…so the last chapter brought even more flames but never fear –or maybe you should- because there's no stopping me! ::maniacal laugh:: So there's some more sadness in this part, had to be done, but this chapter sort of marks the turning point in her depression so starting next chapter it'll be a little more light hearted. Emeril Lagasse makes an appearance here (I don't own him….but oh the things I would do if I did) and also we meet Bulma's psychoanalyst Dr. Michaels (who I do own).

So review of the moment, SapphireAngelofNight…this is a girl that knows what's she's doing. She mentioned that she wasn't sure why Vegeta and ChiChi weren't doing anything and she's dead on because I never did explain that. My take on it, was Vegeta would probably fight to the death anyone that tried to take Bulma away from him, but here it's like she's leaving him and I don't think his pride would let him beg her back or even try to get her back if he thought there was a chance she might choose someone over him (and we all know he has insecurity issues with goku). And chichi, well it's good that y'all are feeling somewhat sorry for her, I can't say she's going to live happily ever after but she definitely gets vindicated in the end so watch for that. Why I really liked her review though, was because she offered great criticism (once the story is finished that's something I'll want to go back and develop more) and yet was still encouraging, so thanks!

So many others were absolutely wonderful…but I don't want to take up too much room before you get to the story so I'll put them at the end…

And lastly, to the 'fans' I've lost: I'm sorry to hear that. Not that I lost you, but that I had fans with such hate in their hearts to begin with.

'bell of hades ring'

Bulma searched her desk frustrated.

"Damn gnomes keep stealing my damn pencils," she muttered under her breath. Her assistant peeked into the large office and watched her boss cautiously.

"Um, Miss Briefs?"

"Yes, Suzy?" she answered, but her gaze hadn't left the area she was searching.

"You're appointment with Dr. Michaels is in an hour." This finally stilled her movements and she looked up at Suzy.

"Oh, you know I just have way too much to do today. Can you reschedule it?"

"This'll be the third time you've rescheduled it in a month."

"Oh, I hadn't realized. Ok, um I'll try to make it." she glanced at her desk once more, "if only I could find a goddamn pencil!" She pounded her desk with both palms and let a pent up sigh of frustration escape. Suzy looked first at the two pencils behind her boss's ears, then the one stuck haphazardly in her hair and opened her mouth. Bulma growled and kicked the desk violently. Suzy changed her mind and instead just ducked out of the door. No body wanted to face off with a crazy person.

Roughly an hour later had her standing outside Dr. Michaels office debating whether or not to enter. She had started seeing the psychoanalyst a year or two ago when she officially took over the company. She had been under incredible stress and it had begun to show on her. She hadn't been able to sleep or eat, and she had been perpetually irritable. Someone had recommended him to her and she had given it a shot. He had done wonders for her, and she continued to see him once every couple weeks to check in. Lately though, she hadn't kept an appointment with him in months. She just didn't have the time to these days, and it's not like she really needed it anymore. It was just nice to sit down and talk to somebody every once and a while.

She looked down at her watch, she was fifteen minutes late already. She had arrived early enough, but staring at the door she didn't think she could go in. She really wasn't in the mood to be bothered about what was going on and how she was feeling. That's what she really didn't want to hear. Everything she told him, his reply would be, 'And how do you feel about that?' If she knew how she felt about it, would it really be necessary to see him in the first place? Besides, sometimes denial was comforting.

She knew she had a problem. She knew she hadn't been herself lately. But she could handle it on her own, she'd been doing fine so far. She didn't need some quack shrink to help her live her own life.

But she hadn't been doing a great job of living lately had she? With a sigh of resignation, she reluctantly reached for the door knob.

"Good afternoon Bulma."

"Hi Dr. Michaels, I'm sorry I'm late I was just-"

"Standing outside trying to decided whether or not to come in? Have a seat dear." He was an older man, with warm eyes and an easy smile. He always used these endearments when he talked to her, like he really cared. It was nice knowing someone did, even if she had to pay him. She smiled weakly at him and sat down in the oversized arm chair, tucking her legs beneath her. "You don't look so well, how have you been sleeping?"

"Fine." There was a critical gaze assessing her beneath those warm eyes. She was in a sorry state if she felt the need to lie to her own doctor. "Well, fine in the sense of not really sleeping at all…" she amended.

"What's been troubling you?"

"Nothing…everything, I don't know."

"Ok, well how's your home life. Any conflicts there?"

"Not really."

"How's your son, he doing all right?"

"Yeah, he's growing bigger every day. He's got his father's scowl though, lucky for him he's got my smile to even it out!"

"And how is the father doing?"

"Non applicable?"

"Pardon me?"

"He's… gone."

"I see."

"No, you don't. I mean he's left before but, this…this time I don't think he's coming back."

"What makes you say that?"

"A feeling. I don't know. You'd have to know him. He's got this undeniable presence, this energy. Even when he'd leave it'd linger. It's almost like this metaphysical version of how dogs pee to mark their territory…. and it's gone. I can barely feel him anymore."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Don't ask me that! Why don't you tell me? What am I paying you for anyway?"

"Bulma…"

"I don't know how I feel about that. I try not to think about it at all."

"Why?"

"Because it hurts damnit!"

She cradled her head in her hands and tried to think about anything else but that.

"You know it's only going to fester and get worse if you don't deal with it, dear."

A couple deep breaths calmed her down enough to lift her head back up.

"I know." The torment in her watery eyes forced him to change the subject.

"How is work?"

"Good, busy, but I've been accomplishing a lot lately. Seems like I've been there more then I've been home recently."

"All work and no play-"

"I know, makes an unbalanced life. But I've been playing too. Goku's been dropping by a lot. It seems like he's taking cheering me up as his latest mission. With him, it's like if he doesn't have a mission he feels useless…"

"Goku is…?"

"My best friend."

"Oh…right, the slow one, was it?"

"Did I say he was slow? He's not slow exactly, more simple. People think Goku is stupid, but he's not. He just has a really simple way of seeing things. He accepts what he see and feels without over analyzing them. People like him could put you out of business."

"Well I'll be sure to watch out."

"I don't talk about him here much do I? I guess it's because he's always been the constant in my life, the only thing I don't have to worry about. I don't think he's really changed since he was a kid, he's still so pure. And it's like the dirt on my soul doesn't seem so marring when I'm with him. Now I'm getting all philosophical, you know you're in trouble."

"Dirt on your soul? How do you mean?"

"I think everybody's soul collects some filth growing up. It's hard to not be tainted by the world around you. Goku's got like blinders on, he doesn't let the darkness touch him. Running Capsule Corporation alone is responsible for half the smudges on me. When your in positions where one choice would mean polluting the environment or putting out products when your not sure they're completely safe but the other would put thousands of people out of work… anyway it's impossible to keep your hands clean."

"But being with Goku makes you feel better?"

"Yeah. It does."

Dr. Michaels had been right, big surprise, not talking about what was bothering her was just making the fist inside her stomach fester. The problem with bringing up all her fears to the surface though, was now she had to deal with them, and dealing had never been her strong suit. The alcohol didn't help much either.

It wasn't as if she'd set out to get drunk. She wasn't swigging hard liquor from the bottle or anything. A glass of red wine before bed helps the heart and soothes the voices in her mind. That was all.

See, even now, the voices telling her that the 'glass' of red wine had turned into half a dozen, were fading and getting fuzzier. It was a pleasant sort of numb. If only one could go through life like that.

She looked up at the figure towering over her through blurred vision. Her eyes tried to play a trick on her but she shook her head clear.

"Hey Goku, have a seat." She gestured to a spot next to her on the roof. The fresh night air was cool, but a welcome feeling. She had crawled out here earlier when her spacious house had turned oppressive and suffocating.

"Bulma? I don't think you should be up here when you're drinking. You could get hurt."

"I'm a big girl, Goku. I can take care of myself." When he didn't move to sit she added, "besides, you're here now. You'll keep me safe."

"Of course I will." He took a seat next to her, but declined the bottle she offered. He never understood why people drank alcohol. "What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking. Look at all those stars up there, so far away. If Vegeta-sei still existed, do you think we'd be able to see it from here? Would it look like one of those little dots, or would you just know it was your home?"

"I don't know, I never really thought about it."

"I bet Vegita would know exactly where it would be."

"Is that what this is about, Bulma?"

"Hmmm?" she tore her gaze away from the stars to look at her friend.

"Vegita, is he the reason you're drinking?"

"They really are beautiful you know."

"Bulma…" His voice was full of concern and sympathy.

She hated it.

He didn't know what it was like. He didn't know how she felt.

She hated the pity she knew she'd see in his eyes.

She knew what he was thinking. 'Poor Bulma, couldn't keep a man.' Like he was so much better then her.

So what if he was strong, and righteous and a savior.

She didn't need saving.

She took him by surprise and kissed him hard on the mouth. She didn't know what made her do it. Desperation, fear, the alcohol or maybe she just had something to prove. She poured herself into the kiss but Goku didn't move. He didn't resist and he didn't respond. She pulled away, tears streaming down her face.

"What?" she stood up, ignoring how precarious her position was. "Don't you want me? I'm beautiful! I'm smart! I'm rich! I'm…. I'm….I'm all alone." she wrapped her arms around her waist, the sobs that wracked her body threatening to cause her to fall.

He reached a hand out to her, but she jerked away from him, unbalancing her already unsteady stance. He caught her easily as she fell and brought her inside the house. He laid her down on her bed before climbing in after her. She turned on her side so that her back was to him but he could still see her shoulders shake from her tears.

"You're not alone Bulma," he whispered before turning off the light and flooding the room with darkness.

It was a week before she saw Goku again. The light of day had found her blushing with embarrassment and swearing off alcohol. Things had been strained between the two of them since that night, but in a way it had been the catalyst she needed to turn her life around. She hadn't liked where it was headed, but she hadn't cared enough to do anything about it. That wasn't to say she was 'cured'. There was no such thing. And that wasn't to say her life was magically perfect again either. But she cared now, and that was more then she could have said just a month ago.

"Where'd ya want the lilacs miss?" She stared at the man addressing her.

"Lilacs? You mean lilies right?"

"Nope, says here lilacs."

"I ordered lilies. I know I specifically ordered lilies. Lilies mean welcome, lilacs mean…. I don't know what they mean. Just get them out of here and get me the lilies!" The subordinate scurried off quickly. She was hosting a ball on behalf of Capsule Corporation in two days for some visiting foreign dignitaries, naturally with the ulterior motive of networking, and everything had to be perfect. Which meant she was directly in charge of overseeing everything, from the flowers to the music to the guest list…. it was enough to give her a migraine.

"Wow, this place is really coming together great Bulma!"

"Hey Goku, what's up?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing." She might have believed him if he wasn't drifting closer and closer to the kitchen.

"Goku, no!" She yanked him away from the double doors by the collar of his shirt, "Bad Goku, bad!"

"I'm sorry Bulma but it's Emeril Lagasse!" He stared longingly in the direction of the famous chef she had managed to get to cater the affair. He really was a sweetheart. She had heard how temperamental chefs could be but he was wonderful. Even now he was preparing some sample hors d'oeuvre for her to try.

"Goku, the last thing any of us need is to unleash you upon the poor man. I'll tell you what, if they're any leftovers, you'll get first picking."

"Are you going to be ok going by yourself Bulma? I mean you don't have Vegita to go with you."

"Do you think he ever went with me before? I had a hard enough time getting him to make an appearance when it was at our house, nevertheless try to drag him to one somewhere else. I'm used to it."

"I'll go with you, if you want."

"You really want that food, don't you?"

"Yeah." he grinned sheepishly, "I'm serious though. If you want some company I'd go with you."

"Yeah, you know it'd be really nice to see a familiar face there. Just…just promise me you'll go easy on the buffet?"

What'd y'all think? the ball next chapter which is where the real stuff begins to happen. So this story is just fighting to get free despite the negativity! Looks like it might be finished in a week or two, which is good because I've been somewhat neglecting my other ficcies.

Now, because I simply can't not thank some people because their reviews meant so much to me…

Secretsguirl, ssjprincess, nekoni: thanks for reviewing every chapter, nice to know people are reading it

RaliNeoBlade, chloe and saiyan serpent: y'alls reviews were insightful and descriptive, sometimes it is nice to know why people like something…

Amy, Izzy, and Alexa as well as any other non ff.net members that reviewed (I'm sure I'm forgetting some people)…. thanks, y'all are the reason I've kept it open to all reviewers…

Thanks to everybody that reviewed. Flames hurt. I won't lie and say it doesn't matter to me, because they do. You shouldn't care what other people think about you, but it's human nature to. I know flamers don't really think about the person on the receiving end, we may be faceless to them, but we're not emotionless. A good review can be a sort of virtual hug! This isn't a plea to garner sympathy for me, I'd just like to raise awareness to the fact and ask everybody to send their love and support to some of the other wonderful authors who've been scorched by Random and Senseless Flameage (RSF). I'm not asking for y'all to start a campaign, but if you ever come across a target of RSF, just send a nice word or two. You might be surprised the difference it could make….