand for Kevin
to see.
Kevin paused his game. "Yeah, def two. Possible three but
you're just a beginner."
"Two," Darien said, throwing out the ace of clubs. Zach threw
out the two of clubs, Jay the seven, and Matt, with a disgusted look
one his face, threw out the jack.
"F***ing take it," he grumbled, while Zach yelled, "YES!" and
shoved the hand towards Darien.
Darien smiled; his amazing three-point capture enhanced the
feeling of complete acceptance in the circle of friends. At
the same time, something long asleep was tugging at him. It
was more than déjà vu, he felt suddenly like he had been with
these four guys his entire life, and had known no one else than
them. His life back in Japan seemed farther away than ever: he
felt like he had been born here, and had gone to school and
camping and Little League practice with the four of them, and
known nothing else. Even the pitch game was familiar: Matt and
Jay always trying to cheat, Kevin "studying" in the next room,
Zach throwing fits whenever he lost a hand. Darien himself felt
he was the puzzle piece that brought the scene to completeness;
the missing link in the somewhat twisted Norman Rockwell portrait
of college buddies.
"Got three in one trick," Kevin said from the couch. "Good job,
Darien."
Matt pulled out a fresh cigarette. "Hey Kevin, aren't you
supposed to be studying or something?"
"I am studying." His skateboarder fell attempting a Christ Air.
"Damn."
"No you're not, you're playing Tony Hawk and drinking all the
beer."
Kevin killed his second can. "I'll kick your ass."
They dealt another hand. "So how's Amy?" Zach burst out eagerly,
like he had been waiting to ask it all night. Suddenly, his face
darkened and he reeled off and punched Jay as hard as he could in the
arm. "Melman! Quit trying to cheat!"
Jay feigned innocence. "What the f***, dude! I was just scratch
ing my hand!"
"Bulls*** you were! You're up two for that!"
"Don't put us up!" Matt protested.
Darien arranged his hand and waited for everyone to calm down.
"Good," he said slowly, wondering what else he could say about Amy.
"Yeah, how's Amy? Zach mentioned her like fifty times today."
Matt exhaled a cloud. "Pass."
"Is she the girl from cell bio? Pass." Jay said.
"Yeah. I think she's studying with Lita tonight," Darien said.
"Pass."
Zach swore softly. "Why don't you just stick me, a-hole?
Friggin' two. Who's Lita?"
"Like, WWF Lita?" Matt asked. "That's my type of woman."
"Your type of woman is taped above the TV," came from the living
room.
"Belles, don't make me kick your ass."
"Bring it."
"Well, she's kind of like both," Darien explained. "She's my
girlfriend's roommate. She's ripped, for a girl, and tall, and could
probably kick my ass, but she kind of looks like Katie Holmes with
green eyes."
Matt was all ears. "Well, bring her down."
"Now?"
"Yeah now, call her up," he ordered, shoving the phone at Darien.
"See if she wants to drink a few beers with us. Ask your woman, too."
"See if Amy wants to come," Zach spouted.
"And Raye."
"I think Raye and Mina have a DZ meeting tonight." Darien dialed
Serena and Lita's dorm room.
"Hello?" Serena answered on the first ring. The sound of sitcom
laughter in the background testified that Lita was in the room and
not studying with Amy as previously imagined.
Darien gave Serena and Lita directions to the apartment. "Where's
Amy?" he asked for Zach's benefit, knowing full well that Amy would
never abandon a night of scholarly exercise for beer and pitch.
"Well, DUH Darien where else? She has a test sometime next month
and practically locked herself in her room to study. I couldn't even
get her to go to dinner. We'll be there in fifteen."
"Don't you have a test tomorrow too?"
"Oh, uh, -yeah I'll get to that later." She hung up quickly.
They finished the game, Matt and Jay winning by a small margin.
"You cheated somehow, I know it," Zach grumbled, a little pissy since
Amy wasn't coming down. Suddenly, he brightened. "Does Amy have a
screen name?" he asked Darien.
"Yeah, you want it?"
"I'm going to see if she's online," Zach said, heading towards
the bedroom that he and Kevin shared.
They settled on various points on the couch. Darien sat next
to Kevin, who instantly held out the second controller and asked,
"Want to play tag?"
"Sure," he accepted. They played (Kevin winning the majority
of the time) and threw back a few until they heard a light knock on
the front door, like the person who was knocking didn't want to hurt
his/her knuckles.
"Girl knock!" Jay shouted, leaping agilely over the coffee table
and sloshing a wave of Keystone Light onto Kevin's lap. He sprinted
towards the door and threw it open, his mojo smile already plastered
on his face. "Hello, ladies!" he bellowed to a very surprised yet
equally amused Serena. "Welcome to the Dawg House!"
"Yo a**hole you spilled beer on me!" a very irate Kevin yelled
in the next room. "Dammit I need these pants for tomorrow!"
Darien stood up from the couch felt the room tilt. Squinting
at the coffee table, he was blown away by the amount of empties
covering the surface. Holy…did I drink that much? Serena's going
to have my ass in a handbasket…or whatever. He joined Jay at the
door. "Hi Serena."
Serena stepped up next to him, totally bewildered. "Darien,
are you drunk?" she asked gently in the most non-bitchy voice she
could muster, even though she was up and ready to go postal on him.
"No, not really. Just buzzed," he assured her. Serena looked
a little skeptical, but nodded nonetheless.
Lita popped in the apartment right behind her. She was eye
level with Jay, who promptly hugged her from behind.
"LITA! I've heard so much about you!" he shouted, squeezing
her tighter. She started laughing with her entire body, her whole
face smiling. Matt stared at the face-smile, and had the sudden urge
to beat the piss out of Jay.
"Have you?" she asked, trying to balance the arm that was
gripping the potentially spilling beer.
"YES! Darien told me what a hot chick you are! Wanna have a
beer and go at it?" He raised his eyebrows and tried the Ladies' Man
grin again, but this time it came out drunken and lopsided.
She shrugged him off and headed for the couch. "No thanks,
I'm the DD tonight," she said, sitting next to Matt, who frantically
tried to rearrange himself into a more alluring position. Lita noticed
his movement, and quickly ran a hand through her ponytail, cursing
herself for not brushing her hair before she came. But how was I
to know that this guy would be here? He looks like, well, he looks
like Nephlite, obviously, OK, and that's more than a little freaky!
But he's cute!
"What, don't you like beer?" Jay howled, himself the only one
that found it funny. He turned to Serena and hugged her too.
"Hello, Serena. I'm Jay."
"Hello, Jay," she giggled, looking to Darien for an explanation.
"Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
"You're Darien's woman, aren't you?" he said seriously, staring
directly into her eyes.
"Yep, you bet!"
"Oh, Serena," he sighed. "You were supposed to save yourself
for me!"
"I was?"
"Yeah! Dump Darien, he sucks at pitch and I can beat his ass.
I'll take you to Vegas, baby, we'll have one hell of a time."
"I do not suck at pitch," Darien pulled Jay off of Serena and
tried to lift him in the air, but Jay twisted and got Darien down on
the ground and attempted a Walls of Jericho. Matt jumped from the
couch and joined in the melee, and executed a real submission move on
both Jay and Darien.
"OW! F***er bit me!" Jay yelped.
"OK, kids," Kevin put down his controller and easily pulled
everyone apart, despite his semi-inebriated state. "Hi, I'm Kevin,"
he said, trying to look as dignified as he could with a giant beer
spill on his crotch. "This loser is Matt," He pulled Matt up by one
arm. "That's Zach," he pointed to Zach, who had just emerged from
the hallway. He waved, as if on command. "And this is Jay," he said,
stepping on Jay's neck.
"Ughhh! Ass!" Jay grunted, grabbing Kevin's leg and tried to
pull him down.
"Hi, I'm Serena!" she chirped, flashing her sweetest smile.
Kevin smiled back, and Jay knew that he was getting drunk. Kevin
avoided smiling, for the most part, unless his rising blood alcohol
level allowed him such extravagance.
"We must drink!" Jay proclaimed once Kevin's New Balance had
been removed from his neck. He ran to the fridge and came out with
an armful of cans. "Serena?" He offered one out to her.
"Thanks!" she said, popping it open and sitting down on the
couch. Darien settled next to her, and wrapped his arm around her
shoulders.
"Uh, hon, should you really be drinking tonight? It is Tuesday,"
he proposed mildly, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world.
"Don't worry, Darien, I'm not going to get drunk!" He sighed
and took another gulp of Keystone. How many times have I heard
that before?
* * * * * * * * * * *
Oh, HECK! Amy swore mentally in the nicest way possible.
The room down the hall was throwing a party, for no particular reason
other than it was Tuesday, in January, and nighttime. Music was
blasting through the concrete walls, and someone knocked on her door
loudly.
"AAMYY!" someone yelled, and Amy smiled and opened the door.
"Hi, Erin," she said, letting the other girl in.
"AMES!" the tall brunette screamed, embracing Amy and jumping
up and down simultaneously. "C'mon, you're going to party with us
tonight. We've got a bottle of Jack we have to finish, and then
we're going to outside to play Ultimate Frisbee! Well, only if
everyone doesn't pass out first."
Amy bit back the lecture of how playing Frisbee while under the
influence in front of security guards could in some infinitesimal way
lead to arrest, and instead pacified Erin by saying, "Oh, OK, I'll be
down later. Just let me finish studying."
"ALL RIGHT! YOU GUYS!! WE GOT AMY!!" Erin bolted out of the
room and into the hallway, pleased by her new acquisition.
Amy quickly shut the door and locked it the second Erin had run
from the room. Oh my lord, they actually think I'm going to join
them later! Oh well, they'll probably all pass out in an hour so I
have nothing to worry about. Now, to get down to business… She
fired up her computer and signed on. For the next hour, she delved
into the functions of algae and fungus in medicine while the party
down the hall moved into the elevator and then outside. Two minutes
and counting until multiple arrests.
She was in the middle of reading a very boring article when a
box popped up in the corner of her screen. It was a message from
someone named, "ZamboniS007."
"What?" She clicked on it, curious, since it wasn't "Hot Slut,"
or any of the usual sicko names that perverts used. It could very
well be someone she knew, like the time she ignored messages from
"TM KickA," for a week before she discovered that it was just Darien.
The box expanded. "ZamboniS007: hi amy its zach from cell bio."
"Oh," she exclaimed, heaving a sigh of relief a second before
she was hit with nerves. What do I say to him? I HATE meeting new
people.
ZamboniS007: "whats up?"
She typed: Aquamarine3: "Nothing much, just studying."
ZamboniS007: "anything I can help you w/?"
Aquamarine3: "Do you know anything about fungus?"
ZamboniS007: "uh it grows in our shower"
Amy let a small laugh slip out, and didn't bother to catch it.
ZamboniS007: "are you starting that paper already? that's not
due for awhile"
Aquamarine3: "Yes, I know. I just want to get a head start on
it."
ZamboniS007: "I should really start it too aoi4wy5ytya859345"
OK, what's going on? Is he schizophrenic or something?
ZamboniS007: "sorry that was my a**hole roommate jay hes a little
drunk"
Aquamarine3: "That's OK."
ZamboniS007: "dariens here too and so is serena and lita"
Aquamarine3: "Really? What's going on?"
ZamboniS007: "ok I think that serenas cut off for the night
b/c she cant stop laughing, and Kevin my other roommate is supposed
to be studying but hes on his eighth beer, and everyone else is
playing drunkin Twister"
ZamboniS007: "do you want to go the library or something and
work on that paper? It sux when youre the only one whos not drunk…I
need to study for my calc test anyway…do you know any calc? Could
you help me?"
Amy's stomach tightened as she weighed the pros and cons of
meeting a Zoycite look-alike by her lonesome. Raye would definitely
chew her out, that was for sure, but then again…
"Raye isn't here," she smugly said to herself. Aquamarine3:
"OK, why don't I meet you there in 10 minutes? Is that OK?"
Back in the rather noisy apartment 2C, Zach was practically
soiling himself with excitement. Holy crap THE beautiful Amy is
going to meet up with me! ME! I suck! How did I pull this off? Damn!
I can't wait! Where are my keys! OK, OK, so it's not like you can get
really busy in a library, well, maybe you could…no! You can't! Stop
thinking like Jay! He gave his shirt a preliminary sniff. Oh
God, Straub, change your shirt! You smell like Matt's GD Camels. He skidded out of his chair and threw the closet door open, and began sifting through the hangers in a frenzy. "Kevin's, Kevin's, Kevin's, dammit!" he mumbled, throwing each shirt on the closet floor on top of already dirty laundry. GD! When is the last time I did laundry! Uhhh, wait! I did some yesterday!
He hoisted the clean laundry basket over his head and dumped
its contents on the bed, and began sifting through it with the
intensity of a groundhog on crack. "F***ing A!" he screamed,
wondering what the hell made him decide to wash sheets and towels
yesterday instead of essential coverings for his body. They weren't
even his sheets, either; they were Kevin's.
"Unreal," he muttered, darting into the living room while
ripping his dirty shirt off of his back. Jay, Serena, Lita and Matt
were twisted into compromising positions on the Twister board, and
Serena was giggling like mad. Darien was the caller, and Kevin had
finally gotten around to history; he was using the book as a coaster
while he played Playstation.
"OOH! Yeah b**ch take it OFF!" Jay shouted from somewhere under
Serena. "Where am I supposed to put my hand again?"
"On my butt," said Matt, who had been strategically placing his
hands and feet as close as Lita as possible.
"Jay, do you have any clean shirts?" Zach asked, dashing back
into the bathroom and shoving his head under the faucet.
"Right foot green," Darien announced. Serena, who hadn't
stopped giggling for the last hour, tried to move her leg and accidentally
kicked Matt in the face. He slid sideways, crashing into Jay and
collapsing the people pile, and ended lying on his back on top of
Lita.
"I'm so sorry!" Matt, suddenly sober, jumped up with a speed
that would have rivaled Superman. Knocking Jay aside, ("OOF! A**hole!")
he helped Lita to her feet. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah I'm fine," she replied, locking eyes with him. Oh my
GOSH!
"A SHIRT! A SHIRT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A SHIRT THAT
DOESN'T SMELL LIKE ASS!" Zach bellowed, whipping around the towel
that he had been using to dry his hair off.
"You can wear one of mine," Kevin yawned, stretching out on
the couch.
Zach almost spontaneously combusted. "Yeah thanks, dips***!
You're only like three sizes bigger than me! Amy will think I'm
retarded or something!"
The Twister contestants and their host stopped laughing and
stared at him like he had just announced that he needed a tuxedo to
attend the Presidential inaugural ball. Kevin, who had been halfway
to REM, lazily rolled over and murmured, "Yeah right."
"No really! I told her I needed help with calculus and she's
going to meet me in the library in ten minutes! And…. OH S***!"
Halfway through his explanation, he had forgotten she was still
waiting online for his answer. They watched as he ran into his
bedroom, then seconds later ran into Jay and Matt's bedroom, and
then emerged wearing a white American Eagle long sleeve T-shirt and
ran into the bathroom. After a few seconds, he ran into the living
room wearing a gray fleece vest and bearing a set of keys. "Kevin,
I'm taking your car, OK? Thanks," he said as he ran out the front
door.
There was a few seconds of silence. "Sure, it has no gas,"
Kevin said to the closed door.
"Wait for it!" Jay said, and sure enough, they heard someone
thumping up the stairs. Zach burst through the door in a fury.
"KEVIN you're P.O.S. car has no GD gas in it!" Zach ran back
into his bedroom and suddenly ran back out with a thick textbook
under his arm. "Almost forgot my cover! Later!"
"His what?" Lita asked after Zach slammed the door again and
ran down the stairs.
"Zach's full of it; he has a 98 average in calc," Matt
explained, folding up the plastic Twister board and wondering what it
would feel like to run his fingers through Lita's brown curls. "He
probably just wants to get to know Amy better, and the easiest way to
do that is to fake stupidity and play helpless."
"AAAWW! That's so CUTE! And romantic!" Serena gushed, starry-eyed. "Oh, he KNEW that Amy would help him with math and then she'll fall for him and they'll be soooo happy!!!"
"Hey big boy, can you help me with calc?" Jay breathed, sidling up
to Darien and rubbing his chest with both hands. Darien swung at
him and missed, the momentum throwing him off balance and pitching
him forward. Jay caught him before he began to fall.
"Whoa, Dar, why don't you stay here tonight? I don't think you
can drive home." Jay offered. "You can have Kevin's bed, I think he's
crashing on the couch tonight." Kevin was sprawled out on the couch,
his eyes shut and his mouth hanging open and the history book stuck
under one foot.
"Stay here Mamo-chan! I don't want you getting in an accident,"
Serena pleaded, her eyes glassy with alcohol and emotion. She hugged
him tightly, and Darien hugged her back, trying not to look like she
was supporting him, when in fact she was.
"Sure, Serena. Could you and Lita stop by and feed the cats
tomorrow morning?"
"Of course."
Matt turned to Lita, who was pulling on her coat. "You, uh,
OK to drive? You can stay here too if you want." Please please
stay here. You can use my toothbrush.
"No, I'm OK," she said, throwing him another full-face smile.
"I've got class really early, and if I stay over I'll probably end
up skipping."
"Why don't you come by on Friday? 4C's having a party and we're
all going. You can crash here if you don't want to go home."
Lita looked directly into his eyes, unintentionally giving Matt
a near coronary. "Boy, you really want me to sleep over, don't you?"
He blanched. "No, I didn't mean…I wasn't, um…" I am a dumbass.
I am the King of Dumbasses. I make Kevin look like Rico Suave.
She broke into easy laughter. "I'm just kidding. We'll be
there."
"Make sure you tell Raye," Jay interrupted. "See if she wants
to come."
"I'll make sure," Lita assured him. "Ready to go, Serena?"
"Yep, just one second." She stood on her toes and planted one
right on Darien. He broke it off after a moment.
"See you tomorrow, hon," he said. Serena nodded silently and
followed Lita out the door.
They were halfway back to the dorms when Serena spoke. "What was
wrong with Darien, Lita? He didn't kiss me as long as he
usually does! Oh no do you think he's bored with me? Do you
think he met someone else? Ohhhh, what if he doesn't like me
anymooooore? Lita, what am I going to do I can't live…"
"Serena! You're screaming!" Lita screamed. "Jeez, I need that
ear…listen, hon, he was in front of all those guys, and, well,
you know how they are."
"How?" Serena threw optical darts out the window.
"You know! Like, he didn't want to seem totally whipped. Then
everyone would make fun of him. Honestly, you're making a
mountain out of a molehill."
"You think?" Serena sniffed. Lita smiled softly and touched
her on the shoulder.
"Of course I'm sure. I've been around guys long enough to know
how they act when there's more than one Y chromosome in a room.
Darien wants to be friends with those guys and he wants to
impress them in stupid, masculine ways. Can you think of any
other guys that he hangs out with?"
"Well, no."
"See? This is kind of a new experience for him, and you can tell
he wants to have guy friends so they can watch football and
drink beer or grunt a lot or whatever boys do for fun. I'm
positive that he still loves you, he's just trying to make
friends."
Serena shut her eyes and tilted her head back. "Thanks Lita.
You're the best."
"Hey, I know."