Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm
just borrowing them. Honest.
Spoilers: Up to Hell's Bells.
Pairing: Buffy/Spike. Of course!
Feedback: Please!
Rating: PG-13
Only Dead Fish Follow the Flow
Buffy was staring into space. She did that a lot lately. Ever since she had told Spike that it was over, she'd been finding it difficult to fill up her days (And nights. Especially the nights.) There was patrolling, of course, but now there was no longer the excitement of sneaking back to Spike's crypt. There wasn't even the fun of arguing with the British vampire, since he hadn't even tryed to communicate with her since...
*'Since when?* Buffy pondered. Since Xander and Anya's disastrous non- wedding, and that had been two weeks ago. She guessed that he'd been avoiding her - which must have been hard for him. Buffy couldn't remember a time when Spike had purposefully gone out of his way not to speak to her (before and after the chip). Of course she knew it was what she should want. After all, hadn't she told him quite clearly she didn't want to see him? Hadn't she strode out of his crypt, all full of determination and into the sunlight, adament that she'd made the right choice? She shouldn't be feeling like this - shouldn't be missing his humour, his company on patrols...the sex. Boy, she missed that a lot. The Spike sex had been the only good thing in her life and she'd put a stop to it.
*But I had to!* She argued for the umpteenth time, *I was using him to make myself feel good! It was bad!* But, deep down, had it really all just been about sex?
*So not going there* Buffy thought, pulling herself off the sofa and out of all thoughts Spike.
******
Buffy walked into the Magic Box where she found Willow behind the Magic Box counter serving a customer. Dawn was sitting at the table poring over a book filled with colourful portraits of demons and Xander was sitting staring glumly into space. Ever since the wedding, Anya had refused to leave the flat that Xander had moved out of, and Willow had agreed to look after the Magic Box until she returned. It was pretty depressing and Buffy immediatly regretted having come.
"Hey Buffy," came Willow's overly perky greeting. Everyone had been doing that a lot too - trying to make it seem as though everything was ok, so as to put Xander at ease. It didn't work.
"Hey guys," Buffy sidled over to the desk and Dawn, "What ya all doin'? Giving ourselves nightmares?"
"Hey! I'm, like, fifteen. Monsters and ghouls don't give me nightmares as much as when I was, say, five." Dawn folded her arms defiantly. "Anyway, Willow asked me to research the demon you were fighting last night. It's not like I'm reading this for no good reason!"
Buffy raised her eyebrows at Willow. "Dawn's doing the research?"
"I am going to help her" Willow said apologetically, "we just had a lot of customers this afternoon and I couldn't leave the counter unattended. Anyway, she's doing a really good job. And Xanders helping too."
Buffy glanced at Xander, who had about ten unopened books near him and was still staring into space.
"Yu-huh."
Buffy sat in the chair next to him. He started as if he'd just realised she was there.
"How you doin'?"
"Oh, hey Buff." Xander smiled feebly, "I'm doin' great! Got the demon research going here - well, not goin' well, but definitly beginning to get in motion. The wheels are turning, we'll find your demon if it's the last thing we do!"
"Um, right. So...have you spoken to Anya?"
Xander sighed, "Why? So I can hear her tell me how I've ruined her life? No thanks - I've already heard it a lot these past few weeks. I'm now giving us both space. Wide open space. Across town space."
"It'll be okay. It's you and Anya! It has to be!"
"I'm not too sure about that Buffy. I humiliated her - it's going to take a lot to mend that."
"It just needs time. It's not like you've split up." *Like me and Spike* Buffy thought with a sigh.
"At this moment in time, Buff, I really don't see the difference."
******
"Oww!" yelped a small, male vampire as Buffy sent him flying into a nearby statue. "What'd I do to you?"
"Wow. Let's see. You. Vampire. Me. Slayer. You do the math." Buffy high kicked the vampire full force into another statue.
"Look, you, like, uh, let that Spike dude live! Thats no fair!" The vampire backed off nervously. Buffy froze. She'd been trying to get Spike out of her head by slaying - now this dumbass was talking about him?
"That's different." Buffy pulled a stake out from her back pocket.
"Woah! Wait! Why is it different? I..I mean, he's way older and more dangerous than me! And..and stronger too - I'm weak! Thats just...just taking sides! Yeah - Spike's side! It's bullying!"
"I'm not taking anyones side. I'm staking you."
"But not Spike! I'm thinking you and him have been getting cozy lately or something! Why else would you rather keep him alive than a poor helpless vamp like....awww, no fair!" Said the vampire as he crumbled to dust.
"Well thanks for taking my mind off things," Buffy said to the pile of dust on the ground, "It really helped me out. Asshole!"
Buffy swung around and stomped away, only to realise that she was unconsciously heading in the direction of Spike's crypt. *Oh great!* Buffy thought, *Of all the cemeteries in Sunnydale to choose from and I end up at this one?* She started to go in another direction, but changed her mind. *There'd be no harm in seeing how he's keeping* She reasoned with herself striding with purpose towards his crypt.
******
Spike's crypt. Buffy hadn't been back inside it since they broke up. And, if memory served her, it hadn't looked too grand. The odd grenade explosion will do that. It didn't look too bad on the outside though - it had been his lower level that was Wrecked.
She started to kick the door open when it suddenly occured to her that she didn't really have that right anymore. Not that Spike liked her doing it when they were together, but now it seemed really rude. *Geez,* thought Buffy, *When did I start worrying about being rude to Spike?*
She opted instead for a gentle knock before opening it. He was there sitting on his sarcophagus which had been made up like a bed, since his old one had been destroyed. He was reading a book - High Fidelity by Nick Hornby, according to the cover, and hastily sat it aside as she walked in.
"Hey." said Buffy cheerily, as though they had always just been friends and his unbeating heart hadn't just been broken by her actions.
"Uh, hey." Spike greeted quietly, "New evil afoot or something?"
"No. Well, yeah, new demon, but it's not something to worry about."
"Oh."
There was a brief uncomfortable silence and Spike, unconsciously, began to fidget with his lighter.
"So," He ventured at last, "What is it you were wanting?" His voice was filled with unemotion as he carefully tried to sound like he couldn't care less.
"I just, y'know, wanted to see how you are," Buffy said nervously, wishing that she hadn't came, "I've not seen you in ages. Thought maybe you'd left."
Spike glanced up sharply. "You want me to leave?!"
"No! I didn't mean that! I meant, just cos it's so unusual for you not to make an appearance."
"Funny, here's me thinking that's what you wanted" Spike said bitterly.
Buffy sighed. She had hoped that he would be like he was at the wedding - sad, but accepting of their split. Now he was being difficult.
She decided to jump right into the deep end.
"Look, can't we at least be friends?"
Spike looked up with a scowl. "Oh yeah, that'd be real great Buffy. We'll be the best of friends. You can tell me all about your new men and I'll try to stop my heart from falling out onto the floor. I don't bloody well think so!"
"What?!" Buffy asked defiantly, "What's wrong with that?"
"It's ok for you. It wouldn't bother you at all."
"Why would that bother you? Because we're not together we can't be friendly? That's mighty childish."
"Yeah well. Thanks for dropping by. See you later." Spike picked up his book and continued reading. Buffy stood for a second, unsure what had just happened, before stomping out. Spike tried hard not to sob as he got to number 4 in Rob's Worst Break Ups Ever list.
******
"Do you think maybe I shouldn't have went round?"
Buffy was sitting in the park with Tara, discussing her latest Spike problem. If it wasn't for the witch's help, Buffy felt she would have went crazy having all of her secrets bottled up inside her. Tara was a great comfort to her these last few weeks.
"It's probably better that you spoke to him. Now you know how he feels."
"But I don't! He's being so difficult! Why can't we just be friends?"
Tara sighed. "Buffy, I'm guessing it's probably hard for him to see you right now. I know it felt like that for me with Willow - it's hard to try and act normal, you know? Especially after the kind of intense relationship you two have had."
"But I don't want to never see him again."
"Why not?" Tara questioned carefully.
"I dunno...I guess, maybe I'd miss him or something." Buffy looked down and gave a short bitter laugh. "God, I'm pathetic."
"No, you're not! You're just confused. You've spent a lot of t...time with him lately, and now you've not been seeing him at all. Of course you miss him."
"But I shouldn't! Thats the problem! If I thought the relationship was such a mistake then I shouldn't be missing him!"
There was a moment of silence as Tara wondered how to frame her next question.
"Do you think that splitting up with him might have been a mi..mistake?" She finally ventured.
"No! It was definitly the right decision! Absolutely!" Buffy looked down and sighed. "I have no idea. I mean I know it wasn't the healthiest relationship in the world, but it felt...it felt...right."
"Well then maybe that's your answer. Maybe being with him isn't so bad?"
Buffy looked up at Tara and gave her a big hug. "Thank you for being so supportive. Anyone else would think I was crazy for even contemplating going with a vampire who can't kill other people because of a chip, but can kill me, the slayer, his should be enemy, due to a small mistake in my resurrected DNA."
"I think that they'd see that Spike isn't that bad if you're choosing to be with him. You're not an idiot and they all know that."
Buffy smiled at her new best friend. "I bet you a hundred dollars they get pissed!"
******
To be Continued....
Spoilers: Up to Hell's Bells.
Pairing: Buffy/Spike. Of course!
Feedback: Please!
Rating: PG-13
Only Dead Fish Follow the Flow
Buffy was staring into space. She did that a lot lately. Ever since she had told Spike that it was over, she'd been finding it difficult to fill up her days (And nights. Especially the nights.) There was patrolling, of course, but now there was no longer the excitement of sneaking back to Spike's crypt. There wasn't even the fun of arguing with the British vampire, since he hadn't even tryed to communicate with her since...
*'Since when?* Buffy pondered. Since Xander and Anya's disastrous non- wedding, and that had been two weeks ago. She guessed that he'd been avoiding her - which must have been hard for him. Buffy couldn't remember a time when Spike had purposefully gone out of his way not to speak to her (before and after the chip). Of course she knew it was what she should want. After all, hadn't she told him quite clearly she didn't want to see him? Hadn't she strode out of his crypt, all full of determination and into the sunlight, adament that she'd made the right choice? She shouldn't be feeling like this - shouldn't be missing his humour, his company on patrols...the sex. Boy, she missed that a lot. The Spike sex had been the only good thing in her life and she'd put a stop to it.
*But I had to!* She argued for the umpteenth time, *I was using him to make myself feel good! It was bad!* But, deep down, had it really all just been about sex?
*So not going there* Buffy thought, pulling herself off the sofa and out of all thoughts Spike.
******
Buffy walked into the Magic Box where she found Willow behind the Magic Box counter serving a customer. Dawn was sitting at the table poring over a book filled with colourful portraits of demons and Xander was sitting staring glumly into space. Ever since the wedding, Anya had refused to leave the flat that Xander had moved out of, and Willow had agreed to look after the Magic Box until she returned. It was pretty depressing and Buffy immediatly regretted having come.
"Hey Buffy," came Willow's overly perky greeting. Everyone had been doing that a lot too - trying to make it seem as though everything was ok, so as to put Xander at ease. It didn't work.
"Hey guys," Buffy sidled over to the desk and Dawn, "What ya all doin'? Giving ourselves nightmares?"
"Hey! I'm, like, fifteen. Monsters and ghouls don't give me nightmares as much as when I was, say, five." Dawn folded her arms defiantly. "Anyway, Willow asked me to research the demon you were fighting last night. It's not like I'm reading this for no good reason!"
Buffy raised her eyebrows at Willow. "Dawn's doing the research?"
"I am going to help her" Willow said apologetically, "we just had a lot of customers this afternoon and I couldn't leave the counter unattended. Anyway, she's doing a really good job. And Xanders helping too."
Buffy glanced at Xander, who had about ten unopened books near him and was still staring into space.
"Yu-huh."
Buffy sat in the chair next to him. He started as if he'd just realised she was there.
"How you doin'?"
"Oh, hey Buff." Xander smiled feebly, "I'm doin' great! Got the demon research going here - well, not goin' well, but definitly beginning to get in motion. The wheels are turning, we'll find your demon if it's the last thing we do!"
"Um, right. So...have you spoken to Anya?"
Xander sighed, "Why? So I can hear her tell me how I've ruined her life? No thanks - I've already heard it a lot these past few weeks. I'm now giving us both space. Wide open space. Across town space."
"It'll be okay. It's you and Anya! It has to be!"
"I'm not too sure about that Buffy. I humiliated her - it's going to take a lot to mend that."
"It just needs time. It's not like you've split up." *Like me and Spike* Buffy thought with a sigh.
"At this moment in time, Buff, I really don't see the difference."
******
"Oww!" yelped a small, male vampire as Buffy sent him flying into a nearby statue. "What'd I do to you?"
"Wow. Let's see. You. Vampire. Me. Slayer. You do the math." Buffy high kicked the vampire full force into another statue.
"Look, you, like, uh, let that Spike dude live! Thats no fair!" The vampire backed off nervously. Buffy froze. She'd been trying to get Spike out of her head by slaying - now this dumbass was talking about him?
"That's different." Buffy pulled a stake out from her back pocket.
"Woah! Wait! Why is it different? I..I mean, he's way older and more dangerous than me! And..and stronger too - I'm weak! Thats just...just taking sides! Yeah - Spike's side! It's bullying!"
"I'm not taking anyones side. I'm staking you."
"But not Spike! I'm thinking you and him have been getting cozy lately or something! Why else would you rather keep him alive than a poor helpless vamp like....awww, no fair!" Said the vampire as he crumbled to dust.
"Well thanks for taking my mind off things," Buffy said to the pile of dust on the ground, "It really helped me out. Asshole!"
Buffy swung around and stomped away, only to realise that she was unconsciously heading in the direction of Spike's crypt. *Oh great!* Buffy thought, *Of all the cemeteries in Sunnydale to choose from and I end up at this one?* She started to go in another direction, but changed her mind. *There'd be no harm in seeing how he's keeping* She reasoned with herself striding with purpose towards his crypt.
******
Spike's crypt. Buffy hadn't been back inside it since they broke up. And, if memory served her, it hadn't looked too grand. The odd grenade explosion will do that. It didn't look too bad on the outside though - it had been his lower level that was Wrecked.
She started to kick the door open when it suddenly occured to her that she didn't really have that right anymore. Not that Spike liked her doing it when they were together, but now it seemed really rude. *Geez,* thought Buffy, *When did I start worrying about being rude to Spike?*
She opted instead for a gentle knock before opening it. He was there sitting on his sarcophagus which had been made up like a bed, since his old one had been destroyed. He was reading a book - High Fidelity by Nick Hornby, according to the cover, and hastily sat it aside as she walked in.
"Hey." said Buffy cheerily, as though they had always just been friends and his unbeating heart hadn't just been broken by her actions.
"Uh, hey." Spike greeted quietly, "New evil afoot or something?"
"No. Well, yeah, new demon, but it's not something to worry about."
"Oh."
There was a brief uncomfortable silence and Spike, unconsciously, began to fidget with his lighter.
"So," He ventured at last, "What is it you were wanting?" His voice was filled with unemotion as he carefully tried to sound like he couldn't care less.
"I just, y'know, wanted to see how you are," Buffy said nervously, wishing that she hadn't came, "I've not seen you in ages. Thought maybe you'd left."
Spike glanced up sharply. "You want me to leave?!"
"No! I didn't mean that! I meant, just cos it's so unusual for you not to make an appearance."
"Funny, here's me thinking that's what you wanted" Spike said bitterly.
Buffy sighed. She had hoped that he would be like he was at the wedding - sad, but accepting of their split. Now he was being difficult.
She decided to jump right into the deep end.
"Look, can't we at least be friends?"
Spike looked up with a scowl. "Oh yeah, that'd be real great Buffy. We'll be the best of friends. You can tell me all about your new men and I'll try to stop my heart from falling out onto the floor. I don't bloody well think so!"
"What?!" Buffy asked defiantly, "What's wrong with that?"
"It's ok for you. It wouldn't bother you at all."
"Why would that bother you? Because we're not together we can't be friendly? That's mighty childish."
"Yeah well. Thanks for dropping by. See you later." Spike picked up his book and continued reading. Buffy stood for a second, unsure what had just happened, before stomping out. Spike tried hard not to sob as he got to number 4 in Rob's Worst Break Ups Ever list.
******
"Do you think maybe I shouldn't have went round?"
Buffy was sitting in the park with Tara, discussing her latest Spike problem. If it wasn't for the witch's help, Buffy felt she would have went crazy having all of her secrets bottled up inside her. Tara was a great comfort to her these last few weeks.
"It's probably better that you spoke to him. Now you know how he feels."
"But I don't! He's being so difficult! Why can't we just be friends?"
Tara sighed. "Buffy, I'm guessing it's probably hard for him to see you right now. I know it felt like that for me with Willow - it's hard to try and act normal, you know? Especially after the kind of intense relationship you two have had."
"But I don't want to never see him again."
"Why not?" Tara questioned carefully.
"I dunno...I guess, maybe I'd miss him or something." Buffy looked down and gave a short bitter laugh. "God, I'm pathetic."
"No, you're not! You're just confused. You've spent a lot of t...time with him lately, and now you've not been seeing him at all. Of course you miss him."
"But I shouldn't! Thats the problem! If I thought the relationship was such a mistake then I shouldn't be missing him!"
There was a moment of silence as Tara wondered how to frame her next question.
"Do you think that splitting up with him might have been a mi..mistake?" She finally ventured.
"No! It was definitly the right decision! Absolutely!" Buffy looked down and sighed. "I have no idea. I mean I know it wasn't the healthiest relationship in the world, but it felt...it felt...right."
"Well then maybe that's your answer. Maybe being with him isn't so bad?"
Buffy looked up at Tara and gave her a big hug. "Thank you for being so supportive. Anyone else would think I was crazy for even contemplating going with a vampire who can't kill other people because of a chip, but can kill me, the slayer, his should be enemy, due to a small mistake in my resurrected DNA."
"I think that they'd see that Spike isn't that bad if you're choosing to be with him. You're not an idiot and they all know that."
Buffy smiled at her new best friend. "I bet you a hundred dollars they get pissed!"
******
To be Continued....