_______________________________________________________________
Despite all of his best efforts, Harry's true break through on the Draco Malfoy case came when he least expected it.
Harry had sat through most of Transfiguration trying to desperately think of anything but his horrible need to pee. He wiggled in his seat until Hermione got upset and moved her desk apart a bit. Crossing his legs one way and then the other, he some how managed to make it through the longest Transfiguration class ever. He almost cracked at one point and thought of asking Professor McGonagall if he could be excused, but unless one wanted a lecture on the need to preplan and deal with certain issues before class it was better to wait it out. He wondered too, if he could pull off a Malfoy and just get up and leave the room.
Having packed up his things long before the end of class, Harry practically flew out of the classroom when the bell began to ring. Down the corridor he sprinted and flung himself into the first stall in the main floor boys lavatory. He bunched up his robes, unzipped hi fly, and sighed as he was finally able to relieve himself. Upon finishing, Harry flushed the toilet, lowered the seat and sat down. He glanced at his watch and found that he had just over an hour before his Care of Magical Creatures class with Hagrid. Relaxing, Harry let his thoughts wander. He had always found washroom stalls weird and private places to think, well except for Myrtle's water chamber. Harry was very glad that no sobbing ghost haunted this washroom.
His thoughts turned to Quidditch. Gryffindor had played and beat Slytherin in their opening game. Hufflepuff in a surprising turn of fate had won. Two weeks from now was the game against Ravenclaw and that game would determine who would play in the House Cup. Slytherin had two wins. Ravenclaw had only one win, but if they won the match then they would still be in a position to challenge for the cup. If Gryffindor won then the cup game would be against Slytherin. Harry knew that his teammates and many of his housemates would be looking to him for the win. He had after all helped get Gryffindor the Quidditch cup all four years he had been at Hogwarts. It was a lot to live up to especially this year with the houses so equally matched. The games had been long and often brutal affairs. Harry felt like every beater was trying to kill him the way they kept swinging bludgers at him. It often came down to the Seeker to win the game or at least end it. Harry could feel the pressure and he desperately did not want to let down his house. Hufflepuff had a strong overall team, which is what surprised Gryffindor. Their team was almost entirely green. Most of the old Hufflepuff team had graduated last year. Harry would have to watch out for them next year once they got even more used to working together. Slytherin was strong as well. They had a lot of strength and it was in their best interest to draw out the game and keep Harry from catching the Snitch at all costs. Draco Malfoy was probably their weakest link and they had probably told him to just keep Harry busy so their Chasers could score enough points to win. Ravenclaw's Seeker, Cho, was coming into her own and giving her opponents a run for their money. She was very fast on her broom; the only thing that she needed to work on was dodging bludgers and spotting the Snitch. Harry respected her, but he no longer felt like asking her out. He thought he had last year, but even then he didn't know what he felt for her. He summed it up to a mixture of respect and camaraderie. The only thing that they had in common was that they were both Seekers, well that and Cedric's death, but Harry wasn't dealing with that right now. He knew it wasn't all his fault, but sometimes he would imagine situations where he could have done anything different just to see the outcome change. He had almost screamed when he had heard two witches talking in Diagon Alley last summer saying how they were glad that Cedric had died instead of Harry. Cho had briefly cornered Harry earlier in the year and told him that she understood and held nothing against him, but what would she say if she knew that other people considered Cedric more expendable then himself.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone retching in the next stall over. Harry called out to the other boy. 'Hey are you okay in there?' There was no answer, but the other boy stopped throwing up. Harry called again. Finally he left his stall and knocked lightly on the other stall's door. 'Do you need help? Are you sick? Do you want me to get Madame Pomfrey?' When there was still no answer, Harry started to get worried and began to bang on the door. 'Come out so I can see that you are okay or I'll knock down this door and drag you to the hospital wing.' Harry threatened.
There was a flushing sound from the stall and Draco emerged, wiping the corner of his mouth with a square of toilet paper. He brushed by the confused Harry and splashed some water on his face in the sink. Harry gathered himself and fetched some paper towel from the dispenser for the blond boy. Handing it to Draco Harry asked if Draco is sick.
'No I am not Potter.'
'Then why were you throwing up in the loo? Are you sure you shouldn't see Madame Pomfrey? I could walk with you there.'
Draco raised an eyebrow questioning the fact that Hogwart's Boy Wonder was offering to help him.
'I have everything under control here, Potter. I do have a question for you though. Why are you spying on boys in the loo?' Draco smirked.
'I was not spying!' Harry stammered. 'I was thinking.' He admitted sheepishly. 'Besides what do you mean you have everything under control? Malfoy, you are throwing up in the toilet. You don't seem like yourself; you don't even look healthy.'
'What is it to you what I look like, Potter? I didn't know that my appearance mattered to you so much or I would have taken better care of myself.'
'It doesn't and that's not what I meant.' Harry threw up hands in defeat. 'You make it impossible to talk to you. Do you know that?'
'Yes. I don't like too many questions.'
'Never mind questions, you don't like too much talking. You don't even have friends. Your two goons don't even bother with you anymore.'
'Yes. I don't like too many people either.' Draco said maintaining his impassive mask. Harry stared at the cold, expressionless face and tried to judge what he should say next.
'I think something is wrong with you. I've known you for four years and something isn't right. I tired talking to Hermione about it and she told me to leave you alone, but…'
'She was right.' Draco interrupted. 'You should have let it be.'
'I know that, but I couldn't. I always seem to get myself involved.'
'Bad habit. It may get you killed.'
'What is that supposed to mean?' Harry questioned in a huff.
'Nothing, Potter. I didn't mean anything by it.'
'Don't take this the wrong way, Malfoy, but I have to ask. Are you one of Voldemort's agents?'
'No.' Draco replied flatly. 'Why on earth would you ever think something like that?'
Harry rolled his eyes and managed to give Draco his best pained expression.'Gee I wonder? Maybe it was certain impressions that you gave others. Can I see your arm?' Harry held out his hand palm up looking into Draco's eyes trying to plead with him.
'Maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental.'
'That's a lark coming from you! You've hated me from day one.'
'Is that what you have thought? I never hated you. That would be far too much of an emotional involvement with you than I'd ever be willing to have.'
Harry was on the verge of slapping Draco. 'Liar.' He stated in a quiet voice.
Draco stared at the black haired boy before him and tired to see how this would play out. He had two options: to leave and have Harry constantly follow him and ask annoying questions, or to cave this once and shut him up by giving him what he wanted. Draco wavered between the two choices and decided upon the latter.
'Fine. Call me all the names you like, Potter. Here.' He said while extending his arms towards Harry. 'But after you've finished your little inspection of my person you will stop following me and you will leave me be. Are we agreed?'
Harry nodded his consent and rolled up Draco's sleeves. What he saw was an angry patch of scars snaking their way up Draco's pale arms.
'What are these?' Harry asked in a shocked voice.
'Well they most certainly are not the Dark Mark that you were looking for.' Draco snorted.
'Who did this to you?'
'No one did that to me.'
'What do you mean?' Harry asked confused.
Draco gracefully shrugged and freed himself from Harry's grasp. 'This is something you don't have to worry about, Potter. It's none of your business and I have it under control.'
Crinkling his eyebrows, Harry tired again. 'If someone is hurting you, you should talk to one of the teachers. They would help you. They would make it stop.'
'And what if I don't want it to stop?' Draco paused, the air heavy as Harry's mind tried to work out why someone would want to be abused like that. Draco decided to fill him in. 'I do these things to myself, Potter. It's okay. Really it is.'
'What? Why?' Harry sputtered. 'You have to get those cuts looked at. I'm taking you to Madame Pomfrey!'
'We had an agreement, didn't we? I let you see my arms so you could verify that I was Dark Mark free and you in return were supposed to leave me alone. Were you not?'
Harry looked down at his hands. What was he doing trying to help Malfoy? Did he have to help everyone just because he was good? Is that why he cared that this major pain in the ass was falling apart? He looked back at Draco and realized that he just didn't want to see the boy hurting himself. With that though, Harry had a new cause to champion this year. He was going to cure Draco.
'I don't care about our agreement.' He stated plainly. 'At the time I didn't know how badly off you were. Now that I know I have to help. I'm weird that way and I don't plan on changing. I AM taking you to the hospital wing.' From his robe he drew out his wand, but did not aim it. He just let the threat hang in the air.
Draco crossed his arms over his chest, gave Harry a meaningful gaze, and walked out of the bathroom. Harry, taken back by the action, was left to catch up, completely forgetting his wand. He was surprised to note that Draco was actually heading towards the Hospital wing. Harry felt relieved. He was sure that Madame Pomfrey would fix him up and then he'd be himself again. Harry was actually happy at the thought of having his archrival back to trade insults with in the halls. Draco kept Harry from feeling famous all the time and there were occasions when he liked the competition.
They entered the Hospital wing and Madame Pomfrey scampered towards Harry with a worried look on her face. 'What's wrong now dearie?'
'Not me. Draco.' Harry gestured towards the other boy.
'Oh. Well what seems to be the problem then young Malfoy?' She questioned him sternly, arms on her hips. Draco just glared back.
Finally Harry spoke up. 'It's his arms, Madame Pomfrey.'
Madame Pomfrey bent down and lifted Draco's sleeve and gasped.
'Well sit down on that bed over there and I'll be right back.' She left the two boys and went into her office. The two of them sat down side by side on the bed. Harry was staring at his hands again wondering what to say. Draco didn't even bother making conversation. He sat motionless, looking straight ahead hardly even acknowledging Pomfrey when she returned with a healing potion to rub on his arms. When she began to cork the bottle and turned to walk back to her office, Draco stopped her.
'I need some for my thighs and ankles too,' was all he said.
The nurse paused and asked him to remove his pants. Draco did so, stripping them off and leaving him in his boxers. Harry blushed as Draco started to undress, wishing he could be invisible. He didn't think that Draco would like to know that he was being watched, but Harry couldn't help it, not when more nasty red scars were revealed on Draco's tender thighs and ankles.
Draco let Madame Pomfrey finish coating him in the healing potion and then dressed himself. He then returned to his seat on the bed.
Madame Pomfrey scrutinized the two boys before her. She had given up on trying to rationalize how the two of them had gotten here, but she knew the symptoms of depression when she saw them. Self-mutilation was not very original. She had expected something less clichéd from a Malfoy. Maybe she shouldn't have thought that, as it wasn't very funny. Poppy was at a lost of what to do. She was not trained as a therapist. There were no potions that she could dispense that would make the boy happy and well adjusted. She didn't even have the faintest clue as to why he would be depressed in the first place. She had to try though, didn't she?
'Is there anything you need to talk about, Draco?'
'No. Not really. I am grateful that you cured me. Good day to you.' Draco stood up and strolled out of the hospital wing.
Harry followed after him, slightly dismayed in Pomfrey's dismal efforts to help.
'I would appreciate it, Potter, if you didn't tell anyone about this.' Draco said matter-of-factly.
'I won't but you have to let me know that you are going to be okay.'
'And how am I to do that? I can't promise you that tomorrow I won't end up cutting myself again. So what do you want?'
'I don't know…' Harry replied. 'You could talk to me, you know that right. I'd listen. Do you think that if I checked up on you every so often that you could keep yourself from …you know…?' Harry trailed off.
'Maybe, but I refuse to make any promises.' Suddenly Draco had an idea. 'Potter. May I ask a favour then?' He waited until Harry nodded before continuing. 'I'd like for you to tell me about the Muggle world.'
'Sure.' Harry blurted out, happy that it was an easy favour to grant.
Draco nodded and headed off towards the stairs that lead to the Slytherin house. Harry followed after him with his eyes before making his way to his own house.
Harry bounced onto his bed. "He's going to be okay. He'll be okay. I'll make sure he's okay. And he doesn't hate me. Even wants me to tell him about Muggles."
________________________________________________________________
Hi hi.
Had someone write in and tell me that the Draco self-mutilation thing was an over used plot. Well it may be, but it is not my plot. The cuttings are a result of his depression and an attempt at control. It is a part of the character and not the whole plot. I haven't even made it more than a month in story time. The plot is still building. I plan on ending this story when Harry graduates from Hogwarts. There is always more to someone then just the marks they make.
It is also original for me. I have never had a character in any of my stories cut themselves before. Until this year that issue just hit too close to home for me to write about.
~ naki
_______________________________________________________________________
Despite all of his best efforts, Harry's true break through on the Draco Malfoy case came when he least expected it.
Harry had sat through most of Transfiguration trying to desperately think of anything but his horrible need to pee. He wiggled in his seat until Hermione got upset and moved her desk apart a bit. Crossing his legs one way and then the other, he some how managed to make it through the longest Transfiguration class ever. He almost cracked at one point and thought of asking Professor McGonagall if he could be excused, but unless one wanted a lecture on the need to preplan and deal with certain issues before class it was better to wait it out. He wondered too, if he could pull off a Malfoy and just get up and leave the room.
Having packed up his things long before the end of class, Harry practically flew out of the classroom when the bell began to ring. Down the corridor he sprinted and flung himself into the first stall in the main floor boys lavatory. He bunched up his robes, unzipped hi fly, and sighed as he was finally able to relieve himself. Upon finishing, Harry flushed the toilet, lowered the seat and sat down. He glanced at his watch and found that he had just over an hour before his Care of Magical Creatures class with Hagrid. Relaxing, Harry let his thoughts wander. He had always found washroom stalls weird and private places to think, well except for Myrtle's water chamber. Harry was very glad that no sobbing ghost haunted this washroom.
His thoughts turned to Quidditch. Gryffindor had played and beat Slytherin in their opening game. Hufflepuff in a surprising turn of fate had won. Two weeks from now was the game against Ravenclaw and that game would determine who would play in the House Cup. Slytherin had two wins. Ravenclaw had only one win, but if they won the match then they would still be in a position to challenge for the cup. If Gryffindor won then the cup game would be against Slytherin. Harry knew that his teammates and many of his housemates would be looking to him for the win. He had after all helped get Gryffindor the Quidditch cup all four years he had been at Hogwarts. It was a lot to live up to especially this year with the houses so equally matched. The games had been long and often brutal affairs. Harry felt like every beater was trying to kill him the way they kept swinging bludgers at him. It often came down to the Seeker to win the game or at least end it. Harry could feel the pressure and he desperately did not want to let down his house. Hufflepuff had a strong overall team, which is what surprised Gryffindor. Their team was almost entirely green. Most of the old Hufflepuff team had graduated last year. Harry would have to watch out for them next year once they got even more used to working together. Slytherin was strong as well. They had a lot of strength and it was in their best interest to draw out the game and keep Harry from catching the Snitch at all costs. Draco Malfoy was probably their weakest link and they had probably told him to just keep Harry busy so their Chasers could score enough points to win. Ravenclaw's Seeker, Cho, was coming into her own and giving her opponents a run for their money. She was very fast on her broom; the only thing that she needed to work on was dodging bludgers and spotting the Snitch. Harry respected her, but he no longer felt like asking her out. He thought he had last year, but even then he didn't know what he felt for her. He summed it up to a mixture of respect and camaraderie. The only thing that they had in common was that they were both Seekers, well that and Cedric's death, but Harry wasn't dealing with that right now. He knew it wasn't all his fault, but sometimes he would imagine situations where he could have done anything different just to see the outcome change. He had almost screamed when he had heard two witches talking in Diagon Alley last summer saying how they were glad that Cedric had died instead of Harry. Cho had briefly cornered Harry earlier in the year and told him that she understood and held nothing against him, but what would she say if she knew that other people considered Cedric more expendable then himself.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone retching in the next stall over. Harry called out to the other boy. 'Hey are you okay in there?' There was no answer, but the other boy stopped throwing up. Harry called again. Finally he left his stall and knocked lightly on the other stall's door. 'Do you need help? Are you sick? Do you want me to get Madame Pomfrey?' When there was still no answer, Harry started to get worried and began to bang on the door. 'Come out so I can see that you are okay or I'll knock down this door and drag you to the hospital wing.' Harry threatened.
There was a flushing sound from the stall and Draco emerged, wiping the corner of his mouth with a square of toilet paper. He brushed by the confused Harry and splashed some water on his face in the sink. Harry gathered himself and fetched some paper towel from the dispenser for the blond boy. Handing it to Draco Harry asked if Draco is sick.
'No I am not Potter.'
'Then why were you throwing up in the loo? Are you sure you shouldn't see Madame Pomfrey? I could walk with you there.'
Draco raised an eyebrow questioning the fact that Hogwart's Boy Wonder was offering to help him.
'I have everything under control here, Potter. I do have a question for you though. Why are you spying on boys in the loo?' Draco smirked.
'I was not spying!' Harry stammered. 'I was thinking.' He admitted sheepishly. 'Besides what do you mean you have everything under control? Malfoy, you are throwing up in the toilet. You don't seem like yourself; you don't even look healthy.'
'What is it to you what I look like, Potter? I didn't know that my appearance mattered to you so much or I would have taken better care of myself.'
'It doesn't and that's not what I meant.' Harry threw up hands in defeat. 'You make it impossible to talk to you. Do you know that?'
'Yes. I don't like too many questions.'
'Never mind questions, you don't like too much talking. You don't even have friends. Your two goons don't even bother with you anymore.'
'Yes. I don't like too many people either.' Draco said maintaining his impassive mask. Harry stared at the cold, expressionless face and tried to judge what he should say next.
'I think something is wrong with you. I've known you for four years and something isn't right. I tired talking to Hermione about it and she told me to leave you alone, but…'
'She was right.' Draco interrupted. 'You should have let it be.'
'I know that, but I couldn't. I always seem to get myself involved.'
'Bad habit. It may get you killed.'
'What is that supposed to mean?' Harry questioned in a huff.
'Nothing, Potter. I didn't mean anything by it.'
'Don't take this the wrong way, Malfoy, but I have to ask. Are you one of Voldemort's agents?'
'No.' Draco replied flatly. 'Why on earth would you ever think something like that?'
Harry rolled his eyes and managed to give Draco his best pained expression.'Gee I wonder? Maybe it was certain impressions that you gave others. Can I see your arm?' Harry held out his hand palm up looking into Draco's eyes trying to plead with him.
'Maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental.'
'That's a lark coming from you! You've hated me from day one.'
'Is that what you have thought? I never hated you. That would be far too much of an emotional involvement with you than I'd ever be willing to have.'
Harry was on the verge of slapping Draco. 'Liar.' He stated in a quiet voice.
Draco stared at the black haired boy before him and tired to see how this would play out. He had two options: to leave and have Harry constantly follow him and ask annoying questions, or to cave this once and shut him up by giving him what he wanted. Draco wavered between the two choices and decided upon the latter.
'Fine. Call me all the names you like, Potter. Here.' He said while extending his arms towards Harry. 'But after you've finished your little inspection of my person you will stop following me and you will leave me be. Are we agreed?'
Harry nodded his consent and rolled up Draco's sleeves. What he saw was an angry patch of scars snaking their way up Draco's pale arms.
'What are these?' Harry asked in a shocked voice.
'Well they most certainly are not the Dark Mark that you were looking for.' Draco snorted.
'Who did this to you?'
'No one did that to me.'
'What do you mean?' Harry asked confused.
Draco gracefully shrugged and freed himself from Harry's grasp. 'This is something you don't have to worry about, Potter. It's none of your business and I have it under control.'
Crinkling his eyebrows, Harry tired again. 'If someone is hurting you, you should talk to one of the teachers. They would help you. They would make it stop.'
'And what if I don't want it to stop?' Draco paused, the air heavy as Harry's mind tried to work out why someone would want to be abused like that. Draco decided to fill him in. 'I do these things to myself, Potter. It's okay. Really it is.'
'What? Why?' Harry sputtered. 'You have to get those cuts looked at. I'm taking you to Madame Pomfrey!'
'We had an agreement, didn't we? I let you see my arms so you could verify that I was Dark Mark free and you in return were supposed to leave me alone. Were you not?'
Harry looked down at his hands. What was he doing trying to help Malfoy? Did he have to help everyone just because he was good? Is that why he cared that this major pain in the ass was falling apart? He looked back at Draco and realized that he just didn't want to see the boy hurting himself. With that though, Harry had a new cause to champion this year. He was going to cure Draco.
'I don't care about our agreement.' He stated plainly. 'At the time I didn't know how badly off you were. Now that I know I have to help. I'm weird that way and I don't plan on changing. I AM taking you to the hospital wing.' From his robe he drew out his wand, but did not aim it. He just let the threat hang in the air.
Draco crossed his arms over his chest, gave Harry a meaningful gaze, and walked out of the bathroom. Harry, taken back by the action, was left to catch up, completely forgetting his wand. He was surprised to note that Draco was actually heading towards the Hospital wing. Harry felt relieved. He was sure that Madame Pomfrey would fix him up and then he'd be himself again. Harry was actually happy at the thought of having his archrival back to trade insults with in the halls. Draco kept Harry from feeling famous all the time and there were occasions when he liked the competition.
They entered the Hospital wing and Madame Pomfrey scampered towards Harry with a worried look on her face. 'What's wrong now dearie?'
'Not me. Draco.' Harry gestured towards the other boy.
'Oh. Well what seems to be the problem then young Malfoy?' She questioned him sternly, arms on her hips. Draco just glared back.
Finally Harry spoke up. 'It's his arms, Madame Pomfrey.'
Madame Pomfrey bent down and lifted Draco's sleeve and gasped.
'Well sit down on that bed over there and I'll be right back.' She left the two boys and went into her office. The two of them sat down side by side on the bed. Harry was staring at his hands again wondering what to say. Draco didn't even bother making conversation. He sat motionless, looking straight ahead hardly even acknowledging Pomfrey when she returned with a healing potion to rub on his arms. When she began to cork the bottle and turned to walk back to her office, Draco stopped her.
'I need some for my thighs and ankles too,' was all he said.
The nurse paused and asked him to remove his pants. Draco did so, stripping them off and leaving him in his boxers. Harry blushed as Draco started to undress, wishing he could be invisible. He didn't think that Draco would like to know that he was being watched, but Harry couldn't help it, not when more nasty red scars were revealed on Draco's tender thighs and ankles.
Draco let Madame Pomfrey finish coating him in the healing potion and then dressed himself. He then returned to his seat on the bed.
Madame Pomfrey scrutinized the two boys before her. She had given up on trying to rationalize how the two of them had gotten here, but she knew the symptoms of depression when she saw them. Self-mutilation was not very original. She had expected something less clichéd from a Malfoy. Maybe she shouldn't have thought that, as it wasn't very funny. Poppy was at a lost of what to do. She was not trained as a therapist. There were no potions that she could dispense that would make the boy happy and well adjusted. She didn't even have the faintest clue as to why he would be depressed in the first place. She had to try though, didn't she?
'Is there anything you need to talk about, Draco?'
'No. Not really. I am grateful that you cured me. Good day to you.' Draco stood up and strolled out of the hospital wing.
Harry followed after him, slightly dismayed in Pomfrey's dismal efforts to help.
'I would appreciate it, Potter, if you didn't tell anyone about this.' Draco said matter-of-factly.
'I won't but you have to let me know that you are going to be okay.'
'And how am I to do that? I can't promise you that tomorrow I won't end up cutting myself again. So what do you want?'
'I don't know…' Harry replied. 'You could talk to me, you know that right. I'd listen. Do you think that if I checked up on you every so often that you could keep yourself from …you know…?' Harry trailed off.
'Maybe, but I refuse to make any promises.' Suddenly Draco had an idea. 'Potter. May I ask a favour then?' He waited until Harry nodded before continuing. 'I'd like for you to tell me about the Muggle world.'
'Sure.' Harry blurted out, happy that it was an easy favour to grant.
Draco nodded and headed off towards the stairs that lead to the Slytherin house. Harry followed after him with his eyes before making his way to his own house.
Harry bounced onto his bed. "He's going to be okay. He'll be okay. I'll make sure he's okay. And he doesn't hate me. Even wants me to tell him about Muggles."
________________________________________________________________
Hi hi.
Had someone write in and tell me that the Draco self-mutilation thing was an over used plot. Well it may be, but it is not my plot. The cuttings are a result of his depression and an attempt at control. It is a part of the character and not the whole plot. I haven't even made it more than a month in story time. The plot is still building. I plan on ending this story when Harry graduates from Hogwarts. There is always more to someone then just the marks they make.
It is also original for me. I have never had a character in any of my stories cut themselves before. Until this year that issue just hit too close to home for me to write about.
~ naki
_______________________________________________________________________