Diversion (2/3)
Summary, disclaimer, notes see part I.
II. Behind The Walls
I was surprised to see him by the hospital door --- typical Grissom, leaning slightly by the door when he was listening to somebody carefully. I felt a little bit uneasiness. He must have heard everything I told Jane --- Pam Adler ---my private thoughts, and my promise to her. I knew he would give me a lecture of being professional and avoiding emotional attachments later. I gave him a smile to hide my awkwardness. "Hey," I said.
Instead of the expected lecture, he told me about chasing two rabbits.
How could he not understand that this profession was my life? Everything I did was personal to me. Seeking truth was a promise I made to Pam, and a promise I made to myself. I held the key to make the world a better place, and this was the exact reason I became a crime scene investigator.
"Catherine has Lindsay, I… ride roller coaster. What do you do outside law enforcement?"
My work was my life. He knew it all too well. It was not even supposed to be a question. Why Griss, you did not need to ask at all. I hated it when I needed to get something done and some idiot was hissing around telling me to relax. That idiot happened to be Grissom now.
But at this moment, he was so close; his voice was so soft and gentle. His heat had been always behind a think wall, but now within my reach, lying out in front of me. How could I be mad at him? I could never be mad at him.
He rode roller coasters.
I gave in. Okay, fine, repeating after you, my master; I listed to scanner, and I read crime books. I am a CSI. What else was I supposed to do?
He tried to protect me. It hurt to know that he did not trust my judgments and my ability to be rational, to control my emotions.
Later I opened my heart to his; I could not help it. Pam was left in a vegetative state but the kid could get away from it just because Pam was too tough to die. I talked to Grissom. I tried to keep my smile on my face, but eventually I broke down in tears.
It was the system, he said, as if nothing important had happened. Pam Adler was just another unfortunate case we investigated. Let it go and move on. I could not believe it.
For a moment I thought behind his dismissive wall there was a heart like mine that could feel. I was not sure anymore.
Of course I knew it was the system to blame, and I did not need him to tell me that there was nothing else we could do. Not with that unfeeling face.
He was behind the wall again, out of my reach.
(2/3)
Summary, disclaimer, notes see part I.
II. Behind The Walls
I was surprised to see him by the hospital door --- typical Grissom, leaning slightly by the door when he was listening to somebody carefully. I felt a little bit uneasiness. He must have heard everything I told Jane --- Pam Adler ---my private thoughts, and my promise to her. I knew he would give me a lecture of being professional and avoiding emotional attachments later. I gave him a smile to hide my awkwardness. "Hey," I said.
Instead of the expected lecture, he told me about chasing two rabbits.
How could he not understand that this profession was my life? Everything I did was personal to me. Seeking truth was a promise I made to Pam, and a promise I made to myself. I held the key to make the world a better place, and this was the exact reason I became a crime scene investigator.
"Catherine has Lindsay, I… ride roller coaster. What do you do outside law enforcement?"
My work was my life. He knew it all too well. It was not even supposed to be a question. Why Griss, you did not need to ask at all. I hated it when I needed to get something done and some idiot was hissing around telling me to relax. That idiot happened to be Grissom now.
But at this moment, he was so close; his voice was so soft and gentle. His heat had been always behind a think wall, but now within my reach, lying out in front of me. How could I be mad at him? I could never be mad at him.
He rode roller coasters.
I gave in. Okay, fine, repeating after you, my master; I listed to scanner, and I read crime books. I am a CSI. What else was I supposed to do?
He tried to protect me. It hurt to know that he did not trust my judgments and my ability to be rational, to control my emotions.
Later I opened my heart to his; I could not help it. Pam was left in a vegetative state but the kid could get away from it just because Pam was too tough to die. I talked to Grissom. I tried to keep my smile on my face, but eventually I broke down in tears.
It was the system, he said, as if nothing important had happened. Pam Adler was just another unfortunate case we investigated. Let it go and move on. I could not believe it.
For a moment I thought behind his dismissive wall there was a heart like mine that could feel. I was not sure anymore.
Of course I knew it was the system to blame, and I did not need him to tell me that there was nothing else we could do. Not with that unfeeling face.
He was behind the wall again, out of my reach.
(2/3)