Title- Auparavant: Confession
Author- Noisseau - imhis1in5billion@hotmail.com
Rating- G
Spoilers- None
Summary- "What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."
--Aristotle--
Archive- Gossamer, Fanfiction.net, nowhere else without contacting me
Author's Note- This is the first written of a series of Pre-XF stories. I have always been facinated with the idea of our favorite duo meeting each hother before the X-Files, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. Oh, by the way, "auparavant" is French for "before" as in before the X-Files. Enjoy!
**********
Theme music filled the living room, a counterpoint to the chomping of popcorn and the slurping of drinks. Young faces smiled as their favorite television show came to a close. Speaking around her snack, Dana exclaimed, "I love 'Welcome Back, Kotter'!"
Fox looked down at her fondly and smiled. "Most kids don't understand the humor of it."
A smile played on her lips. "Are you saying I'm immature?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
//Caution!// his mind screams. "You're more mature than anyone in my grade," he soothed.
A satisfied grin spread across her face. "Billy!" she yelled from her position with her head resting on Fox's thigh.
Bill Scully, Jr.'s brush cut head appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Yeah, Dana?"
She smiled sweetly at him from her friend's lap. "Could you change the channel for us?" she said, batting her eye lashes. Billy thought for a minute and then decided that he was feeling generous. The oldest Scully ambled over to the TV set and turned the knob a couple of times until he came to "The Magician."
"Wow," he said, smiling. "I can't believe this is still on! I used to watch it when I was a kid." He had his back turned to the couple, so he didn't notice when Fox's body abruptly stiffened and his eyes glazed over. Dana, however, couldn't help but notice since she was lying practically on top of him. She looked up at him quickly, and seeing his tightly closed eyes and shallow breath, she reached back to grip his shaking hand.
"Please turn the television off, Billy," she said firmly.
"But you just asked me to--" he began, but noticing Fox's shaking form, he complied and then left the two alone.
Dana sat up quietly while continuing to stroke the hands that held hers tightly. Soon, his trembling subsided under her ministrations, and he opened his eyes. "What is it, Fox? You can tell me," she coaxed.
"Let's go for a walk, Dane," he said, avoiding the question.
"But it's freezing out there!" she whined.
"I've got my barn coat." He smirked and said in a low voice, "We can share it."
Dana gave him a you're-not-getting-away-with-this-mister look, but then acquiesced.
**********
//You knew you'd have to tell all sometime, Mulder// he thought to himself resignedly as he walked down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with Dana. //I just didn't think it would happen so soon// he replied to himself morosely. Fox sighed. //I'm sorry, Sam. It's my fault they took you, but I need you, Sam. I need to see your smiling face. I need you to yell at me for calling you 'buttmunch.' What I'm trying to say is that I need you period; and I won't give up on you--not ever.//
Fox looked down at his petite companion and saw that her ears were as red as her hair, and her teeth were chattering quietly. "Hey," he said, opening his monstrous coat to her. Dana gave him a grateful smile and stepped into his enveloping warmth. He smiled at her contented sigh and slowed his gait to accommodate her short strides.
"Fox," she said, cutting to the chase, "if you want to talk about it, I want you to know that I'm here to listen. I may not be able to do anything about it, but I do know that keeping things bottled up inside only hurts more," she offered gently.
Fox put his muscled arm over her shoulders as she slipped her own around his lean waist. He forged ahead, "I have a sister named Samantha."
Dana started in surprise. "Why haven't I met her?"
//Take the plunge// he thought. "When I was twelve and she was eight, our parents went to a friend's house one night and left me in charge. We were playing Strategeo, and I was winning. I was waiting for 'The Magician' to come on..."
"Hmmm," Dana murmured in understanding.
Fox continued, "She tried to change the channel, but I wouldn't let her. I--I told her that I hated her." His voice cracked with emotion as tears began to form in his eyes. "Then all of a sudden, there was this bright light, and she floated out the window."
He looked down sharply to gauge her reaction, but if she didn't believe him, she showed no outward sign of it. Instead, Dana began to stroke his back in soothing, circular motions. Her eyes encouraged him to go on.
"I wanted to stop them, but I just froze up and couldn't move. I just screamed her name over and over again, until.... I blanked out..." He trailed off, and then smiled a small, rueful smirk. "You wouldn't believe how many times a doctor can ask you the same question--'What happened? What happened?'" Fox's countenance fell. "I don't know what happened," he whispered. "All I know," he ground out angrily, "is that I should have stopped it!"
Dana looked up at him incredulously. "How could you have?" She stopped walking, forcing him to stop as well. "How could you fight against some wacko strong enough to kidnap your sister?"
"I--I don't know." Fox sighed. "I've just always felt that I could have done more, that I could have saved her." He looked down at her hands holding his.
"Fox," Dana said slowly. "I know I'm young, and I don't know much--" He shook his head vigorously, but she was intent on making him understand. "Let me finish. I know that you miss your sister very much, Fox, but you can't heap guilt on yourself that's not yours to take."
As she looked into the deep hazel pools of his eyes, she saw the utter torment of his situation. //He'll never forgive himself for his weakness// she thought, wishing she could at least take some of his pain from his world-weary heart. "Whatever may happen, Fox, I know in my heart that you would never have let her go if you could have stopped it. But you can't give up on her. You will find her; I believe that," she finished simply.
Fox gratefully pulled Dana into his arms and hugged her with all of his might. Then they continued down the sidewalk--two bodies, one heart, and one coat.
**********
"You are the call and I am the answer,
You are the wish, and I the fulfilment,
You are the night, and I the day.
What else - it is perfect enough.
It is perfectly complete,
You and I,
What more--?
"Strange, how we suffer in spite of this."
--D. H. Lawrence--
"Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with the richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed."
--C. S. Lewis--"The Great Divorce"--
Author- Noisseau - imhis1in5billion@hotmail.com
Rating- G
Spoilers- None
Summary- "What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."
--Aristotle--
Archive- Gossamer, Fanfiction.net, nowhere else without contacting me
Author's Note- This is the first written of a series of Pre-XF stories. I have always been facinated with the idea of our favorite duo meeting each hother before the X-Files, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. Oh, by the way, "auparavant" is French for "before" as in before the X-Files. Enjoy!
**********
Theme music filled the living room, a counterpoint to the chomping of popcorn and the slurping of drinks. Young faces smiled as their favorite television show came to a close. Speaking around her snack, Dana exclaimed, "I love 'Welcome Back, Kotter'!"
Fox looked down at her fondly and smiled. "Most kids don't understand the humor of it."
A smile played on her lips. "Are you saying I'm immature?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
//Caution!// his mind screams. "You're more mature than anyone in my grade," he soothed.
A satisfied grin spread across her face. "Billy!" she yelled from her position with her head resting on Fox's thigh.
Bill Scully, Jr.'s brush cut head appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Yeah, Dana?"
She smiled sweetly at him from her friend's lap. "Could you change the channel for us?" she said, batting her eye lashes. Billy thought for a minute and then decided that he was feeling generous. The oldest Scully ambled over to the TV set and turned the knob a couple of times until he came to "The Magician."
"Wow," he said, smiling. "I can't believe this is still on! I used to watch it when I was a kid." He had his back turned to the couple, so he didn't notice when Fox's body abruptly stiffened and his eyes glazed over. Dana, however, couldn't help but notice since she was lying practically on top of him. She looked up at him quickly, and seeing his tightly closed eyes and shallow breath, she reached back to grip his shaking hand.
"Please turn the television off, Billy," she said firmly.
"But you just asked me to--" he began, but noticing Fox's shaking form, he complied and then left the two alone.
Dana sat up quietly while continuing to stroke the hands that held hers tightly. Soon, his trembling subsided under her ministrations, and he opened his eyes. "What is it, Fox? You can tell me," she coaxed.
"Let's go for a walk, Dane," he said, avoiding the question.
"But it's freezing out there!" she whined.
"I've got my barn coat." He smirked and said in a low voice, "We can share it."
Dana gave him a you're-not-getting-away-with-this-mister look, but then acquiesced.
**********
//You knew you'd have to tell all sometime, Mulder// he thought to himself resignedly as he walked down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with Dana. //I just didn't think it would happen so soon// he replied to himself morosely. Fox sighed. //I'm sorry, Sam. It's my fault they took you, but I need you, Sam. I need to see your smiling face. I need you to yell at me for calling you 'buttmunch.' What I'm trying to say is that I need you period; and I won't give up on you--not ever.//
Fox looked down at his petite companion and saw that her ears were as red as her hair, and her teeth were chattering quietly. "Hey," he said, opening his monstrous coat to her. Dana gave him a grateful smile and stepped into his enveloping warmth. He smiled at her contented sigh and slowed his gait to accommodate her short strides.
"Fox," she said, cutting to the chase, "if you want to talk about it, I want you to know that I'm here to listen. I may not be able to do anything about it, but I do know that keeping things bottled up inside only hurts more," she offered gently.
Fox put his muscled arm over her shoulders as she slipped her own around his lean waist. He forged ahead, "I have a sister named Samantha."
Dana started in surprise. "Why haven't I met her?"
//Take the plunge// he thought. "When I was twelve and she was eight, our parents went to a friend's house one night and left me in charge. We were playing Strategeo, and I was winning. I was waiting for 'The Magician' to come on..."
"Hmmm," Dana murmured in understanding.
Fox continued, "She tried to change the channel, but I wouldn't let her. I--I told her that I hated her." His voice cracked with emotion as tears began to form in his eyes. "Then all of a sudden, there was this bright light, and she floated out the window."
He looked down sharply to gauge her reaction, but if she didn't believe him, she showed no outward sign of it. Instead, Dana began to stroke his back in soothing, circular motions. Her eyes encouraged him to go on.
"I wanted to stop them, but I just froze up and couldn't move. I just screamed her name over and over again, until.... I blanked out..." He trailed off, and then smiled a small, rueful smirk. "You wouldn't believe how many times a doctor can ask you the same question--'What happened? What happened?'" Fox's countenance fell. "I don't know what happened," he whispered. "All I know," he ground out angrily, "is that I should have stopped it!"
Dana looked up at him incredulously. "How could you have?" She stopped walking, forcing him to stop as well. "How could you fight against some wacko strong enough to kidnap your sister?"
"I--I don't know." Fox sighed. "I've just always felt that I could have done more, that I could have saved her." He looked down at her hands holding his.
"Fox," Dana said slowly. "I know I'm young, and I don't know much--" He shook his head vigorously, but she was intent on making him understand. "Let me finish. I know that you miss your sister very much, Fox, but you can't heap guilt on yourself that's not yours to take."
As she looked into the deep hazel pools of his eyes, she saw the utter torment of his situation. //He'll never forgive himself for his weakness// she thought, wishing she could at least take some of his pain from his world-weary heart. "Whatever may happen, Fox, I know in my heart that you would never have let her go if you could have stopped it. But you can't give up on her. You will find her; I believe that," she finished simply.
Fox gratefully pulled Dana into his arms and hugged her with all of his might. Then they continued down the sidewalk--two bodies, one heart, and one coat.
**********
"You are the call and I am the answer,
You are the wish, and I the fulfilment,
You are the night, and I the day.
What else - it is perfect enough.
It is perfectly complete,
You and I,
What more--?
"Strange, how we suffer in spite of this."
--D. H. Lawrence--
"Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with the richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed."
--C. S. Lewis--"The Great Divorce"--