Diversion (3/3)
Summary, disclaimer, notes see part I. "What If I Loved You" sang by Joey Gian
III. Diversion
A year had passed. When the system failed my expectation once again, he chased me down to the parking lot. It was not about winning, he said; it was more important that we found the truth. I started to revise my perspectives because of his words. However the next communication problem came. The frustration of working with him lead to the leave of absence, but he managed to keep me with a living plant. "Thank you," said the card. I stayed. Grissom was my weakness.
Then he told me that he only started to be interested in beauty since he met me.
Since he met me. Beauty. Besides the shockwave produced when the words first dropped in my ears, I still had a hard time believing he actually said what I thought he said. I carefully chewed on every word. Since. Beauty. What would the words mean? Did we share the same feelings in terms of love and desire? Or it was just his way of compliment? Either way, the words sounded too good to be true.
His wall of indifference slowly melted away with the ice pile. He had changed since. He returned to his old, more open self. He trusted my judgments and my ability of independent work. He did not try to protect me anymore. He would smile at me, and I smiled back. Maybe even a bit flirting between us. He was no longer out of my reach.
One morning after a very tough case --- a family tragedy ---, everybody on the team was affected emotionally, somehow. Catherine went home for Lindsay, Warrick and Nick went to the casino. I was packing in the locker room and ready to go home and get some sleep despite of my turbulent emotions, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
"Do you…want to ride roller coaster with me?"
I had never been to amusement park in Vegas just for fun. Why not? It was Grissom.
Stepping in the entrance I became a little girl again. It was a weekday morning and tourists were not coming in bulk quantity yet. The park was relatively quiet, and the PA system was playing a song, filling the morning air,
"What if I loved you, and I gave you my all,
What if I told you you're all I've waited for?
What if I held you tonight, and I made you feel oh so right?
What if I loved you, would you always be mine?"
Being with him I felt safe somehow. Nick had told me to go out more, and I had dated Hank, but it was different. Being out with Griss was fun; there was no need for ice-breaking talks about work, age, and leisure life with strangers, or pressures on teasing exchanges with Nick. Both Grissom and I knew what we were getting away from. We walked side by side in the morning wind. I bought cotton candy, and torn out half of it to Grissom. My master accepted my offer.
We sat down on a bench. Morning in Vegas could be cold. I had my watch cap and scarf on, and he was wearing a heavy jacket. Despites the thick layers of clothing between us I could still his warmth when he sat beside me. I looked up to the several-floor high roller coaster. The red paint glowed in the golden sunshine.
"So, this is your diversion, the roller coaster?"
"Yes," he nodded. "high velocity motion increases euphoria, the blood flow and…."
I always took secret pleasures in his lectures. I nodded. I knew.
"… When I was a kid, when my father finally came home, my parents would bring me to ride roller coasters. Sitting on the coaster gave me the feeling of being with my parents again; like being home and nothing else mattered, everything would be fine…"
I looked at him. He smiled when he remembered his childhood, and the notion of his parents brought him subtle sorrow on his face. I recalled both his parents had passed away. He never mentioned his childhood and he hardly mentioned his parents except for the case with a deaf child. Grissom's mother was deaf.
I put down my cotton candy. The word "diversion" and the roller coaster reminded me of something I did and something I said. I turned my head and stared at the dark pavement.
"What's wrong?" he asked, the same soft voice.
"Remember I told you that you were unfeeling in the Adler case?" I said, slowly. The emotion in me was making a huge wave. "I was wrong. I didn't mean to say that. I am sorry."
He replied. His voice was a little unsteady, but quickly returned to the soft tone. " It's okay. I knew you didn't mean it. I got over it already. I should have been more understanding."
I turned and saw his smile in the morning sun, so warm and forgiving. He continued.
"We are as human beings. We get emotionally attached once a while. It is fine. That is just who we are. You didn't need me to tell you the system was to blame. I should have known that better. I was very touched by what you did for Pam Adler. I just don't want to see you hurt."
I turned back to star at the pavement. I did not want him to see the tears in my eyes.
"Thank you," I managed to return to the cheery Sara Sidle. "Any words from you that you want to take back? We will be even then."
"No." He paused for a while, and then shook his head. "I really meant it when I said I started to be interested in beauty since I met you."
So I was not dreaming.
"You had passions, and you believe that the world will be a better place because of what you do. I admire your faith and courage. There was a time in my life cases were just files, names and puzzles for me. Since you went back to my life everyday was a blessing. Because of your passions I started to see the beauty in everything. I realized how much I'd missed. I could not just let you go again…"
I was speechless. Stunned. Tears running down my face.
"This is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my entire life." Finally I said.
He seemed to be lost in his words too. We sank into long silence, staring at the ground. It was just that easy to wear your heart on your sleeves when you were not looking at each other or sitting side-by-side, eating cotton candy.
Strangely the PA was still all over the same song.
"What if I kissed you, the way you like to be kissed?
What if I held you in my arms so close like this?
What if I touched you tonight, and I feel your body with delight?
What if I loved you, would you always be mine?"
Then I felt his warm hand holding mine. "Do you find your diversion outside law enforcement yet?"
"Yes, and no," I laughed, turned around only to see his eyes looking at mine intensively. The Grissom questioning eyes. I dropped my cotton candy and reached out for his arms. My lips searched for his. He leaned over, closer, and closer. " Which is?" he murmured between my hairs.
"You."
(3/3)
~ Fin ~
(Evie's footnote:
Seriously, kissing scene was hard. I had no references and had no idea what it really felt like. I was even a bit embarrassed to write it.
Chaky, the beauty comment is not JUST a statement. It is everything. It was still amazing how a non-shipper like you can nail the GeekLove essence in the first shot.
Thank u so much, Heidi, for the lyrics of the song!)
Summary, disclaimer, notes see part I. "What If I Loved You" sang by Joey Gian
III. Diversion
A year had passed. When the system failed my expectation once again, he chased me down to the parking lot. It was not about winning, he said; it was more important that we found the truth. I started to revise my perspectives because of his words. However the next communication problem came. The frustration of working with him lead to the leave of absence, but he managed to keep me with a living plant. "Thank you," said the card. I stayed. Grissom was my weakness.
Then he told me that he only started to be interested in beauty since he met me.
Since he met me. Beauty. Besides the shockwave produced when the words first dropped in my ears, I still had a hard time believing he actually said what I thought he said. I carefully chewed on every word. Since. Beauty. What would the words mean? Did we share the same feelings in terms of love and desire? Or it was just his way of compliment? Either way, the words sounded too good to be true.
His wall of indifference slowly melted away with the ice pile. He had changed since. He returned to his old, more open self. He trusted my judgments and my ability of independent work. He did not try to protect me anymore. He would smile at me, and I smiled back. Maybe even a bit flirting between us. He was no longer out of my reach.
One morning after a very tough case --- a family tragedy ---, everybody on the team was affected emotionally, somehow. Catherine went home for Lindsay, Warrick and Nick went to the casino. I was packing in the locker room and ready to go home and get some sleep despite of my turbulent emotions, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
"Do you…want to ride roller coaster with me?"
I had never been to amusement park in Vegas just for fun. Why not? It was Grissom.
Stepping in the entrance I became a little girl again. It was a weekday morning and tourists were not coming in bulk quantity yet. The park was relatively quiet, and the PA system was playing a song, filling the morning air,
"What if I loved you, and I gave you my all,
What if I told you you're all I've waited for?
What if I held you tonight, and I made you feel oh so right?
What if I loved you, would you always be mine?"
Being with him I felt safe somehow. Nick had told me to go out more, and I had dated Hank, but it was different. Being out with Griss was fun; there was no need for ice-breaking talks about work, age, and leisure life with strangers, or pressures on teasing exchanges with Nick. Both Grissom and I knew what we were getting away from. We walked side by side in the morning wind. I bought cotton candy, and torn out half of it to Grissom. My master accepted my offer.
We sat down on a bench. Morning in Vegas could be cold. I had my watch cap and scarf on, and he was wearing a heavy jacket. Despites the thick layers of clothing between us I could still his warmth when he sat beside me. I looked up to the several-floor high roller coaster. The red paint glowed in the golden sunshine.
"So, this is your diversion, the roller coaster?"
"Yes," he nodded. "high velocity motion increases euphoria, the blood flow and…."
I always took secret pleasures in his lectures. I nodded. I knew.
"… When I was a kid, when my father finally came home, my parents would bring me to ride roller coasters. Sitting on the coaster gave me the feeling of being with my parents again; like being home and nothing else mattered, everything would be fine…"
I looked at him. He smiled when he remembered his childhood, and the notion of his parents brought him subtle sorrow on his face. I recalled both his parents had passed away. He never mentioned his childhood and he hardly mentioned his parents except for the case with a deaf child. Grissom's mother was deaf.
I put down my cotton candy. The word "diversion" and the roller coaster reminded me of something I did and something I said. I turned my head and stared at the dark pavement.
"What's wrong?" he asked, the same soft voice.
"Remember I told you that you were unfeeling in the Adler case?" I said, slowly. The emotion in me was making a huge wave. "I was wrong. I didn't mean to say that. I am sorry."
He replied. His voice was a little unsteady, but quickly returned to the soft tone. " It's okay. I knew you didn't mean it. I got over it already. I should have been more understanding."
I turned and saw his smile in the morning sun, so warm and forgiving. He continued.
"We are as human beings. We get emotionally attached once a while. It is fine. That is just who we are. You didn't need me to tell you the system was to blame. I should have known that better. I was very touched by what you did for Pam Adler. I just don't want to see you hurt."
I turned back to star at the pavement. I did not want him to see the tears in my eyes.
"Thank you," I managed to return to the cheery Sara Sidle. "Any words from you that you want to take back? We will be even then."
"No." He paused for a while, and then shook his head. "I really meant it when I said I started to be interested in beauty since I met you."
So I was not dreaming.
"You had passions, and you believe that the world will be a better place because of what you do. I admire your faith and courage. There was a time in my life cases were just files, names and puzzles for me. Since you went back to my life everyday was a blessing. Because of your passions I started to see the beauty in everything. I realized how much I'd missed. I could not just let you go again…"
I was speechless. Stunned. Tears running down my face.
"This is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my entire life." Finally I said.
He seemed to be lost in his words too. We sank into long silence, staring at the ground. It was just that easy to wear your heart on your sleeves when you were not looking at each other or sitting side-by-side, eating cotton candy.
Strangely the PA was still all over the same song.
"What if I kissed you, the way you like to be kissed?
What if I held you in my arms so close like this?
What if I touched you tonight, and I feel your body with delight?
What if I loved you, would you always be mine?"
Then I felt his warm hand holding mine. "Do you find your diversion outside law enforcement yet?"
"Yes, and no," I laughed, turned around only to see his eyes looking at mine intensively. The Grissom questioning eyes. I dropped my cotton candy and reached out for his arms. My lips searched for his. He leaned over, closer, and closer. " Which is?" he murmured between my hairs.
"You."
(3/3)
~ Fin ~
(Evie's footnote:
Seriously, kissing scene was hard. I had no references and had no idea what it really felt like. I was even a bit embarrassed to write it.
Chaky, the beauty comment is not JUST a statement. It is everything. It was still amazing how a non-shipper like you can nail the GeekLove essence in the first shot.
Thank u so much, Heidi, for the lyrics of the song!)