so I was looking over the chapters and I've come to the conclusion that I have rather creepy chapter titles… I was just using lines from my favorite songs but I'm thinking I should probably change them to be a bit lighter… maybe quotes from the actual book peter pan would be appropriate… who knows?

I have a web site now, who hoo! it's at http://www.geocities.com/see_jane_conform/index.html

so if any of y'all have any links or such you want me to put up, just leave me a note! And I know it's easy to doubt it… but there will be a happy ending, hopefully you'll start to see it in the next chapter or two!

'One day the sun will die and the night will crawl'

It had only been a week… seven days… a hundred and sixty eight hours… ten thousand and eighty minutes… six hundred and four thousand and eight hundred seconds… but who was counting?

It was still the longest week of his life.

Seven days ago, he held perfection in his arms.

As long as he could remember, she had always been like the stars… so beautiful, so high above him, so completely unobtainable… and he had always been just a stupid boy pining after a goddess from below.

When he first met her… she was so unlike anything he had ever known. He was mesmerized by the way she moved, the way she looked, the scent of her that seemed to linger even after she left… He became so blindly infatuated with her at the first smile she bestowed upon him.

By the time he came to know her, he had been completely enraptured by the strength of her words that defied the fragility of her body, the intensity of her anger so quick to ignite and as swiftly extinguished, her thirst for adventure that mirrored his own…

Even through the admiration and worship though… he never hoped, never dreamt of anything more. He was after everything, still a stupid child and she was so much smarter, maturer, more worldly and so far out of his reach. He had always been content with the way things were, it never pained him because to him, they had never been 'just friends'. They were friends. And that meant so much more then anything else could have. Just friends implied that their relationship was less then complete, less then it could be… He never felt that before a week ago.

It had only been a week since he watched his world crumble around him.

Since he watched his wife with tears in her eyes tell him to go to hell. And if he had had that power, he probably would have. He remembered that fateful day so many years ago when he promised to love, honor and obey. He gave his word to her, to their son, and he broke it. To a warrior without a fight… honor is the only thing left, and he didn't even have that anymore.

His family was broken. He hadn't seen Gohan since, he couldn't bring himself to let his son see what he had become. He couldn't take much credit for him, Chi-Chi raised him near single-handedly… but the one thing he always tried to impress upon him was the importance of keeping your word. And he hadn't… not where it mattered.

What was Chi-Chi going to do now? Would she just try to phase him out of their lives? Would she tell him what happened, or make up a lie? Would she ever let him see his son again? Would she get over this… get over him? Would she meet someone new? Would she forget?

And what was he to do now? He'd broken his word and caused them enough grief. Would staying away be the right thing to do? Or should he fight to still be a part of their lives? Would she ever forgive him? Will Gohan hate him? Will his word ever mean anything again?

Where was he to live? He'd been staying with Bulma the past week in a spare guest room. He had no right to touch her, and nothing could happen again… at least not until he sorted out all the thoughts in his head. But he couldn't stay there forever… what was he to do?

It had only been a week since his life had been turned upside down…

Only seven days since he held perfection in his arms, then watched his world crumble.

*****************************

Forgotten things remembered

The tigers eat their young

The body stayed but inside the head

The mind was on the run

A conspiracy of silence

The only way out of pain

Is turn around, run through it man

Too wet to come in from the rain

-megadeth (Family Tree)

*****************************

"Dinner's ready."

"Thanks." Goku glanced at her from his position at the window but made no move to leave. He turned his head back to the window, to the rain now sliding down the glass.

"Are you coming?"

"I'm not really hungry." Bulma took a step and peeked around him at the window. "What?"

"Just checking to see if pigs were flying. You? Not hungry?" She gave him her best you're-really-making-me-worried-so-please-give-me-some-sign-that-you'll-be-ok smile. He gave her a weak smile in return.

"I guess I could eat something."

"Goku… I want you to see my psychoanalyst."

"What? I don't need… Bulma, I know I've been acting weird but I've just been thinking a lot. I just need some time to sort things out."

She put her hand on his forehead. "You've been thinking? Now I know something is wrong." He gently pulled her hand away from his forehead but didn't let go. She looked down at their linked hands.

"Thank you, for everything. I don't know what I'll do with out you…"

"No. No, Goku… you're never going to find out. I'll never let you find out. You're stuck with me, remember?"

"I think… I need to get away, just for a while. I can't do this."

"Then don't… let's go on an adventure Goku, just the two of us."

He smiled wanly at the role reversal.

"Don't tempt me…"

"I'm serious, let's go!"

"You know we can't. Your job…"

"Screw it!"

"Your family…"

"They can live with out me for little while."

"Your son…"

Slowly she released both his hand and a heavy sigh.

***

Did you ever think I get lonely
did you ever think that I needed love
did you ever think to stop thinking
you're the only one that I'm thinking of.

-Megadeth (In my Hour of Need)

***

Bulma tossed the sweat soaked sheets off her body as another sleepless night claimed more of her sanity. Pulling on a light robe, she raised her window and climbed out on the roof. The cool night air chilled her body. She hugged her robe tighter to her body as she lay back on the roof and stared into the starry sky.

Funny that she used to come out there to be alone, and yet it was the one place she almost always had company. She didn't know what it was with all the over protective men in her life… or that were in her life. As cool and seemingly removed as Vegeta was, he would still always sit just out of sight to watch over her when she sat on the roof. He was so damn sure of himself, he probably never realized she could feel him the minute he walked into a room… or onto a roof as the case may be.

He always did look out after her… in his own way.

"Yeah, but where are you now Vegeta?" she called out into the empty night. "You're not looking out for me now, are you?"

The pain she had been keeping tightly in check began to seep out of its restraints. She was too tired… too exhausted to fight it.

"Why did you leave Vegeta? Why did you leave me when I needed you most? What did I do to drive you away? Did you ever care about me?"

The air stilled and for a moment, she actually believed she might get an answer. The wind picked up again, whipping her hair around her face.

"Goddamn you Vegeta! I trusted you… I loved you! Did you even look back once when you flew out of my life? It's all your fault, this whole mess of my life! If you hadn't left… we'd have still been together, and I wouldn't have slept with my best friend and Chi-Chi would have never found out and Goku wouldn't be slowly killing himself and –and everything would be all right…

"I hate you… I hate you for hurting me like this… my life was fine before you came into it! Then you had waltz in all cool and confident, powerful and in control and make me love you….

"You told me you'd be able to hear my 'screeching voice' anywhere in the galaxy… well can you hear me? I need you. Could you hear that?"

It was two more sleepless nights before she got her answer.

so yeah, I bet you can guess what that means… only I promise he's not coming back to make trouble… I guess I'm just way too obsessed with him to leave him out of a story for too long…